Day 4: I have a confession...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Originally Posted by Sara23 
Greetings all. Im about to turn 27 and up to this point have never considdered myself as someone who had a drinking problem. I have always liked drinking and thought it was normal to drink as much as I did but lately it has really been weighing on my mind that maybe I do in fact have a problem. I dont drink everyday, but when I do I just take it to far. One glass of wine turns into one bottle. A night of partying turns into a night of blacking out. Sometimes I say and do things that are just plain stupid that I would never say or do sober. I suffer from really bad anxiety and to be honest I thought drinking helped my anxiety. But lately the next morning when I am hungover my anxiety is 10 times worse!! I dont want to live like this anymore. I dont want to hurt people I care about and hurt myself and I just want to feel better. I hate admitting this but I do think I have a bit of a problem and this is my first step to recovery. Hopefully this will help!
I now know 1000% that I am someone that cannot have that first drink or I will end up on a blackout binge guaranteed, maybe not the first or second time of having a few but it will happen. I hope that you don't have to go through as much pain & embarrassment as I have figuring this out if you are actually an alcoholic.
In regards to anxiety & panic attacks I have had them all of my life & wanted to let you know that my experience has been that the day (s) after drinking are the always 100 times worse after drinking than when not.
I wish you all of the best on your journey & look forward to your updates, may they be of joy & happiness and drinking in moderation success stories. I have quoted your first post here as a friendly reminder of where you were when you came here, it is usually a good predictor of things to come if you drink.
P.S. Thanks for your post as it forced me to try harder to recover the password that I had forgotten for a while ;-)
P.P.S This post survived a Microsoft update & was still here before being posted. If that is not a miracle then I dont know what is hehe. This post was definitely meant to be.
All of the best ~ NB
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Kennesaw, GA
Posts: 193
Hey sara,
No judgement here either, though my experience has been that drinking one, like others have said, reinforces the notion in myself that I am not an alcoholic and can drink normally. This to me was always just the beginning of another cycle (sometimes severe, sometimes not) that I swore to myself literally 50 to 100 times that I was going to break.
On my the start of my last relapse I drank 3-4 drinks and stopped. I remember waking up the next day thinking to myself, "wow I didn't spontaneously combust!" I was so pleased with myself. Of course I didn't acknowledge how much willpower it took. And also that it was a result of the people I was with leaving the bar (an external factor.) I soon began to look forward again to drinking occasions (pre-occupation.) Then per my drinking patterns I would drink 1-2 times per week and then those fuzzy nights started happening. But it was all good because according to the attitude of people the next day, I had gotten drunk but was not obnoxious. Wew, still a "moderately" "heavy" "social" drinker... Until at the very end it was full blackouts, and looks of shame from people I loved the next day... That was it for me again.
That might sound a little angry and overly sarcastic but I don't mean it to be. I don't want it to be taken as directed at you. Or to say that you are an alcoholic because only you can decide that for yourself, within the deepest part of yourself. You may be able to drink normally or you may not. Either way I think as long as you're aware of it, and you can be truly honest with yourself, the controlled drinking test could be what you need to prove to yourself that you are or aren't. Good luck though and stay safe!
No judgement here either, though my experience has been that drinking one, like others have said, reinforces the notion in myself that I am not an alcoholic and can drink normally. This to me was always just the beginning of another cycle (sometimes severe, sometimes not) that I swore to myself literally 50 to 100 times that I was going to break.
On my the start of my last relapse I drank 3-4 drinks and stopped. I remember waking up the next day thinking to myself, "wow I didn't spontaneously combust!" I was so pleased with myself. Of course I didn't acknowledge how much willpower it took. And also that it was a result of the people I was with leaving the bar (an external factor.) I soon began to look forward again to drinking occasions (pre-occupation.) Then per my drinking patterns I would drink 1-2 times per week and then those fuzzy nights started happening. But it was all good because according to the attitude of people the next day, I had gotten drunk but was not obnoxious. Wew, still a "moderately" "heavy" "social" drinker... Until at the very end it was full blackouts, and looks of shame from people I loved the next day... That was it for me again.
That might sound a little angry and overly sarcastic but I don't mean it to be. I don't want it to be taken as directed at you. Or to say that you are an alcoholic because only you can decide that for yourself, within the deepest part of yourself. You may be able to drink normally or you may not. Either way I think as long as you're aware of it, and you can be truly honest with yourself, the controlled drinking test could be what you need to prove to yourself that you are or aren't. Good luck though and stay safe!
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