now or later?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 144
now or later?
I went to my first AA meeting today, and plan to keep going back. My husband knows that I have decided to stop drinking and is very supportive, but I have not mentioned this site to him, or my intention to go to AA.
Would it be wrong to not mention AA to him right now? Is this a case of a lie of omission? I like the support he gives me (he has even stopped drinking as well), but I don't really want him involving himself in my recovery if that makes any sense. I have this fear that if I tell him about the AA meeting(s) he will start asking questions about them/me that I won't feel like answering.
Am I being nuts?
Would it be wrong to not mention AA to him right now? Is this a case of a lie of omission? I like the support he gives me (he has even stopped drinking as well), but I don't really want him involving himself in my recovery if that makes any sense. I have this fear that if I tell him about the AA meeting(s) he will start asking questions about them/me that I won't feel like answering.
Am I being nuts?
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,964
What's your real fear? Think about it. No answer needed. Sayy a prayer for honest conversation & boundary setting with him when you can. It will work out.
Relax. Glad you made the decision to stop drinking & to stay stopped!
Relax. Glad you made the decision to stop drinking & to stay stopped!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I have no expereince about this....been happily divorced for ages..
Besides....I was so thrilled to tell everyone about my AA committment
I probably told the postman
If you don't want him to hear what you share in meetings....you could attend a Womans group..
Besides....I was so thrilled to tell everyone about my AA committment
I probably told the postman
If you don't want him to hear what you share in meetings....you could attend a Womans group..
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
I don't think you have to tell him anything you don't feel comfortable telling him. I think the only thing is you may want to find out why you don't want to tell him. When I was struggling with staying sober I didn't want to open up to other people about my struggles because I didn't want to admit my own weakness or make any promises I didn't feel I could keep. In other words, I found that by not saying anything I was free to go back on my decision at any time without negative social consequences. I'm not sure if those are the kinds of feelings you are going through or not, but it is just something you may want to consider.
Your recovery is 100% your business though, and I think you should only share with him what you feel comfortable sharing.
Your recovery is 100% your business though, and I think you should only share with him what you feel comfortable sharing.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by juststopit 
Am I being nuts?
P.S. Did you take your user name from:
Mad TV Bob Newhart Skit - Mo Collins - Stop it - YouTube
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 144
Boleo: YUP! One of my favorites! Glad someone got it. =)
Update: I told him I was going to AA and he was very supportive. I explained that I wanted him to know I was going so that if a time came when I felt like I needed to go to a meeting I would feel able to be honest with him about where I was going and what I was going. He asked a few questions about what it was like and I said "it was helpful, but I don't feel comfortable talking about it right now."
Glad I said something.
Thanks for all the feedback folks!
Update: I told him I was going to AA and he was very supportive. I explained that I wanted him to know I was going so that if a time came when I felt like I needed to go to a meeting I would feel able to be honest with him about where I was going and what I was going. He asked a few questions about what it was like and I said "it was helpful, but I don't feel comfortable talking about it right now."
Glad I said something.
Thanks for all the feedback folks!
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,919
I don't know how you don't tell him. Are you just planning on disappearing for an hour or so several times a week? If so, he might be relieved to hear that's it because of AA and not another man.
When I go to AA I just tell my wife "i'm going to a meeting." She never asks me what we talk about, and I rarely say anything, it's my recovery, not her's.
When I go to AA I just tell my wife "i'm going to a meeting." She never asks me what we talk about, and I rarely say anything, it's my recovery, not her's.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
I've been sober for quite awhile and one thing I've learned is that my recovery is a very personal journey.
I understand you not wanting to answer questions your husband might ask, because you may not know the answers at this time, or you may not feel like you can verbalize your thoughts.
I would not lie to him, but I see no problem is pursuing your recovery your way.
I understand you not wanting to answer questions your husband might ask, because you may not know the answers at this time, or you may not feel like you can verbalize your thoughts.
I would not lie to him, but I see no problem is pursuing your recovery your way.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 144
anna: you are so right...it was not about wanting to hide something from him. It was about not yet knowing how to talk about these things.
I felt really good about telling him, and he was very supportive. He seems to understand that while I didn't want to keep this from him, I also need to do this on my own. I need to own my recovery.
I felt really good about telling him, and he was very supportive. He seems to understand that while I didn't want to keep this from him, I also need to do this on my own. I need to own my recovery.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Riverside Ca
Posts: 117
You did the right thing by telling him. He sounds very supportive and I am sure that he would understand that this is something that you need to do by yourself.
Sounds like you have a good man there. Congrats on meeting #3..
Sounds like you have a good man there. Congrats on meeting #3..
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