How much clean time should I have in before I admit I'm in recovery to regular people
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: OHIO
Posts: 43
How much clean time should I have in before I admit I'm in recovery to regular people
Since society has a major stigma about drug addiction, how much clean time should I have in before I can tell regular people I'm in recovery? I'm so used to hiding my addiction (or at least trying to) that I wonder should I hide my recovery too? Where does one have to be mentally when they get excited about being clean? I read all of the regular people's entries (aegian, sugar bear, suki, least, etc.) and I want to feel how you guys feel. I want to be excited about waking up and NOT scoring. (For a long time I looked at people in recovery like I looked at Christians: they're deluding themselves and trying to convince themselves that God/sobriety is real and good. I scoffed at them, but those people all seem so happy and at peace that even if I can't see it, maybe it's real after all? Btw, I mean no offense to Christians or recovered people---I'm just writing what I used to erroneously think
When I read recovered people's entries about how much better their lives are, I want it. What does it take to get there? As an addict, I'm all about instant gratification. I want it NOW! How do you build your ability to put off the immediate score and work toward a goal? When can one wear their recovery like a badge of honor, or will regular people always see me as damaged goods? Is it better to only disclose one's recovery with other recovered addicts? And as a second thought: when does it get easier? If the rest of my life is going to be a daily fight, all damn day, to not think about using, I don't know if I can make it. (it also freaks me out when I read about someone relapsing after 19 years---after that long, there shouldn't be any desire for it left----if someone with that much clean time in can fall, how can I ever make it?)
When I read recovered people's entries about how much better their lives are, I want it. What does it take to get there? As an addict, I'm all about instant gratification. I want it NOW! How do you build your ability to put off the immediate score and work toward a goal? When can one wear their recovery like a badge of honor, or will regular people always see me as damaged goods? Is it better to only disclose one's recovery with other recovered addicts? And as a second thought: when does it get easier? If the rest of my life is going to be a daily fight, all damn day, to not think about using, I don't know if I can make it. (it also freaks me out when I read about someone relapsing after 19 years---after that long, there shouldn't be any desire for it left----if someone with that much clean time in can fall, how can I ever make it?)
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,966
Wow. I made my world so small, there weren't many people to tell. My ol' party buddy is proud I'm staying clean. I once mentioned something about a meeting (taking someone) on facebook. I'm ok with who I am today, so I don't have a problem, but others may (stigma), so I play it by ear...I'm in aa, today I have no need to feed my ego. Give yourself 90 days...change some old habits first...
Does anyone really know? And leave the dealers alone. They'll miss your $, so don't let them manipulate you!
See who compliments you in 30 days....
Does anyone really know? And leave the dealers alone. They'll miss your $, so don't let them manipulate you!
See who compliments you in 30 days....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
When your recovery means that much to you.
When self centeredness disappears and it doesnt
matter who knows ur in recovery or not.
When your recovery is top priority to you and
u'd do anything to protect it for a happier, healthier
life built on a solid recovery foundation.
Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic. My drug of
choice. With a recovery program in place to live
upon and incorperate in my everyday life, I
havent had a drink of poison since 8-11-90.
My own recovery belongs to me and I pass on
my own experiences, strengths and hopes of what
it was like before during and after drinking to
those who still suffer with addiction.
21 yrs and still strong happier, freer in recovery.
When self centeredness disappears and it doesnt
matter who knows ur in recovery or not.
When your recovery is top priority to you and
u'd do anything to protect it for a happier, healthier
life built on a solid recovery foundation.
Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic. My drug of
choice. With a recovery program in place to live
upon and incorperate in my everyday life, I
havent had a drink of poison since 8-11-90.
My own recovery belongs to me and I pass on
my own experiences, strengths and hopes of what
it was like before during and after drinking to
those who still suffer with addiction.
21 yrs and still strong happier, freer in recovery.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 236
Originally Posted by sugarbear1 
And leave the dealers alone. They'll miss your $, so don't let them manipulate you!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 174
Mornin JD,
That is up to you. One thing you may find is that the person/people you decide to confide in first could be the last people you would ever expect to reach out to. This because inherently, you will know where your long term support is going to come from (even if that isn't a conscious thought/decision) and you will likely be surprised who that is, and isn't.
