30Sober

So it's Friday night and I'm 13 days sober. I am honestly doing fine during the week but come Friday night it's like there is such an expectation to let loose and "relax" after a hard week. It actually makes me depressed to sit at home and not be out at some bar or restaurant drinking. It's like I am missing out on something... BUT what is that something? Being drunk? Driving drunk and killing someone innocent? Having the worst hangover and anxiety tomorrow?

My point is - WHY do I feel like I am missing out? It's so illogical to feel this way.

least

Maybe cause you haven't been sober very long at all. I too used to feel like I was missing something (missing what? hangovers?? hating myself??) and deprived. Now that I'm sober almost two years I don't miss drinking at all. Actually I started to feel that way at about three or four months sober. I'd had a good taste of sober life by that point and was enjoying it so much that I no longer missed drinking or had any desire to drink.

VolcomStone51

I believe what you are missing out on is fellowship. One of the reasons that AA and SMART recovery and group therapy work is because there is a fellowship there and people feed off of it. The reason that religion has been around forever is because fellowship is a part of human nature and this allows that to happen. Although you may not go out to the bar/restaurant and drink tonight, being in touch with another person is a must! Isolation only intensifies the situation when your brain keeps running through the same thing over and over and over again. I know that you need to stay away from atmospheres that are predominantly drinking, but there is so much more out there that the world has to offer. Occupy your time with something you love, and that feeling that you are missing out on something will dissapear. I hope you have an amazing sober Friday night!

FBL

I felt like I was "missing out" on things too, especially on the weekends. Give it some time. As you find other things to occupy your time, that feeling will go away.

Geralt

Same here. I am 7 days sober and had a great temptation to go drinking today. For a moment I had the same thoughts.

But then there are the things you can do on a weekend to catch up for the moments lost while drinking. Writing, calling or e-mailing old friends, reading books you didn't have time for, watch a good movie or series. And always exercise when feeling down!

I now have to take care of my parent's dog for 3 more weeks, as they went to visit my sister on Curacao in the Caribic. It's a Polish alf, a 3,5 month huntingdog, a nice female. She is full of energy and will bark all day long, frustrating my neighbors, if she won't run and play for at least 3 hours a day. So I have to go on a 1,5 hour walk at least twice a day in forests or countryside. It really helps me in my recovery, usually I would get depressed, sit home and eat after a binge, now my body recovers much faster.

doggonecarl

The only thing missing out is your addiction, and it's missing alcohol. It manifests itself by making YOU feel restless about being home on a Friday night.

It's a cunning trick. Don't fall for it.

ACT10Npack

I don't think it's the addiction talking but more of the normal thing you use to do when you were drinking regularly. Bars, drinking wine and anything that involve with alcohol look be out of your normal life style that your trying to change. Change takes time and getting that habit of bars to something will take sometime to get over it.

ETA

I think we or society programs us to think alcohol is a reward - a treat. It's hard to give up without thinking that we are being deprived of something good.

You are spot on with what we're missing "Being drunk? Driving drunk and killing someone innocent? Having the worst hangover and anxiety tomorrow?"

LawMama

I can relate to this. I went through this A LOT earlier in my sobriety, but it did get easier. I would cope by getting something yummy for dinner, renting a movie, and relaxing. Or, I would go to an AA meeting, and I found the fellowship really helped me. I would also try to think about how great Saturday would be without a hangover. Good luck, it gets better.

06yz125

I am going thru that to...hang in there.


Don't let it kick your butt tonight.

PaleMale

I'm a Friday craver as well. It's been 11 months and it has gotten a lot better. The first few weeks, Fridays were rough, but until I got sober, I didn't know anyone who didnt drink, so I was missing out in a way. I was missing out on the co-dependent pressure of other drunks.

In time you'll have sober friends, that, while they don't drink, are not square tea-tottlers gabbing about nonsense either!

Now, I have a program in place, activities and plans and now more-than-get-by on Friday nights, by enjoying them sober. Nothing like waking up on Saturday morning at 7am feeling refreshed and eager for coffee. I play guitar like mad since quitting, and after playing 3-5 hours a night for almost a year, I'm getting pretty good! It may help you to find something similarly difficult but enjoyable to do that can be done in your living room. Keeps the mind active, focused and engaged. Some knit, some play music, some draw.

Gerbosko

Friday nights were my binge nights also - this is actually my "first" Friday without alcohol but I have my mind focused on sobriety that it's telling me to drink for a second and then I think of something else the other second and continue on with my life. The feeling will fade with time and eventually you'll look back and laugh at how people reward themselves with poison instead of living a healthier life style.

instant

I am 5.25 months sober. Friday night was always a killer for me, and has kept me drinking years longer, as I would always trip up on Fridays, then the weekend was gone so carry on etc.

I was determined to stay sober and the same feelings kept coming that Friday had to special and I was "missing out" in some way. This was occurring even when I had decided not to drink. Very powerful feelings but they were not cravings, and it had me puzzled and annoyed.

A change came over me when I decided I would regard "ordinary" as special. This was easy for me as I had got the stage where my best times only occurred when I could wake up sober (usually if I had something on at work I had to be ready for). Once I could shift my mindset those feelings went away. Now Friday nights don't have the same emotional intensity but they are mellow and relaxing and I wake up with energy and enthusiasm. Funny though I enjoy the Friday days more now.

In the end I thought that the emotional withdrawal from alcohol is very long, it's just as real as the early withdrawal and has phases of it's own.

eJoshua

30sober -

I was an every day drinker, and not someone who really hit up bars very much. Having said that, I still looked forward to my weekends because I could drink all day without the hassle of dealing with work or other responsibilities. At first the weekends were tough because I felt like I was missing something, but it only took maybe a month or so for me to start looking forward to my weekends sober. I still look at the weekend as time for me to do what I want, but now what I want to do is much more positive and productive than sitting around drinking all day. I'm sure that you'll find the same if you stick it out and get a little more sobriety under your belt. It really doesn't take long I don't think.

