Going to attempt sobriety again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: BC, Canada
Posts: 15
Going to attempt sobriety again
Seems like Im saying this every Sunday now. Maybe this time will be the charm.
Im just such a piece of **** sometimes.
No will power at all. Im in college right now and doing fairly well but I cant seem to stop drinking.
I live alone so I get bored easily and end up drinking.
I just dont get myself. All the potential motivation in the world and I just cant do it. As you can see by my join date Ive been at this a while. Pathetic I know. WTF is wrong with me.
Im just such a piece of **** sometimes.
No will power at all. Im in college right now and doing fairly well but I cant seem to stop drinking.
I live alone so I get bored easily and end up drinking.
I just dont get myself. All the potential motivation in the world and I just cant do it. As you can see by my join date Ive been at this a while. Pathetic I know. WTF is wrong with me.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Hi,
Alcholism is not a character defect, it's a disease.
You're not a bad person, so try to approach this from the point of view of someone who loves himself and is doing what is best for himself. You can do this!
Alcholism is not a character defect, it's a disease.
You're not a bad person, so try to approach this from the point of view of someone who loves himself and is doing what is best for himself. You can do this!
One moment at a time.
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 213
I feel just like you emex. I'm alone and bored more often than not, and it gets the best of me.. I've been trying on my own will power for a long time and that is not working, I had a couple good runs in AA but fell down a few times, I guess the good thing is I keep getting back up, the only thing that is in my way this time is trying to completely surrender...
I think that might be your problem as well, but I am sure we can both put our lives on the right path and get through this.
Just my 2 cents.
I think that might be your problem as well, but I am sure we can both put our lives on the right path and get through this.
Just my 2 cents.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi emex
I as lonely and bored too - and the only remedy I had in my toolbox was a bottle.
What really helped me was acceptance - acceptance that I had a problem that wasn;t getting better or going away and that what I'd been doing so far wasnt fixing it.
Maybe it's time to widen the net a bit and look for some other things to help you with the loneliness and boredom and whatever else you're drinking for?
Have you thought of some help? counselling, a recovery group, even seeing your Dr might be a first step in making some kind of forward movement
I think if we want change in our life we need to make changes
D
I as lonely and bored too - and the only remedy I had in my toolbox was a bottle.
What really helped me was acceptance - acceptance that I had a problem that wasn;t getting better or going away and that what I'd been doing so far wasnt fixing it.
Maybe it's time to widen the net a bit and look for some other things to help you with the loneliness and boredom and whatever else you're drinking for?
Have you thought of some help? counselling, a recovery group, even seeing your Dr might be a first step in making some kind of forward movement
I think if we want change in our life we need to make changes
D
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
I think if we want change in our life we need to make changes
As long as you keep doing the same old thing you'll keep doing the same old thing. Do something different in/with your life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: BC, Canada
Posts: 15
I apologize for my bad attitude in my first post in this thread.
I had just woken up to the realization of another wasted drunk weekend.
Im feeling a bit better now and your kind words really mean alot to me.
I'm going to fix things this time. I promise.
I had just woken up to the realization of another wasted drunk weekend.
Im feeling a bit better now and your kind words really mean alot to me.
I'm going to fix things this time. I promise.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: BC, Canada
Posts: 15
I think the hardest thing for me to deal with right now is the sheer amount of times ive been in this same depressed position.
Countless times over the years now Ive said "Ok Enough!! This is it!! This is the day I change my life!!".......I said it last Sunday actually.
So Now here I am saying it again, but its hard to believe myself since ive failed every single time prior.
But what can I do? I cant give up and stop saying it. I just have to keep on trying and make this the time
Countless times over the years now Ive said "Ok Enough!! This is it!! This is the day I change my life!!".......I said it last Sunday actually.
So Now here I am saying it again, but its hard to believe myself since ive failed every single time prior.
But what can I do? I cant give up and stop saying it. I just have to keep on trying and make this the time
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Trying is good - but action is better emex.
Trust me, as someone who's been there - don't try - do.
Make some concrete plan this week to do something - see a Dr, go to a meeting whatever - and make next Sunday a different outcome
D
Trust me, as someone who's been there - don't try - do.
Make some concrete plan this week to do something - see a Dr, go to a meeting whatever - and make next Sunday a different outcome
D
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
A couple thoughts as I read this thread, First, to the OP, you get bored and drink. Maybe it would help to have more of a plan than "not drink", if boredom throws a wrench in the works, outsmart it.
Make a plan, set up a new routine, schedule a few things in where you used to drink instead. It helps me to have some things to do instead of just "not drink".
Something that takes me out of the "house" is good. Having less down time at home, and having to hustle a little bit to meet appointments have given me less time to just sit around "not using" and thinking about how I am "not using".
Surrender. I'm on step six, going on step one. I love the phrase "trying to surrender" I use it all the time, I also use "forcing myself to surrender", "trying hard to surrender", etc. Gosh darn it, I just don't want to let go!
Because I have not yet lost all capacity to function in every area of my life, I still convince myself I can and should be able to beat addiction. But I can't. I have to surrender to the idea that I am an addict, that I need recovery. I surrender to a program that will free me to live. I somehow keep trying to have recovery AND using all at the same time. Like, hey, I've learned some really neat stuff in recovery, that I apply to my life, and I like the results, I'll bet I can use too, and have the best of both worlds!
So far that hasn't worked.
surrender, letting go, something I don't do willingly. deep breaths, let them out slowly. Pick up my recovery literature, read again, read and stop arguing every point in my mind, read and stop trying to come up with reasons why this doesn't apply to me.
when I fill my time and life with recovery living (not just meetings, literature, etc but living like a sober person) I am surrendering, at least that piece of my day.
Forcing myself to surrender is madness, all fighting does is keep me engaged with the opponent. Trying to surrender doesn't work for me. I literally have to stop thinking and analyzing sometimes (scary as hell) and just do the thing. Just give up my old ways and try some new ones, no matter how lame, stupid, boring, or foolish it feels. THAT is surrender, giving myself over to something else.
Make a plan, set up a new routine, schedule a few things in where you used to drink instead. It helps me to have some things to do instead of just "not drink".
Something that takes me out of the "house" is good. Having less down time at home, and having to hustle a little bit to meet appointments have given me less time to just sit around "not using" and thinking about how I am "not using".
Surrender. I'm on step six, going on step one. I love the phrase "trying to surrender" I use it all the time, I also use "forcing myself to surrender", "trying hard to surrender", etc. Gosh darn it, I just don't want to let go!
Because I have not yet lost all capacity to function in every area of my life, I still convince myself I can and should be able to beat addiction. But I can't. I have to surrender to the idea that I am an addict, that I need recovery. I surrender to a program that will free me to live. I somehow keep trying to have recovery AND using all at the same time. Like, hey, I've learned some really neat stuff in recovery, that I apply to my life, and I like the results, I'll bet I can use too, and have the best of both worlds!
So far that hasn't worked.
surrender, letting go, something I don't do willingly. deep breaths, let them out slowly. Pick up my recovery literature, read again, read and stop arguing every point in my mind, read and stop trying to come up with reasons why this doesn't apply to me.
when I fill my time and life with recovery living (not just meetings, literature, etc but living like a sober person) I am surrendering, at least that piece of my day.
Forcing myself to surrender is madness, all fighting does is keep me engaged with the opponent. Trying to surrender doesn't work for me. I literally have to stop thinking and analyzing sometimes (scary as hell) and just do the thing. Just give up my old ways and try some new ones, no matter how lame, stupid, boring, or foolish it feels. THAT is surrender, giving myself over to something else.
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