7yearsOfSubHell

Hello everyone, my name is Anthony, I am currently 31 years old. I have been clean from all "illegal" drugs for about 7 years. After checking myself into a local rehab I was prescribed suboxone 8mg 3x per day, so 24mg a day. At first and for the first couple of years I thought it was the savior of my life. About 4 years into taking suboxone I started to get random withdrawals that lasted anywhere from a day to almost a week. I would vomit/sweat/shake along with all the other symptoms such as aches/anxiety/pain/sleeplessness. The Dr. I see reminds me of a "dealer" in every way. He does not take any insurance, and has no desire to get me off this crap. Anyway about 3 months ago I started to taper the dose down myself. I figured since I was getting random withdrawls every few weeks that I would be ok. Well now I take at least 4mg when I wake, and another 4-8mg around 10 hours later. My symptoms have not changed. I am tired of taking this medication and wish to have a life again with my wife and children. I am literally scared to death of stopping, because I can't imagine feeling worse than I already do. I have to work full time to support my family, so I cannot simply suck it up and sit at home for a month or 2 while I recover. *I read nothing but horror stories about W/D when you stop taking it, and quite frankly it scares me to death. About 3 years ago when I started to have these symptoms my docdealer put me on Xanax 2mg 3x per day... I only take 1mg 2-3 times a day or I would not be able to function. My wife is trying to support me, but she has never had any addictions, so she does not really understand. I find myself crying in the bathroom everytime I take my meds because I am truly sick and tired of taking them, and how they have affected me and my family life. I reduced my doses mainly to cut down on the cost of Dr visits and the Dr believes I still take the same amount. I wish that I walked out of rehab and never was introduced to suboxone, but at that time I believed that I needed it to stay clean. My father thinks I'm just weak and does not support me either, I don't have any support really... This past weekend I went to the E.R. and was admitted because I was vomiting/sweating/shaking ect for more than 2 days strait. My wife basically forced me to go because she got sick of watching my bent over the trash or toilet every hour or so, otherwise I was stuck in bed. This medication is really starting to make me insane and like I said, I read nothing but horror stories of W/D and I know it's worse depending on your dosage and how long you have been on it, and I cannot remember reading about a single poster that has been on this medication for as long as I have. So that's why I am here..... I have been taking suboxone for 7 years now, it's ruining my life, driving me insane and I don't know what to do.. If you read this entire post, I thank you for your time, I know time is precious to everyone, including me. I am looking for experienced advice and welcome all and any encouragement.*

Hevyn

Welcome to SR, Anthony! It is wonderful you found us. (I love Nyack)

I'm sorry I don't know anything about suboxone, but someone will be along that does, I'm sure. Congratulations on realizing what needs to be done. I stayed stuck in the same drinking pattern for years, never seeing what I was doing to myself. This won't be you - you're taking action. You can have a whole new life, free of that poison. I hope you'll get some good suggestions here. We care about you.

Dee74

Hi Anthony

another non sub user here but if you've lost confidence in your Dr, and your own attempts at getting off the drug have not been great, I'd recommend a second opinion from a professional.

Short of that, while we can't give medical advice here, members are welcome to share their experiences...we have a suboxone and methadone detox forum where you may find even more responses

Suboxone/Methadone Maintenance or Detox - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Welcome to SR
D

artsoul

So sorry to hear what you're going through, Anthony. Just wondering if maybe the rehab you went to would be able to recommend a knowledgeable doctor?
Please do check out the link Dee posted.

I'm glad you've joined us...... there's a lot of support here. Withdrawal (no matter what the substance is) is tough and I hope you get some answers soon.....:ghug3

7yearsOfSubHell

Thank you for your quick replies and leading me in the right direction. I have reposted my above post in the forum you provided the link to. Thanks again, take care.

luv2all

Anthony, welcome and please keep coming back, or at least keep us posted on how you're doing. I care, too. I hope you will see another doctor as soon as possible! Good luck to you.

LUV2ALL

7yearsOfSubHell

Today I had a long and emotional talk with my mother about what I am going through, and she immediately began to cry. 7 years ago my sister was murdered by her husband, who was a retired police officer, than killed himself. The 4 children, my 3 nephews who were 7 9 and 11, were not his, and my niece was about 4, they found them when they came home from school. My sister and I were always very close, i love her very much, and miss her everyday. This horrible thing that happened and seeing what it did to my parents is what brought me to rehab in the first place, where I thought I was doing the right thing with "suboxone". Anyways I explained to my mother what I was feeling and what was going on, and trust me she could see it, she lives in PA with my father and nephews and niece about 90 minutes away, I don't visit that often anymore, but I used too all the time, to spend time with my father (who has had multiple massive heart attacks and many surgeries.) and to see my nieces and nephews that my parents have been raising since my sister was stolen from us. My mother told me she would support me emotionally, physically, and financially for as many months as she has to, to get her son back. She does not want to bury her only child, and this is very therapeutic for her depression for not being able to help my sister. I am lucky I have such a mother and I know I am truly blessed(even though I'm not very religious at all). I talked to my wife about it, and she agrees it's the best thing for me. I hate to leave my family, but I know I'm not really here now, and I need to be here in 10 years. I have other physical problems as well, but that's another post.... Anyway knowing I have such tremendous support, financially for "my wife and kids, while I'm out of work" and emotionally/physically, It eases my nerves quite a bit. I will hate being away, and I feel like a failure, but they will visit me often, and I don't want my daughter to see me in such a W/D for such a long time. I have to plan this right, I am starting to taper down my dosages every day, a little each day, get everyone at work behind me, (they know what's going on with me somewhat) and I need a little time to prepare them. I need to get my wife set up financially along with other responsibilities I have always taken out. And prepare my daughters for it. I plan to be tapered off and start my road to recovery within the next 4-6 weeks. I beat crack/coke/pills the whole nine yards with my first round of addiction, and I recovered in PA with mom, she loves me, but she means business, it will get the job done. I count the days till I can go, but still fear/know I will most likely go through another temporay W/D before... Hopefully not.