day 20
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Christchurch New Zealand
Posts: 8
day 20
today im day 20 almost 21 where i am , its a daily battle , but i do have to say that last night i was in a really bad way and i went into chat and ppl talked me thru it and i made another day clean.
like i said its a daily battle , being an addict as most of you if not all of you would relate to the natural instinct of a feeling coming up and instantly you want to use , whatever your drug of choice is , im struggling to cope with my emotions and feelings and not use .
Ive started to make a recovery folder where i print out tips and such of things to do when im struggling but im finding that its harder than it seems to find info on those tool kit things.
this is my second recovery but last time i was just collecting the days and i did pretty well i got to 14 months clean and sober which is a miracle in it self and then the Christchurch earthquake happened which shook me i held on and then the next one happened and i went AWOL. this time my journey is about RECOVERING from my drug addiction, not just collecting the days.
i suffer with serve mental health issues and im in a residential treatment program for that , which will go for anywhere between a year to two or 3 years depending on how well i do i only shifted into it on Friday .
i guess im posting here cos i do need support and i do need help i do , do meetings but there's still 23 hours a day that i have my head to deal with
like i said its a daily battle , being an addict as most of you if not all of you would relate to the natural instinct of a feeling coming up and instantly you want to use , whatever your drug of choice is , im struggling to cope with my emotions and feelings and not use .
Ive started to make a recovery folder where i print out tips and such of things to do when im struggling but im finding that its harder than it seems to find info on those tool kit things.
this is my second recovery but last time i was just collecting the days and i did pretty well i got to 14 months clean and sober which is a miracle in it self and then the Christchurch earthquake happened which shook me i held on and then the next one happened and i went AWOL. this time my journey is about RECOVERING from my drug addiction, not just collecting the days.
i suffer with serve mental health issues and im in a residential treatment program for that , which will go for anywhere between a year to two or 3 years depending on how well i do i only shifted into it on Friday .
i guess im posting here cos i do need support and i do need help i do , do meetings but there's still 23 hours a day that i have my head to deal with
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,410
Sorry about your relapse 20 days ago. Like you, I was only collecting the days and not doing any other type of recovery. Just finish day 1 and will be going to my first AA meeting because I'm having trouble doing any time of recovery on my own. I hope you do the right thing and start on something now. Good to see that your getting your mental health issues help out. I need to do something like that myself.
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: MI
Posts: 306
Originally Posted by cantgetrecovery
today im day 20 almost 21 where i am , its a daily battle , but i do have to say that last night i was in a really bad way and i went into chat and ppl talked me thru it and i made another day clean.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Christchurch New Zealand
Posts: 8
im not sure if you guys have a trauma forum , but i could sure use someone to talk to about the earthquake stuff and some other personal problems , tonight is a hard one ... i have money check .... i still have some utensils that i can use ... and its not that far of a walk to score even tho its sh*t cold ... im hanging by a thread and im not sure that i can make it thru tonight tbh
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Christchurch New Zealand
Posts: 8
i couldn't afford my habit anymore and was looking into prostitution to pay for my habit , i OD'd several times , i don't know when enough is enough , i burn bridges that seem harder each time to re build ...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: West Coast
Posts: 24
Seems like some pretty good reasons to stop. Take some deep breaths, this is a craving... it will pass. Have the strength to know that it will pass. 21 days is awesome!!! No one said this was going to be easy, but day by day, it will get better. Find the courage to not give in. Would it really be worth it in the end? The relapse? Withdrawals? Emotions?
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