Notices

Reaching out.

Old 10-06-2011, 10:03 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: UK.
Posts: 143
Its times like this I hate myself most.
qpapq is offline  
Old 10-06-2011, 02:28 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Member
 
tanja's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: springfield, va
Posts: 1,385
Canterbell,

I think we have all been there with self-hatred. I try and ask myself "Is this conducive to recovery or not". For me, beating myself up or putting myself down is certainly not helpful in trying to quit drinking. Joining this web site is a good first step!
tanja is offline  
Old 10-06-2011, 02:33 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,058
I'm glad to see you back Canterbelle
So, if not AA, what do you think is the next step for you?

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 10-06-2011, 02:55 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
orangutan
 
aussieblue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 5,970
Glad to see you back here canterbell
aussieblue is offline  
Old 10-06-2011, 03:26 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Its_me_jen
 
PaperDolls's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
Welcome back!! So glad you made it back.

As someone else here said, you are NOT alone.

I'm not in chat much but would be happy to talk -- just send me a PM if you need to talk. I'm on here often.
PaperDolls is offline  
Old 10-07-2011, 03:00 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: UK.
Posts: 143
I have had some good support in the chat room last night and tonight, Thank you all very much.

I guess I have some soul searching to do. I want better than this, I want more for myself. I have been drinking tonight, and while I am ashamed and disgusted with myself, I still did it.

*sighs*

I guess I deserve the life I have carved out for myself..
qpapq is offline  
Old 10-07-2011, 03:10 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
Member
 
humblestudent's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 256
<---You're just trying to find your way,Canterbell...I think you're very brave to post exactly what's going on with you...a) to still reach out, even if you haven't managed to totally stop, and b) to help others that can identify with what you're feeling right now.
humblestudent is offline  
Old 10-07-2011, 03:59 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,058
I used to think I deserved the life I had to - I really needed to turn those kind of thoughts on their head - I deserved so much more - and I'm glad I went for it.

You will be too CB

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 10-07-2011, 06:34 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Member
 
CaiHong's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi Canterbell,

Humblestudent made me cry to. I love the wizard of OZ.

Canterbell it is not drivel, read it in the morning and then come back and tell us what you think.
All the best
CaiHong is offline  
Old 10-07-2011, 07:07 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
 
CarolD's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I'm glad you remembered we are here...Welcome back...
CarolD is offline  
Old 10-08-2011, 09:10 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: UK.
Posts: 143
Karma rules.. (?)

I feel like death today, I have the beginnings of a monster cold, and the period from hell.

at least I think thats what is going on...

I am wondering if I have poisoned myself indelibly?
qpapq is offline  
Old 10-08-2011, 10:41 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
Member
 
sissy07's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 1,387
I am sorry you are feeling so badly today....I (and most of us) have been there many, many times before. You are just going to have to get fed up with this and take action! It used to really upset me when people said that to me, but it is the truth. I am a 59 year old female that went to rehab when I was 35, sober for 8 yrs, drank, sober for 9 yrs, drank 4 yrs ago and am on day 57. Please don't put yourself through anymore. It doesn't get better - it gets worse and worse and worse - that is if you live through it. And it is so progressive! I didn't think I would ever be sober again this time around. You don't have to live this way - you really don't. I wish I could do something to help you, but then again you have to want it and you have to do it for yourself. But this post and numerous organizations, State resources, counselors, etc. are available to you if you reach out. Love, hugs, and positive energy is being sent your way. Take care. Elizabeth
sissy07 is offline  
Old 10-08-2011, 01:35 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
Powerless over Alcohol
 
IndaMiricale's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Hi canter , just wanted to let you know your not alone. I hope to see you in chat again soon hug
IndaMiricale is offline  
Old 10-08-2011, 03:16 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,058
Hi Canter

I remember feeling like death warmed up many days...I think it's pretty usual.
Of course if you're worried, please see a Dr

Hope you feel better soon
D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 10-11-2011, 01:41 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: UK.
Posts: 143
I am so cross with myself.

I had a conversation today, with a friend not associated with SR, he is an online friend, the only one in the world who knows I am struggling with my drinking hablits. He was fairly supportive, he too has had a problem with his drinking.

The conversation turned to ghosts and shadows in our past. I knew as soon as the conversation started that I would get upset. I didnt know that I would want a drink as bad as I did.

Even as poorly as I have felt, (cold) I still ended up getting in the car and going to buy wine. I stood in the store looking at the shelves, I chose my purchases.

Its stupid, I am stupid.

I chose wine I knew I didn't like, as if that was some sort of pennance, to drink the wine I dont enjoy drinking??

I came home, realise I didn thave time to drink it before Housemate came home, so the only logical decision was to drink the bottle superfast.

What is wrong with me??? I want to badly to help support the good good people I have met in here, I want to listen and empathise and help. How can I do that when I am half cut?

*bangs head against wall really hard*

Im so sorry to all of you I have let down.
qpapq is offline  
Old 10-11-2011, 02:07 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
Came to Believe
 
Fenris's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Montgomery AL
Posts: 507
Canterbell, I've felt the way that you feel and I've had the thoughts that you're having. I found a solution in AA. I mean, I don't want to sound like a recruiter or anything, but when I do what I'm supposed to do in AA, I don't drink, and you seem pretty desperate. I know you have your reservations about AA, but please consider finding yourself some form of face-to-face support. You don't have to keep doing this. You're not a stupid or bad person -- you're just someone who wants to stop drinking and doesn't know how.
Fenris is offline  
Old 10-11-2011, 02:18 PM
  # 37 (permalink)  
Member
 
tanja's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: springfield, va
Posts: 1,385
Canterbell,

Please try and not beat yourself up about it! The fact of the matter is that you are reading, you are posting, you are reaching and you are trying. Not to mention being honest about it. Perhaps, when you feel better try and learn from the experience.
tanja is offline  
Old 10-11-2011, 02:21 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
Hevyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,416
Hi Canterbell. Sorry to be late in reading this - but am very glad to see you posting again. As Fandy said, you were missed on the Whiner's thread.

No matter what's going on, I hope you'll keep coming here and talking about your feelings. Most of us have walked where you are now walking. It's quite a journey, over rugged terrain, but you can make it! We're here to listen and help.
Hevyn is offline  
Old 10-11-2011, 03:00 PM
  # 39 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,058
Hi Canter

If this guy is the only guy in the world who knows about your problem, maybe it's to consider finding more support - whether it's AA or some other recovery group, or counselling, or even just seeing your Dr and opening up to them?

getting sober and staying that way can be hard - if you're finding it especially difficult I think it makes sense to get as many reinforcements involved in the battle as possible?

D
Dee74 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:52 AM.