My first post
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: South Wales, UK
Posts: 27
My first post
Writing this is not easy. I am a 39 year old male, who works full time, have three amazing children and my soul mate as my wife.
I am worried that my drinking is soon going to become a problem and start affecting my health. Maybe it already has.
I drink most days. On a Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday, I’ll drink maybe 5 or 6 glasses of wine and 2 or 3 beers. I’ll probably drink on a Wednesday or Thursday too.
I don’t need a drink in the morning to steady myself, and I never drink in the day. Because I don’t feel like I have a physical dependence on alcohol, I don’t think I am an alcoholic, but I don’t know.
I’m embarrassed by the amount I drink. I go into work conscious that I smell of alcohol most days from the night before. I drive to work every morning, probably over the limit, although I feel sober.
I’ve tried things before to cut down. I’ve kept a diary of what days I drank and what days I didn’t, and it worked OK for a little while, but then I went back to old habits.
I have been drinking these sorts of amounts for about 12 years I reckon.
I’ve got to a point in my life where I just don’t want to do it anymore, but at the same time, I can’t imagine never having another drink. In fact I can say honestly that I don’t want to give up, I just want to be like normal people.
I can’t have one glass of wine or one beer and leave it there, I have to get hammered. If I know that I will only be having one, then I don’t bother, I’d rather go without. Or, I’ll have the one and then go home and get steaming drunk.
I've had drug problems in the past, but that was a long time ago, and I think the alcohol took over as my drug of choice. I am also on long term medication for depression.
I’m not violent on alcohol, or confrontational or reckless. I just sit there quietly.
I took the decision yesterday to start looking for some help. I’m not ready to look someone in the eye yet and tell them what I feel, so if anyone responds to this post with any advice or empathy, I’ll really appreciate it.
At the moment, I feel like I’m dealing with this alone, although I couldn’t ask for a more supportive friend than my wife, and I have told her how I feel.
I don’t know what to expect, if it’s going to work, anything, but I just feel scared of my drinking.
I am worried that my drinking is soon going to become a problem and start affecting my health. Maybe it already has.
I drink most days. On a Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday, I’ll drink maybe 5 or 6 glasses of wine and 2 or 3 beers. I’ll probably drink on a Wednesday or Thursday too.
I don’t need a drink in the morning to steady myself, and I never drink in the day. Because I don’t feel like I have a physical dependence on alcohol, I don’t think I am an alcoholic, but I don’t know.
I’m embarrassed by the amount I drink. I go into work conscious that I smell of alcohol most days from the night before. I drive to work every morning, probably over the limit, although I feel sober.
I’ve tried things before to cut down. I’ve kept a diary of what days I drank and what days I didn’t, and it worked OK for a little while, but then I went back to old habits.
I have been drinking these sorts of amounts for about 12 years I reckon.
I’ve got to a point in my life where I just don’t want to do it anymore, but at the same time, I can’t imagine never having another drink. In fact I can say honestly that I don’t want to give up, I just want to be like normal people.
I can’t have one glass of wine or one beer and leave it there, I have to get hammered. If I know that I will only be having one, then I don’t bother, I’d rather go without. Or, I’ll have the one and then go home and get steaming drunk.
I've had drug problems in the past, but that was a long time ago, and I think the alcohol took over as my drug of choice. I am also on long term medication for depression.
I’m not violent on alcohol, or confrontational or reckless. I just sit there quietly.
I took the decision yesterday to start looking for some help. I’m not ready to look someone in the eye yet and tell them what I feel, so if anyone responds to this post with any advice or empathy, I’ll really appreciate it.
At the moment, I feel like I’m dealing with this alone, although I couldn’t ask for a more supportive friend than my wife, and I have told her how I feel.
I don’t know what to expect, if it’s going to work, anything, but I just feel scared of my drinking.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Orlando, Fl
Posts: 300
Pablo
I am also new to this forum. It is a good place to start. I'm sure some will respond to welcome you and give the needed tools and advice. Everyone is for more or less the same reasons. welcome to SR, 
dude in recovery
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Gulf Coast, TX
Posts: 1,504
Welcome,
Looks like you have some great reasons to get and stay sober, but we know it's much harder than just saying the words.
