Sara23

Ok guys I have a confession... Last night I was having some dinner with some girl friends and my friend bought a bottle of wine. She went around the table and poured everyone and glass. I had one glass of wine at dinner! One!! Now I know to most of you all that is cheating or failing but for me it is a huge thing! I have NEVER had just one. Normally this single bottle of wine dinner would have been a several bottles of wine dinner between me and my friends but I started telling them all how I was really re-evaluating my drinking habits and that I wanted to cut it down drastically. At first they all kinda laughed and replied with comments like "Why you dont have a drinking problem", "Whats the point we only live once," to "Good for you. I have been wanting to do the same thing myself!" I explained to everyone that it was important for me to help me gain control over my anxiety and control over my behavior. I could see the light bulbs come on on some girls heads and stay turned off on the others. It was a great talk and it felt good to tell my friends about this new journey I was embarking on. They can agree with it or not that part I dont really care about. But it did feel good to talk to them about it and felt even better being able to turn down a second glass of wine!!!!!! Baby steps for me and although some of you may be dissapointed, for me this is a huge step in the right direction!

Zencat

True having only one drink vs drinking to sever intoxication is less harmful. On the other hand, refusing to drink, would be a good opportunity to practice living free from alcohol. You could have rehearsed ways to decline a drink and put it to a test. Thus asserting yourself as a non-drinker.

Anywho, learning a new way to live dose take time and practice. My hope for you is that your goal of quitting alcohol is a smooth process with much success.

Freedom1990

For me, it isn't the 3rd, 7th, or even 10th drink that gets me into trouble.

It's the first one.

Just my own personal experience.

keithj

I'm neither disappointed nor pleased. In my experience, however, this is not a step in the right direction of being sober.

My experience has shown me that the single worst thing that can happen to an alcoholic who has a drink is not a binge, or a DUI, or a fight, or anything negative. The worst that can happen is nothing.

You got away with it. And that just reinforces that sick, lingering, quiet notion in the back of the mind that says, "I can drink normally."

Which is fine if you're not an alcoholic. But which eventually leads to disaster if you are.

omegasupreme

Did you choose to take that drink?

SSIL75

Oh yes!! Right when I'd be right at the edge of facing the VERY obvious fact that I was an alcoholic I'd get myself together and control my drinking for jussssst long enough to 'wipe the slate' clean. See? I'm not an alcoholic! Cheers! Cue my next few months of binges...

Sara23

I know I know...but In my defence this is the first time I have ever even contemplated quiting drinking. And Im young still and I have a lot to learn. I dont expect people to understand or agree with everything I do. My problem isnt the binges, or having to drink, my problem is drinking too much when I do drink and not being able to stop. For me, having one drink last night was a sort of victory. Something I have never been able to do. And believe me it wasnt easy. Watching my friends kick back glass after glass of wine was a challenge. But it was a challenge that in my mind I passed. At 27 Im still trying to figure out this thing and Im going to continue to take this day by day. I have read so many threads on here about people taking these huge drastic leaps to reach sobriety, only to crash and burn and have to start all over again. That is why for me it is baby steps. And eventually those baby steps will be leaps and bounds towards sobriety!!

30Sober

Honestly, I think you're fooling yourself. Why wait until you're 40 or 50? It doesn't get easier - it gets MUCH harder. Do it now when you are young. Learn early rather than late. If you think you have a drinking problem you're probably right. You say that your problem is not being able to stop once you start - so why would you consider starting at all? It's playing with fire and you are likely to get burned.

Deserto

Hi Sara,

These two sentence leapt out at me:

Those two sentences are essentially the same statement, looked at from different angles.

So is this one:

No one can tell you whether you have a drinking problem or not -- only you can decide that. But I would urge you to continue thinking not just about passing tests or having victories, but about why only having a drink or two feels like a victory. If you find that limiting your drinking is a constant challenge, then you may find that eliminating those challenges through sobriety is easier.

Nonetheless, there is no judgement here. I applaud you for looking at your drinking habits and deciding to take some action, and I hope you find a course of action that brings you health and happiness. But I know there are a lot of us here who probably felt "victorious" on many occasions, only to find those victories became fewer and farther between, until eventually they didn't feel much like victories at all.

