How do you know for sure?
 

Hi all - Katelyn here and I am trying to figure all of this out. The last drink I had was one week ago. While I think I have a drinking PROBLEM I am not sure if I am really ALCOHOLIC or not.

I want to believe that I can have 2-3 drinks and "it isn't a big deal." I feel like I need to try it out to prove to myself that I can (or can't). Is this something you all have been through? Would it really hurt for me to try and see what happens? Is this just the disease talking?

I've been to 2 AA meetings and I have liked them, but I can't relate to most of the stories. Thankfully I haven't hit bottom - I haven't destroyed relationships, lost jobs, etc. YET. The YET is the only thing that makes me want to quit- that I don't want it to get that bad, but since it isn't that bad, could it really hurt to just test it out?

I look forward to hearing your thoughts on this.

Hi Katelyn,

Do you have a family history of alcoholism? Most of the time, if and when we ask ourselves if we have a problem, we have a problem. You sound like a bright young lady and not everyone has to hit "rock bottom" before they get help. Sounds like you are being very proactive and trying to get a handle on things before they get any worse, and I think that's wise! Have you talked to anyone in AA about it? I believe they have a checklist pamphlet that will tell you if you are/are not an alcoholic. Questions such as "Do you get drunk every time you drink?", "Do you drink alone?", etc. Hope that helps!

~Pandie~

Katelyn, I don't think that there is much to be gained in trying to decide whether one is an alcoholic or not. To me the question is: "Do you feel that drinking controls you, or do you control your drinking?". If it is even somewhat difficult to control how much you drink then one red flag has been raised. If you can take it or leave it, like most folks, then there is likely no problem.

If you think that you can control the amount you drink over the long term then your plan for social drinking may work. But, if you are like me, having a drink makes you want another and then another. This together with a pattern of escalating alcohol consumption indicates that you are either an alcoholic or you have a drinking problem. To me this is a distinction without much difference.

In my opinion, the easiest way to control addictive behavior is to abstain completely from the addictive substance. Trying to manage an addiction is a lot more difficult and massively prone to failure.

Has alcohol caused any problems in your life? It doesn't really matter if you call it alcoholism or problem drinking, if it's a problem, then getting a grasp on the situation is in order. Many, or probably most of us have tried the controlled drinking route. No one wants to admit that they can't control how many drinks they have. The vast majority of the time, it does not work. Once your brain detects alcohol in your system, all bets are off. Your best intentions mean nothing and the alcohol is now in control.

Sure, go ahead and try if it will answer your question. But, be completely honest with yourself when you do. It might work a few times, but if you have a problem with alcohol, it won't work for the long term. People who aren't alcoholics don't have to try to control their drinking; they just naturally stop after one or two without any problem.

Most of us have found it far easier to just stop drinking completely.

There's 20 (?) questions from NIH online.

AA defines it very simply on page 44 of their Big Book. Please note that entirely means entirely.

Thanks all for noodling this through with me - appreciated.

I do know that I have a problem with alcohol - that I have no desire to drink just one; and that one will lead to many more than one. I don't like how it controls me.

But aside from that, my experience with alcohol has actually been positive (so far); I like the high i feel; the relaxation; the social aspects. As I mentioned, it hasn't caused negative effects in my life (yet) but the fear of that is the main reason I feel like I SHOULD quit. The problem is that I don't want to quit.

In a way, if I had health problems or a DUI or some other major problem caused by alcohol it would give me incentive to just quit. Am I just obsessing about all of this needlessly??

If you are an alcoholic, getting a DUI or having health problems isn't necessarily incentive to quit. Many of us have had multiple bad experiences due to alcohol but we still didn't quit. Either you want to quit or you don't. As long as you don't, you won't.

Instead of trying to moderate your drinking, why not just try to go 30 days without a drink. See how you do. That is the safest way to find out if you are addicted without actually drinking and putting yourself and possibly others in danger.

That, deemed a physical craving in AA understanding, is the one and only symptom that differentiates an alcoholic. Your problem may be worse than you realize.
Many an alcoholic, myself included, has believed that delusion. If this would happen, then I'd quit. In my experience, most of those happened, and they did very little to slow me down. That's also a distinguishing trait between the alcoholic and non-alcoholic in AA terms. If given sufficient reason, warning from a doctor, trouble with the law, threat of divorce, the non-alcoholic can quit or moderate. Not so for the alcoholic (at least as understood in light of AA experience).

