Fail
 

Hello all,

I failed. 7 days and I failed. a 12 pack on sunday. I want to be sober. I hate who I am when I drink but I caved to myself. Its hard even here to admit it but I feel I need to hold myself accountable.

Is there any way i can succeed. I am a joke and it kills me that i failed in my desire to be clean. I have evidently zero willpower. Thank you to anyone who reads this. I am lost. :a108:

It was my first relapse that convinced me that I truely had a problem. I was so strong in my conviction to quit, and then, BAM. Gone. I drank. So can will power alone succeed? The Big Book says that we (alcoholics) "are without defense against the first drink."

That is the temptation you must fight, the first drink, at the stage where you still have control: Before the first drink.

All of here know how difficult that is, how powerful the mind is in trying to get us to drink. But resist we must. After a year of being sober I can attest that it can be done.

Good luck.

Start again!

Hi ddrayer,

You need to learn from what happened.

Why did you decide to go and buy alcohol?

And, I wonder what changes you have started to make to your life, besides stopping drinking? It's good to remember that stopping drinking is the start, but you need to deal with the underlying issues in your life, in order to recover.

Try again!! And seek out support, whether it's AA, another recovery program, counseling, or whatever you can find. And don't give up!! I had numerous failures but didn't give up and my last relapse really was my last.:)

Never give up!

You may have had relapse, but by coming to this website - it's clear you are trying. Don't give up! Support is essential and you can find that here.

I admire your courage to admit you had a relapse. That is simply you being honest with yourself. Please try to be aware of how it happened and how you will be better prepared next time. I understand your sadness and shame. I think we have all been in the same place. We are human, and as such we are very imperfect creatures. We do imperfect things. Just forgive yourself, take strength in the lesson, and above all else, dont drink today.

Thanks for sharing.

Lots of support here.

I did the same thing today. I will be going to meetings until I kick this. It seems to really help to have a group support. Good luck in your journey.

Desperation is a gift when it comes to addiction.

When is too much of a bad thing good?

When too much suffering leads to change.

That is the conclusion I came to when I first tried to get sober as well. The solution for me was to rely on something larger than myself.

Thank you all. I was really struggling today and had kind of given up but reading these replies has been the kick in the butt I needed. No drinking today and I will definitely start looking for meetings in my area. I am embarrassed but today is a new day and I will start this process again. I know starting is the hardest which is why I'm so mad for relapsing.

Josh, I am starting to come around to your way of thinking. Have started going to church for the first time since my early teens. And in answer to what I'm changing in my life besides giving up drinking. I am working 3 jobs now and trying to generally lead a healthier life style. Less eating out, less negative in my life all around. I have lost about 40 pounds this year. Admittedly this last 9 days haven't been the best on my end but I will keep trying.

Oh and why did I go buy alcohol? Thats a question I don't really know the answer to. It was Sunday there was football on I was done with work...I dont know just getting in the wrong mindset all around. As much as I hate it I think I may need to stop watching football for a bit because that seems to be an instant mental signal that I should go buy some booze.

hi ddrayer

I really don't like the word fail....it's hard to change our lives.

You just need to look at what happened, look at what you've been doing so far, and think about what other things you can add to your recovery regime to shore yourself up - do you need more support, do you need to change your routine for a little while? etc

Relapse is never fun but we can learn from mistakes if we're clever :)
welcome back :)

D

ddrayer - You're not a failure or a joke. You came here to try and figure things out - you haven't given up & gone on a binge.

I drank my whole life, and didn't know how to function without it - even though it was tearing me apart. I had several false starts before I finally got it - that I can't touch the stuff ever again. There's no such thing as 'a few' drinks for me. I insisted I could use willpower to control it, but proved to myself many times I wasn't capable of doing that.

We all have been where you are - and we support you in your journey to sobriety. Don't give up - be proud of yourself for wanting a new life.