I Really Messed Up
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 83
I Really Messed Up
I have been an alcoholic for about 15 years (!!) but after a few bad incidences I made it a habit not to be a drunk driver. Until this past Tuesday night when a couple of my girlfriends invited me out for a few drinks after work. They were drinking martinis, I haven't had a martini in probably 5 years, I am usually just a beer drinker, but they seemed like they were having so much fun I thought, what the heck? And ordered one too.
I had three martinis over about two hours. I do not remember leaving the bar. I vaguely remember the paramedics pulling me out of my car and putting me in the ambulance. I remember going in and out of consiousness at the hospital. From what I can piece together, I was driving home and I picked up my cell phone to call my husband and ran right into a light pole on the side of the road. I busted open my chin and cracked a few ribs. The impact of my head hitting the steering wheel knocked me out. The car is totaled.
Some of you might remember that my husband is suffering from a broken leg (unrelated). When I saw him wheel himself into my hospital room that night I just lost it. I still cry to think about it. As if he really needed this. The poor guy is trying to deal with his broken leg and I go out and pull some sh*t like this. I know he had to have been terribly worried when he couldn't reach me on the phone and even moreso when I was finally able to call from the hospital. He is being so sweet about it, but I feel terrible. He deserves so much better than me.
I do not know that I received a DUI. They didn't take blood at the hospital and I don't have any recollection of being arrested. I do remember a police officer standing by my bed and that's about it. If I do get a DUI I have come to terms with it, I am ready to accept the consequences. I am really just grateful I did not hurt anyone.
I told my mom I am an alcoholic. She didn't know. I confessed to her that I have had a drinking problem for a long time. I told her exactly what I did and it felt good to let go of this horrible secret I've been holding inside. She was very supportive and has vowed to help me deal with this every step of the way, as has my husband. I feel very blessed. Needless to say I have not wanted to touch alcohol since my accident. It makes me want to throw up just thinking about it. My mom is going to start going with me to AA this week. I don't know how much personal stuff I will want to talk about with her there but it will be nice to have the support and plus it is one more person besides my poor husband who can hold me accountable.
Anyway that's what is going on in my world. Hope you guys are doing okay and if you are contemplating going out and tying one on today, please consider this a cautionary tale and enjoy a safe, sober day instead.
Love, WK
I had three martinis over about two hours. I do not remember leaving the bar. I vaguely remember the paramedics pulling me out of my car and putting me in the ambulance. I remember going in and out of consiousness at the hospital. From what I can piece together, I was driving home and I picked up my cell phone to call my husband and ran right into a light pole on the side of the road. I busted open my chin and cracked a few ribs. The impact of my head hitting the steering wheel knocked me out. The car is totaled.
Some of you might remember that my husband is suffering from a broken leg (unrelated). When I saw him wheel himself into my hospital room that night I just lost it. I still cry to think about it. As if he really needed this. The poor guy is trying to deal with his broken leg and I go out and pull some sh*t like this. I know he had to have been terribly worried when he couldn't reach me on the phone and even moreso when I was finally able to call from the hospital. He is being so sweet about it, but I feel terrible. He deserves so much better than me.
I do not know that I received a DUI. They didn't take blood at the hospital and I don't have any recollection of being arrested. I do remember a police officer standing by my bed and that's about it. If I do get a DUI I have come to terms with it, I am ready to accept the consequences. I am really just grateful I did not hurt anyone.
I told my mom I am an alcoholic. She didn't know. I confessed to her that I have had a drinking problem for a long time. I told her exactly what I did and it felt good to let go of this horrible secret I've been holding inside. She was very supportive and has vowed to help me deal with this every step of the way, as has my husband. I feel very blessed. Needless to say I have not wanted to touch alcohol since my accident. It makes me want to throw up just thinking about it. My mom is going to start going with me to AA this week. I don't know how much personal stuff I will want to talk about with her there but it will be nice to have the support and plus it is one more person besides my poor husband who can hold me accountable.
Anyway that's what is going on in my world. Hope you guys are doing okay and if you are contemplating going out and tying one on today, please consider this a cautionary tale and enjoy a safe, sober day instead.
Love, WK
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 328
Hey WK,
I have been through this myself, (many times). I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I find that I have to forgive myself of all my wrong doings in order to get through any of this. I tell myself, I am not a horrible person, I am a horrible drunk. We all make mistakes, but we are all strong enough to get through them as well. I hope everything works out, and stay strong!
