WhiteKnuckles

As some of you might remember, a couple weeks back I had a pretty bad car accident involving myself, my car and a pole and I quit drinking October 19. On October 28 I went to a party at a restaurant and had some margaritas. I was not driving. Still I regret that slip, I don't have an excuse besides maybe I was feeling a bit emotionally unhinged after putting my beloved dog to sleep a few days before. But I am well aware this kind of stuff happens often in life and should not be used as a reason to go back to a self-destructive lifestyle.

I have not had a drink since that day. So tomorrow will make ten days. There has only been one day that the urge to drink was strong but I "whiteknuckled" through it and it has not reared it's ugly head again. I've been having a hard time making it to meetings. My husband has a broken leg so by the time I get home from work, take care of him, take care of our three dogs, make dinner, take out the trash, do the dishes and the laundry I'm just tired dangit. Worn out. On my days off I get to clean house, pay bills, run errands and do the grocery shopping. My chest is still killing me from the wreck. The pain is actually getting worse and not better so when I get done with everything all I want to do is curl up on the couch and move around as little as possible.

I've been really open with my husband about everything having to do with my drinking and he has been beyond supportive. I get periods where I feel very depressed, not because I miss drinking but because I really miss my dog. But when I drank I was horridly depressed every single day and my moods were never stable. It has been so nice to have a respite from the constant depression. I look better too, even after just nine days clothes that I wasn't able to wear I can wear now and that horrible bloat has really receded if not disappeared.

Anyway that is about it. Hope I don't come across as too whiney because overall I am extremely grateful to be alive and given yet another chance to straighten my life out. I am also grateful for SR which has always been a shelter from the storm for me and I love reading all of your stories, experiences and advice. Hope everyone is having a good weekend and staying out of trouble

Hugs,
WK

sugarbear1

Glad you are sober! Congrats on 10 days!!

WhiteKnuckles

Thank you!

Anna

We're always here, so keep posting.

I'm glad you're getting through this, and congratulations on your 10 days sober.

OorWullie

Really sorry to hear of your accident and that your dog passed away Whiteknuckles. I have a dog and suffer constant panic attacks about how I'll cope when she goes.

Well done on staying sober...

artsoul

I think 10 days is something to be proud of, WhiteKnuckles. Life isn't easy, but drinking always makes things worse.

You have a lot going on. You're still healing and you may need to let some things go right now, allow yourself to rest. (It's better than a drink any day!)
All the best......:ghug3

sissy07

Whiteknuckles,

I am so very sorry to hear about your dog and the accident. It will never be ok, but your dog's passing will get easier with time (I know you probably know that). I know that from experience - it is so hard to deal with, but easier sober. I guess pretty much everything is easier sober.

Congratulations on 10 days!!! It sounds like you have a lot going on. Give yourself credit for handling it all!

tanja

Whiteknuckles, my condolences on the loss of your dog. Grief and loss have to be two of the hardest emotions to handle in sobriety. Congratulations on 10 days. God bless you

Dee74

congratulations on your ten days WK

D

WhiteKnuckles

Thank you guys! Actually tomorrow it will be ten days but I know I am not going to drink tonight so I welcome the early congratulations. Hoping I can make it much longer but I am taking it one day at a time. Not that long ago I could not imagine getting more than a day or two under my belt so ten days really is a big deal to me. Thanks again for the support everyone.

WhiteKnuckles

Also want to thank you all for the condolences on the loss of Ms. Daisy. I have to say it is comforting to remember and grieve for her in a clear and coherent manner instead of crying into a beer bottle, getting sloppy about it and making everything worse.

Hevyn

Great job, WhiteKnuckles. I join the others in sorrow over your dog's passing. I have two, and every year they get older I dread it. Try to remember, Ms. Daisy would never want to see you sad - she was your best friend & wanted to bring you only joy.

WhiteKnuckles

That's so sweet Hevyn thank you. You are right she would not want me sitting around moping she would want me to be a good, sober dog mom for the other three.

WhiteKnuckles

Well friends it is day 23 and I feel good. I can't say it has all been easy. I have had some cravings. Wednesday night for some reason was bad. And I told myself, "I don't care how bad you feel, I don't care if you literally have to climb the walls, you are NOT drinking no matter what" and after a few minutes of telling myself that I was able to relax. Then Friday night my brother in law came over and brought coke and whiskey. I was tempted for a minute, I will admit. I didn't have to work the next day or go anywhere, and I thought how fun it would be to party a little bit. Except I never party "a little bit" and I thought, one sip of whiskey and I am right back to where I started. A nip of whiskey and I will want to go out and pick up a 12 pack of beer. And I didn't want that. Not to mention my husband was right there and he said, "you are too close to 30 days to screw this up now" and showed his support by not drinking any either. My brother in law sat there and drank in front of me and I was fine with it, but I had to THINK through it first to be okay with it. When I took the time to do that, I was fine and I had a fun night. A much better night than I would have had drunk.

Anyway just wanted to share that with you guys. Still having problems from the wreck, the doc said I had Tietze Syndrome in my chest which is why I am still hurting so bad, but it is getting a little better. We are hoping my husband will be walking again by Christmas.

Hope everyone is doing well!

WK

sissy07

Whiteknuckles,

Thanks for the update, and congratulations on your 23 days!!! Stay strong.

Dee74

good to hear from you WK - glad things are a little better

D

Gerbosko

Congratulations on Day 23! Thanks for the update.

Just remember - One door closes and another one opens .

What I'm saying is that since you closed your old door (alcoholism), the door in front of you that is wide open has unlimited positive possibilities.

least

I understand you so much. I lost my beloved beagirl, 15 yrs old last July and then last week lost my old diabetic dog. It would have been so easy to just get numb so I didnt' have to feel the pain and loss, but my dogs wouldn't want that. They knew me drinking for two years and I was a better dog mom after getting sober. I still have three dogs, having gotten a new beagle boy last month and an older dog that no one wanted this week. I'm not 'replacing' my dogs that died, only honoring their memories and their lives by giving the same good life to another needy dog.

Good for you on your sober time. Give your doggies a hug or a tummy rub for me.

WhiteKnuckles

You are all very kind! Least as a fellow dog lover I understand you as well. I regret EVERY YEAR I spent drunk when I should have been enjoying the time I had with Daisy. I still have two more old Divas and a younger Mastiff that I have been spoiling rotten, particularly now that I am sobered up and can really enjoy them. I just have to say I too have a real soft spot in my heart for the "older dogs that no one wants"...I don't know how no one could want them, because all they want is to be warm when it's cold, cool when it's hot, fed, watered, and loved. Anyway thank you all again for your encouragement and if I don't get another opportunity to say so, I hope everyone gets a chance to enjoy the holiday weekend, sober and safe!

WK

debsam

WK - I was too was wondering how you were doing - thanks for the update.

I really liked how you described your thought process with how you felt when your brother-in-law came by. I had those very same "back and forth" discussions in my own mind too in early recovery, when in similar situations...you played it out in your own mind and didn't drink. As they say, the sober muscle gets stronger with exercise. Well done. Keep on going my friend...