First trip to the hospital
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Birmingham, AL
Posts: 1
First trip to the hospital
I apologize if I'm violating any etiquette posting this here. I've looked and read many posts on the site, and I *think* this is the right place for me to share this. If I'm mistaken, I am truly sorry.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm terrified. I've been trying, since last February, to work the program of AA and the longest I made it was 32 days before I started drinking again. Ever since then, it's been a vicious cycle of going to meetings, making progress...then falling off.
Last weekend, I decided I'd have one "last hurrah" before I "fully committed" and never drank again. I was at a friend's house, a buddy from my bigtime drinking days, and we were having iced coffees from Starbucks, and thought it might be fun to "top them up" with vodka...a lot of vodka. I have no memory of drinking anything beyond that, but I obviously did.
The next thing I know, I woke up in an ambulance. I took many hours for me to piece together what happened, and I'll spare you the gory details, but basically my friend realized I was drunk, didn't feel like driving me all the way home, so she dropped me off at my mother's house (around the corner from where she lived). She left me in the carport. My mother came home and found me, unresponsive, and called 911. I had a blood alcohol level 4 times the legal limit.
I have never, in my entire life, been so terrified and ashamed as I was that night. I still feel that way today.
I can't believe what a wreck I've made of my life. I have a huge hospital bill on the way, my entire family now knows the extent of my drinking problem...and, worse still, if my mother hadn't come home I could have died.
I now know that I can truly never have a drink again...ever. Not on "holidays" not on "vacations" not if I "start feeling better." Because I might DIE. I should have known all of this before now, but I was somehow in denial.
Yes, I knew alcohol could kill you, but I believed it would kill you over time...liver disease, etc. Or I believed it would kill you if you got so drunk and had an accident. I never even stopped to imagine the very real consequence of alcohol poisoning. I guess I always believed the people who died of alcohol poisoning choked on their own vomit or something. I figured as long as you were lying on your side, you were okay. I realize this is all horribly naive and ignorant, but before last weekend, that is what I believed.
Anyway, I just needed to vent. I feel like I'm going crazy inside.
I have been attending meetings every day since this happened. I have also gone to see a psychiatrist, and he gave me a prescription for both Topamax and Antabuse (that's a whole 'nother topic) and I have a follow-up appointment with him in 2 weeks, and with an addiction counselor next week. Yet, I still feel horribly frightened and uneasy that, at any given moment, I'm going to lapse, binge drink, and die. And I truly am not ready to die.
My family feels so confident and happy that I'm going to daily AA meetings and to a psychiatrist and taking medication. It's like they think these things will "cure" me or take care of the problem. They have no idea how deep this problem runs.
At any rate, I just wanted to come here and talk. Thanks so much for listening.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm terrified. I've been trying, since last February, to work the program of AA and the longest I made it was 32 days before I started drinking again. Ever since then, it's been a vicious cycle of going to meetings, making progress...then falling off.
Last weekend, I decided I'd have one "last hurrah" before I "fully committed" and never drank again. I was at a friend's house, a buddy from my bigtime drinking days, and we were having iced coffees from Starbucks, and thought it might be fun to "top them up" with vodka...a lot of vodka. I have no memory of drinking anything beyond that, but I obviously did.
The next thing I know, I woke up in an ambulance. I took many hours for me to piece together what happened, and I'll spare you the gory details, but basically my friend realized I was drunk, didn't feel like driving me all the way home, so she dropped me off at my mother's house (around the corner from where she lived). She left me in the carport. My mother came home and found me, unresponsive, and called 911. I had a blood alcohol level 4 times the legal limit.
I have never, in my entire life, been so terrified and ashamed as I was that night. I still feel that way today.
I can't believe what a wreck I've made of my life. I have a huge hospital bill on the way, my entire family now knows the extent of my drinking problem...and, worse still, if my mother hadn't come home I could have died.
I now know that I can truly never have a drink again...ever. Not on "holidays" not on "vacations" not if I "start feeling better." Because I might DIE. I should have known all of this before now, but I was somehow in denial.
Yes, I knew alcohol could kill you, but I believed it would kill you over time...liver disease, etc. Or I believed it would kill you if you got so drunk and had an accident. I never even stopped to imagine the very real consequence of alcohol poisoning. I guess I always believed the people who died of alcohol poisoning choked on their own vomit or something. I figured as long as you were lying on your side, you were okay. I realize this is all horribly naive and ignorant, but before last weekend, that is what I believed.
