About to be sober 1 month and planning on a drink
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Tonedrinker -
I commend you for taking a look at your drinking and your month of sobriety. Can't add much to what's already been said..... just want to welcome you to the forum.
Just continue to be honest with yourself about how "important" that next drink is. (I think the healthy limit for men is 2 drinks per day, so you could use that as a guideline if you want to drink safely). Good luck!!
I commend you for taking a look at your drinking and your month of sobriety. Can't add much to what's already been said..... just want to welcome you to the forum.
Just continue to be honest with yourself about how "important" that next drink is. (I think the healthy limit for men is 2 drinks per day, so you could use that as a guideline if you want to drink safely). Good luck!!
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Congrats Lavida!
It is worth it. And yes it is a real beatch to be successful, gray headed, and becoming a drunkard instead of just a happy alcoholic who doesn't get drunk per se.
Better to quit with all the healing ability of the young, and the future ahead of and not behind you.
It is worth it. And yes it is a real beatch to be successful, gray headed, and becoming a drunkard instead of just a happy alcoholic who doesn't get drunk per se.
Better to quit with all the healing ability of the young, and the future ahead of and not behind you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
Itchy that was the most powerful post I have ever read, you gave me so much to think about. When you put it that way, I got a taste of my old sober self and really missed her. I'm staying strong, thanks 
Today's Muse
Join Date: May 2007
Location: West end
Posts: 1,081
November 1 I'm taking the wife out for a nice steak and I WILL have a glass of wine.
Whether you drink or not is your choice and always will be. You have a plan and sounds like you plan on sticking to it. Like others have mentioned, the planning ahead, and your adamant desire is very telling, don't you think? Have that glass of wine and put your curiosity to rest. For the record, I couldn't do it. I couldn't have just one. One would eventually lead to a barrel. There is a difference between a heavy drinker and a real alcoholic. I stood at the same spot you are at now. I pondered, and drank, pondered and drank. Time will tell and sooner or later you will know for certain. Does alcohol control you and your thoughts, or do you control it?
Whether you drink or not is your choice and always will be. You have a plan and sounds like you plan on sticking to it. Like others have mentioned, the planning ahead, and your adamant desire is very telling, don't you think? Have that glass of wine and put your curiosity to rest. For the record, I couldn't do it. I couldn't have just one. One would eventually lead to a barrel. There is a difference between a heavy drinker and a real alcoholic. I stood at the same spot you are at now. I pondered, and drank, pondered and drank. Time will tell and sooner or later you will know for certain. Does alcohol control you and your thoughts, or do you control it?
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 189
November 1st eh? lol that so happens to be my birthday and my parents are taking me out for dinner as well! Turning 27. But you asked if there was a risk if you have 1 drink? Having a glass of wine will take you back to where you were before. Just wanting more after that. Even if you have 1 drink and only that night. The craving will come back with a vengeful lash back. I know I tried, we all tried this method. Been trying 3 years to stay sober but I always told myself that I was fine and could have 1 drink only to wind up two days later buying tons of booze. It all depends on ones thoughts on recovery. Maybe your not ready to give up alcohol yet. We all have our moment when we decide it really is neccessary to quit drinking. As for saying you want to moderate your drinking, you drank 4-6 per day right? Up to you to decide whether you have a problem with it but if you need to drink that much a day maybe there is a problem and that having 1 drink will only take you back to drinking everyday once again. Good luck though I myself am still newly sober. I've been sober myself for 2 months and everything is going great. But I am defeated by alcohol and know I can't just have 1 or I'll go back to bingeing on hard liquor once again. Keep coming here for support. It really works and helps you with the support here. The Chatroom is an awesome place to talk to others who understand and some of them even have been sobered for longer periods so they can give you great advice! Your in the right place.
Not waving, but drowning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 423
My perspective: I may be more of a problem drinker than an alcoholic by some measures. I didn't drink that much (2 to 4 glasses wine/night) and didn't drink every day. But it was controlling my life. I spent a lot of time looking forward to my drinks. And I tried to stop a number of times and kept backsliding.
Since quitting last November I've found it much easier not to drink at all than to moderate. I'm free of the anticipation. I've had to find other ways to have fun. I'm coming up on a year. I highly recommend it!
I believe in my case the drinking issue was progressing, and things were going bad fast. I did have a few bad weeks at the beginning which were probably withdrawal, but after that it has been all good. I've found SR to be a great support.
