Parents night out~what to do?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Alaska
Posts: 1,458
Parents night out~what to do?
I could've sworn I wrote this on another thread here from tonedrinker but I was writing while I was also talking to a customer on the phone so maybe I just accidentally stopped before I could post.
Here's my quandary.
Once a month my son participates in a "Kids Night Out" program which allows the parents some time alone for about 4 hours.
We don't always use it because we, of course, have to look at the cost for US to eat out as well.
Usually we use this every 3 months or so, sometimes more often.
We're big food and wine enthusiasts so we usually go to a wine pairing restaurant every few months.
Now that time is approaching again which we both look forward to.
I keep thinking about this. Do I enjoy the food paired specifically with the very small glass of wine with each dish or do I just forget parents night out from now on or maybe just have a whopper with fries at the local Micky d's?
I hate to think I'll never have dinner here again! The area we live in is very much in the country so don't really have a whole lot of GOOD restaurants. Just a bunch of junk places like "american texmex, american chinese, Applebees, or American italian"
One other tidbit. Drinking in public is never an issue for me. It's always at home when I'm bored, lonely, sad, or stressed that it is the issue. In public I will have no more than the equivalent of a glass of wine.
I don't know if I'm just venting or if I'm asking advice at this point. I know it will come up that if I'm here I must acknowledge that I have a problem which I admit sometimes I have had issues.
I just want to hear some points of view from others. What would you do?
LOL
Here's my quandary.
Once a month my son participates in a "Kids Night Out" program which allows the parents some time alone for about 4 hours.
We don't always use it because we, of course, have to look at the cost for US to eat out as well.
Usually we use this every 3 months or so, sometimes more often.
We're big food and wine enthusiasts so we usually go to a wine pairing restaurant every few months.
Now that time is approaching again which we both look forward to.
I keep thinking about this. Do I enjoy the food paired specifically with the very small glass of wine with each dish or do I just forget parents night out from now on or maybe just have a whopper with fries at the local Micky d's?
I hate to think I'll never have dinner here again! The area we live in is very much in the country so don't really have a whole lot of GOOD restaurants. Just a bunch of junk places like "american texmex, american chinese, Applebees, or American italian"
One other tidbit. Drinking in public is never an issue for me. It's always at home when I'm bored, lonely, sad, or stressed that it is the issue. In public I will have no more than the equivalent of a glass of wine.
I don't know if I'm just venting or if I'm asking advice at this point. I know it will come up that if I'm here I must acknowledge that I have a problem which I admit sometimes I have had issues.
I just want to hear some points of view from others. What would you do?
LOL
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: La La Land
Posts: 503
I, like yourself, drank mostly at home. I would warn you though- one drink out would turn into a night of drinking afterwards for me.
If you are not comfortable with the idea of eating out at a nice restaurant without wine, try something else. I found that switching up my routines helped me a lot in the beginning. That is not to say that you will never have a nice meal out again (believe me, I know it FEELS like that right now) but sobriety should be priority number one right now. Once you have more time and experience with sobriety under your belt, these things will become easier.
So- Basically what I am trying to say is that I would take the 4 hours and do something DIFFERENT. Dont taunt yourself with familiar places and wine. You will either end up drinking or having a cr@ppy time. Think outside of the box
Best wishes.
If you are not comfortable with the idea of eating out at a nice restaurant without wine, try something else. I found that switching up my routines helped me a lot in the beginning. That is not to say that you will never have a nice meal out again (believe me, I know it FEELS like that right now) but sobriety should be priority number one right now. Once you have more time and experience with sobriety under your belt, these things will become easier.
So- Basically what I am trying to say is that I would take the 4 hours and do something DIFFERENT. Dont taunt yourself with familiar places and wine. You will either end up drinking or having a cr@ppy time. Think outside of the box
Best wishes.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 112
I would possibly consider skipping this one, until you feel comfortable going out and not having a drink with your dinner? I guess the only reason I say this, is because I never really had a problem with drinking too much in public situations either. I would always drink entirely too much by myself. One thing I noticed in my pattern of drinking is when I would go out I would almost pride myself in the fact that I only had one/two beers, but as soon as I got home it was game on so in reality it was just a lie I was telling myself. I wouldn't worry yourself as to the fact you wil never eat out AGAIN! I know sometimes I always look at the worst outcome, and in reality it almost never happens. Take a break and then re-asses the situation the next time it arises. I hopw this helps, good luck!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 119
Can you do something other then going for supper out? What about having a really nice supper in? You could prepare a really nice supper for just you and your hubby. Have it all ready and make it nice and special and it would be kid free, quiet, romantic etc and you would not have to worry about the issue of the wine or alcohol at all.
