couragematters

Not a lot of sleep last couple of nights. The guilt I am feeling and anxiety I am experiencing is overwhelming me! I have lots that I need to do and I just cannot seem to make myself do it. Maybe If I post how I am feeling maybe I will get motivated.
I called AA this morning to find out meeting times. No answer... I will try again this afternoon. My addiction is different from being desperate for a drink. I have no desire. I am not even sure AA is where I need to go. But, I do know it is a start, to maybe find what is underlining the way I feel. I don’t know.
I just feel so bad! I know I am the only one that can make me better. One step One day at a time. How does one come out of 50 years of hell?

humblestudent

CM,
Are you still drinking now? Or have you stopped, but are having issues with these emotions?
Thanks,
HS

couragematters

No I am not drinking now. My last drink was Thursday night. I am dealing with the emotions. I am struggling because I don't know how to let anyone in, and I don't want to put anyone out. I feel like no one likes a depressed person, and when I do open up, I feel like I am being judged and not heard. My daughter who is my biggest support, does not know what to say, and in return, I feel like she does not understand. But, the truth is she really really does. It's all so confusing. My daughter is in her 2nd year of nursing school, and I not only feel guilty for putting her through what I did Thursday night, but I also feel guilty because she does not need the added stress. OMG I feel like I am going crazy!

Anna

Hi,

It's very normal to feel guilt and anxiety in the early days of recovery. We've been pushing down our emotions for a long time, and the reality is, we have to deal with them. But, know that you can!

Honestly, I agree with you about talking to your daughter. This is my personal opinion, but I would not put that burnden on my child. There are lots of people here you can to, rather than her.

Also, know that you never have to go through this again.

PaperDolls

Glad you found us!

This link should help you find a meeting. LINK

You might suggest Alanon to your daughter. It could help her a lot.

couragematters

Thank you Anna and paperdolls. The link you provided was very useful. I found what I needed.

horsekisses

There are nightly meeting at 701 west Maine at 7 pm in enid. There are other meeting places, I like that one best. I'll give you my number if you want.

couragematters

Thank you horsekisses. Will you be going to this evenings meeting? I would love to have your number. I am afraid I may back out in calling it tho!!! I do those kind of things...Like I said, I have a hard time in reaching out

horsekisses

Mary, I am signing up for their outpatient program when I get off work today. I don't know if the program will actually start tonight or not. I understand, it is also very hard for me to reach out to others. If you want to pm me your number I could all you later. Can't really talk about it here at work, too many ears. I can text message though. I am willing to go to meeting tonight if you like. If the outpatient starts tonight I think part of it is attending the meeting.

sugarbear1

Call again now. It's rare for no one to answer!
Search aa enid ok and meeting sites are there!
Best wishes!

couragematters

Thank you sugarbear1 I found what I needed, and I will be attending my first meeting this evening! I am sooooo glad I found this site. After a shower and reading my replies to my messages, I am feeling somewhat relieved.

eJoshua

Congrats on making it through the weekend without a drink.

I was at a real low when I stumbled into rehab 6 months ago -- completely unmotivated, not sure it was going to work for me, half of me not even sure that I wanted to be sober -- but in six short months a lot has changed in my life. I know that you can beat this thing too, and have a happy, satisfying life.

Best wishes to you!

Dee74

I found I had to accept the past was the past and there was nothing I could do to change that - but I could do everything with the days weeks and months ahead of me

The more I live the way I know I always should have, the more I consider I make a kind of living amends for those wasted years.

I've healed many relationships and redressed many wrongs - I'm sure you'll get the chance to do that in time too Mary

keep putting one foot in front of the other

D

couragematters

I am totaly scared out of my mind! My heart is racing, my head hurts, and my jaws ache from clinching my teeth...just in case anyone was wondering how I was feeling about this! lol!
Lots of things running through my mind...who will be there that I might know...Or who might know me. Will I speak...Will I freak and run...
Already a very special person has reached out to me, and most likely be at the same meeting I am going to...Thank you horsekisses! Oh boy...Will write more later...Wish me luck!

PaperDolls

You'll be just fine. I promise.

kiki5711

good luck and don't freak out.

debsam

Couragematters & Horsekisses

I loved reading the exchange between the two of you...helping each other. It's a wonderful example of how great this SR site is.

Courage, I know that you are worried about burdening your daughter, and rightfully so. I think if you do a little reaching out to your friends on SR, and get YOURSELF WELL,...that would be the ultimate gift to yourself and your daughter.

Big Hug Ladies

horsekisses

Mary, I am so glad that you came to the meeting tonight, thank you. This was my first time to a big meeting and a meeting with men as well as women. I also was very worried about seeing someone that might know me. We made it through and I'm sure it will get easier. I am Cheryl and I'm an alcoholic. :day6

Cardio

Wow you two. What a connection!

Hevyn

Courage - be kind & patient with yourself. This is all new to you, and there's so much healing yet to be done. You're doing great for just a few days sober. I was filled with anxiety, too - but it all faded away.

I'm so glad you went to a meeting! Glad you reached out. Yay courage and horsekisses!