You seem thoughtful and interested in others' experience. Please do continue posting. Wish you the best, whatever that is for you.
Since quitting last November I've found it much easier not to drink at all than to moderate. I'm free of the anticipation. I've had to find other ways to have fun. I'm coming up on a year. I highly recommend it!
I believe in my case the drinking issue was progressing, and things were going bad fast. I did have a few bad weeks at the beginning which were probably withdrawal, but after that it has been all good. I've found SR to be a great support.
You seem thoughtful and interested in others' experience. Please do continue posting. Wish you the best, whatever that is for you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 191
So my experience with almost exactly this issue. I decided I had some issues with drinking and was drinking too much last fall, so I set a goal to not drink for 30 days. Somewhat unlike you, I thought it was hard at first but then not so hard. So on day 30 or 31 or whatever, I had some wine. Not a lot, maybe too glasses, and then I started to drink more days, again not a lot. Without the context of my previous drinking history, it all would have seemed pretty healthy, I guess. But then I just gradually started drinking more and more and got back to where I was before those 30 days. I think I opened the door with those minor drinking sessions and there I went.
Luckily I didn't suffer any horrible things during my period of backsliding (no DUIs, hospitalizations, injuries, etc.), and maybe it served as a good reminder of the reality of my relationship with alcohol. But I can't say it worked out how I planned, and I certainly didn't wind up being one of those happy social drinking types that all of us have a history of aspiring to be.
Luckily I didn't suffer any horrible things during my period of backsliding (no DUIs, hospitalizations, injuries, etc.), and maybe it served as a good reminder of the reality of my relationship with alcohol. But I can't say it worked out how I planned, and I certainly didn't wind up being one of those happy social drinking types that all of us have a history of aspiring to be.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 39
It's very possible that you might not be an alcoholic and can just have a couple of drinks and have a good time; I really hope that's the case for you.
My case...I'd given up drinking over summer and vowed never to touch it again, then after a few months, I decided one day, whilst on my way back to the city, to stop off and have "just a couple" in a bar whilst waiting for the next bus, about an hour's max.
That became five hours and ten beers; I barely remember getting home. I nipped that in the bud and haven't touched it since, but the terrifying thing was that I truly 100% did not intend to have more than one or two and yet the insanity engulfed me once again
I don't try and be "a normal drinker" anymore, there's just no way of doing it for me.
My case...I'd given up drinking over summer and vowed never to touch it again, then after a few months, I decided one day, whilst on my way back to the city, to stop off and have "just a couple" in a bar whilst waiting for the next bus, about an hour's max.
That became five hours and ten beers; I barely remember getting home. I nipped that in the bud and haven't touched it since, but the terrifying thing was that I truly 100% did not intend to have more than one or two and yet the insanity engulfed me once again
I don't try and be "a normal drinker" anymore, there's just no way of doing it for me.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 246
I don't think you should drink, Tone, and no one appreciated a glass or two of a big red with a steak more than me. You're not as far along as many people on this site, perhaps, but this is a progressive disease. You don't seem to be in a the state of mind, however, where you're willing to accept that alcohol can't be a part of your future. I just hope you don't reach rock bottom before that becomes clear.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 10
On the way home from the steak dinner. I had 1 beer, 3 glasses of wine, and a Bailey's. Was buzzed for maybe 20-30 minutes and now it's gone. Don't know how to feel. I won't drink to tomorrow.....but if I wasn't with the wife I'd be drinking more tonight. Hmmm
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
I hope you don't think I'm picking on you Tone - but you said originally
what actually happened was:
Please think about this because I think it's actually quite an important crossroads you're at now.
D
I'm taking the wife out for a nice steak and I WILL have a glass of wine.
On the way home from the steak dinner. I had 1 beer, 3 glasses of wine, and a Bailey's....but if I wasn't with the wife I'd be drinking more tonight
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 191
Originally Posted by Tonedrinker 
Probaby. Just being honest.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
Try your very best to contol your drinking, or instead you could read half the posts on this board and see how it goes for people who are driven by their inability to control their drinking to try very hard to control their drinking.
You can probably guess how it turns out for them. Since you are driven by your inability to control your drinking to try very hard to control it, you might have a window into your future too.
You can learn by doing or learn from others. Usually there's less police and hospital contact by learning through the mistakes of others, so there is something to recommend it.