~L.
I have been through this myself, (many times). I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I find that I have to forgive myself of all my wrong doings in order to get through any of this. I tell myself, I am not a horrible person, I am a horrible drunk. We all make mistakes, but we are all strong enough to get through them as well. I hope everything works out, and stay strong!
~L.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Corinth, TX
Posts: 490
Welcome and thanks for posting that, I needed to hear it. I sat around pouting last night because "I couldn't have a drink" like everyone else. Now I'm grateful for my sobriety. I'm so glad you weren't seriously injured it could have been much worse. I'm also glad you have such wonderful support from your husband and your mom. That will help a lot, as will the support you will find in AA and from this forum. You can do this!!
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,870
((((HUGS)))) I'm so glad you weren't more seriously hurt. Hopefully, this will be your bottom and from the bottom, there is nowhere to go but up. It's good that your mom and husband are being supportive. That makes it easier, but the work is still on you. It's also good that your mom is going to AA with you, but after a few times and you start to feel more comfortable, maybe she could stop attending AA and find an al-anon meeting. It would be good for your husband, too.
I wish you all the best and you know we're always here to support you, too!
I wish you all the best and you know we're always here to support you, too!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Enid Ok
Posts: 18
oh my gosh! I hope you have a speedy recovery! I cannot count the times I have driven drunk. To think, I could have injured myself or worse an innocent by stander! It gives me chills throughout my whole being! Stay strong and let those who love you help you!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 58
thank you for posting. drinking and driving is the reason i knew i needed to quit drinking. i was putting everyone in danger, and that sent up a red flag for me. Reading your post has helped remind me of why I am not drinking, and even more so not drinking and driving. I'm going to a bbq today, where there will be LOTS of drinks, you have helped me and I will remain another day sober.
I hope you are ok, and you find your new life through AA or whatever it is to help you become sober
ps your husband does sound like a great person. Think of the new amazing life you two can spend together now that you realized you need to quit drinking.
I hope you are ok, and you find your new life through AA or whatever it is to help you become sober
ps your husband does sound like a great person. Think of the new amazing life you two can spend together now that you realized you need to quit drinking.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,047
Welcome WhiteKnuckles and wow, what a story! It's sad that this needed to be your wake-up call to go sober, as in, driving home drunk and destroying your vehicle and thankfully only being minimally hurt. However, you're on the right path and we're all cheering for your sobriety and I look forward to seeing more posts of yours.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 83
Eliasson darlin I am so glad my post was able to help you. Trust me I understand exactly how you feel but now I would take boredom any day over getting drunk. Nothing has brought me more comfort the past few days than curling up on the couch and watching a good movie (that I will remember the ending of!) and enjoying having normal conversations with my husband and other people, and getting a good nights sleep (if I don't turn over!) I can also tell you that the feeling I had (when drinking) of hating the entire world and everyone in it has lifted. I was getting to where I couldn't even stand being around myself and it is so nice to start feeling positive emotions again. As wonderful as it's been I can tell you I have been in A LOT of pain, both physically and emotionally. Even though the accident was relatively minor when I think of what COULD have happened I just fall apart. I don't ever want to feel like this again and I don't want you to have to feel like this either. I think a big part of the conflict is us thinking we can just have a couple drinks like normal people, and I don't know about you but I can't. Like my husband says I just do not have a shut off valve. Anyway please keep yourself safe today and thank you for your kind thoughts.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 83
Yes Couragematters it can happen! My friends who I was with do not even remember driving home. They are pretty shook up that it could have been one of them. Please look out for yourself and everyone else out there and don't drive drunk because it will catch up to you eventually, I speak as the voice of experience unfortunately and am reminded everytime I breath or look in the mirror of my stupidity which really is a good thing. Take care of yourself my friend.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: US
Posts: 51
Hi WK,
You can do this....it sounds like you have alot of love and support in your life. That's wonderful. Your husband doesn't deserve someone better than you.....he deserves a sober you, the true you. Keep your chin up.
