learning to live sober
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: ventura california
Posts: 43
learning to live sober
Ive been buzzed most of my adult life, I couldn't understand why i couldn't control my drinking. I even drank when I had the flu. I'm forty seven now and joined here late September of this year. I had made it 10 days sober but did not really understand how to stop this motion. All the AA meetings Ive been to over the last two years taught me nothing. Because I was not understanding and not listening and not learning.
I lapsed after ten days, very slow at first then more and more each day until my body was saturated with alcohol. Then the black outs, falling down, mean words blow outs with the ones who loved me. My boyfriend gambled his paycheck away last week, he has his. So I went and bought a fifth of rum, laid on the couch and drank it. The next day I had a dental apt I had to keep but I did not want to drink. I had not slept that night and was already going through the DT's. So I bought a half pint on the way to the dentist and one after.
The next day I was very ill. My skin was completely rashed, my eyes were infected and gushing. I had terrible gas pains and a fever. I did not drink. Today is day four of being sober. The last few days I looked into going to a sober living house. Now I'm going to an out patient program to learn.
To learn about how to cope as a "normal" person in this world that was created for "normal" people. I know now that it is not the alcohol, it is in me. A handicap in sorts. I along with others have this handicap and like all people with any handicap they have to work extra hard to live among the "normal". Alcohol is my sedative, what my handicap wants.
So I'm going back to school to learn to live with my handicap and never drink again.
I lapsed after ten days, very slow at first then more and more each day until my body was saturated with alcohol. Then the black outs, falling down, mean words blow outs with the ones who loved me. My boyfriend gambled his paycheck away last week, he has his. So I went and bought a fifth of rum, laid on the couch and drank it. The next day I had a dental apt I had to keep but I did not want to drink. I had not slept that night and was already going through the DT's. So I bought a half pint on the way to the dentist and one after.
The next day I was very ill. My skin was completely rashed, my eyes were infected and gushing. I had terrible gas pains and a fever. I did not drink. Today is day four of being sober. The last few days I looked into going to a sober living house. Now I'm going to an out patient program to learn.
To learn about how to cope as a "normal" person in this world that was created for "normal" people. I know now that it is not the alcohol, it is in me. A handicap in sorts. I along with others have this handicap and like all people with any handicap they have to work extra hard to live among the "normal". Alcohol is my sedative, what my handicap wants.
So I'm going back to school to learn to live with my handicap and never drink again.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
Yes, good for you for understanding this!
Alcoholism is the symptom and stopping drinking is only the beginning. That's when we have to figure out our issues and how to live our lives without alcohol.
Alcoholism is the symptom and stopping drinking is only the beginning. That's when we have to figure out our issues and how to live our lives without alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi Ventura,
Good for you on not giving up. All the best on your road to recovery. It isn't easy, I am 5 months sober now and still have a desire to drink but each day being sober gives me good reason not to. I can't believe how differently I feel. You can do this, make it the most important goal in your life because it is.
CaiHong
Good for you on not giving up. All the best on your road to recovery. It isn't easy, I am 5 months sober now and still have a desire to drink but each day being sober gives me good reason not to. I can't believe how differently I feel. You can do this, make it the most important goal in your life because it is.
CaiHong
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Ventura - it sounds like you're ready this time. I drank all my adult life, too - and it took some terrible events to open my eyes & for me to say no more - not a drop ever again.
Very proud of you for coming to this conclusion. Life can be wonderful without it - we don't need it, I promise.
Very proud of you for coming to this conclusion. Life can be wonderful without it - we don't need it, I promise.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
I agree with tanja...you are stronger than you think. Sure we all have underlying issues, but consider that the alcohol quite possibly has caused or at the very least exacerbated this "handicap" you percieve. Don't underestimate yourself. You can change your life.
Best to you and glad you are here
Best to you and glad you are here
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