I am just one year older then you, but I have lost many jobs, fouled up friendships and relationships. I've gotten to the point I thanked God I never had a wife and children who would've seen what I was putting myself (and them) through. Just in the last two years something in me snapped and I started having strong thoughts of either; quit drinking and live or quit drinking by ending my life.
I am finally able to make it through my day, week (and weekends) without sitting around thinking about drinking or not drinking. I understand that there is nothing left in those bottles for me now and I will not die as a slave to that addiction.
Looks like you have some great reasons to get and stay sober, but we know it's much harder than just saying the words.
I am just one year older then you, but I have lost many jobs, fouled up friendships and relationships. I've gotten to the point I thanked God I never had a wife and children who would've seen what I was putting myself (and them) through. Just in the last two years something in me snapped and I started having strong thoughts of either; quit drinking and live or quit drinking by ending my life.
I am finally able to make it through my day, week (and weekends) without sitting around thinking about drinking or not drinking. I understand that there is nothing left in those bottles for me now and I will not die as a slave to that addiction.
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
Hi Paulo! I'm a little younger than you (36) but also have 3 children. My alcoholism had progressed a little further as I had broken the 'nights only' mold but still I was mostly functional. I can totally relate to feeling dread at the thought of 'never again'. I thought it was so depressing to have eliminated alcohol from my list of possibilities in my 30's. I truly felt that recovery was my punishment for my transgressions.
In reality though, quitting alcohol has been 'no big deal' in a lot of the ways I worried about. I have found (and I'm sure you will too) that alcohol is just not a big part of real/normal life. It was only a big part of my life because, well that pesky alcoholism Normal people can take or leave alcohol. At parties people don't drink half as much as I thought they did. A lot of people don't drink at all.
As for having one or two... well even with a year sober I know that wouldn't satisfy me.
Being a sober parent is amazing. I'm far from perfect but every day I do something I'm proud of. Just this morning I heard my 3 year old coughing about an hour before we usually get up. My husband was already up so I went and asked her if she'd like to cuddle with me. We lay together for about 20 minutes and I rubbed her hair. My baby was with us, too. Screeching and laughing.
A whole different scene then a year ago when I'd have been waking up with a taste of alcohol in my mouth, dull headache, craving fatty food, hitting the snooze button and willing her to go back to sleep.
I highly recommend Rational Recovery. Their AVRT tool was a game changer for me. It's very simple and just points out the 'alcoholic voice'. Like the one telling you that you're giving up so much by choosing recovery. That's not reality. I'm sure you know happy non drinkers. You may think their lives are boring but that's the alcoholic talking too. It's just the alcoholic in you craving a drink. As you recover, you won't believe all the 'lame' things you'll start to enjoy
It really is a wonderful, simple, joyful life!
Welcome and keep posting!
In reality though, quitting alcohol has been 'no big deal' in a lot of the ways I worried about. I have found (and I'm sure you will too) that alcohol is just not a big part of real/normal life. It was only a big part of my life because, well that pesky alcoholism
Normal people can take or leave alcohol. At parties people don't drink half as much as I thought they did. A lot of people don't drink at all. As for having one or two... well even with a year sober I know that wouldn't satisfy me.
Being a sober parent is amazing. I'm far from perfect but every day I do something I'm proud of. Just this morning I heard my 3 year old coughing about an hour before we usually get up. My husband was already up so I went and asked her if she'd like to cuddle with me. We lay together for about 20 minutes and I rubbed her hair. My baby was with us, too. Screeching and laughing.
A whole different scene then a year ago when I'd have been waking up with a taste of alcohol in my mouth, dull headache, craving fatty food, hitting the snooze button and willing her to go back to sleep.
I highly recommend Rational Recovery. Their AVRT tool was a game changer for me. It's very simple and just points out the 'alcoholic voice'. Like the one telling you that you're giving up so much by choosing recovery. That's not reality. I'm sure you know happy non drinkers. You may think their lives are boring but that's the alcoholic talking too. It's just the alcoholic in you craving a drink. As you recover, you won't believe all the 'lame' things you'll start to enjoy
It really is a wonderful, simple, joyful life!
Welcome and keep posting!
Do You Believe
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Washington DC
Posts: 112
Hi Paulo.
