New and in desperate need reassurance. I am pregnant and an alcoholic
 

Good day everyone. I am a 25 year old mother of two beautiful little girls with one more on the way. I recently married the most amazing man in the world, my savior and inspiration. You would think with all of this positivity around me I would be able to fight my addiction, but I haven't. I have had a rough upbringing. My father abandoned me at 2 my mother was in and out of jail and I suffered many years of physical and mental abuse. Once a honor student and lovable child I grew bitter. Couldn't make any friends growing up as I was constantly moving from home to home, my mother depending on the next man to support us. Only stability I had is when I was with my grandparents. I grew to be out of control emotionally, outbursts at school, suicidal thoughts and constant sleepless nights fighting nightmares. Long story short ALL of that changed when at 17 I became pregnant with my now 8 yr old daughter. Her father too was abusive but I kept on a good path with her in my best interest. Approx 4 yrs later still being young I went through a partying phase that was ongoing for years. I would drink to the point of blackout. My daughter was in safe hands. Got into another abusive relationship, he tries to help me quit but he was so degrading and negative, both of my exes loved to remind me what a piece of **** my family was and how I would amount to nothing.....I finally got away from him. I cut back drinking a lot when I met my now husband. We planned our daughter and I was sober before during and after pregnancy with her praise the Lord. Life has been great my children and husband are such positive influences and they make me strive to do better. I recieved unconditional love and affection...but then just 4 months after my 2nd daughter was born I relapsed and kept binge drinking on and off since (she is now 11 months) during this time we conceived girl #3 but had no acknowledgement until I was already 16 weeks. I have nightmares constantly, I wake up my husband crying in my sleep, depression has worsened. I have such a hard time forgiving my alcoholic parents and the horrible life I once lived that I'm allowing it to destroy the amazing life I have now. I have seeked medical attention and had several tests ran, baby looks and is doing great. But now at 19 weeks I keep having relapses. I managed to stay liquor free for two years my weakness is wine, but in binge amounts. I am seeking help, and reassurance that my child will not suffer for my selfishness. I'm trying my hardest to remain strong and avoid alcohol, triggers are so strong and forthcoming. I have approx 1 binge a week I don't drink everyday and the most I have ever drank was a full bottle to myself. All I drink is red wine, but I need to stop! I don't want to slip up anymore. Please can anyone relate, give advice, reassurance anything. And please I beg you no negativity, I've had enough of that my whole life. Thank you for your time.

If you are already 16 weeks pregnant, one of those long-term six-month rehab stints would take care of the immediate problem for you until your child is born. I don't often recommend rehab, but in this case, I will make an exception. You need to think about the effects that any further drinking might have on your pregnancy and take immediate action.

Have you considered AA meetings? Rehab? You obviously need more help than just willpower. A full bottle of wine by yourself isn't good. No one here can reassure you that you aren't doing harm to your baby. Please find some face to face support for your problem, either through therapy, AA or a rehab facility.

AA is an option, but rehab isn't at this time. My husband is away for storm the next two months to help clean up the affects of the recent hurricane. I am a full-time student at college and full time mom. I dont have family to help me care for my children. I have attended a few meetings. Hard for me to speak out loud. I stopped going because I don't know how to share my feelings with others. I've tried therapy to help the underlying problem but all the therapists I saw did no good. I need someone to relate to. Perhaps other mothers whom have recovered. And to say willpower isn't enough is the same as saying there is no hope. I recovered once on my own I can do it again and i am determined. I am here for relation, to open up and speak out. And thats just what I intend to be my first step.

There is always self-recovery. Check out the "Secular Connections" forum here on SR (near the bottom on the forum list) or PM me if interested. That said, given your situation, you must do something.

I will, and thank you. I want this more then anything

And to say willpower isn't enough is the same as saying there is no hope.

No. It isn't. There is all kinds of hope but you have to actually DO something if you want to finally stop drinking for good. If you recovered once already, why are you having to do it again? There are several things you can DO to stop drinking. AA isn't mandatory and if you want to try something else, then you should. The point is you have to DO something, not just sit around and hope you can keep from drinking today. You are pregnant and if that isn't incentive enough to stop drinking, then you need help.

Welcome!

And, yes you do have to do something.

This is a critical time for you to not drink for the sake of your unborn child and you must do whatever it takes for you to stay sober as long as you are pregnant.

Be honest with your doctor now.

Please Please Please get yourself to a woman's meeting AA in your area. Make it A-1 priority in your next day. If you can't find a womans meeting get to any meeting and just say Hi-I am ___________ an alcoholic. Someone will reach out to you. Never mind if you think they are dwebs or weird, just do it. Please you can do this, it's free and waiting for you. You are an alcoholic with a biological physical intolerance to any form of booze intake. You are pregnant. You cant drink.
The best people to help you are people like you who have Recovered. They know more than therapy how to help you. Just one day today, tommorow do not drink under any circumstances. But get to AA. If you hate it go to another meeting. The mind plays the worst tricks and convinces you of things you want to belive but this is no time to rely on your self. You have to do this. If therapy finally happens this will still be important for you to stop drinking. Please it is basically free and there are meetings everywhere.

