new and confused
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 58
new and confused
The last time I drank was Friday night, after I told myself I was done drinking (this has happened many times). Me and my husband drove home buzzed/drunk, he drove, I don't know how drunk he actually was, but he shouldn't have been driving. We had both our kids in the car.
Saturday morning, I woke up depressed and with a hangover. I hated myself all over again for putting my children in danger, along with everyone else on the road, and me and my husband.
I really opened up to my husband and told him (again) that I wanted to stop drinking, that I really believe I have a problem, and that I want to quit drinking. He seemed to listen to me, and understand. He too felt horrible about drinking and driving. But I'm not sure he would have said anything had I not brought it up. In my opinion he doesn't realize the severity of my drinking.
I actually didn't either till recently when I realized I was continuously getting drunk (and after many times of drinking and driving!), especially after I would tell myself I didn't want to drink. Since having my son 6 months ago, I think I've gone a few weeks without drinking at all.
I'm extremely new to the world of sobriety, and most things online relating to AA make me feel like I have to become a Christian or believe in God to be apart of it. It's a little disappointing because, while I'm not an atheist, I just don't have the same beliefs as most organized religions.
Anyways, so now I kind of feel lost. For many reasons.One being the AA thing. And also, I'm not sure if I'm an alcoholic. But I do feel like alcohol is taking over my life. Is it possible to drink responsibly if one feels this way? Or does that make me an automatic alcoholic, and I have to stop drinking completely?
I'm not really sure why I'm holding on to alcohol so much. I feel like that in it's self screams ALCOHOLIC. Like I'm making excuses of why I should continue to drink....but WHY do I have to still be able to have one or two drinks? If it's affecting my life so much, shouldn't I know that it's the right thing to do, quit?
A lot of my life revolves around drinking socially. It's hard to imagine my life with out drinking.
Saturday morning, I woke up depressed and with a hangover. I hated myself all over again for putting my children in danger, along with everyone else on the road, and me and my husband.
I really opened up to my husband and told him (again) that I wanted to stop drinking, that I really believe I have a problem, and that I want to quit drinking. He seemed to listen to me, and understand. He too felt horrible about drinking and driving. But I'm not sure he would have said anything had I not brought it up. In my opinion he doesn't realize the severity of my drinking.
I actually didn't either till recently when I realized I was continuously getting drunk (and after many times of drinking and driving!), especially after I would tell myself I didn't want to drink. Since having my son 6 months ago, I think I've gone a few weeks without drinking at all.
I'm extremely new to the world of sobriety, and most things online relating to AA make me feel like I have to become a Christian or believe in God to be apart of it. It's a little disappointing because, while I'm not an atheist, I just don't have the same beliefs as most organized religions.
Anyways, so now I kind of feel lost. For many reasons.One being the AA thing. And also, I'm not sure if I'm an alcoholic. But I do feel like alcohol is taking over my life. Is it possible to drink responsibly if one feels this way? Or does that make me an automatic alcoholic, and I have to stop drinking completely?
I'm not really sure why I'm holding on to alcohol so much. I feel like that in it's self screams ALCOHOLIC. Like I'm making excuses of why I should continue to drink....but WHY do I have to still be able to have one or two drinks? If it's affecting my life so much, shouldn't I know that it's the right thing to do, quit?
A lot of my life revolves around drinking socially. It's hard to imagine my life with out drinking.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi seethroughblue 
I think an easier to answer question is 'is your drinking causing you problems'. If the answers yes, then clearly you should do something about it.
If you've already tried moderating, or trying to control your intake and failed, maybe then it is time to try an abstinence based approach?
I'm not a member of AA but I know many people who are - and they are not mainstream Christians.
You will probably hear a lot of opinions here on the question of AA and religion but really the only one that counts is yours - if you're interested I think the best thing for you to do is check AA out for yourself
Otherwise there's a lot of other non 12 step alternatives to look at - some of them are here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
and you might find some other alternatives you like in our Secular Connections forum:
Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
As far as your husband goes - sounds like he has his race to run with this problem.
Focus on your recovery for now...and let him decide what he's going to do about his...you never know, you might be a positive influence on him
welcome to SR
D
I think an easier to answer question is 'is your drinking causing you problems'. If the answers yes, then clearly you should do something about it.
If you've already tried moderating, or trying to control your intake and failed, maybe then it is time to try an abstinence based approach?
I'm not a member of AA but I know many people who are - and they are not mainstream Christians.
You will probably hear a lot of opinions here on the question of AA and religion but really the only one that counts is yours - if you're interested I think the best thing for you to do is check AA out for yourself
Otherwise there's a lot of other non 12 step alternatives to look at - some of them are here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
and you might find some other alternatives you like in our Secular Connections forum:
Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
As far as your husband goes - sounds like he has his race to run with this problem.
Focus on your recovery for now...and let him decide what he's going to do about his...you never know, you might be a positive influence on him
welcome to SR
D
Last edited by Dee74; 10-17-2011 at 04:05 AM.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
As Dee said, it doesnt matter what label you put on yourself, what matters is if it's a problem in your life, what are you going to do about it. I too couldn't imagine my life without drinking. Now I can't imagine drinking in my life.