I am really new in my sobriety effort (little over two weeks). I too used too drink very similar to you. I would on occasion drink in the morning after a particularly heavy session the night before, but I always felt that this was not a required physical thing but a choice to not feel like crap. I will also spare you the normal clichés such as "if you think you have a problem then you have a problem".
I decided to stop drinking when I started to feel the physical effects (odd pains etc), my body breaking down and work performance was starting to suffer. Its hard to imagine in a bad economy, that an alcoholic is a highly desirable hire for a company. So that set in motion several attempts to control / curb my drinking.
I tried not drinking on week days which kind of worked for awhile but quickly slipped back into almost everyday. I also tried to cut back the amount or move up the start and end times so that I had a limited window in which to drink. Again, all rules would eventually breakdown. So I finally just decided it was easier to just stop for awhile. I say awhile as that is how I had to talk myself into it as I had difficulties with the "never drinking again" concept. I decided to look into the various resources available to quit such as AA, Rational Recovery, etc. I have picked up various tools that have helped me understand why I was drinking and how to cope with the cravings and how to adjust to life without it. I found many resources right here on SR.
I know that drinking on meds for depression ends up cancelling each other out, but I am not a Dr and of course you should probably talk with yours before doing anything on your own.
Anyways, you are in the right place to get information and support. SR is a wonderful group of people and a wonderful support tool. I wish you the best in what ever you decide. Quitting is possible and allows you to think so much clearer. From that vantage point you could then assess what it is you think you really need to do without the fog of alcohol influencing you. Hang out here and read all of the experiences and advice, I think you will find it very useful.
Welcome to SR!
I am really new in my sobriety effort (little over two weeks). I too used too drink very similar to you. I would on occasion drink in the morning after a particularly heavy session the night before, but I always felt that this was not a required physical thing but a choice to not feel like crap. I will also spare you the normal clichés such as "if you think you have a problem then you have a problem".
I decided to stop drinking when I started to feel the physical effects (odd pains etc), my body breaking down and work performance was starting to suffer. Its hard to imagine in a bad economy, that an alcoholic is a highly desirable hire for a company. So that set in motion several attempts to control / curb my drinking.
I tried not drinking on week days which kind of worked for awhile but quickly slipped back into almost everyday. I also tried to cut back the amount or move up the start and end times so that I had a limited window in which to drink. Again, all rules would eventually breakdown. So I finally just decided it was easier to just stop for awhile. I say awhile as that is how I had to talk myself into it as I had difficulties with the "never drinking again" concept. I decided to look into the various resources available to quit such as AA, Rational Recovery, etc. I have picked up various tools that have helped me understand why I was drinking and how to cope with the cravings and how to adjust to life without it. I found many resources right here on SR.
I know that drinking on meds for depression ends up cancelling each other out, but I am not a Dr and of course you should probably talk with yours before doing anything on your own.
Anyways, you are in the right place to get information and support. SR is a wonderful group of people and a wonderful support tool. I wish you the best in what ever you decide. Quitting is possible and allows you to think so much clearer. From that vantage point you could then assess what it is you think you really need to do without the fog of alcohol influencing you. Hang out here and read all of the experiences and advice, I think you will find it very useful.
Welcome to SR!
MIND OF DESTRUCTIVE TASTE
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 744
Couldn't agree more with SSIL. Made some very good points. Being a clean & sober parent is a wonderful feeling. I stopped drinking years ago but 4 years ago I became addicted to my DOC - opiates. Now that I am clean, the fog has lifted and I see things so much clearer. My daughter is autistic and is very high demand, she needs constant attention, redirection and supervision. Being under the influence of anything, just isn't worth it. My little girl counts on me for everything under the sun.
You can do this! SR is a wonderful supportive community and I am glad you are here with us Post as often as you need/want, we are here for you!!!
-Jess
You can do this! SR is a wonderful supportive community and I am glad you are here with us
Post as often as you need/want, we are here for you!!!-Jess
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: South Wales, UK
Posts: 27
Thanks for the replies.
The lieing in bed thing wishing your kids were quiet is so familiar.
The alarm goes off and my wife is getting all three ready for school whilst I lay there getting another 5 minutes, whilst dieing to go to the toilet as I'm full up with water from the previous night.
