desperate for someone to talk to
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: kansas city
Posts: 8
desperate for someone to talk to
I am an addict looking for somewhere to talk.
I have been addicted to crack since I was about 23. I am 41 now. On top of that I am bulimic. I feel like Im loosing this battle and getting very tired of fighting. can anyone help
I have been addicted to crack since I was about 23. I am 41 now. On top of that I am bulimic. I feel like Im loosing this battle and getting very tired of fighting. can anyone help
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
LosingBattle, welcome to SR, you have come to the right place. You will find a lot of support and folks willing to talk to you anytime.
You have posted in the Newcomer's forum, the right place to start for sure. There are other forums like the substance abuse forum, and an eating disorder forum, and others too. There is also a chat room for real time yakking which I find very helpful.
You don't have to stay in your current state, LosingBattle. Keep posting, and we will help you to get this sorted out.
You have posted in the Newcomer's forum, the right place to start for sure. There are other forums like the substance abuse forum, and an eating disorder forum, and others too. There is also a chat room for real time yakking which I find very helpful.
You don't have to stay in your current state, LosingBattle. Keep posting, and we will help you to get this sorted out.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: kansas city
Posts: 8
Thanks everyone for such quick replies...I have tried meeting but I didnt feel it was right...I didnt like that they get kind of angry at those that dont volunteer their time...I work and have three kids and a husband plus school..Its hard to go to meeting everyday thats why I thought being able to get on the computer might be better for me...However it sounds silly to me when I say things like that because I find time to hit the pipe..life would probably be a whole lot easier without all the ups and downs..
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NS, Canada
Posts: 160
Hi.. great to meet you. Congrats on wanting to make a change. I'm 46 and just got sober last year .. It is awesome not to have to rely on anything to get through the day.. very freeing and exciting and hopeful.
I think a great place to start would be with your doc .. make an appt. and say exactly what you said in your first post here. Doctors can be great sources of direction and and advice on tackling addictions.
Lots of great advice and direction here on the boards too .. Nothing beats advice coming straight from experience!
Good luck in your journey and keep on posting ..
I think a great place to start would be with your doc .. make an appt. and say exactly what you said in your first post here. Doctors can be great sources of direction and and advice on tackling addictions.
Lots of great advice and direction here on the boards too .. Nothing beats advice coming straight from experience!
Good luck in your journey and keep on posting ..
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,964
Sounds like you need to try other meetings. No one requires me to go to a meeting daily, volunteer, say prayers, or do anything I disagee with.
There are other methods for recovery, including here. I thought you could make sober friends at a meeting. Those people wouldn't make me feel comfortable, either!
Glad you're here!
There are other methods for recovery, including here. I thought you could make sober friends at a meeting. Those people wouldn't make me feel comfortable, either!
Glad you're here!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((loosingbattle))) - Welcome to SR! I'm a recovering crack addict, and SR has been a HUGE part of my recovery. I'd abused other stuff in the past, but crack is what brought me to my knees.
There are several of us on the substance abuse forum who are recovering crack addicts, but in all honesty, I've learned from people who are/were addicted to anything. We all go through similar feelings.
I can tell you that just quitting the crack did not work for me. It wasn't until I hit another low bottom in a relapse, that I started paying attention to what helped others, trying out different stuff, and ended up "hooked on recovery" rather than any substance.
After receiving so much ES&H (experience, strength, and hope) from the people here, I contacted family members I'd shut myself off from and have a pretty solid support basis.
I did go to meetings, years ago, still use what I learned there and have learned a lot from people who work AA/NA, yet I don't go to meetings now.
You're not alone. If you have time, maybe browse through ((LarryLive's)) "recovered crackhead thread. It's in part 2, now, which means part 1 had about 500 posts, but it's pretty awesome to see where he was (every excuse to keep using, despite what we said) to where he is now..in school to be a substance abuse counselor and embracing recovery.
I've found that no matter what I've gone through in the 4-1/2+ years of recovery, there is always someone here to talk me down and help keep me from making a really bad decision.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
There are several of us on the substance abuse forum who are recovering crack addicts, but in all honesty, I've learned from people who are/were addicted to anything. We all go through similar feelings.