My doctor knows everything, I was sent to a fetal specialist. They ran tests on her for several factors, thank God everything came back normal. I soke with a genetic counselor who went over all the possible factors and effects. She said a typic FAS baby is one born to an alcoholic mother who drinks more then one drink a day throughout her ENTIRE pregnancy. No research has proven that women who unknowingly drank while pregnant had a greater risk of having a baby with FAS. So many women do horrible and harmful things throughout their whole pregnancy and their babies by chance come out perfectly fine, even in future adolocent studies. Many factors contribute as well, most alcoholics have health problems, malnourished, vitamin defficiencies etc. I have been on prenatal vitamins since I had my second daughter. I have been very active, walking 8 miles a week and eat very healthy. I am what you wouldnt consider a health candidate for alcoholic. Blood work and other tests have thankfully show I am in perfect health and fitness condition, I have been ordered to stop drinking obviously. All 3 of the specialists strongly believe the baby will be just fine, and if any very minor FAS effects as so severeal hundreds of yrs women have unknowingly done things throughout the first trimester of pregnancy and some well into the second. I literally walked into the OB/GYN and said I am an alcoholic and I just found out Im pregnant HELP. and they did. I really was looking for other mothers to speak with. I dfound two on here who willinlgy admitted they continued to drink through their whole pregnancy and didnt stop. Im here because I wont be that person I AM DONE!

What did doc say about getting sober?

Wow.... This is one of those situations where "nice words, and a pat on the back" perhaps is not the best course of action.

This situation you are describing, is drop dead serious, and will affect the life of your unborn child for his/her entire life. All those things that you said about your parents, you are revisiting on your unborn child. If you do not get a handle on this you will be responsible for the medical, and emotional, impact which will be burdened upon this child.

Get to rehab, tell your doctors what you are doing, and tell your husband what you are doing. If you do not do these three things, you will not soon recover, and you will be putting this child at risk.

I am sorry for the harsh words, but sometimes we alcoholics/drug addicts need to hear the truth. The day that I found out that my liver had turned into a mass of jelly, and that I was quickly approaching death, that is when things turned around for me. Maybe you too, need to hear the truth.

It's good that your doctors knows of your drinking; however, that doesn't solve your problem. You need to quit drinking right now. If your baby isn't suffering any affects of your alcoholism, consider yourself lucky. However, you still need to figure out how you are going to keep from drinking again. What is your plan?

Felixia,
You are obviously in much turmoil. You must take reponsibility for your own life, regardless of the circumstances you grew up in. None of that really matters now. What matters now, is the choices you are currently making and how they will affect your child forever. I hear a lot of excuses in your previous post about how so many other women did this or that during pregnancy and their babies are fine...I hear you say that's a chance you don't want to continue take, but then you go on to make excuses as to why you cannot take action, and how the baby will probably be fine.

First, you've got to make a choice here. No more excuses. Next, you have to make a plan to change your behavior. Third, you must implement that plan. If it means dropping out of school, that's what it means. School will always be there. Whereas, you only have ONE SHOT at giving this baby what he/she needs to be born healthy. Choose your priority.

This is not negativity, by the way. This is a wake up call.

I understand where everyone is coming from, and I am not making excuses to continue drinking. It is reassurance for myself of what I have done the past 4 months. I believe a lot of you aren't understanding my situation. I have been on seasonique for 6 months. This birth control gives you 3 cycles a year. I had no acknowledgement I was pregnant until mid week 16 and moat certainly did not to expect to be that far along! I am to go months without a cycle so I thought nothing of it so all of my past drinking was unintentional!! I did not know or I wouldn't have kept drinking. I did slip twice after the fact as I was in complete and utter denial! That is until I had my first ultrasound and saw my princess, heard her heart and saw her move around and suck her thumb. That is when reality set in and I haven't touched a drink since then. The most I have done is a non alcoholic beer once in a blue.moon. but I am telling u I'm done. I'm not here to condone my drinking or ask for you all to tell me its ok. I'm here to share my story, and tell u despite all this my disease will not overpower. me!

My first AA meeting is tonight is a woman's group at the local Christian church. My cousin is going to attend with me for support.

Felixia,
That is awesome! Good news!!! I think I misread what you wrote originally. I thought you were saying that you were still actively drinking. I am so glad that you are determined to stay stopped! YOU CAN DO IT! Just think, you've lived through so many tough things - you have incredible strength in you! Draw on that strength now!! You have a plan! That's good...it starts with a single step!!!

You WILL find much support here! :day6

Good luck Felixa - you're doing the right thing x

I misread too thinking you were still actively drinking and trying to reasure yourself that you can CONTINUE to drink while pregnant and the baby will be fine. I am so glad that is not the case!! And so glad that you are here... keep reading and posting!!! =)