Class of October 2011
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 92
gr8ful, I read your story and I'm so sorry for the pain that you are going through. I'm not so great with words compared to a lot of people on here but I want you to know that I'm rooting for you.
I guess our men prefer curves!!! ;-)
I guess our men prefer curves!!! ;-)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: anywhere, USA
Posts: 136
Weekend Deamons
They are out for me... I have had an ok week and nnow is my witching hour.. I normally drink all day on saturday and sunday.. woke up this morning with the thought that it was not that hard.. that things are going well.. its ok to drink on the weekends.. I know that is not true.. Ugh.. day 6 begins.. going to formulate a plan.. I hope that everyone is doing ok this morning.. stay strong..
I am going to fight these thoughts.. I will proably be on here alot this weekend.
I am going to fight these thoughts.. I will proably be on here alot this weekend.
I love this place.
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 329
Originally Posted by EDHARLEY 
They are out for me... I have had an ok week and nnow is my witching hour.. I normally drink all day on saturday and sunday.. woke up this morning with the thought that it was not that hard.. that things are going well.. its ok to drink on the weekends.. I know that is not true.. Ugh.. day 6 begins.. going to formulate a plan.. I hope that everyone is doing ok this morning.. stay strong..
I am going to fight these thoughts.. I will proably be on here alot this weekend.
I am going to fight these thoughts.. I will proably be on here alot this weekend.
Try and stay busy. Are you going to meetings?
Remember how it will feel if you give in....I hate the regrets after giving in, the anxiety, the physical yucks.
Prayers for the cravings to ease.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: London
Posts: 1,384
End Of Day 6, all I can say it was a struggle 
So Glad to be home Phew 
Around at an arranged evening with friends , unreal I was enjoying fizzy water, but Was fighting a ridiculous battle in my mind as others around me where enjoying the evening , maybe this is how regan/ Linda Blair really felt in the exorcist.
So Glad to be home Phew Around at an arranged evening with friends , unreal I was enjoying fizzy water, but Was fighting a ridiculous battle in my mind as others around me where enjoying the evening , maybe this is how regan/ Linda Blair really felt in the exorcist.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: anywhere, USA
Posts: 136
Just Checking In
Ok again keeping it real.. arrived late .. left a WEDDING sober!! Avoided the bar smoked a pack of cigs in 2 hrs.. wont put myself in that position again.. but did it.. Now for tomorrow. Hope everyone is doing well.. looking forward to my fist sober week in years.. still worried about tonight.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: mo
Posts: 108
Originally Posted by EDHARLEY
.. I normally drink all day on saturday and sunday.. woke up this morning with the thought that it was not that hard.. t.
I love this place.
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 329
Weekends are hard peeps. I am struggling too...but not leaving the house and there is no drinkie here, TG.
So proud of you all for pushing through sober. I know it's gonna get easier for all of us. Hang in there friends.
So proud of you all for pushing through sober. I know it's gonna get easier for all of us. Hang in there friends.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 437
Saturday Night, Day 3
And I am sober. Attended a ladies breakfast social thing at church, this is a new adventure for me, never gotten involved in church before, like this, its weird, uncomfortable. I wanted to drink before I went. I didn't. YEAH! (I did attend a bible study this past week under the influence. So humiliating, I dont know if anyone knew. I even fell on my way to my car. I bet they knew. But everyone treated me normally today. I saw no signs that I had screwed up, no one looked at me with pity, at least to my face. ANYWAY, I then went to my AA meeting. My three good friends were there, they all gave me big smiles and waved at me, wow, it felt good to belong. :-) it made my day! Someone a the meeting shared he had only been sober for 4 days. I felt so awful, sitting there only on day three and I wasn't going to tell anyone. I just didn't want to disappoint them, I have been part of this group for 5 years now. They think I have nearly 90 days.
So then I got a last minute invite to a comedy show. Christian Comedy. It was okay. Two hours of window shopping, and am home, safe, in bed.
I had a thought I wanted to share, it's a quote from the big book, sorry, I don't have the page number, its in one of the stories. A woman was talking about her last frustrating days of drinking " when i control my drinking, I don't enjoy it. when I enjoy my drinking I cant control it"
Well good night and congrats to all of us for another day!! YEAH!!
7
So then I got a last minute invite to a comedy show. Christian Comedy. It was okay. Two hours of window shopping, and am home, safe, in bed.
I had a thought I wanted to share, it's a quote from the big book, sorry, I don't have the page number, its in one of the stories. A woman was talking about her last frustrating days of drinking " when i control my drinking, I don't enjoy it. when I enjoy my drinking I cant control it"
Well good night and congrats to all of us for another day!! YEAH!!
