Just one more for the road
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Boston UK
Posts: 6
Just one more for the road
Hi folks, i'd like to start by saying that i'm glad to have found such a site which offers genuine support from other people who have been or are in the same vicious cycle.
Up until being made reduntant 3 months ago my day went something like this....i'd wake at 6.45am, instantly feel sick and then physically vomit acid type bile into the toilet.It just became part of my daily routine.
I would feed my dogs and pour myself a glass of 5% cider. Between then and the time i had to leave for work i'd pour another and gulp it down. Thats already two pints before 8am...i usually woke feeling groggy, lethargic and unmotivated so the alcohol made me feel 'on a level'.
I would attempt to hide any traces of the unmistakable smell of alcohol by chewing strong gum around my work collegues.
Midday some came and i would stop at the local shop (the kind of place that attracts my kind of person so as not to be judged or singled out).
I would deliberately avoid my usual shop as i live in a very respectable neighbourhood and buying alcohol at midday would be a sin.
Since being made reduntant i simply have more time to drink and i know im shortly going to be heading down a very rocky road and i need to adress it now. I feel so ashamed of myself because i know its wrong. When i decide to just quit i can easily do it for quite a number of days or even weeks and months as ive proved in the past but somehow i find an excuse to start again...and when i do it takes me to the deepest depths.
Sorry to give you my life story but any help and support, ideas and suggestions would be greatly appreciated guys and gals x
Up until being made reduntant 3 months ago my day went something like this....i'd wake at 6.45am, instantly feel sick and then physically vomit acid type bile into the toilet.It just became part of my daily routine.
I would feed my dogs and pour myself a glass of 5% cider. Between then and the time i had to leave for work i'd pour another and gulp it down. Thats already two pints before 8am...i usually woke feeling groggy, lethargic and unmotivated so the alcohol made me feel 'on a level'.
I would attempt to hide any traces of the unmistakable smell of alcohol by chewing strong gum around my work collegues.
Midday some came and i would stop at the local shop (the kind of place that attracts my kind of person so as not to be judged or singled out).
I would deliberately avoid my usual shop as i live in a very respectable neighbourhood and buying alcohol at midday would be a sin.
Since being made reduntant i simply have more time to drink and i know im shortly going to be heading down a very rocky road and i need to adress it now. I feel so ashamed of myself because i know its wrong. When i decide to just quit i can easily do it for quite a number of days or even weeks and months as ive proved in the past but somehow i find an excuse to start again...and when i do it takes me to the deepest depths.
Sorry to give you my life story but any help and support, ideas and suggestions would be greatly appreciated guys and gals x
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: MI
Posts: 720
Newstartforme - you found a great place here. Welcome!
You recognize the problem, and you know it's time to do something about. Great step in the right direction. It definitely sounds like you want to do your best to lead a life of sobriety, even though you said you could go months, but if you end up right back where you were, continue trying every day. It's great you could go months!!! Up until June of this year, I could hardly go more than stringing a few days together.
I've had some slips since June, but nothing like I used to. No major hangover, or throwing up. Just a couple glasses of wine or a few beers. Haven't crawled back into the whisky bottle like I was doing.
This is definitely a journey of ups and downs, with bumps in the road. Key is, getting back on the horse, and pushing forward. But, here you will find some of the most wonderful people to help you through it all.
Continue posting, continue reading - when you are happy, sad, laughing, or wanting to cry. This is a great place.
Be well.
Hugs to you, and again welcome!
You recognize the problem, and you know it's time to do something about. Great step in the right direction. It definitely sounds like you want to do your best to lead a life of sobriety, even though you said you could go months, but if you end up right back where you were, continue trying every day. It's great you could go months!!! Up until June of this year, I could hardly go more than stringing a few days together.
I've had some slips since June, but nothing like I used to. No major hangover, or throwing up. Just a couple glasses of wine or a few beers. Haven't crawled back into the whisky bottle like I was doing.
This is definitely a journey of ups and downs, with bumps in the road. Key is, getting back on the horse, and pushing forward. But, here you will find some of the most wonderful people to help you through it all.
