Well the in-laws showed up with a few bottles of wine as anticipated. I busied myself with cooking dinner, but as my wife set the table she poured a glass for each of us. We toasted and I drank. I'm finding that in almost every situation, everyone around me is drinking. I never noticed it when I was the front runner, but now I feel like if I don't participate, then I'm the odd one. I'm just not ready for the discussions that would arise if I were to decline while everyone else drinks.

On the bright side, I slowly drank the one glass and did not take a refill. In the past, I would not only refill, but would secretly refill while my wife was in the bathroom or when the family was in the other room. I would just step into the kitchen and fill my glass from the appropriate box of wine. The level in the bottle didn't go down so nobody would notice. If my glass was full when these opportunities came up, I would chug it and refill as fast as I could, casually walking back into the conversation or sneaking back to my seat pretending that nothing happened as my wife returned from the bathroom.

Drinking the glass felt like both a failure and a victory. I did drink, but I cannot believe I was again able to stop after one. Very different from my normal habit. I'm still in this race and I'm going to keep doing what it takes to get through this with as little pain and drama as possible.

I think the times when nothing happens when we drink are way more dangerous than the times when we do lose it Jim.

Sometimes, after I quit drinking for a while and started back on one or two glasses, it was great. Then those glasses became a few more, and a few more...

It's classic bait Jim....and it's in your history

I sympathise with this - 'I'm going to keep doing what it takes to get through this with as little pain and drama as possible' - I felt the same way too for many years....

but if you're a drinker like me, you can't drink just a little.

In my experience, stopping drinking does involve a little pain Jim - it involves change, and it involves effort and commitment.

I think you need to be careful - very careful.

D

Thank you Dee. I know that I will have to do it for real at some point, I'm just not ready to involve everyone else at this point. Once they notice, I can get it out there and honestly, I don't think it will be long. Nobody has seen me drunk in the last two weeks, so I'm sure the questions are right around the corner. It will probably happen when I volunteer to be the designated driver ;) .

Whew, I got through Thursday and Friday nights without a drink. This is a feat in itself on a regular week, but doubly so on a long holiday weekend. Still super tired and having crazy dreams. Not all bad, but very vivid. My whole body aches and I'm not sure if it's something new, or if I always felt this way but dulled it with alcohol. I am feeling stronger emotionally, like I may actually be able to do this. The habits are fading and I can walk into the kitchen without instinctively reaching for a bottle from the top of the fridge. I feel like I have so much more time to get stuff done without a glass in my hand. Getting a lot of chores done around the house. It feels good to keep busy and I'm not feeling like a need a drink for a reward when I finish a task like I did before. I feel like I made the right choice at the right time rather than my typical wait for New Years and make a big deal out of it only to fail within a week. The holidays will be tough, but I am sticking with it. Good luck to us all.

InParticular, I understand! In my case, I don't plan to even tell my family (mom dad and siblings) about my drinking problem, because they are all undermining, passive-aggressive people who would not be supportive or helpful in any way, and in fact, would do much to derail me. Everyone has their own situation, and for me, I feel I can live truthfully without having to 100% disclose to everyone what's happening with me.

Ugh, reset the clock. I had two glasses of red wine with my wife last night at her suggestion. These are still failures/victories for me as I was able to stop and that has always been my biggest problem. While I have had a glass or two here and there since I began my journey, I haven't gotten drunk, nor have I wanted to. This is night and day difference from how I felt daily just a couple of weeks ago. Drunk was my goal and I got to work on it as soon as possible. I really didn't care what I drank, so long as it got me there. I wasn't there to enjoy the drink, I was there to cloud my mind and dull my senses.

I've been getting texts from some of my drinking friends saying "let's get wasted" and such. I've been telling them I'm sick and it's the truth. Still achy and tired all day and I've caught a cold. Not sure if it's related to quitting or just a coincidence, but it isn't pleasant. I'm not sure how long I can avoid them or how I'll deal with it when we do finally meet up, but hopefully I'm far enough along to stay strong. I've been reading a lot of threads related to others telling us we don't have a problem. I've heard this before and know it will be an issue. Someone suggested pouring a pseudo drink without alcohol, but I always get asked what I'm drinking so we'll see. Maybe I can fill my glass with non alcoholic beer and keep them at bay ;) Too bad they don't make non-alcohol wine..

