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Is there such a thing as a "high-functioning addict"?

Old 10-09-2011, 07:20 PM
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You can do it and this I see is a wonderful site. I've been reading it for a few days and joined today. Read and post...it helps and helps others. I really didn't know this kind of help was around for you and I.
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Old 10-09-2011, 07:46 PM
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"The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long."

(Tyrell from Blade-Runner)
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Old 10-09-2011, 08:15 PM
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I am also 40 and have used drugs / alcohol since early teens. I have been on suboxone for 6 years and it really has been a life saver for the narcotic addiction. I feel normal on it and know I cannot get high while on it. Many ppl disagree with using it long term, it works for me. I may get off of it one day but am struggling with alcoholism (6 days clean) and don't trust myself to be off the sub.

I hope your marriage works out, but if it doesn't, aren't you worth saving? You really need to do it for YOU and not just for someone else, at least that is what I found to be true for myself.

Keep coming on here, so many wonderful supportive people who are not judgemental...I wish you the best!
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Old 10-10-2011, 03:19 AM
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Originally Posted by LosingmyMisery View Post
I was high functioning until I wasn't.
Love it !!!!! Thanks
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Old 10-10-2011, 04:53 AM
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Hi JD.

Whew, I think that you are not as functioning as you give yourself credit for. What you said about people in the drug culture being more genuine than normal middle class types. That resonated with me. I used to have that can arrogant self centered ego driven view of the world and others... Been there, done that, got the addiction.

I am not gonna say a whole lot of specific things. I am going to beg you to let go of nearly everything you think you know about yourself, your addiction and the people and the world around you. Be open to things that may seem counter to everything you thought you knew.

Welcome to SR.
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Old 10-10-2011, 07:18 AM
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Your delusion of being "in control" of your emotions was where I was. There is no control, you're numbing them, stuffing them down inside. All of them are still there waiting to be released.

Many alkies & addicts I know are functioning, we may not all make tons of money, but we function daily, usually to get our fix. We are also highly intelligent.

If you think you are too intelligent to learn anything, your arrogant closed mind could hurt you when all is said and done. Try having an open mind.

Recovering from your addiction is in your hands. You must decide if you're an addict.

I wish you all the best in recovery! Remember, many don't recover if they believe themselves to be too smart....it's part of the delusion.
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Old 10-10-2011, 09:56 AM
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In the addicts mind there is definitely a high functioning addict...them! In reality they are doing parts of what most sane, mature adults do on a daily basis and receive no reward for, i.e. having a job, having a home, having a relationship, raising a family, paying bills on time etcetc
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Old 10-10-2011, 10:51 AM
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i think this is a GREAT topic

Welcome!! Thanks for your post!!! I can relate as im sure many others can as well. I was an extremely high functioning DRUNK/addict lol. I have always been addicted to anything that made me feel good.(drugs, alcohol, sexual relations, etc) I use to even tell my friends about how wonderful i was at using prescription pills, xtacy, coke, and booze. I was a star athlete in highschool. I went to college and got a degree in the IT field, graduated with honors, and was a member of many honor societies. I also landed a nice job in a corporate office where i sit today. In my eyes that was EXTREMELY functioning. However, personal relationships were beginning to fail. My partner was not happy, my family was not happy, which in turn began to make me question my use. I went to treatment in fear of losing my partner. I sobered up and got a good clean month of sobriety. Then i entered IOP and learned so much about how to live sober and happy. With the help of counselors i realized that i was never actually in control. In fact my unmanageability came from within.

I had a very hard time reading the first step to recovery. Admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanagable. For me, If i put anything in my body i would not stop (powerless). My emotions were all over the map, and i could not handle being sober as i did not like who i was. (unmanagable)