Good luck.
You can probably guess how it turns out for them. Since you are driven by your inability to control your drinking to try very hard to control it, you might have a window into your future too.
You can learn by doing or learn from others. Usually there's less police and hospital contact by learning through the mistakes of others, so there is something to recommend it.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Where the sun is always shining
Posts: 425
Originally Posted by Itchy
I know how you feel. Sobriety is progressive! But you aren't in the stage yet to recognize that because it is progressive. I have been overindulging in sobriety for a year or more now and it keeps getting a stronger hold with every day. First it takes away your alcohol, and then lets you see what life is really like. Then it takes away your joy in dancing around with a lampshade on your head, or removes the pleasure of hurting others to bleed your own rages. It is easy to quit sobriety at first. But if you overdo sobriety regularly it progresses to where you can handle your feelings and resolve problems instead of drinking to ignore them and not care.
My sobriety has progressed too far to go back. I am hooked on feeling great in the morning and finishing what I start. I can't stop relishing the freedom of driving places safely and at any hour of the day or night because I am not chained to the house once I start drinking. Sobriety takes away your friends too! It is cunning and causes you to not care about your remembering every dull moment around people you used to care about as friends when they drink. You begin to make fun of them and hang around with those productive people who begin to seem natural to you, but who your drinking friends disapprove of. You start to live in daylight instead of the artificial dark of the pub and the club at mid day! You start to go outside! Outside is wet and cold or hot and can burn you!
My sobriety has gone too far for me to be able to recover from it again. Oh I know I can quit and all will tell me that all I have to do is have that first drink. Or for some who prefer to let others know about their problems to go to 90 bars in 90 days. But I can't find the strength to drink again and instead find myself wallowing in the money I save and having nothing the next morning to prove I had a good time by my inability to get started from my hangover. I even tried to fake a hangover and get by but they saw right through that. I am different now, and shunned. I might even lose my wife who still drinks and can't accept the way I have rapidly gained the ability to stop arguing because I choose to be happy instead of the friendly old schmuck I used to be. I am boring she slurred one night.
When I come in in the morning everyone seems to notice my genuine cheerful attitude. I don't know how I manage to keep this job since the boss knows I haven't partied any night in the week and they resent my setting the performance standards. I know they think I am a suck up, but it is the sobriety that is in control. I know it is all in my head and really me just giving in to the urge to be sober. But I am lost. I can't endure a life drinking without my dose of reality daily.
Hi! I'm Itchy and I'm sober, so I don't worry about how often or how much I drink.
I hope you have a sense of humor. You'll need it in a few years. I was the same kind of laid back high functioning drinker that was just laid back and never showed it because of my tolerance that had built up. I too did not drink to get drunk but just buzzed. I too used to drink 4 or 5 when I got home from work and that was enough if I worked late and got home at one hour to bedtime. I too had no police issues because I drank only at home, never driving ion more then two actual drinks. After I retired again at 57 I started drinking at noon as OK not 5. That really accelerated it because everyday was Saturday for me, still is. Then I started shaking so much from chain smoking and drinking about 30 units a day two an hour I started drinking scotch in my morning coffee to stop the shakes and then 7AM was my new 5 O'Clock for two years. I still wasn't stumbling drunk or staggering but was clearly headed that way when my morning hangovers became too much to bear, and I quit with a lot of help.
You might not be me in a few years. But if we ever met I know I would be looking in my mirror at who I was just a few years ago.
I made it by deciding that I could never have another drink, not one, or smoke, for the rest of my life. While I have better health than I should after all that abuse of my bod, I still did some damage. But see, I didn't really start drinking heavy until I was 40. Before that a six pack would be in the fridge for a month or two, and only be consumed with a friend and then only one. A fifth of scotch or Sudden Discomfort would last a year.
So I was a Normie for a lot of decades. Still got me.
Good luck whatever you decide.
My sobriety has progressed too far to go back. I am hooked on feeling great in the morning and finishing what I start. I can't stop relishing the freedom of driving places safely and at any hour of the day or night because I am not chained to the house once I start drinking. Sobriety takes away your friends too! It is cunning and causes you to not care about your remembering every dull moment around people you used to care about as friends when they drink. You begin to make fun of them and hang around with those productive people who begin to seem natural to you, but who your drinking friends disapprove of. You start to live in daylight instead of the artificial dark of the pub and the club at mid day! You start to go outside! Outside is wet and cold or hot and can burn you!