You can do this....it sounds like you have alot of love and support in your life. That's wonderful. Your husband doesn't deserve someone better than you.....he deserves a sober you, the true you. Keep your chin up.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,410
Sorry about that WK. I went through 2 DUI. The second one is still pending still. Did you ever thought about calling the police station to see what they police report? You may not have a DUI charge. But don't ask if you got one because they could still test you if you were drinking. 72 hours is the safely zone and never admit you did drink. It will only hurt you in the long run if you do get charge with a DUI.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 83
Dee I am going to start going to AA this week, had to wait a bit because I was pretty banged up and not in a condition to do much of anything. Right now the thought of drinking is completely repulsive to me but I know the alcoholic in me will surely raise its ugly head again. All I have planned short term is AA meetings and some support from SR, my husband and my mom. If I think I need to go to rehab, I will. The time for hiding and wallowing in my misery is over, and actually being honest and admitting that I need help feels pretty liberating.
Action I called the police station and they said my report isn't done yet. I think it will be a miracle if nothing comes of this. An attorney that I talked to said they could still mail me a DUI, but since they didn't take blood it is doubtful that they will, still, I am preparing myself for the worst.
Action I called the police station and they said my report isn't done yet. I think it will be a miracle if nothing comes of this. An attorney that I talked to said they could still mail me a DUI, but since they didn't take blood it is doubtful that they will, still, I am preparing myself for the worst.
My Boss is a Jewish Carpenter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 338
Welcome, WK. Your sharings are powerful and helpful.
You can do this. Long-term sobriety is possible and within your reach. It's simple, but not easy: all you have to do is stay sober today. Since it's always today, you'll always be sober. That's what one day at a time is all about. You can't have tomorrow's dinner today, and you can't have tomorrow's sobriety today.
One more thought: no matter what your past looks like, your future is spotless.
You can do this. Long-term sobriety is possible and within your reach. It's simple, but not easy: all you have to do is stay sober today. Since it's always today, you'll always be sober. That's what one day at a time is all about. You can't have tomorrow's dinner today, and you can't have tomorrow's sobriety today.
One more thought: no matter what your past looks like, your future is spotless.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Utah
Posts: 18
Wow I'm glad you are OK! I did a similar thing Wednesday night, but I wasn't so lucky (aside from the fact I wasn't hurt) I got in an accident with another vehicle and was charged with a DUI. I've sworn off drinking forever and I'm going to keep my promise. This was the worst mistake of my life and I WILL NEVER repeat it. It's going to be a long uphill battle from here, but I've accepted it.
If you were charged with DUI the officer should have arrested you at the hospital after you were well enough so I wouldn't worry about it too much. Good luck with your recovery! You can do it!
If you were charged with DUI the officer should have arrested you at the hospital after you were well enough so I wouldn't worry about it too much. Good luck with your recovery! You can do it!
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Trans Pecos, TX
Posts: 74
Hi WK:
I'm so sorry about your plight. I'm no expert (I'm just a 21day SR newbie), but I've been a drunk for a long time. My one thought is that you should go to AA by yourself. This is your journey. You have to navigate this with your own feelings and desires. After all my failures, I'm convinced that we alone are the the only ones who can escape this nightmare. We can find support from others (wonderful support right here!), but in the end we walk this path alone. Suck it up and go alone. Show yourself how strong you are.
I'm so sorry about your plight. I'm no expert (I'm just a 21day SR newbie), but I've been a drunk for a long time. My one thought is that you should go to AA by yourself. This is your journey. You have to navigate this with your own feelings and desires. After all my failures, I'm convinced that we alone are the the only ones who can escape this nightmare. We can find support from others (wonderful support right here!), but in the end we walk this path alone. Suck it up and go alone. Show yourself how strong you are.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 83
Hey guys I want to thank you all for your kind and thoughtful responses. Just for a quick update I am on Day 7 without a drink and so far have had absolutely no desire to do so. Folks this is the first time I have gone a whole seven days in many, many years. And I have to have my dog put to sleep tomorrow so my hubby was pretty surprised I wasn't wanting to pick up a 12 pack but honestly it is the furthest thing from my mind. My computer at home doesn't work so well and I am taking the rest of the week off to lay my doggie to rest but I will check back in the first chance I get. I hope you all are doing good today. Hugs to everyone.
WK
WK
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,536
WhiteKnuckles - I'm so glad you made it through that & lived to tell the tale. Maybe that was the push you needed to take action. You sound ready and motivated to end the rollercoaster ride.
It's so good you're taking care of your friend without drinking. It really only seems to help - only makes it worse really. You'll have no hangover or remorse the next day. Proud of you! Let us know what's going on.
It's so good you're taking care of your friend without drinking. It really only seems to help - only makes it worse really. You'll have no hangover or remorse the next day. Proud of you! Let us know what's going on.
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