7
csim
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 31
Count me in for the October group. In about 3 hrs it will be day 1. Not a big deal for me because i only drink on the weekends anyways. I binge drink though. Its gonna be really hard for me to hang out with friends because it seems drinking is always the main event. I really hope i can do this because i need to change my life.
I look forward to posting here daily and reading about everyone's success!
I look forward to posting here daily and reading about everyone's success!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
Alaska
Glad you're going on
About your AA friends - I know you don't want to disappoint them, but what about disappointing yourself by holding on to this secret? isn't that important too?
welcome csim
I had to make some pretty broad sweeping changes to my life - but I don't regret it
D
Glad you're going on
About your AA friends - I know you don't want to disappoint them, but what about disappointing yourself by holding on to this secret? isn't that important too?
welcome csim
I had to make some pretty broad sweeping changes to my life - but I don't regret it
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 437
Great Poem
Here is the link to view a reading on Youtube; Jack McCarthy performs "Drunks" - YouTube
here is a like to the poem: Drunks, by Jack Mc.
DRUNKS
for my father, and the people who almost saved his life
We died of pneumonia in furnished rooms
where they found us three days later
when somebody complained about the smell
we died against bridge abutments
and nobody knew if it was suicide
and we probably didn't know either
except in the sense that it was always suicide
we died in hospitals
our stomachs huge, distended
and there was nothing they could do
we died in cells
never knowing whether we were guilty or not.
We went to priests
they gave us pledges
they told us to pray
they told us to go and sin no more, but go
we tried and we died
we died of overdoses
we died in bed (but usually not the Big Bed)
we died in straitjackets
in the DTs seeing God knows what
creeping skittering slithering
shuffling things
And you know what the worst thing was?
The worst thing was that
nobody ever believed how hard we tried
We went to doctors and they gave us stuff to take
that would make us sick when we drank
on the principle of so crazy, it just might work, I guess
or maybe they just shook their heads
and sent us places like Dropkick Murphy's
and when we got out we were hooked on paraldehyde
or maybe we lied to the doctors
and they told us not to drink so much
just drink like me
and we tried
and we died
we drowned in our own vomit
or choked on it
our broken jaws wired shut
we died playing Russian roulette
and people thought we'd lost
but we knew better
we died under the hoofs of horses
under the wheels of vehicles
under the knives and bootheels of our brother drunks
we died in shame
And you know what was even worse?
was that we couldn't believe it ourselves
that we had tried
we figured we just thought we tried
and we died believing that
we didn't know what it meant to try
When we were desperate enough
or hopeful or deluded or embattled enough to go for help
we went to people with letters after their names
and prayed that they might have read the right books
that had the right words in them
never suspecting the terrifying truth
that the right words, as simple as they were
had not been written yet
We died falling off girders on high buildings
because of course ironworkers drink
of course they do
we died with a shotgun in our mouth
or jumping off a bridge
and everybody knew it was suicide
we died under the Southeast Expressway
with our hands tied behind us
and a bullet in the back of our head
because this time the people that we disappointed
were the wrong people
we died in convulsions, or of "insult to the brain"
we died incontinent, and in disgrace, abandoned
if we were women, we died degraded,
because women have so much more to live up to
we tried and we died and nobody cried
And the very worst thing
was that for every one of us that died
there were another hundred of us, or another thousand
who wished that we could die
who went to sleep praying we would not have to wake up
because what we were enduring was intolerable
and we knew in our hearts
it wasn't ever gonna change
One day in a hospital room in New York City
one of us had what the books call
a transforming spiritual experience
and he said to himself
I've got it
(no you haven't you've only got part of it)
and I have to share it
(now you've ALMOST got it)
and he kept trying to give it away
but we couldn't hear it
the transmission line wasn't open yet
we tried to hear it
we tried and we died
we died of one last cigarette
the comfort of its glowing in the dark
we passed out and the bed caught fire
they said we suffocated before our body burned
they said we never felt a thing
that was the best way maybe that we died
except sometimes we took our family with us
And the man in New York was so sure he had it
he tried to love us into sobriety
but that didn't work either, love confuses drunks
and he tried and still we died
one after another we got his hopes up
and we broke his heart
because that's what we do
And the worst thing was that every time
we thought we knew what the worst thing was
something happened that was worse
Until a day came in a hotel lobby
and it wasn't in Rome, or Jerusalem, or Mecca
or even Dublin, or South Boston
it was in Akron, Ohio, for Christ's sake
a day came when the man said I have to find a drunk
because I need him as much as he needs me
(NOW
you've got it)
and the transmission line
after all those years
was open
the transmission line was open
And now we don't go to priests
and we don't go to doctors
and people with letters after their names
we come to people who have been there
we come to each other
and we try
and we don't have to die
©—Jack Mc
For years in AA, I was haunted by the thought of all the alcoholics who lived and died before there was an AA to come to—the absolute hopelessness of their condition. Whenever I would speak at meetings, I'd want to talk about it, but I never did, because I was afraid I'd break down into uncontrollable weeping.
