Ugh, I relapsed.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Dom, you made it yesterday through the tests you were dreading - walking past the bars, through the biker rally, both with flying colors. Then you went home and found some beer then drank it by accident. How could that happen?
For heaven's sake, get rid of all the alcohol in your house. Let's plan to be successful here. All the other coaching you've been getting from me and others is no good if you've got a stash of alcohol that you can drink in private. No more alcohol in Dominica's place. None. No beer, no wine, no booze, no baileys, no southern comfort. Nada. Next, get rid of all the empties, every last one. If your SO 'needs' to have something around, tell him to keep it at the neighbor's place, no compromises here.
Are you committed to this sober thing? Have you answered that question? You know the one I'm talking about, Dominica.
Get back here after that and tell us that is done, ok?
For heaven's sake, get rid of all the alcohol in your house. Let's plan to be successful here. All the other coaching you've been getting from me and others is no good if you've got a stash of alcohol that you can drink in private. No more alcohol in Dominica's place. None. No beer, no wine, no booze, no baileys, no southern comfort. Nada. Next, get rid of all the empties, every last one. If your SO 'needs' to have something around, tell him to keep it at the neighbor's place, no compromises here.
Are you committed to this sober thing? Have you answered that question? You know the one I'm talking about, Dominica.
Get back here after that and tell us that is done, ok?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 318
I'm just an ACOA, not an alcoholic, so my words might be useless. But I wanted you to know, I'm awfully glad you are not giving up, and that you are determined to be sober in spite of one relapse.
My godmother is a recovering alcoholic. I love her so much and am so glad she is in my life. She says, we never know how many recoveries we have in us. In other words, we always hope we won't have another relapse because we don't know if we will be strong enough to get sober again.
I agree very much with everyone who is saying, get rid of all the booze in your home. Including the vanilla (just buy vanilla beans instead) and any alcohol-based mouth fresheners. By doing that, you are saying to yourself, "I do NOT want to drink any more. I want a new and a better life from now on!"
How we talk to ourselves matters even more than how others talk to us.
My godmother used to say, 90 meetings in 90 days was what saved her. She was so far in the disease that she had DT's when she tried to quit and she said she was either screaming or crying all the time when she wasn't passed out.
If 90 meetings in 90 days, and doing exactly what the program told her to do, worked for her...surely it will work for you, too!
Not saying it will be easy. Even life for us non-alcoholics isn't easy, sometimes it's boring, sometimes it's stressful, and in general it's a whole lot of work - but at least life isn't hell. And my godmother always said, her life was hell when she was drinking. And she says she thanks her higher power every day that she will never have to go back to living that hell.
90 meetings in 90 days. Do you want sobriety, and your health, enough to do 90 meetings in 90 days?
Do you want sobriety and your health enough to get rid of all the booze in your home?
I hope and pray fervently than you do.
I want only good things for you, Dom. I see a good person in you, and I don't want you to have to go through the hell any more.
My godmother is a recovering alcoholic. I love her so much and am so glad she is in my life. She says, we never know how many recoveries we have in us. In other words, we always hope we won't have another relapse because we don't know if we will be strong enough to get sober again.
I agree very much with everyone who is saying, get rid of all the booze in your home. Including the vanilla (just buy vanilla beans instead) and any alcohol-based mouth fresheners. By doing that, you are saying to yourself, "I do NOT want to drink any more. I want a new and a better life from now on!"
How we talk to ourselves matters even more than how others talk to us.
My godmother used to say, 90 meetings in 90 days was what saved her. She was so far in the disease that she had DT's when she tried to quit and she said she was either screaming or crying all the time when she wasn't passed out.
If 90 meetings in 90 days, and doing exactly what the program told her to do, worked for her...surely it will work for you, too!
Not saying it will be easy. Even life for us non-alcoholics isn't easy, sometimes it's boring, sometimes it's stressful, and in general it's a whole lot of work - but at least life isn't hell. And my godmother always said, her life was hell when she was drinking. And she says she thanks her higher power every day that she will never have to go back to living that hell.
90 meetings in 90 days. Do you want sobriety, and your health, enough to do 90 meetings in 90 days?
Do you want sobriety and your health enough to get rid of all the booze in your home?
I hope and pray fervently than you do.
I want only good things for you, Dom. I see a good person in you, and I don't want you to have to go through the hell any more.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,047
Dom, while your relapse concerns me because you've done it multiple times, the quote below concerns me far worse.
