Songtx

Today is day 5. I am dealing with a failing relationship, and have been for some time. I am not feeling supported by my husband. I had been using alcohol to self medicate depression and anxiety for years and he thinks that those psychological disorders are "all in people's heads". I have been having pretty wild mood swings. Feel good for a bit and then anything can push me over. He doesn't believe that it is because of alcohol withdrawal and actually says to stop feeling sorry for myself. Did I mention that he is an alcoholic? I'm also dealing with a health issue which has yet to be diagnosed, and do not have insurance, nor do I work. I am trying pretty hard to feel good, eating right, exercise, taking supplements, etc. Maybe I could be doing more, but it is hard enough just getting through the day without a beer or 2. I realise I cannot even do that! Today was going ok, not great but ok. I got into an argument with my husband, who works from home so we are always home together. He told me I should "learn something new every day" because "what are you doing with yourself?" He said it was meant as encouragement, but I did not see it that way and lost it. A bit later, I calmed down a little and was doing some housework when I knocked a clock off the wall and it hit me in the head...hard Just then, the Dr. office called to see what kind of progress I had made booking an appointment I cannot afford. I completely lost it then and cried for a good half hour. I really hate everything right now.

Anna

I think mood swings and crying are part of early recovery.

I didn't talk to my husband about my feelings, because I knew I was too fragile. I knew I couldn't have dealt with anything remotely negative. So, I just focused on myself and my recovery, and honestly it worked. It sounds to me like you're frustrated with your relationship, and it's having an impact on your recovery and sobriety, so try to stay focused on you.

Dee74

I agree with Anna songtx...sometimes, as much as we want them to, & for whatever reason, our loved ones can't give us the support we want.

It's not a dealbreaker - but I think you do have to step away from 'them' and focus on 'you'

You'll always find support here

D

artsoul

Hi Songtx -

I'm sorry things are so hard right now. We need to give ourselves the space and TLC we need to stay sober. Try to keep things as calm/peaceful as you can.

I spent lots of time here in the early days and didn't do much of anything. It was all about getting through the day without drinking and if that meant putting everything else aside, then so be it. I knew that without getting sober, it was all going to h*** anyway......

Way to go on your 5 days - give yourself a pat on the back for that, even if your husband won't......:ghug3

CaiHong

Songtx,

Yes, the mood swings are normal in early sobriety but it really does get better, so hang in there. Learning how to stay sober would be a good thing to learn and concentrate your energies on that. Are you interested in going to AA meetings? It would get you out of the house, meet new people, share with people who understand what you are going through.

Congrats on day 5, you are a very strong person to stay sober with all the things that are going on in your life now.

All the best
caiHong

Hevyn

Songtx - I remember those early days as being full of anxiety and confusion. Even though I was happy and eager to get sober, the really good feelings didn't come until later. I think you'll find everything's much easier to deal with once you get some more sober time.

Please know that (as the others have already said) this is completely normal and to be expected. There's nothing strange about your feelings. You're doing great, & it will keep getting better and easier.

harleysueE

I too used alcohol to self medicate and 'deal' with the things that I thought I couldnt' deal with. It turns out that it doesn't work. I am on day 10 of being sober and there while I haven't had a desire to drink, I have had my low moments. Yesterday I found out that I wasn't going to get any assistance through my local hospital (where I work) with my doctors appts and medications and I'm one of their freaking employees. I work as a PRN (as needed basis) so don't qualify for insurance, yet they won't cut me a break on their fees either. It truly sucks. In the past, I would have let that set me off but fortunately for me, I had a number of a fellow woman in the program to call to vent to. Even after that call I needed something, so as I was driving at lunch, I blasted a very favorite song of mine on the radio - something I had not done in a long time. It was a great release for me.

As for talking to your husband about your issues, I have come to learn that I need to discuss these things with others. While I know my husband loves me, he doesn't always see the bigger picture or say things in the manner that might not set me off. So rather than get ticked off at him, I have learned to go to my fellow woman AA'ers and my therapist. I would suggest trying to get in touch with a meeting or someone in the program that you can confide in.

As for getting help with your medical issues, I do know that most hospitals have a charity care system. Try to find out what their guidelines are for getting some help.

MrSilver

Don't hate the cat! I like that cat

Songtx

Thanks all. I got through last night, but not without flipping out a bit. Speaking of the cat, MrSilver, my husband went ahead and let the cat out last night. We just moved and have been giving the cat mainly supervised time during the day. It upset me because I figured my husband just didn't think before he did it. I proceeded to worry about the cat for a few hours and fume. My husband had his 4 tall boys, which is an improvement, but still it sucks to be around. It just makes me angry. He told me that I "need to chill out" and I'm "no fun". Yeah, I don't think I'm going to be any fun with him while he is still getting buzzed on beer every night. Pretty soon that will just not have a place in my life, and I know this. Alcohol robs you, and he will never get that I don't think. He thinks it's fine to keep drinking for him because he has hobbies that he does while drinking, like computer programming, fixing electronics, etc. He just stays up drinking and tinkering until he gets too drunk and has to go to bed...or runs out of beer. That is the most annoying thing. As soon as the beer runs out, or lately if he decides he should not drink another, he just goes to bed, like there is no point in staying up if he's not drinking, even if it's 9 o'clock. That's what alcohol does, there is no point in anything unless there is booze involved and that's the epitome of sad.
Thanks everyone for the encouragement. I know that I need to just work on myself. I found a meeting ON MY STREEET!! seriously a few blocks away and I'd be an idiot not to go.

Songtx

Oh by the way, the cat came back.

MrSilver

Sounds like you are two people going in different directions. Or maybe you are trying to better yourself and he struggles with it. We know psychological disorders are in people's heads, that is what they mean. Seriously though, he sounds rather arrogant about it. What back round does he have in mental health study? If he has little or none, then his opinion on that issue does not mean much.

BTW, I like all cats by default

CaiHong

SongTX,

That is great that you found a meeting on your street AND the cat came back. Get to that meeting, get a support group around you and try to get out of the house more.
Good on you.

CaiHong

ontherightpath

I feel the same way, my dh and I are in different directions too.... as in hes fine with the status quo and I want change. I believe divoce is inevitable, he simply says he doesnt want a divorce and continues to smoke his weed daily, and doesnt contribute, unless it benefits him. obviously, hes not ready to look within himself, i cant force him to do that, i can only lead by example..... i had 29 days sober and on day 30, i relapsed, day 31 too.... but now i am back ending day 4, and going to bed with my dd. had a very humbling meeting with my sponsor tonight. very happy it happened. keep your chin up and worry about you.... and only you!!!! best of luck babe!