Continue posting, continue reading - when you are happy, sad, laughing, or wanting to cry. This is a great place.
Be well.
Hugs to you, and again welcome!
Rob
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: piedmont sc
Posts: 4
Goodmorning, When I attempted to quit on my own each failure I fell further. I needed a support person, mine was a doctor, with good reason (Cirrhosis). don't think about ashamed because it's wrong, it's a disease. Shame, embarrassed, or wrong, that is just silly human pride getting in the way.
You say you "find an excuse to start again", Find the comfort in being sober.
Give it all you got my friend
You say you "find an excuse to start again", Find the comfort in being sober.
Give it all you got my friend
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome, newstartforme!
I'm glad you can see what alcohol is doing to you and want to make a change. I was at a real crossroads when I first came here, too - I had the sense that if I didn't stop, things were going to get really bad.
I agree with Neldon that this isn't about being a bad or weak person.... millions of people share our disease. I know you'll find lots of support here and I really do believe you can have a new start!.....
I'm glad you can see what alcohol is doing to you and want to make a change. I was at a real crossroads when I first came here, too - I had the sense that if I didn't stop, things were going to get really bad.
I agree with Neldon that this isn't about being a bad or weak person.... millions of people share our disease. I know you'll find lots of support here and I really do believe you can have a new start!.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Boston UK
Posts: 6
Thanx guys it means so much to hear some genuine words of encouragement, ive tried finding someone locally who has a similar problem so as to be there for each other and support each other but without any luck. Admittedly i feel a little embarrassed to talk to family about it. They know i drink quite a bit but i know they would be shocked if they knew the full extent.
I shall continue to use this site as a source of information and inspiration.
I shall continue to use this site as a source of information and inspiration.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
why not check out your local AA meetings?
That's where I went to find undersanding and support....
I use both this site and my AA friend/ members ...been working well for me.
Welcome.....
That's where I went to find undersanding and support....
I use both this site and my AA friend/ members ...been working well for me.
Welcome.....
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,528
Welcome newstart - great to have you part of the family. I, too, found myself drinking in the morning just so I wouldn't shake or be sick. I never dreamed it would come to that - after all, drinking was fun and exciting once. How could it have become something I had to have to function?
It took me many years to realize I couldn't just use willpower to control how much I drank. Every time I picked up, it took me to a dangerous and unpredictable place. I had to stop all together - it was the only way I could keep myself from an early death.
Finding SR gave me the courage to reach out for a new life, one lived without getting numb. We've all been where you are - we understand just what you're going through. Please keep talking to us - and congratulations for realizing what must be done. You're going to have a whole new life.
It took me many years to realize I couldn't just use willpower to control how much I drank. Every time I picked up, it took me to a dangerous and unpredictable place. I had to stop all together - it was the only way I could keep myself from an early death.
Finding SR gave me the courage to reach out for a new life, one lived without getting numb. We've all been where you are - we understand just what you're going through. Please keep talking to us - and congratulations for realizing what must be done. You're going to have a whole new life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Boston UK
Posts: 6
Thankyou so much Hevyn for your kinds words. Im sure you must understand how comforting it is to talk to other people who share this horrible habit. Whenever i quit the alcohol i feel my energy levels rising each day and feel alive again.
I too have tried simply limiting my alcohol intake to evenings after maybe 8pm but i always slip back into the habit so im pretty sure the only way forward for me now is to quit completely. It is such a shame as i would just like to be like 'everyone else' and be able to take it or leave it.
Alcohol has a habit of tricking you into thinking its your best friend when it is in fact your worst enemy.
I can put almost all of my failures in life down to excessive alcohol intake.
Much love guys from the UK and thankyou all so much for your words of comfort and encouragement x
I too have tried simply limiting my alcohol intake to evenings after maybe 8pm but i always slip back into the habit so im pretty sure the only way forward for me now is to quit completely. It is such a shame as i would just like to be like 'everyone else' and be able to take it or leave it.
Alcohol has a habit of tricking you into thinking its your best friend when it is in fact your worst enemy.