What scares me about your post is the drinking and driving. And with your kids in the car! The worst that can happen is too awful to describe, but suffice it to say, if you or your husband is in an accident, or pulled over, you're going to be in big trouble.
I hope you can stop drinking. There's a whole new wonderful world out there without alcohol in it. Better health and far less risk. Give it a try. What have you got to lose but your misery?
What scares me about your post is the drinking and driving. And with your kids in the car! The worst that can happen is too awful to describe, but suffice it to say, if you or your husband is in an accident, or pulled over, you're going to be in big trouble.
I hope you can stop drinking. There's a whole new wonderful world out there without alcohol in it. Better health and far less risk. Give it a try. What have you got to lose but your misery?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,126
AA isn't a religion -- far from it. A decade ago, it was my notion that AA was steeped in Christianity that made me shy away.
I didn't get sober back in 2001. Far from it. But I did get sober without AA on Oct. 15, 2010. A few weeks later, I went to an AA meeting. It resonated with me so much that I've been to a few hundred since. What I found were a group of people who understood me, who were just like me, and who -- nearly all of them -- had the same relationship with God that I had (not much).
It's the only place I know of where you can hear the F bomb and the word God in the same sentence.
All the people there wanted what I did -- to erase the devastation alcohol and drugs had caused me and those I love. And we were willing to go to any lengths to not only have that, but a chance to live life sober and be happy.
To me, that's a miracle. And I don't mind praying to achieve that.
Again, AA is about spirituality, not religion. That was always a had concept for me to grasp. And while the founders of AA were steeped in Christianity, as are many in AA, it certainly is not a Christian organization.
AA offered me a chance to get in contact with my kind of God, and it took AA to make me realize that was OK.
I didn't get sober back in 2001. Far from it. But I did get sober without AA on Oct. 15, 2010. A few weeks later, I went to an AA meeting. It resonated with me so much that I've been to a few hundred since. What I found were a group of people who understood me, who were just like me, and who -- nearly all of them -- had the same relationship with God that I had (not much).
It's the only place I know of where you can hear the F bomb and the word God in the same sentence.
All the people there wanted what I did -- to erase the devastation alcohol and drugs had caused me and those I love. And we were willing to go to any lengths to not only have that, but a chance to live life sober and be happy.
To me, that's a miracle. And I don't mind praying to achieve that.
Again, AA is about spirituality, not religion. That was always a had concept for me to grasp. And while the founders of AA were steeped in Christianity, as are many in AA, it certainly is not a Christian organization.
AA offered me a chance to get in contact with my kind of God, and it took AA to make me realize that was OK.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
I do not go to AA. The AA "thing" is a separate issue. I would encourage you not to get bogged down on the pros and cons of AA. Only you can sort that your relationship with alcohol, or if AA is for you. After many years of trying I came to realise that alcohol use caused deep seated cravings within me that was beyond anything rational or controllable.
I am sure if you read on this site and hang around it will help to work it out in a way that suits you.
I am sure if you read on this site and hang around it will help to work it out in a way that suits you.
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
I would also not worry about AA. Check it out if you want... look at other things first, whatever. I let the 'I hate AA' thing get between me and getting sober and in retrospect it was just another excuse (I never did go to AA).
I, too questioned if I was an alcoholic. Maybe I was just a heavy drinker or had a bad habit or unmedicated ADHD/depression etc. It's kind of funny to me now because as you observe, only an alcoholic clings to damn hard to alcohol!!
I, too questioned if I was an alcoholic. Maybe I was just a heavy drinker or had a bad habit or unmedicated ADHD/depression etc. It's kind of funny to me now because as you observe, only an alcoholic clings to damn hard to alcohol!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
If alcohol is causing problems in your life, perhaps it would be good to stop drinking it? Perhaps do a simple Cost Benefit Analysis to see in writing what alcohol is really costing you. SMART Recovery has a worksheet you can print out and use. It is free.
Try AA. It is free too. In my experience the people are friendly and supportive. If AA doesn’t resonate for you then try something else. One thing I do know from experience is that if you keep drinking the odds are that the problems that you experience now will only escalate.
Try AA. It is free too. In my experience the people are friendly and supportive. If AA doesn’t resonate for you then try something else. One thing I do know from experience is that if you keep drinking the odds are that the problems that you experience now will only escalate.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
I'm not an AA person either, and you will find many different approaches to stopping drinking here.
And, I agree, I think the fact that you are holding onto drinking, even though you are putting your children in danger numerous times , speaks volumes. The label is irrelevant. It's what is happening to you in your life. If you're not convinced that you're an alcoholic, then try stopping drinking for a period of time, say one month, and see how you feel. Also, I would caution you against trying to convince your husband about your alcohol problem. Recovering from alcoholism will require lots of energy, so don't spend it on trying to convince someone else that you are doing the right thing. You know in your heart what you need to do.