Just posting here and having someone reply has made me feel better. But I still don't how I'm going to approach the rest of my life without alcohol being an important consideration.
As I said earlier, the overriding feeling is one of fear.
The lieing in bed thing wishing your kids were quiet is so familiar.
The alarm goes off and my wife is getting all three ready for school whilst I lay there getting another 5 minutes, whilst dieing to go to the toilet as I'm full up with water from the previous night.
Just posting here and having someone reply has made me feel better. But I still don't how I'm going to approach the rest of my life without alcohol being an important consideration.
As I said earlier, the overriding feeling is one of fear.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: North America
Posts: 162
Paulo,
Thanks for posting your story. You are by no means alone or unique when it comes to your drinking patterns. I could have very easily written your post for you as what you say is scarily similar to my own patterns.
I was an every day drinker for years. Usually about a pint of bourbon a day with beers as well. I was and continue to be very high functioning at work. Never had a DUI, never locked up. However, my relationships at home suffered greatly. My drinking made me very isolated from my family and friends. I was/am a self medicating alcoholic.
I too was embarrassed and ashamed of my drinking. It kinda comes with the territory.
My best guess is that if you are keeping a diary of your drinking habits than it is kinda a compulsion . I don't know of many social drinkers that keep a booze log.Bottom line with me is that I can't control my drinking. Why just have a single glass of wine when you could have the whole freaking bottle. Thats my twisted alcoholic reasoning.
Anyway, just know you are not alone. SR has been so important in my recovery. Keep us posted.
18 days sober and counting my blessings...
Thanks for posting your story. You are by no means alone or unique when it comes to your drinking patterns. I could have very easily written your post for you as what you say is scarily similar to my own patterns.
I was an every day drinker for years. Usually about a pint of bourbon a day with beers as well. I was and continue to be very high functioning at work. Never had a DUI, never locked up. However, my relationships at home suffered greatly. My drinking made me very isolated from my family and friends. I was/am a self medicating alcoholic.
I too was embarrassed and ashamed of my drinking. It kinda comes with the territory.
My best guess is that if you are keeping a diary of your drinking habits than it is kinda a compulsion . I don't know of many social drinkers that keep a booze log.Bottom line with me is that I can't control my drinking. Why just have a single glass of wine when you could have the whole freaking bottle. Thats my twisted alcoholic reasoning.
Anyway, just know you are not alone. SR has been so important in my recovery. Keep us posted.
18 days sober and counting my blessings...
Last edited by soberwingz; 10-20-2011 at 05:13 AM. Reason: typo
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
Originally Posted by paulo 
But I still don't how I'm going to approach the rest of my life without alcohol being an important consideration.
But... refusing it is kind of like being a paranoid person refusing help because everyone is out to get them
Fear is totally normal!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: South Wales, UK
Posts: 27
Originally Posted by SSIL75
Well, yeah that's totally normal. You don't know. I didn't know how to have fun, grieve, relax, destress, connect with my partner, celebrate. NOTHING. My whole life was infested with alcohol. And to an outsider I think I came off pretty normal. Since high school I have been outgoing and 'popular'.
But... refusing it is kind of like being a paranoid person refusing help because everyone is out to get them
Fear is totally normal!
But... refusing it is kind of like being a paranoid person refusing help because everyone is out to get them
Fear is totally normal!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I'm really glad you joined our recovery community..Welcome....
Please ask your doctor about your med's as some are dangerous to mix with alcohol and others will not work correctly when you drink.
You will have to do this eye to eye tho...it's important they know. DR. Google is not the way
When I was diagnosed with situational depression...my doctor said to abstain and connect to AA.
I was not thrilled at either idea....but off I went...and it's worked great for me for years...
Many of us are winning over alcohol and Yes! you can too...
All my best to you and your family
Please ask your doctor about your med's as some are dangerous to mix with alcohol and others will not work correctly when you drink.
You will have to do this eye to eye tho...it's important they know. DR. Google is not the way
When I was diagnosed with situational depression...my doctor said to abstain and connect to AA.
I was not thrilled at either idea....but off I went...and it's worked great for me for years..
.Many of us are winning over alcohol and Yes! you can too...
All my best to you and your family
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: World Citizen
Posts: 27
Snap.
I'm 41, five kids, great wife, good job : I'm 'functional'.
