Well, here I am (again)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Present Moment
Posts: 646
Welcome back....as you can see, arms wide open here for you.
You know what to do RW...You're reaching out and asking for help. We all need to ASK for help.
Looking forward to more posts from you and seeing you get back on track. :ghug3
You know what to do RW...You're reaching out and asking for help. We all need to ASK for help.
Looking forward to more posts from you and seeing you get back on track. :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Welcome back, we are glad to have you. Please keep posting & sharing with us. Regarding progression I can tell you that my story was similar to yours regarding blackouts & I wasted many years trying to find ways of beating blackouts... they always got worse (progressed).
Hopefully you wont have to go through as much torture & pain as I did figuring that out.
Take care & all of the best in your recovery
Hopefully you wont have to go through as much torture & pain as I did figuring that out.
Take care & all of the best in your recovery
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Welcome back Reggie!
I am also someone who was surprised to see you had drank again, I thought I was just missing you as I am not here that much.
If you wouldnt mind sharing, I would be curious to know why you picked up again...since I can't remember you ever posting that you were thinking about it.
Glad to see you back! I have faith in you
I am also someone who was surprised to see you had drank again, I thought I was just missing you as I am not here that much.
If you wouldnt mind sharing, I would be curious to know why you picked up again...since I can't remember you ever posting that you were thinking about it.
Glad to see you back! I have faith in you
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 456
I'm very glad to have you back too. You make the entire board better.
I finally figured out what was at the bottom of my drinking - I'm an alcoholic. I just watch as it tears through families and there is no question that some people are just different than others.
I look forward to seeing you around again.
I finally figured out what was at the bottom of my drinking - I'm an alcoholic. I just watch as it tears through families and there is no question that some people are just different than others.
I look forward to seeing you around again.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 163
"I wasn't hurt, nor did I hurt anyone, but I have about 1 hour that I can't remember."
Just be glad that you remember not remembering. That means that you can still drink some more... It's when you don't even realize that you don't remember that you really need to stop drinking. Just kidding.
In all seriousness, I hope that will be the worst black out that you ever have. I remember thinking to myself, "I must not be that bad because I haven't had a black out yet." Then the black outs started, then I didn't even remember that I wasn't remembering, but the police reminded me... THEY remembered...
Luckily, the worst thing that I have lost during a blackout was a vehicle. I LOST it. How the hell does somebody loose a vehicle ???
Just be glad that you remember not remembering. That means that you can still drink some more... It's when you don't even realize that you don't remember that you really need to stop drinking. Just kidding.
In all seriousness, I hope that will be the worst black out that you ever have. I remember thinking to myself, "I must not be that bad because I haven't had a black out yet." Then the black outs started, then I didn't even remember that I wasn't remembering, but the police reminded me... THEY remembered...
Luckily, the worst thing that I have lost during a blackout was a vehicle. I LOST it. How the hell does somebody loose a vehicle ???
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!
Such nice words and to be honest, I need them right now. I have been beating myself up pretty bad for the past few days. I went to my old morning workshop today and reconnected and man, do I feel better.
LaFemme, to answer your question, I think the reason I started drinking again is that down deep I thought I could manage it. I would see guys I work with sit there after a sales meeting and have drinks, I would see people at the pool on the weekend have drinks, I would see family member's have drinks, and I think there was a part of me that said, "hey, I got my life straightened out, surely I could handle a few beers"...
Well, that thinking is flawed because once I pick up I don't just have one. Or even 7. I drink for the fireworks and they come somewhere between 14 drinks and oblivion. Most of the time I'm OK the next day (just very hungover - not exactly OK right?) and sometimes I'm not. Like blacking out.
I remember the first drink I had was in late June. I decided that I was done being a "good boy" and I was going to drink like everyone else. I got a few beers and sat by the pool and that 1 became 4, then vodka, the jager, etc...
I think the scariest part guys and gals is how the denial comes back. This is the part that struck me the most. I was able to go back to "I don't drink THAT much, he drinks more than me, I don't drink in the mornings, I've never had a DUI, blah blah blah... My mind recverted back to that crap after I had exposed it for months in AA. Cunning, baffling, powerful...
I am just grateful that I have a few places I can go and life in honesty. I hated being a drunk and trying so hard to convince others that I wasn't. I am what I am as Popey says...
Today is a new day and I have not drank today. Today is day 5. I have a hard time not being ashamed of myself for literally just giving away my sobriety for shame and guilt but I know that's not helpful.
I am glad you guys are still here to catch me on my way down. It's time to build back up and move forward.
Thanks again everyone!!!
Such nice words and to be honest, I need them right now. I have been beating myself up pretty bad for the past few days. I went to my old morning workshop today and reconnected and man, do I feel better.
LaFemme, to answer your question, I think the reason I started drinking again is that down deep I thought I could manage it. I would see guys I work with sit there after a sales meeting and have drinks, I would see people at the pool on the weekend have drinks, I would see family member's have drinks, and I think there was a part of me that said, "hey, I got my life straightened out, surely I could handle a few beers"...
Well, that thinking is flawed because once I pick up I don't just have one. Or even 7. I drink for the fireworks and they come somewhere between 14 drinks and oblivion. Most of the time I'm OK the next day (just very hungover - not exactly OK right?) and sometimes I'm not. Like blacking out.
I remember the first drink I had was in late June. I decided that I was done being a "good boy" and I was going to drink like everyone else. I got a few beers and sat by the pool and that 1 became 4, then vodka, the jager, etc...
I think the scariest part guys and gals is how the denial comes back. This is the part that struck me the most. I was able to go back to "I don't drink THAT much, he drinks more than me, I don't drink in the mornings, I've never had a DUI, blah blah blah... My mind recverted back to that crap after I had exposed it for months in AA. Cunning, baffling, powerful...
I am just grateful that I have a few places I can go and life in honesty. I hated being a drunk and trying so hard to convince others that I wasn't. I am what I am as Popey says...
Today is a new day and I have not drank today. Today is day 5. I have a hard time not being ashamed of myself for literally just giving away my sobriety for shame and guilt but I know that's not helpful.
I am glad you guys are still here to catch me on my way down. It's time to build back up and move forward.
Thanks again everyone!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Thanks for sharing Reggie. I hope you know how helpful hearing that is to us. You might have slipped but by coming back here and being brave enough to share you might have saved someone else. Thank you.
The most shocking thing you said, for me, was how quickly you fell back into the old though patterns. If I were to drink again I would assume that I would at least know the real deal. The fact that the self deception returns is the most terrifying thought I could have. Shudder.
Congrats on day 5!
The most shocking thing you said, for me, was how quickly you fell back into the old though patterns. If I were to drink again I would assume that I would at least know the real deal. The fact that the self deception returns is the most terrifying thought I could have. Shudder.
Congrats on day 5!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Scotland
Posts: 143
Hi Reggie. I spent the past 30 years binging heavily and having blackouts until I found SR recently. Now my life is changing and I'm learning how not to be the drunk I was for most of my life. Your story adds to my learning so thanks for sharing.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
What's really scary, to me, is that my blacking out is such a matter of course that it doesn't feel like it matters. Hubby and I have started calling my blackouts "going Todash" (if you know the Stephen King Tower books--you know what I mean.) A joke. I have to reconstruct my evening EVERY time I drink.
If I have a few drinks and can remember it, I think it's a victory.
Wow. Deep breath. New regimen.
Thanks for keeping us talking RW.
If I have a few drinks and can remember it, I think it's a victory.
Wow. Deep breath. New regimen.
Thanks for keeping us talking RW.
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