bigmatt724

well here it is after a week of going over step 1 and moving onto step 2 I will tell you it is a humbling experience. it isnt neccessarily a hard road as it is just looking and realizing all the bs I have caused and how many times and how many things just never worked in my favor and how it is all self inflicted. I have gotten a sponsor and he doesnt pull any punches and I respect him for that he told me " I am only willing to work as hard as you are" not to say he will let me fail but he isnt my conscience or any thing else just a guide through the steps and program and I control how fast we go. we are now doing step 2 and it is a little tough because of some of my beliefs and how I was raised but here is what he said I will show you what has worked for me and it is up to you to do the rest. I trust him and do as he says and along the way I make a few adjustments to suit my own schedule. but I am still doing it. it is amazing things are getting better or at least my perception is getting better. I have stopped putting my faith and trust in everyone else because the truth is we are all human and all fallible noone is going to get me sober and keep me that way except for me. and simply speaking life goes on with or with out me. my biggest thing i guess is the whole trust issue and being told what to do I guess that is the hardest for me because I dont like to be told what to do. but in order for this to work I have to take that leap of faith and humble myself and do as he says. he told me that the 12 steps only work if you apply them and work them and you have to be ready and willing to do the work. if not then you will end up right back where i was when i came back AGAIN. I honestly am ready to do this and surrender myself to his and a higher powers mercy. I have the desire and willingness to quit for good now I know where drinking gets me and I dont want that. i guess my whole point is effort I put forth the effort and everything comes together life is still life but my perception of it is getting better the more effort i put into making it better . I dont know if I am making sense right now but just venting and saying how I feel about it all as my sponsor has told me to do so here it is any questions or concerns please let me know because i am still new and objective criticism is welcome because without the advice and knowledge of others in the program i will not learn as i am supposed to follow the path not the footsteps of the persons I have met in the program

sugarbear1

Schedule your 5th step and move to step 4 (immediately after 3}.

Step 2, since your way doesn't work, are you willing to believe in the power of the program of aa or in a power greater than yourself Or are you Willing to set aside your old beliefs?


Best wishes!