I can tell you that just quitting the crack did not work for me. It wasn't until I hit another low bottom in a relapse, that I started paying attention to what helped others, trying out different stuff, and ended up "hooked on recovery" rather than any substance.
After receiving so much ES&H (experience, strength, and hope) from the people here, I contacted family members I'd shut myself off from and have a pretty solid support basis.
I did go to meetings, years ago, still use what I learned there and have learned a lot from people who work AA/NA, yet I don't go to meetings now.
You're not alone. If you have time, maybe browse through ((LarryLive's)) "recovered crackhead thread. It's in part 2, now, which means part 1 had about 500 posts, but it's pretty awesome to see where he was (every excuse to keep using, despite what we said) to where he is now..in school to be a substance abuse counselor and embracing recovery.
I've found that no matter what I've gone through in the 4-1/2+ years of recovery, there is always someone here to talk me down and help keep me from making a really bad decision.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi loosingbattle and welcome to a great community!
This is a great place.....As much as I knew I needed to get sober, I could barely go a day without giving in to the cravings. I couldn't afford to go to treatment (again) for alcoholism, so I spent most of my free time reading here for a couple weeks. It really helped to counter my obsessive thoughts, and gave me hope.
You're not alone - there are so many of us that get caught in addiction. We're here for support, so I hope you hang around!:ghug3
This is a great place.....As much as I knew I needed to get sober, I could barely go a day without giving in to the cravings. I couldn't afford to go to treatment (again) for alcoholism, so I spent most of my free time reading here for a couple weeks. It really helped to counter my obsessive thoughts, and gave me hope.
You're not alone - there are so many of us that get caught in addiction. We're here for support, so I hope you hang around!:ghug3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: kansas city
Posts: 8
Thanks so much...I am struggling day to day and Ive already been plotting my next escape...I dont want to be this person..If only these obsessive thoughts would leave my head..I am also bulimic so if its not one its the other...Im glad to know I can come here and say whatevers on my mind at any given time..thanks
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Hi Loosingbattle,
You have found a great place to share, and learn. I wonder if you can get to a doctor, to share what has been going on? that is a long time to be abusing your body and mind, and a good checkup might give you a little push in the right direction.
You sound very busy, and you will need to take time for yourself, to pursue your recovery. There is always someone here, to talk with, and there are lots of "stickies", saved information which is very helpful, to read here. I hope you stick around. There are so many great people here, recovering, who were once where you are. There is hope, and help.
sending a hug, and encouraging you to keep posting!
chicory
You have found a great place to share, and learn. I wonder if you can get to a doctor, to share what has been going on? that is a long time to be abusing your body and mind, and a good checkup might give you a little push in the right direction.
You sound very busy, and you will need to take time for yourself, to pursue your recovery. There is always someone here, to talk with, and there are lots of "stickies", saved information which is very helpful, to read here. I hope you stick around. There are so many great people here, recovering, who were once where you are. There is hope, and help.
sending a hug, and encouraging you to keep posting!
chicory
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Loosingbattle))) - though I didn't have the bulimia, food was the first substance I abused (as a child) to deal with my feelings. It took me decades to realize that I was a codependent (codie)..not raised that way, parents were not, I think I was born with it.
Thing is, I was not comfortable with ME. I abused food, then alcohol, then opiates, and finally crack. I was always trying to control stuff/people that I just can't and kept trying the same things, over and over, expecting different results (the definition of insanity).
It's hard, when we've been abusing something for so long to learn how to deal with life.
Something that worked for me, and has seemed to help others is this: I really, really hit a pretty bad bottom on my relapse..was miserable using, even more miserable NOT using as I had to face the total loss of trust and reliability I'd worked hard to build up while not using.
When the using thoughts would come, I'd tell myself "not an option..next" with "next" being a cue to distract myself. Shut down the thought of using, think of anything else - usually could find something that, if I looked, would give me a little bit of gratitude..an adorable child doing something that made me smile, pretty flowers on the side of the road, nice weather, etc.
I also vividly remember my relapse and how I was near-suicidal in misery. As soon as the thoughts would come up, I'd do the "not an option" AND remember the reason I quit..crack had caused so much damage, really bad feelings, that I just knew using again wouldn't have any different ending.
