Only day two, a rough day, but I did it-
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Join Date: Jul 2011
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Only day two, a rough day, but I did it-
Yesterday was only my day two without alcohol and I was tested in so many ways, but I made it. On top of normal every day stresses and triggers, someone I love is in lot of trouble (mostly because of alcohol), and relying heavily on me, yet blaming me for everything (long story). I spent half the day trying to support and calm people down, on top of work, kids, family visiting, blah blah blah. I had every "excuse" to drink in the book. But I guess also seeing the ruin that alcohol can cause, and the road it leads you down is what I kept realizing and is what helped keep me away from it yesterday. I have a huge problem with alcohol but the effects in my life could be, and would be if I continued I'm sure, way, way worse.
Anyway, I woke up today, not well rested because of about 50 phone calls in the middle of the night, but at least I am clear headed and trying to handle my life and this situation the right way. After 10 years of drinking pretty much every night, it makes me think of how poorly I must have handled so many other situations being buzzed or drunk. But I can't regret I just need to move on.
Reading posts on this site make me feel like I'm not alone in this, there so many other "normal" people like me battling, and winning this. I really need to make this commitment not to drink a priority in my life. Today, day 3, and every day forward.
Thank you
Anyway, I woke up today, not well rested because of about 50 phone calls in the middle of the night, but at least I am clear headed and trying to handle my life and this situation the right way. After 10 years of drinking pretty much every night, it makes me think of how poorly I must have handled so many other situations being buzzed or drunk. But I can't regret I just need to move on.
Reading posts on this site make me feel like I'm not alone in this, there so many other "normal" people like me battling, and winning this. I really need to make this commitment not to drink a priority in my life. Today, day 3, and every day forward.
Thank you
:
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
That's a lot of phone calls (!)...... especially for day two. Wow.... I'm so glad you made it through.:ghug3
One of the many wonderful things about sobriety for me is being able to be there for the people in my life and feel connected again. Congratulations on getting sober and don't forget to take care of yourself. One day at a time........
One of the many wonderful things about sobriety for me is being able to be there for the people in my life and feel connected again. Congratulations on getting sober and don't forget to take care of yourself. One day at a time........
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,462
Thank you!
Artsoul...I know! I kept telling myself through it all, that if I can get through this sober, then I have to be able to get through regular days.
I have to admit even this morning has been tough. I kind of feel down, maybe because something is now missing in my life that has been a constant (alcohol, that is)? Boredom, and cleaning the house, it just seems so mundane. But that feeling passes, right? And I have this full, kind of fuzzy feeling in my head. Not really a headache. I keep thinking it's just my body and brain healing and getting back to normal.
Artsoul...I know! I kept telling myself through it all, that if I can get through this sober, then I have to be able to get through regular days.
I have to admit even this morning has been tough. I kind of feel down, maybe because something is now missing in my life that has been a constant (alcohol, that is)? Boredom, and cleaning the house, it just seems so mundane. But that feeling passes, right? And I have this full, kind of fuzzy feeling in my head. Not really a headache. I keep thinking it's just my body and brain healing and getting back to normal.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I had all those same things, too: brain fog, insomnia, tiredness, moodiness..... I had several days when I felt like my brain was misfiring, I couldn't remember things and I kept dropping stuff. It definitely take times to heal.
The boredom/mundaneness and the sadness should slowly go away too..... I spent hours here at first because I didn't know what to do with myself and nothing interested me. It's like breaking up with someone who's not good for us. It's a relief to be out of the relationship but at the same time it's hard to deal with the empty days/nights.
All I can say is that it really will get better. Remember, all you really have to do is just get through today sober. Whether you clean is just icing on the cake.....
The boredom/mundaneness and the sadness should slowly go away too..... I spent hours here at first because I didn't know what to do with myself and nothing interested me. It's like breaking up with someone who's not good for us. It's a relief to be out of the relationship but at the same time it's hard to deal with the empty days/nights.
All I can say is that it really will get better. Remember, all you really have to do is just get through today sober. Whether you clean is just icing on the cake.....
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
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Congrats on getting a handle on needing to quit and doing it!
How did boredom and cleaning the house feel drinking? Exciting and glamorous? Of course not. But you were medicating those feelings away with alcohol. Unfortunately for us we also medicate away our capacity to feel the joys and loves of life as well.
Your feelings will seem very strange at first as you begin to feel them again. If you are a boring person with a boring life drinking, you will still be a boring person with a boring life sober, only you will realize it then.
The difference is that sober you can do something about it. Drinking you are self-delusional that you are the life of the party and happy when drunk. If you later when you are secure in your sobriety find yourself surrounded by heavy drinkers while sober you will find out just how boring, boring really is.
That is why I joined AA and went to several meetings until I found a group that seemed more "normal" to me. I also needed a sounding board face to face to be with people that had the same situation and got out. For me it could have been any recovery method or group that had face to face meetings (except for any recovery groups that disparages other recovery methods) but I needed that support twice a week for my first three months. I needed the posts here, and to post in support to keep me going.
Keep coming back and use all the support at your disposal and you will make it. Those willing to do "whatever it takes" usually do.
I consider myself recovered which is a heresy for some and a goal for others. For me I define that as being in a state of sobriety and yet knowing that I am one drink or one smoke from being a lush and chain smoker again. At over one year sober I still know I can never control my drinking but it is much easier to not drink (or smoke) now than ever before. I read about folks that relapse because they think they can be normal drinkers and stop and find they can't. I don't need to see if I am the only one who can! See I have never seen someone who had to detox and could not stop drinking without great effort at first, come back and tell me how they now can, and have for several years become a normal drinker, without falling down the rabbit hole again.