Same drinking patterns and amounts as you, never in the morning, but build up in the evenings during the week until Friday and Saturday are a blackout.
I've been sober 4 days. And I've done this so many times it's not funny. The longest I've managed is a year, and then my folks turn up for Christmas day and I lose it and start all over again.
I'm hoping this time is different as I realized I have no control over how much alcohol I drink when I take the first glass, but I do have a choice over whether I take the first glass.
I was never violent or offensive, just quiet and mellow like you. I did start to fall over quite a lot and break a few things which was dangerous and embaressing.
This won't end well so I have to stop. There is only one destination with this illness and it's grim.
As much as I want another drink, I want to see my kids graduate, get married and have kids themselves even more.
I'm 41, five kids, great wife, good job : I'm 'functional'.
Same drinking patterns and amounts as you, never in the morning, but build up in the evenings during the week until Friday and Saturday are a blackout.
I've been sober 4 days. And I've done this so many times it's not funny. The longest I've managed is a year, and then my folks turn up for Christmas day and I lose it and start all over again.
I'm hoping this time is different as I realized I have no control over how much alcohol I drink when I take the first glass, but I do have a choice over whether I take the first glass.
I was never violent or offensive, just quiet and mellow like you. I did start to fall over quite a lot and break a few things which was dangerous and embaressing.
This won't end well so I have to stop. There is only one destination with this illness and it's grim.
As much as I want another drink, I want to see my kids graduate, get married and have kids themselves even more.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,919
Welcome paulo!
You don't have to go the rest of your life without drinking. Just make it through today without drinking. You can do that. Tomorrow when you get up try to make it through that day also. I've found that recovery works best when I live my life in 24 hour increments.
Admitting you have a problem on SR is a good first step. Stick around here, that will help. I found that I needed face to face support to stay sober long term. After much reluctance I finally gave up and tried AA. I'm glad I did.
You don't have to go the rest of your life without drinking. Just make it through today without drinking. You can do that. Tomorrow when you get up try to make it through that day also. I've found that recovery works best when I live my life in 24 hour increments.
Admitting you have a problem on SR is a good first step. Stick around here, that will help. I found that I needed face to face support to stay sober long term. After much reluctance I finally gave up and tried AA. I'm glad I did.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,774
Welcome to the family. I too didn't want to live my life without alcohol, even tho alcohol had stopped being 'fun' and I was miserable all the time. It took some time to adjust but now that I'm sober I don't miss it at all. I can do anything I want, at any time, and have no more worries and fears about accidents, dui's, health problems, or wasting money on alcohol when it's needed for bills.
There are lots of ways to stay sober. I use this site every day and see my addiction counselor once a week. I'm coming up on two wonderful years sober and don't regret my decision to stop drinking - I just wish I'd quit sooner.
I too didn't want to live my life without alcohol, even tho alcohol had stopped being 'fun' and I was miserable all the time. It took some time to adjust but now that I'm sober I don't miss it at all. I can do anything I want, at any time, and have no more worries and fears about accidents, dui's, health problems, or wasting money on alcohol when it's needed for bills.There are lots of ways to stay sober. I use this site every day and see my addiction counselor once a week. I'm coming up on two wonderful years sober and don't regret my decision to stop drinking - I just wish I'd quit sooner.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 462
Hello and welcome
You said 'I can’t have one glass of wine or one beer and leave it there' and there lies our problem. Normal drinkers can. We can't so we have to choose not to take that first drink
You're in the right place.
xx
You said 'I can’t have one glass of wine or one beer and leave it there' and there lies our problem. Normal drinkers can. We can't so we have to choose not to take that first drink
You're in the right place.
xx
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 21
Hi Paulo, this site is amazing, I am 7 days off it, as someone on here said to me. "one drink equals 13" I now have that strong in my mind, 1 will always lead to more, too many more...some of us just can't drink anymore, I had a hard time realizing that until I joined this site. I was a binge drinker at weekends, nothing usually during the week, I to thought I am not an alcoholic but what I have come to learn from this site is I can control it when I start. If the off switch is broken, don't start wit.h that first one!
It is hard but you can do it, the people on this site are saving me!!!!
It is hard but you can do it, the people on this site are saving me!!!!
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