No man - no matter what his age or preference - should ever be abusive towards a woman.
I just don't know what else to say on this post.
My husband pushed me against the wall and was yelling at me
I just don't know what else to say on this post.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
It's wrong, wrong, wrong to allow a man to push you against a wall and yell in your face. Please think about that. It will be hard to recover with someone who treats you like that.
I agree with getting rid of all the alchol in the house and buying no more.
I also had to stay away from any and all places where people were drinking alcohol for many months.
I agree with getting rid of all the alchol in the house and buying no more.
I also had to stay away from any and all places where people were drinking alcohol for many months.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
I'm sorry you drank Dom.
Honestly, I think you need a plan, you need support and you need it now...not tomorrow not next week and not in December.
There are a multitude of rehabs - this is the searchable national database state by state
Substance Abuse Treatment Facility Locator
Some are low cost, some will access your needs and assess what you can afford - and the Salvation Army is always free.
What does it hurt to call and check a few places out?
There's also a lot of recovery groups out there too:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
Please - take some action. You never need to be where you are again.
I'm worried about your domestic situation too - I've given you enough links for one post but please - think about reading around in the stickies of the Family and Friends forums about abuse and domestic violence and resources for that.
D
Honestly, I think you need a plan, you need support and you need it now...not tomorrow not next week and not in December.
There are a multitude of rehabs - this is the searchable national database state by state
Substance Abuse Treatment Facility Locator
Some are low cost, some will access your needs and assess what you can afford - and the Salvation Army is always free.
What does it hurt to call and check a few places out?
There's also a lot of recovery groups out there too:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
Please - take some action. You never need to be where you are again.
I'm worried about your domestic situation too - I've given you enough links for one post but please - think about reading around in the stickies of the Family and Friends forums about abuse and domestic violence and resources for that.
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Dominic))) - I'm glad you're back. When I relapsed, I was suicidal...miserable high, miserable not high. Felt like I was just a total failure.
I didn't feel better in a week, not even two weeks. It took time, and getting one more clean/sober day behind me before I even began thinking life was worth living. I was lurking on SR, at the time, and practically lived here.
BTW, it took me a little while to get the hang of it, but I have internet on my phone and can get SR, don't need an app.
I agree with the others...what your husband did is inexcusable. No one, and I mean no one, deserves abuse. I've been extremely angry before, but I take a walk..he could have done the same thing.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I didn't feel better in a week, not even two weeks. It took time, and getting one more clean/sober day behind me before I even began thinking life was worth living. I was lurking on SR, at the time, and practically lived here.
BTW, it took me a little while to get the hang of it, but I have internet on my phone and can get SR, don't need an app.
I agree with the others...what your husband did is inexcusable. No one, and I mean no one, deserves abuse. I've been extremely angry before, but I take a walk..he could have done the same thing.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Where the sun is always shining
Posts: 425
It's starts with verbal. Constant. Then one night, he gets physical. Maybe pushing only. Then he blames it on you because you were drunk and in his face. You swear you'll quit. You do for a couple of weeks. Then you start sneaking around because he threatens to leave. Time might go by, your the hot fun sexy drunk, then he's pissed off again. Maybe this time he slaps or punches you in the face. Next day it's your fault because you are a f'n drunk. The cycle continues. One day you may finally quit. He is good for awhile. You feel great. Comfortable. He is back to the wonderful man you fell in love with. Then he finds something else that you do wrong. It's never enough Dominque. It's always going to be something. I know. I am there. You are clearly in an abusive relationship. I have to say that I stayed drunk just to deal with him. You have to find the strength inside you to some how quit drinking for good. For you and your child. The abuse will not stop. It will only get worse. Just a small reminder that your child sees all this. This most certainly effects her. Break the cycle now and she may have a chance to live a normal life.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
It was many experiences like yours, Dominica, that softened me up to the idea that I just might be powerless over alcohol. I could make the decision to not drink, but I could never manage that decision for very long. Those efforts to shield myself from alcohol failed me repeatedly. Something else was required.
Titanium
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Tolland County, CT
Posts: 45
Originally Posted by Dominica2 
I would, but I honestly cant afford it. I am litterally negative in my bank account all of the time, and I just bought my first house. I am really hoping to beat it myself, just to save some money.
we need to surrender, then ask for help.
or, like me, ask for help, get mad, get depressed, wake up, and then surrender
there's not "rules" except don't pick up and ask for help.
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