Fenris

I agree strongly with what Deserto said. It's not my place to judge whether having one glass of wine is "right" or "wrong" for you or anyone. It's just that my personal experience with having that one drink has inevitably led to a lot of pain and misery every single time. I'm an alcoholic, though. I have a physical reaction and a mental obsession that "normal" people don't have to alcohol. That's a simple undeniable fact that I've tested and proved for thirteen years. I feel a moral obligation to at least warn you and anyone else who comes to this board against "testing" yourself. Remember, "normal" people don't have to control their drinking.

--Fenris.

Sara23

Thank you Deserto: I understand what you are saying. I guess I am in that phase of trying to figure out what exactly is going on with me. To be honest I dont considder myself an alcoholic but I do think I have a drinking problem in the sence that I sometimes I take it too far. I dont black out every time I drink but it happens enough to not be ok in my eyes. One thing I know is that it is not ok to black out. Im also trying to overcome this huge anxiety problem I have and drinking just doesnt seem to help that is for sure. I also know that if you dont have a drinking problem you dont have a problem saying no,like you said. I obviously dont want to go down a self destructive path of drinking and ruining my life. I appreciate all the comments I get, even the most direct ones. Life is a journey of constant self descovery and luckily I found this board and you guys to help me understand what I am going through better.

Dee74

Hi Sara

I'm glad you're feeling you're gettin somewhere....thats great...but don't lose your sense of perspective.

Personally, I think the times we drink and nothing happens, or the times that we do manage to drink only one, are probably the most dangerous.

I would hang on to those moments, use them as 'proof' I wasn't that bad and I could control myself....and I'd forget the hundreds and hundreds of times when things didn't work out so well.

Looking back now I was never really in control with alcohol - I think some nights I just had good luck.

D

sugarbear1

If ya didn't have a problem, ya wouldn't be here or be so happy you controlled your drinking and limited it to one.

I really don't mind if you drink or not.

Try not drinking for 30 days and tell us how your anxiety is then.

Have a great rest of today!

LawMama

I think if you don't know whether or not you are an alcoholic, trying the controlled drinking thing is the best thing you can do. If you aren't an alcoholic, maybe you can control it for a lifetime. If you are an alcoholic, it will get worse over time. Maybe slowly and maybe quickly. You have to get there in your own time. No judgment from me.

That being said, I got sober when I had just turned 27 (I'm 28). Lots of us younguns in sobriety

MrAverage

I'm going to have to side with others and say it's a slippery slope you're on. I did the same thing for a loooong time. I would "cut back" to 1-2 beers a few nights a week and begin to think I had it under control. Once I "proved" to myself that I could control it, I stopped controlling it.. if that makes any sense. As many others have stated, you wouldn't need to be proud of stopping after 1 if you didn't already know you have a problem.

DarkDays

When Iam not serious about giving up I just "Have one" and try and convince myself and others I am in control.

CarolD

As you seem to be counting days....I sure hope you will get back to Day One....
those Zero Days can quickly add up ....and that is not in your best interest.

you could have had the same conversation with your friends without the wine
and maybe more of them would have had a better understanding...
I always got looks of doubting when I sat there ..drink in hand...saying I was not going to drink again..

Animal454

Glad that you were able to limit yourself to just one. That is harder (for me anyways) than not drinking at all.

Bijou

One thing that sticks in my mind from a recent meeting, is that if you have to count the amount of drinks you have had, are going to have, or don't have, usually that means a big red flag. Not judging you, just passing along info that really made me think.

ADaisyifyoudo

At first, not drinking at all is INCREDIBLY hard. But after a while, it's SO much easier not to drink anything than to either 1) have a drink, or two, and try to keep it in control, and count all the drinks everyone else is having, and all the drinks you are not. . .OR 2) have as many drinks as you want, get drunk, maybe black out, maybe feel like drap the next day, etc. . .

If I could have ever only WANTED one drink I think I wouldn't have had a drinking problem. Although there were plenty of times when I only had one glass, but I never didn't want more (unless I was really sick). Sounds like that's where you are, although as everyone has said, you have to be the one to really know if you are ready and need to quit.

Good luck to you,