pete1

so the great lady in my life has had enough of the drinking and i was given an ultimatum last week. butchered that one last night, but perhaps day 1 will give me some optimism. i've been a heavy beer drinker for about 20 years. some days i can have a couple and be fine, but others i do 15 and it affects the family. i've already ruined my first marriage/family and im getting close to doing the same with this one. any support or advice is greatly appreciated. not sure what mantra i subscribe to yet, but we've been using the "one day at a time" approach. thanks for listening.

pete

smacked

Well, ultimatums never worked for me, I'd end up lying, hiding bottles, etc.. I had to want to quit more than I wanted anything else.

I'm glad you're here.

pete1

agreed. the ultimatum just made me feel even worse, although i was able to go a full week with no real withdrawels. kind of like smoking, I need to be the one to want to stop. but, if losing my beautiful girls is the consequence, i need to remind myself of that everytime i want to slam a few beers.

SaraMichelle

ya know smacked is right...you have to want to quit more then you want anything else. however for me what made me want to quit more then anything else was the living in fear of losing my son to my addicitons. how that would affect him was a horrible thing...also, i got so tired of it, i wanted to be happy and not live in bondage to my disease. Another thing for me to was that i lost my husband to his disease, my son lost his daddy, and it was so unexpected that i realized it can happen to anyone...ypu can die in your disease and leave behind those who love you the most....stay strong and dont give up!

Dee74

Welcome Pete
You'll find a lot of support here.

It's obvious your wife wants you to quit - how do you feel about quitting tho?

D

Impurrfect

Welcome to SR ((Pete))! You'll find a lot of support here, some who are in recovery, some who are still trying to get there.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Philo34

Double Ditto

Nothing else matters.

Anna

Same as above.

Ultimatums never worked for me.

I had to make the decision to stop drinking for myself.

ReadyAndAble

Welcome to SR, Pete!

So yeah, how about you? What do you want?

Me? Honestly, I was torn. I wanted to quit—but then again I didn't. I had been drinking so long, I couldn't imagine life without alcohol. How would I have fun? How would I relax? How would I deal with bad news or celebrate good news? How could I even wash the car without a beer close at hand?

Guess what? That's all garbage. It was my addiction talking. Lying to me. Life without alcohol sure took some adjustments—I couldn't even sleep at first—but now everything is better. I'm happier. I'm more relaxed. Even crappy says are easier to handle, because I don't have all that underlying fatigue and stress that comes from daily drinking. I am so glad I took a leap of faith. I mean, 20 years of drinking is enough, isn't it? Would you really want to keep this up for the rest of your life, even if your wife was fine with it?

Glad you found us. You'll get a lot of support here.

artsoul

Hi Pete1 and welcome to the forum!

This is a great place to get support. Have you ever attempted to stop drinking before? I find the "one day at a time" approach to be really helpful.

I agree that you have to want to be sober, but I also found that part of me (the addicted part) didn't want to give it up. The longer I stayed sober, though, the more I could see how insane it was to drink like I did.

Keep reading and posting - we're glad you're here!

Hevyn

Hi pete - great to have you with us!

It sounds like alcohol has led you to a bad place. The others are right, though, you need to be the one realizing what needs to be done. A partner or friend can't do it for you. Stopping to please someone else doesn't work longterm. I know because I once quit to keep my son from being angry with me over my drinking. As soon as he left home, I was right back at it. It wasn't until my life was a shambles that I saw what I had to do in order to save myself.

You'll find plenty of people just like you here - you aren't alone any more, pete. I hope you'll make the decision to kick that stuff out of your life. You can do it!

Zebra1275

Welcome, as other's have said, do you want to quit?

What has helped me is AA, why don't you go to a meeting? I bet your wife would like to see some action, instead of just verbal promises.

DisplacedGRITS

Have you considered rehab? I have been a heavy vodka drinker for at least 5 years and had started abusing alcohol a couple of before that. I tried to quit several times on my own so last year I went to rehab. I was sober for several months after that but my old nemesis creeped up on me again and sucked me back in. I went in for detox on Saturday, got out yesterday and started a Partial Hospitalization Program again yesterday. I am learning even more than my last time. More about the disease and more about myself. We have insurance but it's still going to be a significant cost. Still, we couldn't put a price tag on our relationship, our future and my life.

If you can go, go. It's worth it.

bblackbirdflyy

hi pete. this is a great place for support. just keep swimming.

sugarbear1

Have you had enough, yet?

Welcome to SR!

pete1

day 2 update:

yesterday was hard, the first day is always the hardest for me as all i'm doing is thinking "dont drink, dont drink today". i know it gets easier as that thought slowly turns into "wow, i feel really good since i stopped drinking". the wife and i have been reading "sober for good" aloud to eachother almost daily. it is refreshing to know there are other methods out there that work other than AA. it would be nice to be able to get to a point where i can have a couple of drinks once or twice a week, or for special occasions, but we are not using that as a goal or trying to think in that mindset for now. one day down, many more to come. thanks for listening and all the encouragement. have a strong day, i plan to.

takingtheturn22

I have been sober for two days now. I find it very helpful to use stories from other alcoholics to reflect on my own problem. In the same way you can be okay for a night with one or two beers, I can have a glass of wine with dinner, go to bed, and have a great day ahead of me. But, it's the nights when one glass turns into two, three, four, 2 bottles when I find myself morphing into a completely different persona, doing things I would never in my sober mind think of doing, and ultimately embarrassing myself and my family. I realize now that I can't have "just one glass", not now, and not ever, I am physically and mentally incapable. One night of being a controlled drinker will not make you or me stronger, but everyday as a controlled alcoholic will lead to a healthier, more productive and serene life. Good luck to you.

Aeon

Ultimatum's never worked for me either, but my "great lady" kicking me out of the house sure did! The thing is, I wanted to stop when the the ultimatums were issued but unfortunately I needed dire consequences in my life to compel me into action. Over the years I've become a big fan of the ole "blessing in disguise" event. It's not the best case scenario perhaps, but I'm sure am grateful that something happened to get me here!

Best wishes pete! I'm following along here. Keep us posted!

twilli59

I've found this site to be a wonderful tool in my own recovery - albeit still in the early trial and error stage. But, those first months of recognizing that alcohol and/or drugs were no longer working is still so clear in my mind. Other people are always the ones who bring it to our attention. In my case, I was certain depression and anxiety were the real culprits. And, to some degree they are for most of us. But my method of medicating, creating a delusional state of being, was the crusher. Once the recognition came that there was a problem, the most valuable thing for me was connecting with others who shared the problem and getting educated. A counselor got me to AA, I read the Doctor's Opinion and it fit me to a tee. From there, I at least made a start. I could then try to make decisions that were based on the truth of my condition. Those decisions can lead to a variety of paths, but exploring various forums on this site is a great starter!

TheOjibway84

Well you are in the right place for sure my friend These rooms here have helped me along the way as well as AA. But as everyone else has said in this topic. You must be the one to decide to quit and to quit for yourself. I haven't been married or anything but the simliar thing was given to me, quit or lose my family meaning my parents and brother and the extended family. I tried to quit on their terms but never worked because I was doing it for them just so I wouldn't lose them. But after several drunks my parents asked me to come back home after living on my own for 5 months in hell. For 5 months this year I was drinking every other day and sometimes 4 days straight and I was a hard liquor binge drinker. Luckily they cared enough to lend me a helping hand and so far things have been great. With some rules of cousre like no drinking in the house I can live by because its what I want. I want to quit drinking and so far this past month of being sober has been great and I've felt a change in me and my sponsor has seen the change in me as well which means I'm on the right track again. Good luck!