My sobriety has gone too far for me to be able to recover from it again. Oh I know I can quit and all will tell me that all I have to do is have that first drink. Or for some who prefer to let others know about their problems to go to 90 bars in 90 days. But I can't find the strength to drink again and instead find myself wallowing in the money I save and having nothing the next morning to prove I had a good time by my inability to get started from my hangover. I even tried to fake a hangover and get by but they saw right through that. I am different now, and shunned. I might even lose my wife who still drinks and can't accept the way I have rapidly gained the ability to stop arguing because I choose to be happy instead of the friendly old schmuck I used to be. I am boring she slurred one night.
When I come in in the morning everyone seems to notice my genuine cheerful attitude. I don't know how I manage to keep this job since the boss knows I haven't partied any night in the week and they resent my setting the performance standards. I know they think I am a suck up, but it is the sobriety that is in control. I know it is all in my head and really me just giving in to the urge to be sober. But I am lost. I can't endure a life drinking without my dose of reality daily.
Hi! I'm Itchy and I'm sober, so I don't worry about how often or how much I drink.
I hope you have a sense of humor. You'll need it in a few years. I was the same kind of laid back high functioning drinker that was just laid back and never showed it because of my tolerance that had built up. I too did not drink to get drunk but just buzzed. I too used to drink 4 or 5 when I got home from work and that was enough if I worked late and got home at one hour to bedtime. I too had no police issues because I drank only at home, never driving ion more then two actual drinks. After I retired again at 57 I started drinking at noon as OK not 5. That really accelerated it because everyday was Saturday for me, still is. Then I started shaking so much from chain smoking and drinking about 30 units a day two an hour I started drinking scotch in my morning coffee to stop the shakes and then 7AM was my new 5 O'Clock for two years. I still wasn't stumbling drunk or staggering but was clearly headed that way when my morning hangovers became too much to bear, and I quit with a lot of help.
You might not be me in a few years. But if we ever met I know I would be looking in my mirror at who I was just a few years ago.
I made it by deciding that I could never have another drink, not one, or smoke, for the rest of my life. While I have better health than I should after all that abuse of my bod, I still did some damage. But see, I didn't really start drinking heavy until I was 40. Before that a six pack would be in the fridge for a month or two, and only be consumed with a friend and then only one. A fifth of scotch or Sudden Discomfort would last a year.
So I was a Normie for a lot of decades. Still got me.
Good luck whatever you decide.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 2,707
"There is a difference between a heavy drinker and a real alcoholic."
Is there?
Tone I did what you did for a long time, lived in denial about what I knew deep down was a problem although it hadn't become a BAD problem, yet. The truth is that drinking caused so many problems and just took up so much of my time that I wasn't really living life. Booze was my life whether I accepted it or not. Maybe you can just have that one glass of wine, but what then? I used to experiment too, with drinking and not drinking, seeing if I could have just one or two, and if I could, that meant I was okay. But the binge would always come; maybe not right away, maybe I'd build up to it for a few days, but it would always come. The thing is that I was/am obsessed and it was way too big a part of my life. I guess the question for you is: is alcohol making your life better or worse? Do you enjoy the quality of life that you have when you're drinking?
Also the defensiveness and conviction with which you say you WILL have that glass of wine, is sort of a tell, don't you think?
I'm no expert. Just putting out my thoughts. You need to do what you need to do to be healthy and live life to its fullest.
Is there?
Tone I did what you did for a long time, lived in denial about what I knew deep down was a problem although it hadn't become a BAD problem, yet. The truth is that drinking caused so many problems and just took up so much of my time that I wasn't really living life. Booze was my life whether I accepted it or not. Maybe you can just have that one glass of wine, but what then? I used to experiment too, with drinking and not drinking, seeing if I could have just one or two, and if I could, that meant I was okay. But the binge would always come; maybe not right away, maybe I'd build up to it for a few days, but it would always come. The thing is that I was/am obsessed and it was way too big a part of my life. I guess the question for you is: is alcohol making your life better or worse? Do you enjoy the quality of life that you have when you're drinking?
Also the defensiveness and conviction with which you say you WILL have that glass of wine, is sort of a tell, don't you think?
I'm no expert. Just putting out my thoughts. You need to do what you need to do to be healthy and live life to its fullest.
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