The reason for telling people you are in recovery is all about support and accountability, so choose wisely. Anyone who would consider you 'damaged goods' as you called it is not someone I personally would consider as someone I would want in my long term inner circle, but that is just me. I tend to gravitate toward those who have a sense of humility and acceptance that everyone has their issues.
Just read on the internetz this morning about a self-absorbed pr!ck who not only stiffed his waitress this weekend on his & GFs meal, but thought to write a helpful note at the bottom of the credit card slip that she should think about losing weight. Goes to show that not everyone is worthy of our confidence nor inclusion in our inner circle no matter how much they think they might be entitled to that role.
You will know when it is right, and who is right.
That is up to you. One thing you may find is that the person/people you decide to confide in first could be the last people you would ever expect to reach out to. This because inherently, you will know where your long term support is going to come from (even if that isn't a conscious thought/decision) and you will likely be surprised who that is, and isn't.
The reason for telling people you are in recovery is all about support and accountability, so choose wisely. Anyone who would consider you 'damaged goods' as you called it is not someone I personally would consider as someone I would want in my long term inner circle, but that is just me. I tend to gravitate toward those who have a sense of humility and acceptance that everyone has their issues.
Just read on the internetz this morning about a self-absorbed pr!ck who not only stiffed his waitress this weekend on his & GFs meal, but thought to write a helpful note at the bottom of the credit card slip that she should think about losing weight. Goes to show that not everyone is worthy of our confidence nor inclusion in our inner circle no matter how much they think they might be entitled to that role.
You will know when it is right, and who is right.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: OHIO
Posts: 43
Sugar,
Man I've deleted all of my dealers numbers, and the only one that's seared in my brain is the coke guy. My problem is, I've been so well connected that I can have drugs delivered to me anytime, day or nigh. All you have to do is text, put the money in an envlope in the mailbox, and twenty minutes later it's there. And, the dealers know if they start me on a coke run (usually by asking me to try a new batch they got for FREE) that once I'm on a run, there's a very good chance I will continue for several orders. Ultimately, it's always going to be up to me because I can score drugs anywhere...drop me in any city and I can find it. Not bragging just how difficult it is to battle yourself. And thats the problem: a have a lot of connections who are also my long term friends. One guy, the best man in my wedding!, in particular , a key boy, hates selling to me because he knows how bad I can get. But, he knows I can score other places and over pay for potentially adulterated coke. I guess he figures if I'm going to use might as well be safe. (I'm going tell him I'm serious about quitting this time and no free samples). He would sell to me at cost so there was never a financial motive, just trying to keep me safe. (he would pretend he wasn't on, but would watch me go to gumshoe hustlers and waste money.)
Since I never got high with anyone at least I'm not losing any user friends.
I guess I need to find some recovered people to be friends with---the main reason for going to meetings. BTW, how are the meetings on this website? Can I just do meetings here our domi actually have to go sit in a churches basement ?
Man I've deleted all of my dealers numbers, and the only one that's seared in my brain is the coke guy. My problem is, I've been so well connected that I can have drugs delivered to me anytime, day or nigh. All you have to do is text, put the money in an envlope in the mailbox, and twenty minutes later it's there. And, the dealers know if they start me on a coke run (usually by asking me to try a new batch they got for FREE) that once I'm on a run, there's a very good chance I will continue for several orders. Ultimately, it's always going to be up to me because I can score drugs anywhere...drop me in any city and I can find it. Not bragging just how difficult it is to battle yourself. And thats the problem: a have a lot of connections who are also my long term friends. One guy, the best man in my wedding!, in particular , a key boy, hates selling to me because he knows how bad I can get. But, he knows I can score other places and over pay for potentially adulterated coke. I guess he figures if I'm going to use might as well be safe. (I'm going tell him I'm serious about quitting this time and no free samples). He would sell to me at cost so there was never a financial motive, just trying to keep me safe. (he would pretend he wasn't on, but would watch me go to gumshoe hustlers and waste money.)