I wish you well with this decision, but I think you are smart to have a plan in place
I wish you well with this decision, but I think you are smart to have a plan in place
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Alaska
Posts: 1,458
Actually oddly enough, each time we've had dinner here I will have the equivelant of about a glass of wine and then go home, be happy and won't have a drink again until possibly two days later when I'm at home, with my son, upset because hubby is late again, work was tough, son is throwing a tantrum, etc.
We could go to one of the cheesy tex mex places or even the cheesier Maryland BBQ place as I can totally go there an NOT have a drink with no desire to do so (since the food isn't all that great anyways).
Since we live on a somewhat empty military post that is surrounded by farmland and countryside I don't know what else we could do. We're not interested in movies at the movie theater. The only other thing out here besides cheezy restaurants would probably be cow tipping. (BIG LOL JK! NO way would I even contemplate THAT one!)
If I still lived somewhere like Hawaii or Alaska (I have lived there before) then I could think of a number of things to do that would not involve drinking or eating. Here though there isn't much. Heck, there are Liquor stores here in every strip mall and on almost every other street corner.
We could go to one of the cheesy tex mex places or even the cheesier Maryland BBQ place as I can totally go there an NOT have a drink with no desire to do so (since the food isn't all that great anyways).
Since we live on a somewhat empty military post that is surrounded by farmland and countryside I don't know what else we could do. We're not interested in movies at the movie theater. The only other thing out here besides cheezy restaurants would probably be cow tipping. (BIG LOL JK! NO way would I even contemplate THAT one!)
If I still lived somewhere like Hawaii or Alaska (I have lived there before) then I could think of a number of things to do that would not involve drinking or eating. Here though there isn't much. Heck, there are Liquor stores here in every strip mall and on almost every other street corner.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Trans Pecos, TX
Posts: 74
Hi munchkin:
Yep, I'm a big home drinker also. But I'm wondering what your real worry is. Are you concerned about not drinking at all, and you won't be able to resist that small wine with the good meal? Are you concerned because your spouse or friends don't know/understand your plight and you are embarrassed to publicly turn away the glass of wine? Are you afraid that glass of wine will spark a major binge (a personal favorite in my case). From my point of view, all of these are valid concerns. Is going to the dinner and just having a nice pork medallion with pollenta (or whatever) and NO WINE not an option? Today is day 27 for me. I am coming to realize that this is really a personal battle for each of us. We MUST do what have to do? You must stand up for yourself and plan to eat a wonderful meal with no wine. If you believe this is not possible at this time, you must forgo the meal. You have to look out for yourself.
Best of luck to you.
Yep, I'm a big home drinker also. But I'm wondering what your real worry is. Are you concerned about not drinking at all, and you won't be able to resist that small wine with the good meal? Are you concerned because your spouse or friends don't know/understand your plight and you are embarrassed to publicly turn away the glass of wine? Are you afraid that glass of wine will spark a major binge (a personal favorite in my case). From my point of view, all of these are valid concerns. Is going to the dinner and just having a nice pork medallion with pollenta (or whatever) and NO WINE not an option? Today is day 27 for me. I am coming to realize that this is really a personal battle for each of us. We MUST do what have to do? You must stand up for yourself and plan to eat a wonderful meal with no wine. If you believe this is not possible at this time, you must forgo the meal. You have to look out for yourself.
Best of luck to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Alaska
Posts: 1,458
Originally Posted by FoundmySelf 
Can you do something other then going for supper out? What about having a really nice supper in? You could prepare a really nice supper for just you and your hubby. Have it all ready and make it nice and special and it would be kid free, quiet, romantic etc and you would not have to worry about the issue of the wine or alcohol at all.