When I got serious about writing poetry, one of my first inspirations was that poetry might be a way to say some of the things I had been wanting to say for so long. In the writing of this poem, a strange thing happened. I sat down to write about all the people who died before there was an AA, but almost all of the examples are my contemporaries, people I knew or knew of who died before they got the program. The guy who died of pneumonia in a furnished room was a man named Dennis Mc. (no relation) who bought me breakfast the first Sunday morning of my sobriety. The one who died under the Southeast Expressway with his hands tied behind him was an ex-boxer named Tony Veranis whose brother was in the fourth grade with me. I didn't know the man who took his family with him; he was from the Westwood Group and he had a slip—it may have been his first night of drinking. Ernest Hemingway, Dylan Thomas, and John Berryman also find their way in.
When I finished this poem, I thought, "This may be the poem I was born to write." I've written a lot of poems since, but I've never had that feeling again.
I have often read this poem at meetings, and when I do, I usually bring copies, because people usually ask for them. A few years ago, through those copies, the poem started showing up on the Internet. I just did a Google search on the first line and found that it shows up in thirteen places, including websites in Arabia and Jerusalem. It's very gratifying that that many people want to publish it. Of course I've never made a nickel from it, and I wouldn't want to.
Feel free to read the poem to any audience any time. But if you should give out a printed copy or an email, please make sure my name is on it. If the poem survives, I'm not humble enough yet to want it to be as "by Anonymous."
here is a like to the poem: Drunks, by Jack Mc.
DRUNKS
for my father, and the people who almost saved his life
We died of pneumonia in furnished rooms
where they found us three days later
when somebody complained about the smell
we died against bridge abutments
and nobody knew if it was suicide
and we probably didn't know either
except in the sense that it was always suicide
we died in hospitals
our stomachs huge, distended
and there was nothing they could do
we died in cells
never knowing whether we were guilty or not.
We went to priests
they gave us pledges
they told us to pray
they told us to go and sin no more, but go
we tried and we died
we died of overdoses
we died in bed (but usually not the Big Bed)
we died in straitjackets
in the DTs seeing God knows what
creeping skittering slithering
shuffling things
And you know what the worst thing was?
The worst thing was that
nobody ever believed how hard we tried
We went to doctors and they gave us stuff to take
that would make us sick when we drank
on the principle of so crazy, it just might work, I guess
or maybe they just shook their heads
and sent us places like Dropkick Murphy's
and when we got out we were hooked on paraldehyde
or maybe we lied to the doctors
and they told us not to drink so much
just drink like me
and we tried
and we died
we drowned in our own vomit
or choked on it
our broken jaws wired shut
we died playing Russian roulette
and people thought we'd lost
but we knew better
we died under the hoofs of horses
under the wheels of vehicles
under the knives and bootheels of our brother drunks
we died in shame
And you know what was even worse?
was that we couldn't believe it ourselves
that we had tried
we figured we just thought we tried
and we died believing that
we didn't know what it meant to try
When we were desperate enough
or hopeful or deluded or embattled enough to go for help
we went to people with letters after their names
and prayed that they might have read the right books
that had the right words in them
never suspecting the terrifying truth
that the right words, as simple as they were
had not been written yet
We died falling off girders on high buildings
because of course ironworkers drink
of course they do
we died with a shotgun in our mouth
or jumping off a bridge
and everybody knew it was suicide
we died under the Southeast Expressway
with our hands tied behind us
and a bullet in the back of our head
because this time the people that we disappointed
were the wrong people
we died in convulsions, or of "insult to the brain"
we died incontinent, and in disgrace, abandoned
if we were women, we died degraded,
because women have so much more to live up to
we tried and we died and nobody cried
And the very worst thing
was that for every one of us that died
there were another hundred of us, or another thousand
who wished that we could die
who went to sleep praying we would not have to wake up
because what we were enduring was intolerable
and we knew in our hearts
it wasn't ever gonna change
One day in a hospital room in New York City
one of us had what the books call
a transforming spiritual experience
and he said to himself
I've got it
(no you haven't you've only got part of it)
and I have to share it
(now you've ALMOST got it)
and he kept trying to give it away
but we couldn't hear it
the transmission line wasn't open yet
we tried to hear it
we tried and we died
we died of one last cigarette
the comfort of its glowing in the dark
we passed out and the bed caught fire
they said we suffocated before our body burned
they said we never felt a thing
that was the best way maybe that we died
except sometimes we took our family with us
And the man in New York was so sure he had it
he tried to love us into sobriety
but that didn't work either, love confuses drunks
and he tried and still we died
one after another we got his hopes up
and we broke his heart
because that's what we do
And the worst thing was that every time
we thought we knew what the worst thing was
something happened that was worse
Until a day came in a hotel lobby
and it wasn't in Rome, or Jerusalem, or Mecca
or even Dublin, or South Boston
it was in Akron, Ohio, for Christ's sake
a day came when the man said I have to find a drunk
because I need him as much as he needs me
(NOW
you've got it)
and the transmission line
after all those years
was open
the transmission line was open
And now we don't go to priests
and we don't go to doctors
and people with letters after their names
we come to people who have been there
we come to each other
and we try
and we don't have to die
©—Jack Mc
For years in AA, I was haunted by the thought of all the alcoholics who lived and died before there was an AA to come to—the absolute hopelessness of their condition. Whenever I would speak at meetings, I'd want to talk about it, but I never did, because I was afraid I'd break down into uncontrollable weeping.
