Well, here I am (again)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Well, here I am (again)
Hi all,
It's been quite some time since I've been to this site. I want to first say I hope everyone is well. I have been reading through a lot of posts and see some familiar names and it's comforting.
As for me, I've been doing pretty well (until Saturday). Job is going well, family is doing well, I've been working out, etc... but Saturday was another one of those "Oh shitt, why did I drink that much" night. I thought I had learned how to control my alcoholism (stupid, i know).... I thought I had drank because of negative stuff that was going on in my life unrelated to boozing (or was it?). I thought I could take all I've learned from AA and this site and continue to apply it to my life and just "add" in booze.
I was wrong...
Bottom line is I had blackout on Saturday out of absolute nowhere. Had a great day with the family, went for a long run, got a lot of stuff done, and then the "A drink sure would be nice" thought came into my head. One lead to two, and, well you guys know how it goes.
I wasn't hurt, nor did I hurt anyone, but I have about 1 hour that I can't remember. Scary, scary, scary stuff.... What I've found is 9 out of 10 times I can drink and not get that drunk. The problem is I never know where / where that 1 bad one will occur. Also, this thing is progressive so that 1 out of 10 times will likely become 2 to 3 to 4 out of 10 over time.
For the first time in my life I can see how a person can lose everything from picking up. I mean that. I can see how it can happen and again, it scares the crap out of me.
I need you guys and I need AA if I'm going to make a decent life for myself.
So here I am. Starting over again for the "I don't know how many'ith time". Hoping I've learned my lesson, but never really sure.
My new sobriety date is 10/30/11. I wish everyone well. You'll be seeing more of me from here on out if that's OK.
Thanks in advance!
RW
It's been quite some time since I've been to this site. I want to first say I hope everyone is well. I have been reading through a lot of posts and see some familiar names and it's comforting.
As for me, I've been doing pretty well (until Saturday). Job is going well, family is doing well, I've been working out, etc... but Saturday was another one of those "Oh shitt, why did I drink that much" night. I thought I had learned how to control my alcoholism (stupid, i know).... I thought I had drank because of negative stuff that was going on in my life unrelated to boozing (or was it?). I thought I could take all I've learned from AA and this site and continue to apply it to my life and just "add" in booze.
I was wrong...
Bottom line is I had blackout on Saturday out of absolute nowhere. Had a great day with the family, went for a long run, got a lot of stuff done, and then the "A drink sure would be nice" thought came into my head. One lead to two, and, well you guys know how it goes.
I wasn't hurt, nor did I hurt anyone, but I have about 1 hour that I can't remember. Scary, scary, scary stuff.... What I've found is 9 out of 10 times I can drink and not get that drunk. The problem is I never know where / where that 1 bad one will occur. Also, this thing is progressive so that 1 out of 10 times will likely become 2 to 3 to 4 out of 10 over time.
For the first time in my life I can see how a person can lose everything from picking up. I mean that. I can see how it can happen and again, it scares the crap out of me.
I need you guys and I need AA if I'm going to make a decent life for myself.
So here I am. Starting over again for the "I don't know how many'ith time". Hoping I've learned my lesson, but never really sure.
My new sobriety date is 10/30/11. I wish everyone well. You'll be seeing more of me from here on out if that's OK.
Thanks in advance!
RW
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome back, Reg. I must say I'm shocked, as it seemed to me that you had built a solid foundation for recovery and that you were convinced that you could never drink again. Just goes to show how cunning and baffling alcohol can be.
Hope this time around works for you.
Hope this time around works for you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Sweden
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by reggiewayne 
Hi all,
It's been quite some time since I've been to this site. I want to first say I hope everyone is well. I have been reading through a lot of posts and see some familiar names and it's comforting.
As for me, I've been doing pretty well (until Saturday). Job is going well, family is doing well, I've been working out, etc... but Saturday was another one of those "Oh shitt, why did I drink that much" night. I thought I had learned how to control my alcoholism (stupid, i know).... I thought I had drank because of negative stuff that was going on in my life unrelated to boozing (or was it?). I thought I could take all I've learned from AA and this site and continue to apply it to my life and just "add" in booze.
I was wrong...
Bottom line is I had blackout on Saturday out of absolute nowhere. Had a great day with the family, went for a long run, got a lot of stuff done, and then the "A drink sure would be nice" thought came into my head. One lead to two, and, well you guys know how it goes.
I wasn't hurt, nor did I hurt anyone, but I have about 1 hour that I can't remember. Scary, scary, scary stuff.... What I've found is 9 out of 10 times I can drink and not get that drunk. The problem is I never know where / where that 1 bad one will occur. Also, this thing is progressive so that 1 out of 10 times will likely become 2 to 3 to 4 out of 10 over time.
For the first time in my life I can see how a person can lose everything from picking up. I mean that. I can see how it can happen and again, it scares the crap out of me.
I need you guys and I need AA if I'm going to make a decent life for myself.
So here I am. Starting over again for the "I don't know how many'ith time". Hoping I've learned my lesson, but never really sure.
My new sobriety date is 10/30/11. I wish everyone well. You'll be seeing more of me from here on out if that's OK.
Thanks in advance!
RW
It's been quite some time since I've been to this site. I want to first say I hope everyone is well. I have been reading through a lot of posts and see some familiar names and it's comforting.
As for me, I've been doing pretty well (until Saturday). Job is going well, family is doing well, I've been working out, etc... but Saturday was another one of those "Oh shitt, why did I drink that much" night. I thought I had learned how to control my alcoholism (stupid, i know).... I thought I had drank because of negative stuff that was going on in my life unrelated to boozing (or was it?). I thought I could take all I've learned from AA and this site and continue to apply it to my life and just "add" in booze.
I was wrong...