I wish you well with this decision, but I think you are smart to have a plan in place
I wish you well with this decision, but I think you are smart to have a plan in place
Home I am afraid I would have bigger problems with. That is where the cravings hit me. Anytime I'm home I slump into a depressive, stress filled slump.
This weekend I survived from any cravings by working myself to the point where my feet hurt and I was physically exhausted at 10pm after canning, cleaning, and preparing for the work week.
That's usually what I do at home though when trying to avoid alcohol. I just work myself so I can't think at all about anything other than the job in front of me.
Hubby gets pretty angry at me about that. Even more so than about the alcohol consumption because when I do not drink I become obsessive that I have to keep working and can't stop.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Have you looked into getting help for your obsessions, stress, and depression through any method or program? Maryland isn't that big, there's always something to do or see-free!
(turn kid's night out into an overnight with one of his friends) There's always a solution!
Best Wishes!
(turn kid's night out into an overnight with one of his friends) There's always a solution!
Best Wishes!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Alaska
Posts: 1,458
Well we try not to venture further than 30 minutes away from where our son is so we're very limited on where we can go. We live about 45 minutes from the PA border.
As for friends for son, he's just started to make friends but we limit his time with them as most of the families around us swear like sailors, smoke like chimneys, let their kids tease the heck out of him or just beat him up.
I am trying to see a therapist because I've had depression since I was a teenager. The only time it let up was when I went to the gym and when we lived in Alaska. Unfortunately my Mom constantly pushed and "trained me" when I was growing up with the belief that "once you become a Mom, you have no time to relax, no time for yourself, no time to unwind, you must be doing SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE non stop"
I slowly slid into using alcohol a bit too much at home in my late twenties. Two years after my son was born I dove into abusing it, especially when I found out we were moving from Alaska to Maryland. Hubby was still deployed, we had to list our house for sale, and I went nuts.
As for friends for son, he's just started to make friends but we limit his time with them as most of the families around us swear like sailors, smoke like chimneys, let their kids tease the heck out of him or just beat him up.
I am trying to see a therapist because I've had depression since I was a teenager. The only time it let up was when I went to the gym and when we lived in Alaska. Unfortunately my Mom constantly pushed and "trained me" when I was growing up with the belief that "once you become a Mom, you have no time to relax, no time for yourself, no time to unwind, you must be doing SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE non stop"
I slowly slid into using alcohol a bit too much at home in my late twenties. Two years after my son was born I dove into abusing it, especially when I found out we were moving from Alaska to Maryland. Hubby was still deployed, we had to list our house for sale, and I went nuts.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Alaska
Posts: 1,458
I do have to add btw, hubby and I have both been depressed since moving here to Maryland. I've added another 15 pounds in a year and a half, hubby has added 20.
We're military so we move when we're told but we weren't too happy about it.
We're military so we move when we're told but we weren't too happy about it.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
You've had much to deal with and less than ideal situations. I hope you continue your blog and gratitude lists. You have a wonderful family. I wish you and your family well.
I want to inspire you, but even In this forum, I feel your hurt and sadness.
This time of year can be dreary in Maryland. The leaves are beginning to change & we get cold, but not much snow until maybe January. There is a wealth of history, though. We have 4 seasons, beach, mountains, fields, country & cities. DC is a trek for you, but many museums. Baltimore harbor is full, too.
Maybe you and your son can participate in a sport or hobby and hubby can help when available. I wish you all well and a short stay here.
Stay stopped, you are worth it!
I want to inspire you, but even In this forum, I feel your hurt and sadness.
This time of year can be dreary in Maryland. The leaves are beginning to change & we get cold, but not much snow until maybe January. There is a wealth of history, though. We have 4 seasons, beach, mountains, fields, country & cities. DC is a trek for you, but many museums. Baltimore harbor is full, too.
Maybe you and your son can participate in a sport or hobby and hubby can help when available. I wish you all well and a short stay here.
Stay stopped, you are worth it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Alaska
Posts: 1,458
Sugarbear,
Actually oddly enough I love winter and the snow that comes with it. Saturday I spent part of my day consoling my son who was crying because there was no snow. (the kindergarten teacher spilled the beans that it was supposed to snow. GRRR)
We all love winter sports, sledding, shoveling, making snow angels, etc.