And, I agree, I think the fact that you are holding onto drinking, even though you are putting your children in danger numerous times , speaks volumes. The label is irrelevant. It's what is happening to you in your life. If you're not convinced that you're an alcoholic, then try stopping drinking for a period of time, say one month, and see how you feel. Also, I would caution you against trying to convince your husband about your alcohol problem. Recovering from alcoholism will require lots of energy, so don't spend it on trying to convince someone else that you are doing the right thing. You know in your heart what you need to do.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Columbus, OH
Posts: 95
There is a voice deep inside of you that feels "separate" from the racing thoughts that are chaotic, chasing some form of logic. It's the voice of truth and it's scary as hell at first. But I have found that if you can give that voice some credibility, it can point you in the right direction. Try to remember that for many of us ignored that voice of truth until our lives had crumbled. Most of us hope the newcomer can see the truth sooner than we did and avoid the pain we had to experience - that is my hope for you.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
AA is not the only way to stay sober. It's not for everyone.
You found this site! A supportive place with others who have different needs.
Can you see your doctor? Self-medicating is what many people do when maybe there's an alternative like a doctor prescribed medicine.
Some people just don't know how to deal with stressors.
Try not drinking for 30 days. See what happens, but definitely see your doctor first.
Glad you're here!
You found this site! A supportive place with others who have different needs.
Can you see your doctor? Self-medicating is what many people do when maybe there's an alternative like a doctor prescribed medicine.
Some people just don't know how to deal with stressors.
Try not drinking for 30 days. See what happens, but definitely see your doctor first.
Glad you're here!
Came to Believe
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Montgomery AL
Posts: 507
I don't have much to add to the good advice already given, but welcome to SR. I've never been a Christian but nothing about AA conflicts with that for me. I do believe in a spiritual Higher Power and I usually call Him/Her/It/Them "God", but my God belongs to me. AA didn't issue Him when I walked through the doors. One old-timer told me recently that he started off with an oak tree in his backyard as his HP. AA doesn't promote religion, so I hope you reconsider.
--Fenris.
--Fenris.
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
Glad you found SR! It's a great support to me.
I do use AA to get sober. I don't want you to feel like I'm trying to push it on you at all but just want to let you know my experience. I was very hesitant about it at first. I wasn't into the God thing at all. Actually I still have an aversion to it but AA let's me choose my Higher Power and define it for myself. It does not have to conform to anyone else's concept. With that said, it is true that AA was formed on Christian principles.
May be AA isn't for you but I would suggest you try a few meetings before you make up your mind. The only requirement to go is a desire to stop drinking. You do not have to identify yourself as an alcoholic, in fact, you don't have to speak if you don't want to.
Either way, you've found a great forum here with people recovering from their alcoholism/addiction in many, many different ways. Don't let anyone tell you one way is the only way. The "right" way is whatever works for you.
I do use AA to get sober. I don't want you to feel like I'm trying to push it on you at all but just want to let you know my experience. I was very hesitant about it at first. I wasn't into the God thing at all. Actually I still have an aversion to it but AA let's me choose my Higher Power and define it for myself. It does not have to conform to anyone else's concept. With that said, it is true that AA was formed on Christian principles.
May be AA isn't for you but I would suggest you try a few meetings before you make up your mind. The only requirement to go is a desire to stop drinking. You do not have to identify yourself as an alcoholic, in fact, you don't have to speak if you don't want to.
Either way, you've found a great forum here with people recovering from their alcoholism/addiction in many, many different ways. Don't let anyone tell you one way is the only way. The "right" way is whatever works for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 58
The advice to stop focusing on AA, is great. I will, for now, seek other areas to help stay
sober. It's nice to hear that there are people who aren't exactly religious that still find AA relate-able.
I won't focus on the label, alcoholic. If alcohol is controlling me, then something has to change. Thanks to those that suggested stay away from that label for now.
Also, the suggestion to take sobriety in small goals, like one month for now was eye opening. I have heard the saying One Day At A Time, but one month seems to fit better.
Thank you everyone, I really feel welcomed.
sober. It's nice to hear that there are people who aren't exactly religious that still find AA relate-able.
I won't focus on the label, alcoholic. If alcohol is controlling me, then something has to change. Thanks to those that suggested stay away from that label for now.
Also, the suggestion to take sobriety in small goals, like one month for now was eye opening. I have heard the saying One Day At A Time, but one month seems to fit better.
Thank you everyone, I really feel welcomed.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 617
Seethroughblue - Welcome to SR! It is a wonderful place full of support and wise people You've already received some great advice!
Please check in and say hi to the October Class. We're a great group and there are several of us moms who are dealing with some of the same problems. I could have written your post (except for the driving part - I tended to marinate myself alone at home - also not good).
I lurked here for quite a while trying to figure out things - once I joined and started contributing I started making progress! There are so many options with the same goal. If you decide you need to make changes you'll find the right choice for you! The most important thing is to try!
Hope to see you in our class
You've already received some great advice!Please check in and say hi to the October Class. We're a great group and there are several of us moms who are dealing with some of the same problems. I could have written your post (except for the driving part - I tended to marinate myself alone at home - also not good).
I lurked here for quite a while trying to figure out things - once I joined and started contributing I started making progress! There are so many options with the same goal. If you decide you need to make changes you'll find the right choice for you! The most important thing is to try!
Hope to see you in our class
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