TimFoot

Is it normal to feel sorry for yourself that you can't be like other people who can go out once in a while and tie one on and than not drink for weeks? Is it also normal early on in the process to count the minutes until bedtime so you can (hopefully) fall asleep and not think about the struggle?

Dee74

It was normal for me
Drinking was all I knew - it took time for me to see that wasn't the only way to live.

The more I lived sober, the better I felt about it, and the less I missed drinking and the less I felt hardly done by Tim

Stick with it - it gets easier

D

soberlicious

Yes, I looked forward to unwinding at night with alcohol...although I wouldn't call it "night", since I generally started drinking as soon after 3:30pm (quittin time at work)as possible. I wouldn't call it unwinding either. It was more like I was desperate to feel the relief...the wave of warmth... of that first drink. Then of course I drank til I passed out.

No, I could not feel relaxed without it. I know now, though, that the reason I never felt relaxed unless I was drinking was because I was drinking. Daily drinking created the overwhelming anxiety. I just didn't know that.

Yes, I feel relaxed now. I do not experience the crippling anxiety like I used to. Of course there are times I feel anxious, but it passes. I have learned that life is not about the absence of uncomfortable feelings. I no longer fear the uncomfortable feelings. They will come, I will experience them, and they will go. They will not kill me.

Probably the biggest change in me is that I am no longer driven by fear. Fear of not being good enough/smart enough/pretty enough/successful enough, fear of failing, fear of what others thought of me, fear of the unknown, fear of what I had done last night. and so on and so on. Fear and the cycle of addiction literally crippled me emotionally. Since being alcohol free, I have done so many things I never thought I could do. I've spoken in front of huge groups televised (ok, it was only local TV lol), I've scuba dived, jumped from an airplane, gotten through a horrible divorce, dated, made tough decision about moving, fought the school board and won...the list goes on, but my point is that all parts of my life are crisper and clearer and better without the booze. I laugh so much more now. I mean really laugh. I have authentic connections with others. I am present in my own life. I choose how it's going to be. There is power in that freedom for me.

I see the old me as weak...me now as strong and capable.

Long winded I know, but you asked LOL

debsam

Tim,

Yes feeling sorry for yourself in early recovery is normal. You won't believe it now, but one day pity is not what you will feel...you'll feel grateful. You talk about the "restlessness" and to get rid of that you were sneaking sips of vodka (I did that). You're trying to chase away the anxiety...with more poison. You have to want to stop that FIRST...you have to stop that cycle...or everything will feel like a mountain.

I would strongly suggest you chat with your doctor about your inability to "relax". It's crucial that you arm yourself the best way possible so that you don't turn to the bottle for a temporary fix....cuz NOTHING good is going to come from it.

I rooting for ya Tim!