Anyway, I just needed to vent. I feel like I'm going crazy inside.
I have been attending meetings every day since this happened. I have also gone to see a psychiatrist, and he gave me a prescription for both Topamax and Antabuse (that's a whole 'nother topic) and I have a follow-up appointment with him in 2 weeks, and with an addiction counselor next week. Yet, I still feel horribly frightened and uneasy that, at any given moment, I'm going to lapse, binge drink, and die. And I truly am not ready to die.
My family feels so confident and happy that I'm going to daily AA meetings and to a psychiatrist and taking medication. It's like they think these things will "cure" me or take care of the problem. They have no idea how deep this problem runs.
At any rate, I just wanted to come here and talk. Thanks so much for listening.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,138
Hi girlinpurple, and welcome to SR!
I'm sorry to hear about your weekend, but glad you are working so hard now to stay sober, including joining here at SR.
This is a great site with a lot of compassionate people, so I hope you'll keep posting and talking and reading. I know it's been a great help to me.
The important thing is not that your family thinks certain things will "cure" you. The important thing (in my opinion) is that you recognize that no amount of meds, meetings or appointments with counselors will cure you unless you do the work. At least, that's what I'm hearing "between the lines" in your post.
You can do this. It sounds like last weekend terrified you (rightfully so) and woke you up. Perhaps you can find the ability to view that as a source of strength and inspiration --ie, you hit your bottom and aren't going back. I hope that is the case.
Be gentle with yourself.
I'm sorry to hear about your weekend, but glad you are working so hard now to stay sober, including joining here at SR.
This is a great site with a lot of compassionate people, so I hope you'll keep posting and talking and reading. I know it's been a great help to me.
The important thing is not that your family thinks certain things will "cure" you. The important thing (in my opinion) is that you recognize that no amount of meds, meetings or appointments with counselors will cure you unless you do the work. At least, that's what I'm hearing "between the lines" in your post.
You can do this. It sounds like last weekend terrified you (rightfully so) and woke you up. Perhaps you can find the ability to view that as a source of strength and inspiration --ie, you hit your bottom and aren't going back. I hope that is the case.
Be gentle with yourself.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Hi girlinpurple 
I'm really glad you made it ok - and glad you found us. I know the lasting terror of surviving something like that - it can hang around for a while - but you'll find a lot of support and encouragement here.
You're not alone
Welcome to SR!
D
I'm really glad you made it ok - and glad you found us. I know the lasting terror of surviving something like that - it can hang around for a while - but you'll find a lot of support and encouragement here.
You're not alone
Welcome to SR!
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,501
Well, first off, that person who dropped you off was not a friend of any description. You could have died lying there.
And, I'm glad you are doing all the things you are for your recovery, but I do agree it's not a problem we can easily wrap up and fix. It's hard and takes a lot of work, but you can do it.
It's interesting that I have heard several people comment that they were surprised that Amy Winehouse died of alcohol poisoning. We do tend to think of alcoholism as causing long-term health problems, which it does. But, it can also kill us on any given day when we drink too much.
And, I'm glad you are doing all the things you are for your recovery, but I do agree it's not a problem we can easily wrap up and fix. It's hard and takes a lot of work, but you can do it.
It's interesting that I have heard several people comment that they were surprised that Amy Winehouse died of alcohol poisoning. We do tend to think of alcoholism as causing long-term health problems, which it does. But, it can also kill us on any given day when we drink too much.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
Welcome to the family. Posts like yours strengthen my resolve to never drink again - one day at a time for the rest of my days. Altho I'm sure I've got at least one more drunk in me, I'm not at all sure I've got any more recovery in me... and don't want to find out... There are so many ways one can die from alcohol, and I don't want to die in any of those ways.
I quit drinking for good almost two years ago and am so glad I did... and wish I'd done it sooner.
Posts like yours strengthen my resolve to never drink again - one day at a time for the rest of my days. Altho I'm sure I've got at least one more drunk in me, I'm not at all sure I've got any more recovery in me... and don't want to find out... There are so many ways one can die from alcohol, and I don't want to die in any of those ways.
