oakwood

I've been lurking here for some time, now. It seems like by actually posting and writing here I'm publicly admitting I've got a serious, serious problem with drinking.

Really, I don't know why my drinking got out of control. I've got a pretty good life, loving husband, decent job, etc. But somehow over the last few years I've just had to have more and more - I do believe the that it is getting progressively worse, fast.

Now every night I drink to pass out in my chair watching tv, wake up hung over, drag myself to work, sit there with a mushy brain, and then go home to start it all over again. Every morning I swear to myself that I will not drink today. By about 3 pm I've totally forgotten that promise to myself and I just want to get a drink.

I haven't hit bottom, but I do see the path to it if I don't stop this madness. Moderation will not be an option for me.

I need some support and encouragement. Just one day sober would be a major accomplishment...

Terminally Unique

Welcome. Don't worry so much about why it happened; it just did, just like it does to many others.

The important question is: what is your plan now?

sissy07

Welcome! This site is a big part of my recovery. You will find a lot of love and understanding here.

I know exactly what you are talking about. I went through that same thing when I was 35....ended up going to rehab. It was very difficult to admit it to everyone but I didn't have a choice. I was really scared.

I got sober for 8 years, drank, sober for 9 years, drank for 4 years and now I am 59 days sober. Please stop now and don't go through the ride I went through. You don't want to see what your bottom is, take it from me. It has been my experience that it gets very bad very suddenly. Extremely progressive.

Keep logging on here, go to AA, get some literature or read on the web. AA's Big Book is wonderful. When I first got sober attending the AA women's meetings really helped. I thought I would not be able to relate, but they were just like me - and some with many, many years of sobriety. Go to various meetings to find one that suits you.

Love, hugs, and positive energy to you. Please take action - you don't have to live like this, you really don't.

oakwood

Obviously, sheer willpower isn't working. I'm just coming to the realization that maybe I do need some sort meeting or something. I don't want to go, though. That would really be making it public. Yes, I'm really scared to do that.

I do need a plan, though. Hopefully, this site will help.

alchy

Hang in there and do what you have to do to get sober. I made the exact same post here 3 1/2 months ago but have been sober since. Years straight of being drunk every day before that. I had no idea at the time i would actually become sober. I thought it was just a crazy dream. Its not easy but its worth it. I was terrified as well but here I am on another hangoverless morning, slimmer and healthier of mind and body. Aside from feeling like crap from my cold. Talk to your doctor and be honest about your drinking. Detox can be dangerous.

CarolD

Welcome....

It's always a wise idea to have an honest talk with your doctor about how best to de tox. It's a medical issue and please take the time to read this...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

northwoods

Thanks for posting this Oakwood and coming to the forum here. What really helped me regarding having the strength so far (4 days) to quit is that I just keep thinking about how life was so much better in every respect before I began to rely on the alcohol. I was exactly like you described, so many mornings I swore I had to and was going to end it that day but by the afternoon my head was in a different place altogether. I think coming to this forum is the primary reason I have been able to stick with it so far and I am feeling so much better already... now I don't just want to quit and think I can... I truly know I can because I realize just how very many people where in my exact same situation and they beat it. So will I and so can you!

LovesToTravel

Lots of good information on this site..

oakwood

I feel relief just being able to admit it to someone who understands. You're all an inspiration to me. Thanks for the welcome!

least

Welcome to the family. Giving up drinking for good is hard to do but sober living is worth the effort. There is lots of support here and there are many different ways to stay sober. I'm living sober with the support of this site and my addiction counselor. Find the way that works for you and go with it.

artsoul

Welcome oakwood!

I can totally relate..... So many mornings waking up and wondering "why did I do this to myself, again?" Just like you described it, it was the same thing over and over, making promises, trying harder to control it and giving in by late afternoon. It took getting sober to realize the full extent of alcohol's control over me.

It's totally scary at first, but you're doing the right thing by reaching out for support. I'm so glad you posted!:ghug3

Eliasson

Welcome Oakwood! Please don't wait to see how low your bottom is! So glad you are here. I am almost 2 months sober but felt exactly as you do 2 months ago. The people here are unbelievably loving and supportive and have helped me so much! Keep close to this forum and try to find other sources of support, too. I go to a great women's AA meeting. It was terrifying at first, but I found the courage somewhere and am so glad I did the women there are just as supportive and caring. Now I make a phone call or write a post when I need help. Keep reading and posting! You can do this!

Dee74

Welcome Oakwood
You life reminds me a lot of my former one...I didn't think it could get worse than that but it did, so I'm glad you're here with us now

Support really helped me - the encouragement and understanding I found here helped me turn my life around

I know it will help you too

D

Anna

Welcome, Oakwood!

I love the support that SR gives.

sugarbear1

Welcome!

I'm confused. What other kind of bottom are you trying to reach? Is the alcohol still working for you? Do you wonder why you're reaching out to a Sober Recovery website? I have reached many bottoms, all with a reservation that I wasn't an alcoholic. If I had known that if I had stopped the first time and then I would have reached an emotional emptiness without drinking, I may have found the solution back then without all of the consequences.

Try to speak with your doctor to come up with a plan for quitting. If life is great, you are ok. If you stop & you are emotionally empty, aa has a solution.

Best wishes!

soberwingz

Welcome to SR Oakwood

Thanks for posting your story. Your pattern of drinking closely resembled mine. I drank every day for years only in the evening and almost only by myself. Despite the fact that I was highly functioning at work, at home I was isolated and getting more distant from my family. It was becoming very apparent that I would with no question lose my wife if I continued on my path. Although I did not hit bottom, I most certainly got a good hard look the bottom.

At the end of the day it was time to take a real hard look at myself and admit what I had know for a very long time.

I am 6 days sober and I'm an alcoholic.

Thanks for sharing and good luck,

Lots of support here.

EDHARLEY

Its seem as if your pattern resembles mine and after reading up I noticed a lot of others said the same thing... I am starting to realize I belong here. I hope you find what you are looking for as I have so far..

YVRguy

Welcome Oakland and I am kind of re-lurking as I can't even find my old account which I stopped posting with anyways the last while and I can say the last while was not good.

I can't figure out my patterns either with any certainty. They say its cunning and baffling and it sure is.

I went to my doctor (GP) yesterday as I had slowed things and well my body slowed it down for me. Foggy , exhausted , and tired of feeling crap . She is aware of my ongoing condition and battle...like for 10 years. We both knew the regime , the meds and next steps. Talk to your doctor as people say here. I don't even kids myself or anyone else on relapse and head straight there. They can help and most are non judgmental and prefer to deal with it in their office or clinic versus seeing you in the ER.

SR here is one great resources and there are lists here of place to turn. We are not alone.

Dee74

Welcome (back) YVRGuy

D

debsam

Oakland, you just told my story...it's living hell. I can relate to everything you wrote. I'm 5 1/2 months sober...I was caught in the same vicous cycle. You want out..you'll get there. Keep reading and posting.

We're all here to support you. Big Hug