memiselfniok

Having concerns with some issues. I am now 147 days sober and feeling grateful. However, this is not my first time in the rooms and know that my seat is definitely God given and have put AA first in my life. That being said, the last time I attended meetings in 2009, I made the acquaintance of a very handsome man. He has 20 years sober and my girlfriend explained that though he was attracted to me, he did not believe in getting involved with someone who has not worked their 12 steps and had at least a year.


This time, he has approached me and we are communicating on a regular basis. It is definitely a getting to know you phase & we have both expressed the need for me to continue working my steps and attending meetings. My sponsor knows about this and she expressed concern and suggested I work my steps & get at least a year.

The dilemma for me is my past experience includes me putting too much thought and attention into a relationship with someone and not focusing on me. I have detached from a long term off and on love affair and am afraid of using him as a replacement.

At this point, I am being cautious but he appeared outside of a meeting today and that surprised me, as he usually comes right in. I just have fears regarding my past bad decisions and impulsiveness regarding men.

I am a youthful 44 and he is a very athletic 50 year old man.

Would appreciate some real life experience input.

Thank you

Dee74

I'd listen to your inner feelings.

Your focus needs to be on your recovery right now. If this guy has your best interests at heart, he'll know that too.

My advice is to take the time to learn who sober you is first....there's plenty of time later to explore life

D

RaiderRuss

trust in your higher power. don't let love pass you by if there is an opportunity

firestorm090

I've heard of and know of a few relationships that originated in the rooms of AA, most failed, but a couple worked out real well. One couple started dating when they both had about seven months sober, and they marriend and have been together for a few years now.

You just never know. Focus on yourself and your foundation, but keep those heartstrings in tune, for the right guy at the right time.

nogard

You need to listen to your heart and ask questions of your sponsor and then listen for answers.

Some relations in the fellowship work and some don't

Sugah

If you take your sponsor's suggestions, I'm not sure I see the problem.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

myrnaenns

if you think its a bad idea for now then honor your feelings. You know yourself better than anyone else. Ask yourself, what happened the last time I went against my feelings and just did it anyway? What happened? Was the blind leap successful? is it ever??? Don't secopnd guess yourself...if ya know its a difficult part of life to deal with then prioritize....most people don't think about marriage when they are deathly ill. Thats unusual. Unless of course its "true love". If you believe in that kind of thing. Or is it a diversion from what will be hard work? You know the answer already. Good luck! I know whatever decision you make will be a good one.

TigerLili

Put your recovery first. There'll always be another man. I'm not saying don't date him, but don't let your recovery take second place.

instant

True love can wait.

freshstart57

Don't let a new relationship jeopardize your sobriety. That must be your most important consideration. If your sobriety is secure, go for it. This might just be the change that you need.

This information is free, and worth every penny.

Mcribb

atleast until I did the 9th step and had some time I would be just filling my instincts. If you and your sponser are sure that it is fine then whoop there it is.