I can put almost all of my failures in life down to excessive alcohol intake.
Much love guys from the UK and thankyou all so much for your words of comfort and encouragement x
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,528
I wanted with all my heart to be a normal drinker, but I proved to myself many times it wasn't possible. I kept insisting I could moderate, and ended up with dui's, ruined relationships, health problems - the list goes on. It won't have to come to that for you! You can do this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Boston UK
Posts: 6
Hevyn, i can so relate to that. I have been very lucky not to have been caught drink driving as i have done it many times and thats the one thing i should be ashamed of. I could never live with myself if i injured or killed someone through being intoxicated behind the wheel.
I too have had relationships ruined because my girlfriend could not tolerate the lies which i genuinely believed i had to tell just to hide my heavy drinking.
I genuinely feel like a weight is slowly being lifted from my shoulders just talking to yourselves and hearing others' stories.
I once tried talking to my Brother about my problem but the reply wasnt helpful at all, in fact he made me feel lower than low so you can imagine how comforting it is to be helped and not judged.
Thankyou so much.
I too have had relationships ruined because my girlfriend could not tolerate the lies which i genuinely believed i had to tell just to hide my heavy drinking.
I genuinely feel like a weight is slowly being lifted from my shoulders just talking to yourselves and hearing others' stories.
I once tried talking to my Brother about my problem but the reply wasnt helpful at all, in fact he made me feel lower than low so you can imagine how comforting it is to be helped and not judged.
Thankyou so much.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Welcome! I have been where you are now....well except for the part about being able to stop for a few weeks, I could never do that! It can get better with work. I have almost 15 happy months of sobriety
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Morrisville, PA
Posts: 24
Welcome! It is a good thing if you feel that you can stop for a week or so but you will need support it seems to actually stop completely. Going to A.A. for support could give the help you need.
Myself, I also feel that praying for the urge to be lifted does actually help a lot. You need to really want to get sober and live sober of course, if you are only half way wanting to quit then the struggles and failures could really mess with your health and your head.
You sound as if you are starting the journey and I wish you the best.
Myself, I also feel that praying for the urge to be lifted does actually help a lot. You need to really want to get sober and live sober of course, if you are only half way wanting to quit then the struggles and failures could really mess with your health and your head.
You sound as if you are starting the journey and I wish you the best.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Boston UK
Posts: 6
Thankyou everyone, right now id be having my first drink of the day but instead ive logged in to read more words of encouragement from you guys.
I usually find that the first few days are the hardest, that groggy feeling that i constantly have takes a few days to subside. There are lots of things id like to start changing in my life but ultimately it always comes down to alcohol being the problem.
Any tips and suggestions are most welcome guys.
Thankyou once again
I usually find that the first few days are the hardest, that groggy feeling that i constantly have takes a few days to subside. There are lots of things id like to start changing in my life but ultimately it always comes down to alcohol being the problem.
Any tips and suggestions are most welcome guys.
Thankyou once again
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 645
newstartforme,
You might want to check in with your doctor and ask for some help with medical detox. Withdraw from alcohol can be very serious -- life threatening, in fact. Each person is different. It doesn't hurt to get checked out medically to make sure you haven't done any damage to your liver and to prevent problems with detox.
Susan
You might want to check in with your doctor and ask for some help with medical detox. Withdraw from alcohol can be very serious -- life threatening, in fact. Each person is different. It doesn't hurt to get checked out medically to make sure you haven't done any damage to your liver and to prevent problems with detox.
Susan
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
I found the first few days just focusing on not drinking was enough for me - there's plenty of time to deal with other stuff later when we're better equipped to handle it, I think.
I just took things day by day in the beginning - I made a commitment each day not to drink and then reaffirmed that commitment every morning. Logging on here helped as well.
Eventually I moved from one day at a time to a more permanent, lasting ideal
D
I just took things day by day in the beginning - I made a commitment each day not to drink and then reaffirmed that commitment every morning. Logging on here helped as well.
Eventually I moved from one day at a time to a more permanent, lasting ideal
D
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