We really hate the heat, especially me. I just about collapse when it's above 80!
We've been to the harbor, in fact I even went when I was a kid but it's a 45 minute drive for us so it's something we plan a bit for with our son. I wouldn't leave him with a babysitter for that one.
We also are big hunting, fishing and hiking people but we are unable to hunt or fish here because it would jepordize our Alaska residency (and money we get from Alaska.) As for hiking, the ticks, black widows and snakes scare me more than the moose and bear.
Actually as for DC, I'm really familiar with that city. My parents just moved from there because my Dad was suffering from severe depression from his job and also from dealing with my Mom and her alcoholism. I used to go there every so often to visit. Later when my son is just a bit older (maybe within a year) we plan to take him to the Smithsonian and other museaums. In the meantime we just keep holding on and counting the days till we can head back to the snow and mountains of Alaska.
On the other hand, however we love to garden. Only issue with that is then come mid summer we're stressing about canning and preserving. Keeps me around the house non stop which is BAAAAAD. LOL
Actually oddly enough I love winter and the snow that comes with it. Saturday I spent part of my day consoling my son who was crying because there was no snow. (the kindergarten teacher spilled the beans that it was supposed to snow. GRRR)
We all love winter sports, sledding, shoveling, making snow angels, etc.
We really hate the heat, especially me. I just about collapse when it's above 80!
We've been to the harbor, in fact I even went when I was a kid but it's a 45 minute drive for us so it's something we plan a bit for with our son. I wouldn't leave him with a babysitter for that one.
We also are big hunting, fishing and hiking people but we are unable to hunt or fish here because it would jepordize our Alaska residency (and money we get from Alaska.) As for hiking, the ticks, black widows and snakes scare me more than the moose and bear.
Actually as for DC, I'm really familiar with that city. My parents just moved from there because my Dad was suffering from severe depression from his job and also from dealing with my Mom and her alcoholism. I used to go there every so often to visit. Later when my son is just a bit older (maybe within a year) we plan to take him to the Smithsonian and other museaums. In the meantime we just keep holding on and counting the days till we can head back to the snow and mountains of Alaska.
On the other hand, however we love to garden. Only issue with that is then come mid summer we're stressing about canning and preserving. Keeps me around the house non stop which is BAAAAAD. LOL
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: NYC/NJ
Posts: 431
nobody cares that you're not drinking. If they do, that's pretty weird. Youve made it into a big deal in your mind. Feeling pressure or being insecure about not drinking means deep down some part of you doesn't feel good about it. So your focus now shouldn't be on what everyone thinks about you or what to tell them, this should be a sign that you need to look internally to see what may be causing this need for approval within you, or it'll continue to resurface again and again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Alaska
Posts: 1,458
Actually I don't really care what they think at the restaurant. People their eat meals all the time with just water. For me, its just that I've always gotten so much pleasure out of pairing wines with foods.
I'm an avid cook, in fact I cook with wine a lot. My Dad says I was a Master Chef in a previous life. LOL
I'm an avid cook, in fact I cook with wine a lot. My Dad says I was a Master Chef in a previous life. LOL
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
I was a military wife for 22 years and I know very well the stresses of moving wherever every year or two and often my husband was away for long periods. Plus, we were never, ever anywhere near family members. It's difficult. For me, I tried to find one person that I could really talk to and that really helped me. But, I know that having good friends is not always possible in military life because everyone is always moving on.
You talk a lot about pairing the good food with good wine, and it seems to me that you might take a step back and reconsider or change your perspective. You might learn that you can enjoy the good food in the nice restaurant without wine. The connection you have between the food and wine seems unbreakable to you, but I think there are a lot of us here who could assure you we've enjoyed good restaurant meals with no alcohol involved.
You talk a lot about pairing the good food with good wine, and it seems to me that you might take a step back and reconsider or change your perspective. You might learn that you can enjoy the good food in the nice restaurant without wine. The connection you have between the food and wine seems unbreakable to you, but I think there are a lot of us here who could assure you we've enjoyed good restaurant meals with no alcohol involved.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Alaska
Posts: 1,458
Good to see another Military wife here!!!
Life definitely throws us tons of curve balls!