The thing about alcohol is if you wait until it gets worse, it will only get worse.

Deciding to quit drinking before you've lost everything is something i'm sure a lot of us wish we'd done.

Theres some great advice here Katelyn - welcome :)

The only thing I'd add is I doubt you'll find anyone here who'll say - 'gee I'm glad I kept drinking...'

I hope you're not, but if you're a drinker like me, the good times will give assuredly way to the bad - if the worst happens and that eventuates I hope you'll remember this thread.

This is the test some have mentioned - it might help you put things in perspective
Michigan Alcohol Screening Test (MAST), Revised | CounsellingResource.com

I think sukis idea of no drinking for 30 days is another good way to test how much of a dependence you have....if you feel poorly while doing that, tho, please see a Dr. :)

D

Katelyn - Here is a pamphlet from AA. It asks you 12 questions. May be this will help.

http://www.aa.org/pdf/products/p-3_isaaforyou.pdf

That may be so, but do you really want to wait until you do have health or legal problems? I can't speak for you, but I don't want to live thinking that at any minute something awful could happen. And when I drink, that is a true statement.:( It's easier, and much safer, for me to just not drink at all.:)

"I don't like how it controls me."

"I like the high i feel; the relaxation; the social aspects... The problem is that I don't want to quit. "

These statements are very loaded. If you are unable to live life on life's terms, and you are turning to alcohol to feel differently, you may have a problem. I do not think you are "needlessly obsessing" about it. I believe there's some part of you that is not OK with this and that's why you are here.

Wishing you the best. Keep comin back.

~Pandie~

Wow- your answers are really speaking to me. Thanks so much. i am so glad I found SR.

I think I am just trying to find excuses that it would be ok to drink, or that I don't have a problem. According to all the surveys/scales I do have a problem and I know inside that I do as well. I am just having a hard time accepting that I have to completely quit (and still deep down hoping that I don't). I'll keep going to AA and take it one day at a time.

I think everyone finds acceptance is a problem - if you can find a way to accept it now Katelyn I think you'll be doing yourself the most incredible favour :)

D

Katelyn,

Since you feel both ways about quitting — you are ambivalent about it — that indicates dependence against your own better judgment, otherwise known as addiction. People who don't want to quit while at the same time wanting to keep it up are not addicted, so you might want to consider why that is the case with you. Any reasonable person would simply stop doing something that causes them discomfort or harm.

I am not one to recommend controlled drinking experiments, since most people already have plenty of those in their history by the time they even consider quitting, but I would recommend that you quit for three months. You'll know soon enough just how dependent on alcohol you are. As for not hitting "bottom," don't use that as a yardstick. I can assure you that "bottoms" seem to always have a trap door, and just when you think you've had enough, that trap door flies open.

I love the word "yet"!!! I sat in meetings in 1995 and said "Well I haven't done that yet" Said it all the time. Then I went out and kicked my behind for 15 more years. I did a lot of those "yet"s.

I'm not sure I hit bottom, but I put the shovel down.

We are all one blackout away from a "yet"<------that is scary as hell to me.

For me, when I start "justifying" a behavior or choice it's a red flag. Good decisions and choices don't need to be shorn up by convoluted reasoning, it's the ones that are on shaky ground that need the reinforcement of excuses, arguments etc.

When I look back over my history of using my justifications seem nearly laughable yet at the time I was dead serious. I'm not an addict because I haven't lost my job over it. I'm not an addict because I haven't prostituted myself for drugs. It's ok for me to get wasted today, because I can stop any time I want to.

I got laid off when my plant closed and got 1300 dollar severance. I went on a whiskey buying binge...because I deserved it, heck I just lost my job, heck, I was scheduled for major surgery...what better time to blow a huge windfall on booze?

What was I thinking? That it wasn't really a problem, that I could handle it, that it wasn't affecting my ability to make good choices for myself.

Unfortunately I sped past too many of those milestones..those "yets" that I swore I would never do, and certainly NEVER exceed, before I said "this has to stop" and then "this is done"

Welcome Katelyn...
If you are feeling other feelings, such as, the fear you mentioned or guilt & shame, chances are you have an unhealthy relationship with booze.
I never got a DUI either. I drank for 30 years. But then I lost my job. So that kind of did it for me. I was aware I had a problem long before I lost my job but figured I had a safe card and it would never happen to me.
By removing alcohol completely from my life I just don't have to worry about it at all. I don't have to worry if I can drink 2 or stop at 3 or how many is a problem?
I've tried the tricks...cutting down, trying to stop, waking up and saying "Today is the Day", drinking wine coolers, not drinking till after 5, only buying 'a small' bottle...ultimately they all lead me back to 'the habit'.
This is your journey you need to find out what your limits are for yourself although we can offer advice from our experiences ultimately only you can decide if you need to stop and when.
Wishing you peace and strength.