Since I never got high with anyone at least I'm not losing any user friends.
I guess I need to find some recovered people to be friends with---the main reason for going to meetings. BTW, how are the meetings on this website? Can I just do meetings here our domi actually have to go sit in a churches basement ?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: OHIO
Posts: 43
Aegian,
Good morning to you. I always appreciate your thoughts. I guess the thing that really scares me is telling my professional friends. Because of drugs, I often feel more at home in the ghetto than in upper class neighborhoods. My work as a remodeling contractor brings me in contact with a lot of professional friends, and sometimes they become friends. Actually, one client couple are my wifes/my best friends. They know i have lived a crazy life, but would be shocked if they knew the depth of my use. Often, they would make disparaging thoughts about addicts, usually to the tune about what low quality people they are. Meanwhile, I consider myself pretty smart and can hang in most intelligent conversations on a range of topics. I havent had to steal to support my habit. I almost always do what I say. For some reason, normal people always have the stereotypical junkie image in their mind. Meanwhile, they're talking to one. I usually chuckle inside because I kinda want to blow their mind, but I'm afraid they would treat me like a leper. Anyway, my wife is embarrassed by my addiction and would never want me to reveal it. I'll be careful who I tell.
Btw, I used to be a server. Not only is it horrible karma to stiff a server, to make such a rude comment about someones weight is unconscionable! What an a$$!
Good morning to you. I always appreciate your thoughts. I guess the thing that really scares me is telling my professional friends. Because of drugs, I often feel more at home in the ghetto than in upper class neighborhoods. My work as a remodeling contractor brings me in contact with a lot of professional friends, and sometimes they become friends. Actually, one client couple are my wifes/my best friends. They know i have lived a crazy life, but would be shocked if they knew the depth of my use. Often, they would make disparaging thoughts about addicts, usually to the tune about what low quality people they are. Meanwhile, I consider myself pretty smart and can hang in most intelligent conversations on a range of topics. I havent had to steal to support my habit. I almost always do what I say. For some reason, normal people always have the stereotypical junkie image in their mind. Meanwhile, they're talking to one. I usually chuckle inside because I kinda want to blow their mind, but I'm afraid they would treat me like a leper. Anyway, my wife is embarrassed by my addiction and would never want me to reveal it. I'll be careful who I tell.
Btw, I used to be a server. Not only is it horrible karma to stiff a server, to make such a rude comment about someones weight is unconscionable! What an a$$!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: OHIO
Posts: 43
Sugar,
My family knows but have given up preaching to me a LONG time ago. Of course, I don't go up there unless I'm relatively straight. It's funny, one time I took some MDMA thinking that it would enable me to be more open with them---instead it weirded them out. I think they prefer to keep our relationship artificial rather than genuine. It's easier to pretend everything is ok then to actually see the real me. I've made the mistake of calling them after an especially long coke run (a week using an entire pure ounce iv and over dose seizing) when I was so contrite and a basket case....they would get really uncomfortable. Better to pretend.
It will be interesting to see if the notice any difference. I don't think they'll like a sober me, since I won't act my Normal part. Should be interesting....thanks again!
My family knows but have given up preaching to me a LONG time ago. Of course, I don't go up there unless I'm relatively straight. It's funny, one time I took some MDMA thinking that it would enable me to be more open with them---instead it weirded them out. I think they prefer to keep our relationship artificial rather than genuine. It's easier to pretend everything is ok then to actually see the real me. I've made the mistake of calling them after an especially long coke run (a week using an entire pure ounce iv and over dose seizing) when I was so contrite and a basket case....they would get really uncomfortable. Better to pretend.
It will be interesting to see if the notice any difference. I don't think they'll like a sober me, since I won't act my Normal part. Should be interesting....thanks again!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,138
Originally Posted by Jdkarlson
How do you block numbers on an iPhone? This one guy texts me "?" every day...not helpful!
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 236
Originally Posted by Jdkarlson
How do you block numbers on an iPhone?
Let go and Let God!