I can't deny being a little leery of the whole "moderation" thing - for me it would be like keeping one foot in my addiction and the other in sobriety..... kinda like your "victory/failure" model. It keep the internal battle going, ya know?

I'm glad you're posting your progress, though, and striving to make better choices. :scoregood That's what we're all here for, I guess! I hope you feel better soon.........

Thanks artsoul. I too am concerned about keeping alcohol in my life, even if just a little. I am finding that every situation seems to be filled with drinkers. Of course I never noticed when I was right there for the ride, but now I feel different. I'm still holding out for the big move, mostly because I'm not ready to deal with the questions, reassurances etc. that come along with telling people you've decided to stop. Nobody questions me when I have a drink in my hand, but it won't be long before they notice I'm not passed out in the corner as usual. I thought cold turkey was the way to go for me, but I wasn't considering the social aspect of such a move. I'm now thinking it may be best to stick with my drastic cut back, let that sink in and then take the next step.

All in all I am very happy with my progress. I have had a few drinks, but I have not been drunk in the weeks since I've decided to do something about my problem. This is a huge deal for me, I really can't remember the last night (or day for that matter) when I didn't get drunk. All I can do is take it one step at a time and try not to fall back into that hole. I'm very grateful that I found SR and have a support line of people without a direct connection to me. Everyone that knows me thinks they know whats best, but they don't. Thank you all for being here.

....I dunno where I got foot rubbing. Nobody around here rubs my feet after a long day of work!

lmao!! Bella!

Big jim.....maybe its time to talk to your wife. Im sure shes noticed somethings going on with you and Im sure having her on board can only help your success. I totally agree with Dee, these little 'successes' you have with moderating are only fooling you into thinking that you may one day, soon, you will be able to drink normally and I very much doubt that will ever be the case for you. However.....theres no question you are moving in the right direction and I applaude you for that. Come on Jim, fill the wife in!!

My wife knows for sure, I mean she is the one who's seen me every night. The fact that I'm not already drunk when she gets home must be pretty obvious to her, not to mention that she doesn't have to wake me up to go to bed! We've been together for almost twenty years and I feel she knows me well enough to know that I need to do some things on my own. When I involve someone else, it feels like it's me against them. Not sure if that is a "man" thing, or just a Me thing. She is helping by not drinking every night herself, which while she was always able to stop after one or two is still a big cut back. She still wants to enjoy some wine with a romantic dinner every now and then, and for now I'll have to deal with those tests as they come. She knows what is going on, and after so many years together, we are able to communicate some things very clearly without the use of words.

no problem Jim, just thought you were keeping it to yourself. Anyhow, I wish you the best x

I also love wine! But it's ruining my life, I end up drinking a whole bottle, and then sleep the next day, all day. The moderation thing doesn't work for me, I am an all or none type of person.

Yeah, I was silly to think she wouldn't notice. Heck, I'm sure she'd notice if I went a single night without getting drunk! She had once talked to me about my drinking and it became a problem immediately. I felt she was trying to change me rather than me wanting to change myself I do now. I'm sure she remembers that and is trying to allow me to handle it on my own this time. I can tell she's proud of me and much happier when she gets home. Maybe now she has something to look forward to when she walks in the door instead of my drunkenness.

I understand what you mean about 'When I involve someone else, it feels like it's me against them'. Im very similar. Its the rebel inside me! If I feel pressured into doing something I react badly.

Heading into the weekend, no drinks since the wine last Saturday. My sister is coming over tonight and that is usually a big drink night. Seems like just about every occasion was a big drink night before .. pretty sad. We'll see how it goes, I'm feeling good but this will be certainly be a test as I can't remember (I wonder why ;) ) the last time my sister was over and we didn't drink. Add to it being a Friday heading into a holiday vacation week, this is going to be a tough one. Wish me luck!

My family are all big drinkers, my social group when I quit were all hard drinkers too...every time I tried to quit someone would be around with a beer etc.

There's always going to be tests Jim.

I dunno about you, but I had to decide what was more important in my life - my recovery or my reputation.

It came down to whether I wanted to save my face or my butt...personally, I couldn't do both.

Why not decide now to make this weekend alcohol free, no matter what?

D

Good luck.

Alcohol was my solution, until it stopped working. I found out I was the problem.

I found a new solution working aa's 12 steps.

I wish you well on staying stopped!