I can understand where you are coming from because I too, knew I had a problem with alcohol, but wasn't convinced I was an 'alcoholic'. I had not lost my job, I still had nice things, still married, etc. But I realized that I was using alcohol to escape from dealing with life issues. The problem was that the life issues were still there after I stopped drinking for that day. It did become an issue and I knew that even though I could walk away from it for a day, few weeks, even a couple of months, something would happen to trigger me back to that drink to escape what I couldn't face in life. That's when I knew I had a problem - that my life had become unmanageable because I couldn't completely walk away from the alcohol. I have now been working a program now for 2 weeks now and it has done a world of wonders for me.

Only you can decide if you want to completely walk away or try the tricks and experiments. I wish you luck on your journey and peace with whatever decision you make.

I got a lot of great information from the book "Under the Influence".

There are many yet's I managed to avoid, for today, but one thing in "Under the Influence" really helped me get some perspective. I had trouble relating to many of the most heart-wrenching stories I've heard, but a section of the book made some things clear:

For instance, "hitting bottom" and "functional alcoholic" are now terms I don't really use any longer. At times, in a recovery context they may seem useful, but for me, I no longer think of my drinking days as "functional alcoholism" but "middle-stage" alcoholism. I was on the verge of losing more than I had realized. And some things I had lost were not known to me (are not known to me.)

People tend to avoid problem drinkers and will not let on to the drinker that from a social point of view they are having problems. You may never know how drink has damaged reputation and standing.

On those questionnaires, one of the questions should be "Did you look for a questionnaire online to see if you're an alcoholic?"

Glad you found us. Good luck!

Denial is part of this illness (and I've seen some very severe alcoholics still in denial about their condition, they don't think they fit the 'stereotype' etc). It's difficult to think clearly about all the issues, early in recovery. After a few months, I noticed a great change in my thinking - I was no longer spending most of my time preoccupied or obsessed with alcohol, to the exclusion of so much else, when I wasn't actually drinking. That made it hit home to me just how dependent I had been on it. Alcoholism follows a progressive pattern for many, that's how it was for me. At first it seemed a positive experience, it became increasingly negative as time went on but I spent a long time trying to chase how it was at the beginning. I'd quit for awhile to try and lower my tolerance, then try some 'controlled' drinking again, it always backfired for me. That's how I knew. It's just not worth it, all the energy and focus I wasted. You don't have to compare yourself to others in recovery. When I went to AA, I found it hard to relate to some of the stories... but I took them as a warning to myself of how it could be if I continued.

I can't tell you how to know for sure, but I will tell you a little bit about my experience.

I have been browsing this forum for a few months now, because I was concerned about my drinking. Nothing really bad had ever happened*, like a DUI or an arrest, but I was feeling like it might be a problem. I vowed to cut back and was glad I was just even reading up about whether or not it was a problem.

Without even realizing how bad it was getting I was drinking more and more, feeling more anxious, still thinking all I needed was to take a break. Then really bad stuff happened. Like getting arrested bad stuff. Like getting 5 staples put in my head for a self inflicted head wound. I had no idea that's where I was headed when I first started browsing here, and without trying to have too many regrets I wish I'd taken the whole thing more seriously the second I googled "alcohol abuse".

I was really good at fooling myself, it's really worth it to try and be as honest as you can with yourself about your concerns.

*just this short time sober has shown me that lots of bad stuff was already happening, I was just too deep in denial/too drunk to acknowledge it

I have always been very selfish/self-centered, so I had absolutely no idea to which the extent my drinking was affecting those around me. It was somewhat startling to find out actually.

Katelyn, welcome to SR. I hope you make the right decision when it comes to drinking. I have seen a lot of people keep drinking, waiting for that other shoe to drop, so to speak, only to find out that death was waiting for them.

Welcome...:wave:

A interesting thing you might want to consider...why is drinking important to you?
Millions of people don't drink for various reasons and they think that is normal..:)