I quit drinking for good almost two years ago and am so glad I did... and wish I'd done it sooner.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,071
I am so glad you made it, and I hope you decide that will be your last visit to the hospital. Your fear will subside if you learn how to love and care for yourself. You'll feel safer once you trust yourself to make good decisions. It can take a while sometimes. You're a tough cookie, surviving all that. That strength can carry you through. There is nothing to be ashamed of as long as you move forward with gratitude for the awareness you gained from that terrible experience.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: springfield, va
Posts: 1,385
Hi Girinpurple,
Thank you so much for posting your story. It takes a lot of courage. I think it is perfectly understandable that you would be terrified. Focus on one day at a time and a strong support system. It seems that you already doing that. We are here for you
Thank you so much for posting your story. It takes a lot of courage. I think it is perfectly understandable that you would be terrified. Focus on one day at a time and a strong support system. It seems that you already doing that. We are here for you
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NS, Canada
Posts: 160
Hi. Nice to meet you. Congrats on the awesome attitude you have for tackling this. Keep that momentum going. It's OK to be scared .. use that to keep you straight.
I too ended up in the hospital .. not from poisoning, but from liver failure because of long-term daily drinking. Scared me straight. Alcohol is an evil and sneaky beast.
It might sound twisted in a way, but I am thankful my emergency happened (and that I am here to tell the tale) .. If it weren't for my family urging me to go because of how yellow I had become, I'd likely have slipped into a coma and died in my sleep one night.... Hopefully you can look at your emergency the same way - it may well have saved your life, because "next time" you may not have made it... and you know there would have been a next time.
Glad you are here!! You can do this.
I too ended up in the hospital .. not from poisoning, but from liver failure because of long-term daily drinking. Scared me straight. Alcohol is an evil and sneaky beast.
It might sound twisted in a way, but I am thankful my emergency happened (and that I am here to tell the tale) .. If it weren't for my family urging me to go because of how yellow I had become, I'd likely have slipped into a coma and died in my sleep one night.... Hopefully you can look at your emergency the same way - it may well have saved your life, because "next time" you may not have made it... and you know there would have been a next time.
Glad you are here!! You can do this.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,563
girlinpurple - I'm so glad you've joined us. SR helped me find the courage to stop the insanity of a lifetime drinking habit. You are no longer alone with your problem - you have us.
That was a chilling story, and I'm so thankful you made it. I found myself in similar situations. At the end of my drinking career, having 'just a few' always resulted in something dangerous & unpredictable happening. Several times my poor judgment could have cost me my life. I'm so glad you've decided to take action so you never have to experience another horrific night like that.
Please keep reading and posting - we're happy to be with you as you get well and start your new life.
That was a chilling story, and I'm so thankful you made it. I found myself in similar situations. At the end of my drinking career, having 'just a few' always resulted in something dangerous & unpredictable happening. Several times my poor judgment could have cost me my life. I'm so glad you've decided to take action so you never have to experience another horrific night like that.
Please keep reading and posting - we're happy to be with you as you get well and start your new life.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,047
Welcome to SR! I had to read your post twice because I couldn't believe what I was reading, how scary that must of been and I'm so thankful that you're getting your act together and taking action. You are very, very lucky and you know this and that will give you more even more strength to continue the journey for pure sobriety for life.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
That is a really scary experience, so glad you are okay.I just joined today so I don't really have any knowledgeable advice but i wanted to say that you sound strong and are doing all the right things. Keep you head up, all the work will be worth it. Alcohol has finally started to affect me physically (nevermind mentally). I'm hoping this time, I have been scared enough to fix what I can, while I still can. Welcome
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome girlinpurple -
I'll never forget the first drinking party I went to..... It was the summer after my first year in college and beer was legal in Ohio for anyone 18 or older. Of course, there's always a few people who manage to get liquor...... A friend of mine ended up much in the same state you did and we had to call an ambulance. She got wisked away and the rest of us went back to drinking. I spent the night throwing up in the bathroom of my parent's house.
I should have stopped then and there, but of course I didn't. I just knew I could handle my alcohol.... (!)
I'm really sorry you had to go through this, but if it keeps you sober, it might be all for the best. Remember to take it one day at a time, and stick around - we all need support to do this!
I'll never forget the first drinking party I went to..... It was the summer after my first year in college and beer was legal in Ohio for anyone 18 or older. Of course, there's always a few people who manage to get liquor...... A friend of mine ended up much in the same state you did and we had to call an ambulance. She got wisked away and the rest of us went back to drinking. I spent the night throwing up in the bathroom of my parent's house.
I should have stopped then and there, but of course I didn't. I just knew I could handle my alcohol.... (!)
I'm really sorry you had to go through this, but if it keeps you sober, it might be all for the best. Remember to take it one day at a time, and stick around - we all need support to do this!
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