Today is a good day to be sober so ill keep doing what im doing!! Thank you again for your post it brought me back to my days of confusion. There is a solution =)
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Old 10-10-2011, 10:54 AM
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I never said I wanted a reward for doing what Chris Rock said is expected of adults ("I take care of my kids...you're supposed to you $&;$&(!). Anyway, with the stereotype of people falling apart because of jail, financial ruin, or overdose being the end to EVERYONE, I find that I've spent many years tapering down my use. I don't use til I'm obliterated---I use just enough to feel "well" and that I can do all those things. IN natural state I'm so depressed that I feel life is a waste of time. (that isn't healthy thinking, but that's what I felt for many years growing up, until I found a chemical way to feel that life is worth living. One that I know the heights of feeling, it's hard to sit on the ground when one knows how to fly....
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Old 10-10-2011, 11:03 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Alaina,
What you wrote resonates with me and it's my sincere hope that I can find the peace you describe. I hate having to depend on something external, but I have no skills in dealing with emotions that arise and I prefer to stay comfortably numb. The problem is that I'm going to lose the most important person I've ever met. If I'm honest with myself I will admit that my fear of losing her (and fear of being alone) frightens me to control and hide my use. I don't drink because I can't figure out what people like about it---if you want to know high do coke! Anyway, I have deluded myself into thinking I could get away with small quantities and that my wife would see that as a compromise. She has been distant for many years, so much that I feel like I have a roommate instead of a wife. I don't know if the spark is gone for good, or whether it can be saved and rekindled. That's why I was so glad to read that you were so successful in IOP. This is embarrassing to say but I've always found meetings to be sooooo boring. I dread wasting my life being bored to death. I sit there feeling angry that I can't be high. Pisses me off. I feel if it doesn't work out with my wife instead of changing me, maybe I should find someone more open minded? Why should I have to waste my life sitting in those stupid meetings? There must be another way than being subjected to that....
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Old 10-10-2011, 11:17 AM
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I am confused. You sound like a totally different person than you did last night. Well, maybe it is me.
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Old 10-10-2011, 11:24 AM
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You just hit upon EXACTLY what you need to do...you said you have no skills in dealing with emotions.....Well, thats the first thing you need to do...find the skills...Second thing, is stop feeling numb....you cant do one without the other...Any of the programs, or rooms out there, will teach you skills, and coping techniques, how can you deal with emotions when you feel numb?????? dont add up in my book!! Obviously, this is something you overlooked..and need to concentrate on...You cant feel when your numb.....you may think you can..but you dont..thats a big turn off for any wife....or spouse..
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Old 10-10-2011, 11:25 AM
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@sissy...i noticed it too.....
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Old 10-10-2011, 11:28 AM
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I'm the same person, just am battling internally with myself. Part wants to get clean and try something different, but another feels irritated that I have to quit the one thing in my life that I could always count on. I realize when I look at it calmly, that you can't win this game, but it still hurts to give it up. What am I supposed to replace it with?
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Old 10-10-2011, 11:32 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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And his posts are contradictory. Just another addict with many defense mechanisms.

Please get help.
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Old 10-10-2011, 11:32 AM
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the goodness of the day? how about feeling great? oh, wait....no guilt?shame? and planning for your next fix? what about better health? clear head? PEACE, LOVE & BLISS??????? the list can go on and on.......there are SO MANY things that have replaced my habit, my illness, my dis-ease, my demons....These things are right there for your taking..FREE.....Its up to you......
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Old 10-10-2011, 11:33 AM
  # 37 (permalink)  
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Mornin, JD

Happy Monday to ya!

No one said you have to sit through meetings. In fact, you may want to take a spin through the Secular Connections forum for other suggestions. Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

I noticed that you have mentioned a few times that what is driving you to look into getting off H is saving your relationship with your wife but in the same token are willing to lose her in favor of sticking with it and finding someone who is OK with that? That reads like H is your true first love. Is that honestly the case? (Rhetorical question, just something to think about).

I can speak from experience that the only way to kick being chained to something is to want it for yourself. Yes, that is selfish - but thats basically how it works. Trying to do anything of this magnitude for someone else will not end well. It has to be by you, and for you. Focus on you, and the pieces around you will start to fall into place.
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Old 10-10-2011, 11:35 AM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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You are us and we are you. I'm not trying to be harsh. You really can live without your unnatural high.
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Old 10-10-2011, 11:38 AM
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not being mean...but you need to make a solid decision as to what it really is you want out of life, how to obtain it..then do it.....If there's a will, there IS a way...seems like your saying a bunch of stuff, that Im finding confusing...and going back and forth on things...
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Old 10-10-2011, 11:42 AM
  # 40 (permalink)  
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Intellectualizing won't help. We're all too intelligent. The problem is dealing with life without a substance. I never did heroin, but I loved cocaine. Today boredom is my mind and body not living.
Boredom doesn't exist.

Try staying stopped. See a doctor. From what I understand, heroin is a physical addiction, you'll need medical help, in my opinion.

We're here for you! (sorry, phone keyboard is messing with me again)
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