Bottom line is I had blackout on Saturday out of absolute nowhere. Had a great day with the family, went for a long run, got a lot of stuff done, and then the "A drink sure would be nice" thought came into my head. One lead to two, and, well you guys know how it goes.
I wasn't hurt, nor did I hurt anyone, but I have about 1 hour that I can't remember. Scary, scary, scary stuff.... What I've found is 9 out of 10 times I can drink and not get that drunk. The problem is I never know where / where that 1 bad one will occur. Also, this thing is progressive so that 1 out of 10 times will likely become 2 to 3 to 4 out of 10 over time.
For the first time in my life I can see how a person can lose everything from picking up. I mean that. I can see how it can happen and again, it scares the crap out of me.
I need you guys and I need AA if I'm going to make a decent life for myself.
So here I am. Starting over again for the "I don't know how many'ith time". Hoping I've learned my lesson, but never really sure.
My new sobriety date is 10/30/11. I wish everyone well. You'll be seeing more of me from here on out if that's OK.
Thanks in advance!
RW
My sober date was June 29 '09 but is now October 25th '11.
Keep on keeping on, you've done it before & will do again. Regards Hayley
rode hard and put away wet
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 999
Welcome back to the easier softer way (probably doesn't seem like it right this second...). It's a PITA sometimes but the alternative is certainly worse. Anyway, glad to see you back alive.
Much love.
Much love.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 694
Hey Reggie!
Boy it was a surprise to see your name here, a good surprise, I really wish we could learn a thing or two then apply it in our drinking career, god knows I tried that, I read books and felt I was really educated, but it only works for me if I completely refrain with an effort of self-denial.
Welcome back!
Boy it was a surprise to see your name here, a good surprise, I really wish we could learn a thing or two then apply it in our drinking career, god knows I tried that, I read books and felt I was really educated, but it only works for me if I completely refrain with an effort of self-denial.
Welcome back!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: harare
Posts: 25
Welcome back, i think from what everyone is saying...its more the journey and not the result. so don't beat urself up. The journey of accepting that u r human and make mistakes. That its a process and the fact that you are here and willing to try again, make's you 10times the man you think you are. well done
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,554
That's why I finally decided I couldn't touch the stuff - because of just what you said. You never know when you'll have that night where there's no control. In the end, I realized my lack of control could cost me my life.
Very happy to see you back here where you belong reggie. We care about you.
Very happy to see you back here where you belong reggie. We care about you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 325
I'm happy to see your back!
I think a cunning part of alcohol is the fact that we can have those low key drinking nights, which then makes us believe that everything is alright. I had plenty of those, and just like you, I figured out that on any given night I didn't know what was going to happen when I started drinking.
I had nights that I was in the best mood ever and then later that night was fighting and getting arrested. I had times when I planned to get super wasted but only ended up drinking a few drinks. I had times where drinking seemed like it would make something so much better but only led to chaos. Then sadly I found myself drinking in the morning just knowing that I was in for a terrible day.
Obviously drinking through hangovers after a blackout the previous night is a huge red flag, but even as I drank in disgust I held onto the "good times" or thrills of drinking to justify my actions. Hey I was only in my 20's, this is normal right?
My ignorance kept me drinking a lot longer than I should have, and I guess I was partly waiting for an "event" to happen so that I would be "forced" to stop and not let my ego think I had surrendered. My ego wanted me drinking and partying and I was lucky to look at myself after another bad relationship. Once I stopped blaming everyone else for my bad luck I was able to see how alcohol was the root of many problems. This led me to surrendering and working the steps of AA. I don't know exactly when it happened but I look at drinking now as a terrible thing and not something I yearn for. I credit that to AA because being younger with not many "real" consequences from drinking, I am lucky that I can look at how negative drinking is for me.
I wish you luck on your new sober journey!
I think a cunning part of alcohol is the fact that we can have those low key drinking nights, which then makes us believe that everything is alright. I had plenty of those, and just like you, I figured out that on any given night I didn't know what was going to happen when I started drinking.
I had nights that I was in the best mood ever and then later that night was fighting and getting arrested. I had times when I planned to get super wasted but only ended up drinking a few drinks. I had times where drinking seemed like it would make something so much better but only led to chaos. Then sadly I found myself drinking in the morning just knowing that I was in for a terrible day.
Obviously drinking through hangovers after a blackout the previous night is a huge red flag, but even as I drank in disgust I held onto the "good times" or thrills of drinking to justify my actions. Hey I was only in my 20's, this is normal right?
My ignorance kept me drinking a lot longer than I should have, and I guess I was partly waiting for an "event" to happen so that I would be "forced" to stop and not let my ego think I had surrendered. My ego wanted me drinking and partying and I was lucky to look at myself after another bad relationship. Once I stopped blaming everyone else for my bad luck I was able to see how alcohol was the root of many problems. This led me to surrendering and working the steps of AA. I don't know exactly when it happened but I look at drinking now as a terrible thing and not something I yearn for. I credit that to AA because being younger with not many "real" consequences from drinking, I am lucky that I can look at how negative drinking is for me.
I wish you luck on your new sober journey!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Hey, RW, good to see you back.
I too am really surprised, because you seemed to be on such solid ground. In fact, your last post back in August talked about how a single can of beer could unravel your whole life. And you sounded just as committed to 100% sobriety then as you do now. So it kind of begs the question: what are you going to do differently this time?
Really glad you're safe. Your family needs you happy and healthy.
I too am really surprised, because you seemed to be on such solid ground. In fact, your last post back in August talked about how a single can of beer could unravel your whole life. And you sounded just as committed to 100% sobriety then as you do now. So it kind of begs the question: what are you going to do differently this time?
Really glad you're safe. Your family needs you happy and healthy.
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