I guess, just so many of the recipes I use (like Grilled steak with cabernet reduction or mushrooms a la champagne, or seared scallops in champagne sauce, or OMG I could go on and on!....sorry just really love food and love to cook food!) use a alcohol base of some sort.
If I wasn't already a travel agent I would probably really study haute cuisine, but then hubby and I still have our other dream we'd like to pursue upon retiring. Opening a vineyard or winery. Of course that may be out the window too.
Life definitely throws us tons of curve balls!
I guess, just so many of the recipes I use (like Grilled steak with cabernet reduction or mushrooms a la champagne, or seared scallops in champagne sauce, or OMG I could go on and on!....sorry just really love food and love to cook food!) use a alcohol base of some sort.
If I wasn't already a travel agent I would probably really study haute cuisine, but then hubby and I still have our other dream we'd like to pursue upon retiring. Opening a vineyard or winery. Of course that may be out the window too.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Some really good advice here...I hope you find the right choice for you
I agree with Anna - I actually find my enjoyment of food is heightened now without alcohol to spoil my palate...and everything else.
And not picking on you specifically munchkin - but I'd also like to address a thought I've seen a lot here recently:
I believe every glass of alcohol kept me in the cycle of abuse - whether it was at home, out with friends, or whether I got drunk or not.
In fact the times when 'nothing bad happened' were the worst of all, because they convinced me I did have some kind of control - and they made me forget or dismiss the many hundreds of times I clearly didn't have control at all.
D
I agree with Anna - I actually find my enjoyment of food is heightened now without alcohol to spoil my palate...and everything else.
And not picking on you specifically munchkin - but I'd also like to address a thought I've seen a lot here recently:
Drinking in public is never an issue for me. It's always at home when I'm bored, lonely, sad, or stressed that it is the issue. In public I will have no more than the equivalent of a glass of wine.
In fact the times when 'nothing bad happened' were the worst of all, because they convinced me I did have some kind of control - and they made me forget or dismiss the many hundreds of times I clearly didn't have control at all.
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Originally Posted by Dee74
In fact the times when 'nothing bad happened' were the worst of all, because they convinced me I did have some kind of control - and they made me forget or dismiss the many hundreds of times I clearly didn't have control at all.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: CT
Posts: 73
I was thinking about something similar too. I was feeling really nostalgic for my favorite brew pub and felt a tinge of sadness that if I ate there I wouldn't be able to sample all the awesome beers they have there. I do legitimately like good beer, but I was really thinking about it and was like, Oh well! It seems like a small price to pay for living a sane life. The degree to which I enjoyed a good beer is tiny compared to the degree to which alcohol was messing up my life, and when I think of it that way it just doesn't really bother me much anymore.
A friend of mine developed a severe allergy to shellfish a few years ago and he always really liked shrimp, but now he can't eat it or he'll go into anaphylactic shock. Those are just the breaks. It would be ridiculous of him to play around with it just because he likes shrimp so much or maybe he's curious to see if he gets the same effect from lobster.
I think of my drinking in a similar way. I miss certain things about it, like pairing wine with dinner or trying interesting beers, but it's not worth playing around with my life. And if I start to think it's worth playing around with my life like that then I need to figure out how to make my life more fulfilling. I guess I just see what a small thing it is to sacrifice now.
A friend of mine developed a severe allergy to shellfish a few years ago and he always really liked shrimp, but now he can't eat it or he'll go into anaphylactic shock. Those are just the breaks. It would be ridiculous of him to play around with it just because he likes shrimp so much or maybe he's curious to see if he gets the same effect from lobster.
I think of my drinking in a similar way. I miss certain things about it, like pairing wine with dinner or trying interesting beers, but it's not worth playing around with my life. And if I start to think it's worth playing around with my life like that then I need to figure out how to make my life more fulfilling. I guess I just see what a small thing it is to sacrifice now.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 48
A fancy place like a wine pairing restaurant will almost definitely have a high end sparkling water on hand! Order a bottle for yourself, tell the nosey askers that you're on antibiotics, and enjoy. Don't stress too much about what the others think. I didn't really stop my normal nights out in early sobriety...you need to learn to do fun/ nice things for yourself without alcohol! You can do it!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