As far as gratitude, I fought that for a while. I'd lost a nursing career, was up to my eyeballs in debt, and living back home (at 46) because I was broke and my job (waiting tables) just didn't pay enough.
My first gratitude list, which I only did because so many people here recommended it....I fought it. I finally said, through gritted teeth "I'm grateful for a soft pillow and mattress" as I'd been locked up a few times, and trust me, jail/diversion center mattresses and pillows are rubber stuffed with next to nothing.
It opened my eyes, though. I started looking for stuff to be grateful. I told myself "not an option..next" so many times that in time, it was automatic. I was at "next" before I realized I'd even thought about it.
Another thing I did was spend a lot of time on the Friends & family forums. I first went there as I wanted to be reminded of what I'd put my loved one's through. I soon realized that a lot of people there have problems not feeling they're deserving of a good life, feelings of "not good enough". Codies focus on others to keep from looking at themselves, we A's, bulimics, etc. do the same thing, just in a different way.
This is just what has helped me. I also promised myself that I'd give recovery everything I had for 6 months. If I didn't like it? Well, crack is everywhere. Well before the 6 months, I knew I wanted nothing more to do with anything that numbed, that prevented me from dealing with life.
You can do this, sweetie, and there is a LOT of support here. People think I'm crazy when I say that some of my best friends I've never met..they're here, at the other end of the laptop
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Thing is, I was not comfortable with ME. I abused food, then alcohol, then opiates, and finally crack. I was always trying to control stuff/people that I just can't and kept trying the same things, over and over, expecting different results (the definition of insanity).
It's hard, when we've been abusing something for so long to learn how to deal with life.
Something that worked for me, and has seemed to help others is this: I really, really hit a pretty bad bottom on my relapse..was miserable using, even more miserable NOT using as I had to face the total loss of trust and reliability I'd worked hard to build up while not using.
When the using thoughts would come, I'd tell myself "not an option..next" with "next" being a cue to distract myself. Shut down the thought of using, think of anything else - usually could find something that, if I looked, would give me a little bit of gratitude..an adorable child doing something that made me smile, pretty flowers on the side of the road, nice weather, etc.
I also vividly remember my relapse and how I was near-suicidal in misery. As soon as the thoughts would come up, I'd do the "not an option" AND remember the reason I quit..crack had caused so much damage, really bad feelings, that I just knew using again wouldn't have any different ending.
As far as gratitude, I fought that for a while. I'd lost a nursing career, was up to my eyeballs in debt, and living back home (at 46) because I was broke and my job (waiting tables) just didn't pay enough.
My first gratitude list, which I only did because so many people here recommended it....I fought it. I finally said, through gritted teeth "I'm grateful for a soft pillow and mattress" as I'd been locked up a few times, and trust me, jail/diversion center mattresses and pillows are rubber stuffed with next to nothing.
It opened my eyes, though. I started looking for stuff to be grateful. I told myself "not an option..next" so many times that in time, it was automatic. I was at "next" before I realized I'd even thought about it.
Another thing I did was spend a lot of time on the Friends & family forums. I first went there as I wanted to be reminded of what I'd put my loved one's through. I soon realized that a lot of people there have problems not feeling they're deserving of a good life, feelings of "not good enough". Codies focus on others to keep from looking at themselves, we A's, bulimics, etc. do the same thing, just in a different way.
This is just what has helped me. I also promised myself that I'd give recovery everything I had for 6 months. If I didn't like it? Well, crack is everywhere. Well before the 6 months, I knew I wanted nothing more to do with anything that numbed, that prevented me from dealing with life.
You can do this, sweetie, and there is a LOT of support here. People think I'm crazy when I say that some of my best friends I've never met..they're here, at the other end of the laptop
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
Originally Posted by Impurrfect 
When the using thoughts would come, I'd tell myself "not an option..next" with "next" being a cue to distract myself.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: SW Pennsylvania, USA
Posts: 101
I also had a real Crack problem, many, many years- Now crack free for over six years (but I still struggle with alcohol)- I understand Crack. You may message me anytime you need to talk. Anytime, no problem, I understand.
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