Decide now that this is not just an attempt but the end. Be bored or not but now you have a choice. You may well re-develop your vision and feelings to where you can see the beauty and elegance in the mundane, the ordinary. I have found it true for me before I was a heavy drinker, and even since, that if I can't handle the day to day mundane tasks I certainly won't be able to handle anything bigger.
Only then can you move past the boredom and see what possibilities your life holds for you and every other life you touch.
How did boredom and cleaning the house feel drinking? Exciting and glamorous? Of course not. But you were medicating those feelings away with alcohol. Unfortunately for us we also medicate away our capacity to feel the joys and loves of life as well.
Your feelings will seem very strange at first as you begin to feel them again. If you are a boring person with a boring life drinking, you will still be a boring person with a boring life sober, only you will realize it then.
The difference is that sober you can do something about it. Drinking you are self-delusional that you are the life of the party and happy when drunk. If you later when you are secure in your sobriety find yourself surrounded by heavy drinkers while sober you will find out just how boring, boring really is.
That is why I joined AA and went to several meetings until I found a group that seemed more "normal" to me. I also needed a sounding board face to face to be with people that had the same situation and got out. For me it could have been any recovery method or group that had face to face meetings (except for any recovery groups that disparages other recovery methods) but I needed that support twice a week for my first three months. I needed the posts here, and to post in support to keep me going.
Keep coming back and use all the support at your disposal and you will make it. Those willing to do "whatever it takes" usually do.
I consider myself recovered which is a heresy for some and a goal for others. For me I define that as being in a state of sobriety and yet knowing that I am one drink or one smoke from being a lush and chain smoker again. At over one year sober I still know I can never control my drinking but it is much easier to not drink (or smoke) now than ever before. I read about folks that relapse because they think they can be normal drinkers and stop and find they can't. I don't need to see if I am the only one who can! See I have never seen someone who had to detox and could not stop drinking without great effort at first, come back and tell me how they now can, and have for several years become a normal drinker, without falling down the rabbit hole again.
Decide now that this is not just an attempt but the end. Be bored or not but now you have a choice. You may well re-develop your vision and feelings to where you can see the beauty and elegance in the mundane, the ordinary. I have found it true for me before I was a heavy drinker, and even since, that if I can't handle the day to day mundane tasks I certainly won't be able to handle anything bigger.
Only then can you move past the boredom and see what possibilities your life holds for you and every other life you touch.
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Join Date: Jul 2011
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Artsoul: What a great analogy! An addiction to something not good for us, whether it's a person, alcohol, drugs, whatever, is so hard to let go of even though we mostly FEEL better whether it (or him/her) and know that we are doing the right thing.
Itchy: thank you. I did get past the boredom and blahness. oh, there were many moments where my brain would say "just one small bottle of wine, you won't get drunk, but it will make the day go smoother, it will make things better". haha, I haven't stopped at a small bottle of wine in years. And it makes NOTHING better, not at the moment, and certainly not the next day.
I have read a lot about the "addictive voice", and while I'm not following any full-blown recovery plan, maybe just a little bit everything, I do feel like there is this mean little addictive voice in my head, that tells me lies to try to get me to drink . And I feel like I have to argue and battle with him! And then he goes away, for a little while, until it's time to try again. He can be very persistent and very persuasive: "No one will know, so it's ok. You deserve it. you're an adult, you're allowed to drink. Everyone has a drink to relax, why can't you , of all people, since you have so much on your plate and you are so stressed?" and on and on.
Rather, I spent a sober night with family and my children, I was even around some family members drinking wine. I was even up until 11:30, dead sober, planning my week. And today, the best reward of all for me, I woke up clear headed, and remembered that I didn't drink last night and that I have another day to be proud of. That makes the uncomfortable, "bored", empty moments, totally worth it...
Itchy: thank you. I did get past the boredom and blahness. oh, there were many moments where my brain would say "just one small bottle of wine, you won't get drunk, but it will make the day go smoother, it will make things better". haha, I haven't stopped at a small bottle of wine in years. And it makes NOTHING better, not at the moment, and certainly not the next day.
I have read a lot about the "addictive voice", and while I'm not following any full-blown recovery plan, maybe just a little bit everything, I do feel like there is this mean little addictive voice in my head, that tells me lies to try to get me to drink . And I feel like I have to argue and battle with him! And then he goes away, for a little while, until it's time to try again. He can be very persistent and very persuasive: "No one will know, so it's ok. You deserve it. you're an adult, you're allowed to drink. Everyone has a drink to relax, why can't you , of all people, since you have so much on your plate and you are so stressed?" and on and on.
Rather, I spent a sober night with family and my children, I was even around some family members drinking wine. I was even up until 11:30, dead sober, planning my week. And today, the best reward of all for me, I woke up clear headed, and remembered that I didn't drink last night and that I have another day to be proud of. That makes the uncomfortable, "bored", empty moments, totally worth it...
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: springfield, va
Posts: 1,385
I have read a lot about the addictive voice too. But, there is another voice in there - the sober voice. It seems we just need to refrain from drinking and make that sober voice louder than the addictive voice. I also read that recovery is possible when we are more comfortable in sobriety than in drunkeness. I guess it just takes time. It also seems that we have to really want it, work on our sobriety every day and learn patience.
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