When I got serious about writing poetry, one of my first inspirations was that poetry might be a way to say some of the things I had been wanting to say for so long. In the writing of this poem, a strange thing happened. I sat down to write about all the people who died before there was an AA, but almost all of the examples are my contemporaries, people I knew or knew of who died before they got the program. The guy who died of pneumonia in a furnished room was a man named Dennis Mc. (no relation) who bought me breakfast the first Sunday morning of my sobriety. The one who died under the Southeast Expressway with his hands tied behind him was an ex-boxer named Tony Veranis whose brother was in the fourth grade with me. I didn't know the man who took his family with him; he was from the Westwood Group and he had a slip—it may have been his first night of drinking. Ernest Hemingway, Dylan Thomas, and John Berryman also find their way in.
When I finished this poem, I thought, "This may be the poem I was born to write." I've written a lot of poems since, but I've never had that feeling again.
I have often read this poem at meetings, and when I do, I usually bring copies, because people usually ask for them. A few years ago, through those copies, the poem started showing up on the Internet. I just did a Google search on the first line and found that it shows up in thirteen places, including websites in Arabia and Jerusalem. It's very gratifying that that many people want to publish it. Of course I've never made a nickel from it, and I wouldn't want to.
Feel free to read the poem to any audience any time. But if you should give out a printed copy or an email, please make sure my name is on it. If the poem survives, I'm not humble enough yet to want it to be as "by Anonymous."
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 92
Good morning. Yeah today is day 7. I haven't made it this long in well soooo long. I'm feeling pretty good but still have a grogginess hanging over me. Better than hangover grogginess by a long shot. Great posts on here and this class seems to be going strong. I really couldn't have made it to day 7 without all of you. I couldn't believe how easy it was to pop open beers for people and grab my diet soda last night. Maybe I'm really getting it this time? I know it will get harder and I am preparing for that time to come. Today is football Sunday and my Patriots are playing the Jets. Sounds like a reason to drink to me, especially with a Holiday tomorrow and don't have to work. NOT!!!! I realize that my old thinking is still with me but my new thinking is taking over today. No drinking today!!!
Sorry for all the babbling but this posting really helps me.
Stay strong my friends!
Sorry for all the babbling but this posting really helps me.
Stay strong my friends!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: anywhere, USA
Posts: 136
Day 7 Made it
I know its not over I just wanted to take a minute to relish in the fact that I have made my first 7 days in years...............ok back to business.. Hope that everyone is haveing a successful weekend.
Still gettting cravings but sleep is getting better. Another tough week ahead and a lot more problems to face..
Still gettting cravings but sleep is getting better. Another tough week ahead and a lot more problems to face..
csim
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 31
Another day. I feel a but more myself today. I think Im having a bit of some withdraw. Sweating cramming dehydration. I thought these were hangover symptoms but apparently not. I still can't believe what i did Friday night/Saturday morning. I really like being able to come on this site and read peoples posts that all sound familiar. Its a relief to know that we're not alone. I have the utmost respect for anyone who recognizes they have a problem and even more foe the people who are willing to do something about it. We are gonna do this together!
Sorry for the weird words. I get on here on my phone and it likes to mess me up lol.
Sorry for the weird words. I get on here on my phone and it likes to mess me up lol.
Last edited by csim; 10-09-2011 at 11:57 AM. Reason: explanation for spell errors
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 5 (0 members and 5 guests)
