New and Not Sure How This Works
 

I'm not sure if I'm posting in the right place or what a "thread" is. I hope I'm posting in the right place. I'm new to the community and nervous but hopeful for my recovery with your help, as well as the opportunity to help others like me.

I will start off by saying that I am 21 years old and I am an extreme alcoholic. I have been drinking socially from a very young age but did not start drinking dangerously (alone, in the morning, before work, etc.) until about 2 years ago. I have experienced alot of tragedy in my life but in no way is that an excuse for what I have done to myself or to my family with alcohol. I have been to the hospital twice now for alcohol poisoning and cannot even begin to count the dilapidating hangovers (vomiting, shakes, overwhelming depression, etc.) that have made me decide that I absolutely need help. I say extreme because I have literally come to the point where my body will reject the alcohol and yet I will continue to drink. My last hospital visit was about a week ago and I spoke with an angelic social worker who has helped me to seek help with counseling and/or medication. I am now only 5 days sober but very scared of my future. I am scared of what I would do if I don't seek help but also scared of how I am going to cope without alcohol. I am so scared and so depressed. How can I overcome the shame of the way I've acted in the past because of alcohol? How can I overcome the guilt of what I've done to my family with my hospital visits and health scares? Right now, my only support group is my mom and brother. I don't have friends that I could open up to, except for my best friend who lives far away from me. I joined this forum so that I can talk with others and we can share our stories. Anything has to be better than taking another drink. My username is what I want to be.

HappyAndHealthy

Depression hit me hard around day 4. I believe it's a natural response. After all, drinking prevents us from feeling. I, too, was scared of my future. Who am I without alcohol? Well, I'm me...without alcohol =)

Welcome.

Hi HAH - great to meet you. These are great forums with lots of people who completely understand because they were/are going through similar struggles. Please don't be ashamed - be proud of yourself for recognizing the problem so young and for wanting to turn things around.

I drank daily for many years .. and was drinking around the clock toward the end ... body rejecting alcohol (and food), but I continued to force the booze in me anyway .. morning, noon, night, at work ... shakes, withdrawal if I didn't keep alcohol in my system ...and I'm 46. I ultimately turned yellow, and my body started shutting down. It was scary. I am thankful every minutevof the day for the chance I was given to turn things around .. many aren't as lucky when they get to that point.

Take this chance you have now and run with it! I missed so many years drinking that I can't get back .. don't be "me" .. it's such a waste.

Congratulations on your days sober ... The anxiety and fear of the unknowns do get better and easier to deal with. Work on today and on making plans for tomorrow .. things to do and to look forward to.

My "kids" are 18 and 22 .. and if they were tackling things the way you are, I know I would be extremely proud ... as I am sure your family is of you.

Keep on keeping on... you have an awsome life ahead of you!

Welcome Hah! Like switchboard, I was drinking 24/7 in the end. I'm much older than you, and would give anything to be 21 again and start over - without the booze. I was determined to control it when I was your age, and it almost cost me my life. So be thankful you're seeing the light now. You'll never have to suffer the way many of us have.

You're learning to live again in a new way, so be patient with yourself. You'll grow to love the feeling of freedom and hope - no more getting numb. Congratulations on your decision!

Hi HAH

I found the best thing for me to do was focus on not drinking...that was enough for me initially....there's more than enough time later to rake through the past and all of that stuff :)

I started my making a commitment to myself everyday to stay sober no matter what that took. If you think you need support, please look for it - if you're like me, you'll come to appreciate anything that can make this journey easier.

You'll find a lot of support here too - and you nailed the thread thing :)
Welcome!

D

Hey HAH,

I am in the same boat as you. I drank around the clock. Daytime, nighttime, before work, after work, during work and have lost many jobs because of it and I am only 27 so congrats to you on seeing a problem and looking to get help sooner rather than later. I was depressed, not taking care of myself and suicide crossed my mind more than once.

This place is great and has helped me each day get through the rough patches. :)

Welcome!

Welcome! I can relate to all you are feeling and know how hard this is. It is awesome you are making the decision to get well and take care of yourself. This is a wonderful forum full of wisdom and support! Keep reading and posting and be gentle with yourself! Hugs to you)))

Hi HAH and welcome.

One of the things that you are worried about is how bad you feel about what you have put your Mom and brother through...best thing that you can do for them AND YOURSELF, is to get yourself well my friend. Trust me, I know. I put my Mum and my brother through hell. I'm 5 months sober as of September 27th :) It will come...you have come to the right place...great start.

We are all here for you!

Welcome to the family.:hug: We are here to support you any way we can.

I too wondered how I'd live without drinking. Now I look back and wonder how I could have wasted so much time drinking.:( I still live the same life I used to live, I just don't drink now. And I practice gratitude every day. I wake up grateful, I go to bed grateful.:) It makes a huge difference in my attitude.:)

Debsam,
Stole my thunder, getting sober is the best thing you can do for yourself and your family.
You can do, you can live without alcohol, you can't live with it.

It may be hard to believe now but life without alcohol is so much better people on this forum can attest to that.

You can do it.
CaiHong

I understand what you are feeling. I work the aa 12 steps. I can know me today. My shame is not present today. AA works for me. Congrats on 5 days! That's something to be grateful for!

It may take a few months for the depression to lift, usually around 90 days, give or take, for your body to normalize. Some people take longer, some less. For what it's worth, I also got to the point where my body would reject the alcohol and I would still take it, so don't let that discourage you.

Welcome!

There is lots of support here.

Thank you
 

I just want to thank you all so much for your incredible replies. I logged back on, never expecting the 12 most beautiful and compassionate responses that I received. I am so grateful that we are all here for each other, as I am for you all as well. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Switchboard, your response particularly touched me. For you to share that deeply personal story with me was an extremely selfless and giving act. I am so very sorry for all that you have been through; I cannot imagine the suffering that you must have endured having dealt with this disease for so long, I only knowing the dread of it for 2 years. I also cannot even begin to imagine the wakeup call of seeing your health so at-risk towards the end. I am so unbelievably proud of you for making that change. You must have been so frightened and felt so alone. You are a great, great inspiration to me and, I'm sure, everyone else whose lives you have touched. Thank you and I send my best wishes to your happy and healthy future. I hope that we can keep in touch and continue to help each other through this constant recovery.

sorry to be late seeing you are here with us....Welcome...:wave:

there are many of us here who are winning over alcohol...and Yes! you can too...:yup:
Well done on your early sober time.