So sad reaching out
 

Hi all
Im typing this tears falling from my eyes..
My alcoholsim is spiralling and hitting me harder and feel my life slipping away from me each day..
I feel like a robot, exisiting but not really feeling any happiness,I worry constanty,i have completely forgot how to relax,i see no future and it scares me so much that it feels like i've given up. I am so sad, can this ever feel better?
Thanks all for reading,I guess i am looking for some support and understanding and i know this is the best place ton find this....

Love Anna

Welcome laanisa! I remember logging onto SR feeling like a lost soul. Sad, defeated, and just plain miserable. I finally figured out if I didn't change my behavior and get sober I was going to destroy myself. I'm happy you found this site...there is tons of support here.

Make a plan for yourself....AA, Smart Recovery, counseling....some type of support for yourself. Many cannot do this alone.

Yes, it get's better!! Put the alcohol down and make today your Day1. :) Your not alone!!


:welcome


Best Wishes To You!

Anna, I wonder if I would have stopped drinking earlier if someone had said, 'Hey Dummy! It's the booze that is causing the depression, fear and anxiety! Stop being an idiot!'. I like to think I might have listened to them and saved myself months or even a year or two of grief.

How about you, Anna? Will you make a commitment to stop right now? Do you have a plan to stop now? You can stop right now, you really can (honestly, we all can). Are you going to do it now or keep extending your miserable existence in this living hell? What's it going to be?

If haven't given up yet if you are here seeking help. And it can get better if you are willing to do what it takes.

I think we (alcoholics) get a few opportunities to save ourselves. But just a few. I compare to a drowning person who bobs to the surface a couple times before sinking down. Don't drown, save yourself. You are worth it.

I drank in large part because of anxiety. But the thing is, the alcohol only made it worse. While I was drinking, I felt pretty good...but then the anxiety creep back in the next morning. It was a horrible cycle. I would have panic attacks, fearing I might die at any moment. Awful stuff! But since I stopped drinking *20* days ago, I haven't had a single panic attack (once the physcial withdrawl ended, of course). I still have some cravings, but they pass. I feel really good and motivated. I was pretty antisocial when I was drinking and that is starting to change. The beginning of this journey is so scary but it just keeps getting better, darlin. Best to you. I'm glad you've shared your feelings and I'm beaming lots of love your way.

xo,
kc

Laanisa,

You have no idea how many of us can identify with what you are going through. I certainly can relate. Have faith that you have the power to change your situation. Change might seem impossible at times but we all have the power to make it happen.

My life got so crazy that I now desire to remain sober more than to continue drinking. Quiting drinking was a very scary thing for me to imagine while I was still drinking.

Have faith and courage and things will get better.

Hang in there and thanks for sharing.

Thank you all so much...

Im in quite a state lately, am realizing this is driving me insane and have been for too long now. I have been away from SR for awhile but have been reading here all day today and am trying to get past the feelings of shame and immense sadness and am trying to understand its not my fault and to believe things can get better..

Thanks again xx

When my drinking turned me into a depressed sodden mess...
my doctor said to abstain and get connected to my local AA meetings.

Alcohol is a toxic chemical that often causes depression.
I did not know that at the time.

Do you have a plan in mind to win over alcohol?

All my best.....good to see you here with us...:yup:

Hi Anna -

I was quite certain that if I quit drinking it wouldn't make any change in my mental health, but I was (of course) completely wrong. I find now at almost 6 months sober that my highs are generally higher and my lows are not devastating like they used to be. Getting sober was the real catalyst to being able to address issues of depression and mental health in my life, as well as physical, mental and spiritual health.

I promise if you get sober things will improve dramatically. My life is not perfect now, but I am not in a downward death spiral any longer. Best wishes to you!

Laanisa,

Try and let go of the feelings of shame and guilt. I felt the same way and it wasn't conducive toward recovery. You are doing the right thing by reading all of the posts and focusing on the positive. I know for me (with only 2 weeks sobriety) that hope is essential. You are not alone, we are here to support you. This website will offer you friendship, support, acceptance and encouragement:c031:

Welcome! Try not drinking for one day!

Hi,

I think it's normal to feel lost and alone at the time when you know you have to stop drinking for good. But, know that you never have to feel like this again. You can make the choice to live a sober life.

hugs.

a few years I gave myself up to my addictions. I just stopped even trying to fight the good fight or get on track. I felt the way you did. Each day spiraling further into despair, each day leaving me with less and less reason to try to go on.

Then one day I was at a wedding, and I was out of my mind, drunk, binging on cake, flirting, making a total fool of myself. Ended up in the bathroom with my fingers down my throat trying to make myself puke, afraid I was going to topple head first into the john since I was not steady on my feet. Tears spilling down my face. This was supposed to be a happy event. but I was wretched. I knew it had to stop, because even going on like THAT was no longer an option.

I got clean, got into a program, and got hooked on drama. I will be dead honest, when I was focusing on MY recovery, things were ok, not every day a peach, but ok. It gave me a purpose. But I stopped focusing on recovery, and began to play the drama. and it all went to hell in a handbasket real quick.

All the misery rushed back in, even before I picked up again.Got clean again, focused on recovery. strung together a bunch of days worth living. Started focusing on drama...days got miserable, and I picked up. repeat a couple more times.

I pick up AFTER I stop focusing on my recovery. The hell returns, THEN I pick up. I am at a crossroads again. Now I know I have a choice, either get back to focusing on recovery and living, or keep focusing on drama and end up miserable and using again.

I can pick up drama anywhere I want to. I can get myself worked up over a novel, or find drama on these boards to get indignant about if I want to. Or I can seek the message of recovery in all the areas of my life, because it's there. I can laugh with a joke or decide to take offense. I can grumble that I had to stay late at work, or I can be thankful that I left at exactly the right time to catch a gorgeous sunset.

Drama is the thing I tend to set my recovery down for, and it leads to misery and it leads to me feeling despair and picking up.

My boyfriend got clean shortly after I did (this last time out). And last week, I was all about drama and misery and he got angry with me and snapped at how unfair it was that I coaxed him out of his shell, out of his misery, he had decided to just drink himself to death, and I'd gone and messed up his goal, and now that he has 16 weeks clean he just can't go back to his old plan of drinking hiimself to death. I ruined it for him!

He once thought the idea of drinking himself to death was "romantic", now he can't fool himself any more.

Me neither. I work up a full head of drama and despair, but it's just not the same, I can't quite fool myself. I know there is another way, may as well stay on target instead of going through the wash cycle over again. A taste of recovery has ruined it for me.

I am bored with active addiction

nisa I know what you mean about the robot thing! Sometimes I feel like my emotions meter is set to -3. But when I was actively drinking it was always so much worse! I would drink for happiness blackout or pass out, wake up still drunk and agonizingly, slowly come down to reality. That tennis racket to the face type of reality (with a hangover.)

Your disease doesn't make you a bad person. Don't let the shame get the best of you, we all know what you're experiencing and sympathize with you. You can do this! Hope you keep posting and break out of the cycle!

hello, Im new to this too, I know how you are feeling but 2 weeks ago I felt like a light had been switched on in my head. suddenly I found I could manage tos tay sober a day at a time. Dont try to think long term just today dont drink, I found drinking pints of squash helps, and logging in here every day. I hope you feel better soon