Fresh out of inpatient treatment - Hi everyone!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Twin Cities MN
Posts: 83
Fresh out of inpatient treatment - Hi everyone!
I'v been around SR before, and so I knew this would be one of my first stops as soon as I got home and settled back in.
I'm Jen (nicknamed ZenJen by my inpatient roommate for reasons that'll come up later), I'm 27, and I could easilly say I'm an addict, but I more firmly identify as an alcoholic, as no substance on earth has captured and devistated me much as devel alcohol.
I'm couting my sober time based on the day I entered inpatient because I think that's the point where my major withdrawal symptoms had stopped.
I am so very humbled here today - having just now completed my third inpatient treatment.... Stupid brain, can't seem to get it right! Well, at least I'm sober today, and tonight
I just wanted to say hi! I recognize a couple of screen names - hey guys! I fell of the wagon for a 3-day binge that led me to the ER, At the ER I got turned away since there were no beds and was told to call back in the monring. Well after getting the runaround that morning, and starting to black out and get the tremors, I ate a handful of ativan.... and wound up in the ICU. After a two nights there, a bed magically appeared in the inpatient unit. I was brought there, and my transformation had begun.
I realize now that my year and a half sober leading up to this relapse was too misserable to be true sobriety. I was a dry drunk. And hell, I'd still take a hit a couple times a month. I really wasn't sober at all.
So far this time, things are different. Thank goodness...
Take care all, 'til we meet again.
*I got nicknamed ZenJen because I asked for and ate up liturature on the buddhist and taoist 12 steps; I would also actively do yoga in the hallway every day; and I would also do Tai Chi whenever I had the opportunity.
I'm Jen (nicknamed ZenJen by my inpatient roommate for reasons that'll come up later), I'm 27, and I could easilly say I'm an addict, but I more firmly identify as an alcoholic, as no substance on earth has captured and devistated me much as devel alcohol.
I'm couting my sober time based on the day I entered inpatient because I think that's the point where my major withdrawal symptoms had stopped.
I am so very humbled here today - having just now completed my third inpatient treatment.... Stupid brain, can't seem to get it right! Well, at least I'm sober today, and tonight
I just wanted to say hi! I recognize a couple of screen names - hey guys! I fell of the wagon for a 3-day binge that led me to the ER, At the ER I got turned away since there were no beds and was told to call back in the monring. Well after getting the runaround that morning, and starting to black out and get the tremors, I ate a handful of ativan.... and wound up in the ICU. After a two nights there, a bed magically appeared in the inpatient unit. I was brought there, and my transformation had begun.
I realize now that my year and a half sober leading up to this relapse was too misserable to be true sobriety. I was a dry drunk. And hell, I'd still take a hit a couple times a month. I really wasn't sober at all.
So far this time, things are different. Thank goodness
...Take care all, 'til we meet again.
*I got nicknamed ZenJen because I asked for and ate up liturature on the buddhist and taoist 12 steps; I would also actively do yoga in the hallway every day; and I would also do Tai Chi whenever I had the opportunity.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Twin Cities MN
Posts: 83
Thanks everyone for the warm welcome! I really appreciate it! I'm here to start working the steps, as I've interpreted them, and to offer whatever support I can. I hope to eventually start a blog here chronicalling the rebound into recovery for newcommers
Love to you all!
ZenJen
Love to you all!
ZenJen
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Hi Jen. I just wanted to say welcome. Also, I'm very interested in the zen literature you mentioned. I'm back here after trying before unsuccessfully, and one sticking point for me with AA was that I am not religious in the traditional sense, I'm agnostic and I know everyone says you don't have to be religious to go to AA but I struggled with the higher power concept, with the prayers and religious slogans etc.
The closest "religion" I've identified with is Buddhism so I've been looking more into that. I don't believe in reincarnation or anything supernatural, but I really like the parts about living in the present and accepting things as they are and not getting attached to other people/things. (I've also tried to believe in God and pray... which helped me even though I still don't believe in God. Just voicing my concerns and then trying to give up controlling the outcome helps me a lot.)
Anyway if you'd like to share some suggestions on what to read, I'd be very grateful. I downloaded a bunch of free/low-cost Buddhism books onto my Kindle but I'm open to anything. Thanks.
The closest "religion" I've identified with is Buddhism so I've been looking more into that. I don't believe in reincarnation or anything supernatural, but I really like the parts about living in the present and accepting things as they are and not getting attached to other people/things. (I've also tried to believe in God and pray... which helped me even though I still don't believe in God. Just voicing my concerns and then trying to give up controlling the outcome helps me a lot.)
Anyway if you'd like to share some suggestions on what to read, I'd be very grateful. I downloaded a bunch of free/low-cost Buddhism books onto my Kindle but I'm open to anything. Thanks.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Twin Cities MN
Posts: 83
I would be happy to go through my piles of books and share titles. Perhaps after I'm bettered settled in an tuly home lol. In the meanwhile, I'd like to let you know that I am in the process of writng my own taoist/zen 12 steps. Once I get the copyirighted, I'll start a blog for sure!
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Twin Cities MN
Posts: 83
I'm in a strange mental state right now. I'm spending the night in my old bedroom at my mom's place (after sleeping with dozens of other people russlting about in the night for two weeks, I didn't want to be alone). I found a pack of pictures from a few christmases ago with me and the ex. The ex as of when I went into treatment. 10 years kaput......... This is still very fresh and, unfortunately unresolved.... More to supposidly develop tomorrow.... no matter what though, I will not drink tonight! Drinking wouldn't do anything to my bennefit - none at all. A little chocolate on the other hand......'
Talk with you soon!
Talk with you soon!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Kennesaw, GA
Posts: 193
Hey!
How long was your inpatient treatment? I am enjoying learning about zen type things here lately. Though it goes against a lot of my safe and traditional beliefs. One thing it has shown me is that where I thought I was open minded, I was in fact pretty narrow minded. The struggle for consciousness and awareness is exciting though sometimes scary too.
You sound like you're in a good place! Welcome again.
How long was your inpatient treatment? I am enjoying learning about zen type things here lately. Though it goes against a lot of my safe and traditional beliefs. One thing it has shown me is that where I thought I was open minded, I was in fact pretty narrow minded. The struggle for consciousness and awareness is exciting though sometimes scary too.
You sound like you're in a good place! Welcome again.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Twin Cities MN
Posts: 83
[QUOTE=simplex;3139538]Hey!
How long was your inpatient treatment? QUOTE]
I only needed to stay 10 days. But they said I could leave whenever I wanted.... which turned out to be over 2 weeks. had a graduation ceremony and everything
I think you're right and I'm in a good place.
How long was your inpatient treatment? QUOTE]
I only needed to stay 10 days. But they said I could leave whenever I wanted.... which turned out to be over 2 weeks. had a graduation ceremony and everything
I think you're right and I'm in a good place.
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Originally Posted by ZenJen 
I'm here to start working the steps, as I've interpreted them
I don't know what you mean as far as "interpreting" the 12 steps.... They allow for any concept of a higher power that works for you.
Keep posting!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Twin Cities MN
Posts: 83
Back to work in the real world today. Wish me luck! I just have to remember what I've learned.... expecially the bit about feelings only initially lasting 45 seconds.....
Tata for now!
Tata for now!
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