Best wishes, hang in there. We'll be here if you need us!

Pigtails

The other day my good friend, who I think is a "normal" drinker, was saying she wanted to have a beer after a stressful day. She also sometimes "rewards" herself after a long, hard run, with a beer. At first I thought, well, maybe she has a problem because she "uses" alcohol in this way. But then I watched her drink and I realized she only has a beer or two, maybe even doesn't finish it. She can take it or leave it and I think it does something to her and other "normal" drinkers that it doesn't do to me -- it truly relaxes them, takes the edge off, lets them have a little treat, maybe like eating ice cream or something, and then they're on with their lives. Whereas for me, if I have a drink I'll want another, and another. If I can't have another, I will feel frustrated and irritated. If I can have another, I will know no limits, until I've drunk for hours and it's time to leave the bar or I fall over or pass out in bed drunk, etc. I tell myself I want a beer to relieve stress or as a celebration/reward, but it's just another excuse to get drunk.

So I think that the people who truly go to "happy hour" to just have a beer or two do it as a normal part of their life, such as one might play golf or go on vacation. But those of us who go to "happy hour" so we can drown out our misery and stay stuck in our misery are whole different animals. We should NOT look at Friday evenings as our chance to go have a drink (or go tie one on). For me, I'm trying to retrain my thoughts so that I think, I should go enjoy the last few hours of sun, with a nice run or hike, or, it's chilly out today and I've worked hard this week, I deserve to sit in a hot tub and read a good book (maybe I'm the only person who likes to read in hot tubs, but you get the idea.) There are so many better things we can do to de-stress or reward ourselves. In the end we use alcohol to punish ourselves and be self-destructive, no matter what temporary "reason" we might give ourselves to go ahead and do it.

I hope this has helped you. For me it's a process of retraining my brain, thinking negatively about alcohol and positively about what I want, and just not drinking no matter what. Good luck and stay strong. And have a great sober weekend! :-)

Dee74

for maybe 30 years Friday and Saturday was party time...it took me a while to get over that...certainly longer than 2 weeks

Finally accepting that I wasn't like all my mates when it came to alcohol or drugs helped me get past missing anything...but so did building a new life...

I think it's important to stay away from bars or alcohol sodden events or people until you're sure of your sobriety, but there's no rule that says you need to be a hermit..

there's a heck of a lot you can do sober on a Fri night

D

YVRguy

Day 13 for me or rather another day 13. I can't say Friday night has been any different for me than any other day in the last 10 years. I work from home and have very fleixble hours and well gee I don't have a lot of drinking buddies , they either all quit , are too busy or are moderate drinkers and know I am not.

Any time I do feel I am missing out I replay the tape ....so what was the last binge like ....what happened ...how did that feel...and the withdrawal ...making a fool of yourself....

I also have a list of the reasons I can't drink which has step 1 right at the top plus a pile more. I find that handy as reminders of what I am playing with , what it will cost and why I should make a better choice even it means I sit on my hands all night.

Threshold

For me the issue is delayed gratification. I didn't/don't know how to do it. I lived my whole life like there was no tomorrow. Seize the day! etc. So the idea that I should NOT do something today, because it would make for a better tomorrow, if foreign to me. Does not compute.

I am learning, through the discipline of behaving as if tomorrow might be at least a vague possibility, that there are rewards to be had. This is not only in the area of substance abuse, but in relationships, health, finances. I like the benefits of looking ahead and making a different decision now, so I will have a different result later.

Friday isn't even the end of my work week and I find it hard to get through without using. I have multiple addictions, so...Friday night, I hit the ground running, and I bypass the liquor dept, the chip aisle, duck past the ice cream coolers, pick up some fresh meat and veggies, check out and do NOT ask the hot cashier if he wants to hook up later...

At home, I check in here while I cook my healthy dinner, to get reminded WHY I am doing this and not doing that instead.

Later I will go to bed ontime, because if I push past that first window of sleepy time, I get wired, and an overtired me, hepped up at 2 AM is trouble looking for a place to happen.

Now, tomorrow will be better because of the choices I made today, BUT you know what? Today is better because of the choices I made yesterday. So I only really have a lag of one day between action and gratification, and then it's all gravy. It's getting better all the time. and today I am enjoying yesterdays investment of sanity!

06yz125

Threshold..interesting post.

So its really "two days at a time" LOL...just kidding.

Gotta have some humor too ya know.

north

I used to consider Fridays absolutely inviolate for my drinking with friends and acquaintances. However, I don't think like that anymore. Back then when I was drinking, I could not have imagined that I would wholly and willingly prefer to spend time with my family as I do now. I don't know when it tipped, but it did. Just like that.

I got a call from an acquaintance who wanted to join him and a few others on Friday. Since the details weren't set, I indicated that I might attend. However as it became clear it would probably be in a noisy smoky bar on a Friday night, I passed as I reckoned there wouldn't be much intelligent conversation to be had nor heard. Had I been still drinking, a 95% probability I would have gone - drawn simply for the sake of drinking on Friday. Also a 95% probability I would have woken up late this morning with my suit shed and thrown over a chair stinking of second-hand smoke, hungover, and receipts in my pocket for the 2, 3 additional drinking holes I would have inevitably gone to - plus the receipt for the 0300 cab ride home. Bleah.

Anyways, if I think about what is different from when I was drinking and considered my Friday nights inviolate and now ... I guess back then I cared more about what other people thought about me (therefore - better to be out and about on the weekends), and nowadays I care much less to not at all (but care more what family and close friends think).