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 352
I had to find new friends. I could no longer hang out with the people who I used with. I found the new friends in meetings. I clung to those people for the first 90 days.
I didn't tell anyone I was in recovery. The people who I hurt, mostly family, found out by actions and the way I looked. They also knew when I worked the steps and started doing my amends.
All you have to worry about is staying clean today. Don't worry about tomorrow or 19 yrs from now. All you have is today.
I didn't tell anyone I was in recovery. The people who I hurt, mostly family, found out by actions and the way I looked. They also knew when I worked the steps and started doing my amends.
All you have to worry about is staying clean today. Don't worry about tomorrow or 19 yrs from now. All you have is today.
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
I don't know that there's any particular period of time you need to have before telling people. I typically don't tell anyone anything about my medical history anyway. I figure it is none of their business.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
Originally Posted by Jdkarlson
Since society has a major stigma about drug addiction, how much clean time should I have in before I can tell regular people I'm in recovery?
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Jd, it took me more than a little while to realize that society doesn't have nearly the twisted view of recovery that I used to have and that I thought they did.
I'm a financial planner and I don't hide the fact that I'm in recovery. It's yet to blow up on me yet in over 4yrs of being open and honest about it.
As far as ppl going back out.....that freaks me out too. So.....to make sure I'm not someone who has to go back out 5, 10, 20, or 30 years down the road......I make damn sure to be doing everything I can to avoid the pitfalls of a "slip," namely: falling into the trap that gets me thinking I can keep myself sober and that I don't reeeeally have to keep doing everything that I've been doing thus far.
As for the path of and type of recovery YOU have....you absolutely have a say in it. If it's an afterthought and something you aren't going to make a priority......then, from what I've seen, you'll likely get results that are in line with your commitment.
I'm a financial planner and I don't hide the fact that I'm in recovery. It's yet to blow up on me yet in over 4yrs of being open and honest about it.
As far as ppl going back out.....that freaks me out too. So.....to make sure I'm not someone who has to go back out 5, 10, 20, or 30 years down the road......I make damn sure to be doing everything I can to avoid the pitfalls of a "slip," namely: falling into the trap that gets me thinking I can keep myself sober and that I don't reeeeally have to keep doing everything that I've been doing thus far.
As for the path of and type of recovery YOU have....you absolutely have a say in it. If it's an afterthought and something you aren't going to make a priority......then, from what I've seen, you'll likely get results that are in line with your commitment.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
When I quit I told everyone...damn near took out an ad in the paper...but I doubt it came as a surprise to many - I was a very public alcoholic by the end.
Looking at it now, I think family and those closest to us deserve to know...anyone outside that circle though is a matter of personal discretion.
D
Looking at it now, I think family and those closest to us deserve to know...anyone outside that circle though is a matter of personal discretion.
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 263
Hey don't know if you got the answer but you can download an app that will block numbers for you. The app is called "iblacklist." The free version lets you block 2 numbers but i think its fairly inexpensive for the full version taht you can block as many numbers as you want.
One moment at a time.
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 213
It all really just depends on you and whether or not you feel comfortable about it..
As for myself, if I get the feeling that someone is in recovery, or if they say they are then I will surely bring it up.. If someone asks me if I am in recovery, I will also answer yes, and leave it at that unless they truly have some questions about it.
Other than that I don't blatently go out and say HEY WORLD I'M IN RECOVERY!!! But if the moment is right in the conversation, I will surely let the other person know that I am in recovery.
Just like sugarbear, I have also posted about heading to a meeting on facebook, or posted inspirational recovery quotes on facebook...
So like I said it's all up to you and how you feel about it.
As for myself, if I get the feeling that someone is in recovery, or if they say they are then I will surely bring it up.. If someone asks me if I am in recovery, I will also answer yes, and leave it at that unless they truly have some questions about it.
Other than that I don't blatently go out and say HEY WORLD I'M IN RECOVERY!!! But if the moment is right in the conversation, I will surely let the other person know that I am in recovery.
Just like sugarbear, I have also posted about heading to a meeting on facebook, or posted inspirational recovery quotes on facebook...
So like I said it's all up to you and how you feel about it.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
