Relapse
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: In the UK
Posts: 4
Relapse
Hello Peeps. I've just suffered a relapse and could do with some words of inspiration. I was on antabuse and acamprosat (I think thats how you spell it) and I was doing pretty well until this weekend. I had gone almost 2 weeks without a drink then just went stupid for no real reason. From friday to sunday i got through between 8 and 12 pints per day of lager. I reasoned it was time to stop when I ended up with my head down the toilet last night. Since then, I have had the shakes, the sweats and all manner of craziness running through my head. I think I am slowly starting to calm down now, but not enough to venture outdoors as the anxiety is still pretty high. I intend to start the antabuse again tomorrow as hopefully, all traces of alcohol should be out of my system. Just feel really sad that I let myself down as I was starting to feel a lot better. What makes us repeatedly hit the 'self destruct button ?
Last edited by louise8158; 09-26-2011 at 07:30 AM. Reason: bad spelling
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 24
Hi,
I am only on my 2nd day sober and still feeling terrible so you are not going through it alone. I have used Antabuse in the past and I know we aren't allowed to give medical advice here so I will only suggest that you ask your doctor before going back on the Antabuse. If your liver is still working hard to get rid of all the toxins from the alcohol taking Antabuse too soon might put extra strain on it... I don't know, but it might, and you could feel even worse. Even phoning NHS direct or somewhere might be a good idea... But I think you should consult a medical professional before you START Antabuse again. I believe you are meant to be 2 weeks clean before using it... TO THE MODS - SORRY IF THIS IS OVERSTEPPING THE MARK ON GIVING MEDICAL ADVICE.
I have discovered there are people on this site with years, decades sober, and I bet there are very few of them who did it on their first try. It's natural to feel angry and ashamed at yourself, I am going through it now (weird, it makes sense telling you this, but it doesn't when people tell me), but you need to not start looking at blame and just focus on getting well.
I wish I knew what makes me hit self destruct. I don't know about you but when I come out of the binge I am always too hammered to remember wehat started it, and when the withdrawal symptoms kick in everything seems terrible to me so it's hard to see the real problems from the self pity.
Just keep going, we can both make it, and I strongly reckon you need to ask a medical professional before taking Antabuse 2 days after a binge. You don't want to make yourself worse.
Keep fighting!
I am only on my 2nd day sober and still feeling terrible so you are not going through it alone. I have used Antabuse in the past and I know we aren't allowed to give medical advice here so I will only suggest that you ask your doctor before going back on the Antabuse. If your liver is still working hard to get rid of all the toxins from the alcohol taking Antabuse too soon might put extra strain on it... I don't know, but it might, and you could feel even worse. Even phoning NHS direct or somewhere might be a good idea... But I think you should consult a medical professional before you START Antabuse again. I believe you are meant to be 2 weeks clean before using it... TO THE MODS - SORRY IF THIS IS OVERSTEPPING THE MARK ON GIVING MEDICAL ADVICE.
Originally Posted by louise8158 
Just feel really sad that I let myself down as I was starting to feel a lot better. What makes us repeatedly hit the 'self destruct button ?
I wish I knew what makes me hit self destruct. I don't know about you but when I come out of the binge I am always too hammered to remember wehat started it, and when the withdrawal symptoms kick in everything seems terrible to me so it's hard to see the real problems from the self pity.
Just keep going, we can both make it, and I strongly reckon you need to ask a medical professional before taking Antabuse 2 days after a binge. You don't want to make yourself worse.
Keep fighting!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Here & Now, WI
Posts: 21
Hi louise. I just wanted to share my experience with you here:
I spent a year and half abstaining for 2 weeks at a time and then relapsing. I was completely baffled as to why I couldn't get this recovery thing to stick.
It wasn't until I completely threw myself 100% into the program that anything changed and I started to actually recover. Today I haven't had a drink in almost 10 weeks.
Now, I have no idea to what degree you are working the program. I just know that for myself anything less than 100% proved futile. My first month I went to 1-3 meetings a day, got a sponsor and did exactly as he instructed, did service work for a local club, read recovery literature morning noon and night, prayed, and completely changed ALL the people, places, and things in my daily life. Even after 10 weeks I am vigilant in my recovery and do everything that is suggested by those who have what I want in life.
Hope this qualifies as "words of inspiration" for you. The thing that was said to me right before I embarked on this journey was as follows:
"You have two choices; get busy livin', or get busy dyin'. The choice is yours".
(sort of a "tough love" approach, but it clicked for me)
I spent a year and half abstaining for 2 weeks at a time and then relapsing. I was completely baffled as to why I couldn't get this recovery thing to stick.
It wasn't until I completely threw myself 100% into the program that anything changed and I started to actually recover. Today I haven't had a drink in almost 10 weeks.
Now, I have no idea to what degree you are working the program. I just know that for myself anything less than 100% proved futile. My first month I went to 1-3 meetings a day, got a sponsor and did exactly as he instructed, did service work for a local club, read recovery literature morning noon and night, prayed, and completely changed ALL the people, places, and things in my daily life. Even after 10 weeks I am vigilant in my recovery and do everything that is suggested by those who have what I want in life.
Hope this qualifies as "words of inspiration" for you. The thing that was said to me right before I embarked on this journey was as follows:
"You have two choices; get busy livin', or get busy dyin'. The choice is yours".
(sort of a "tough love" approach, but it clicked for me)
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
hey, glad you're back.
I can offer the thinking that leads to my throwing in the towel, sometimes simply by setting aside my recovery program, other times by slipping into relapse and occasionally by full out angry, hopeless rage and rebellion and embracing my addiction full on, like a long lost lover.
Exhaustion is a big one for me, be it physical, emotional or spiritual. I get tired, I forget why I am doing this. I feel like I don't have the strength to keep on keeping on...which leads to despair and hopelessness which lead to me doing any of the above.
Anger. Something happens, and in warp speed I am back to the same old feelings that I had before I began to address my addiction. I ask myself, why am I bothering, nothing changes, same old crappy life, same old crappy people, same old crappy feelings, heck, I'm just going to use, because NOT using hasn't changed a darn thing. Because, in that moment I am only looking outward, at the world ganging up on me, forgetting I have new ways of addressing situations. And my tendency is to "fight back", forgetting that I can't change the world, and what I am really "fighting" is my own sense of helplessness.
Boredom/Laziness. I just get tired of doing things a new way. I get impatient with the lapse in my life between realizing that change needs to happen, and the results of making those changes. Friday night alone...boring. Paying my bills on time...ah, I'll get to it, when I get to it. It was more fun to party, drink, find some way to get laid, shop, make an ice cream sundae. Hey, I deserve it.
Fear. That things are never truly going to be different. That this feeling of agitation and terror inside me is going to kill me and I have to stop it at all costs. That the world is going to rain down on me tomorrow, so I have to steel myself against it today.
Those are the things that wear me down and make me think using is more beneficial than not using.
I guess denial is in there too..hey, it wasn't SO bad when I was using, and I've got some recovery under my belt. It won't be the same this time. I'll stop at just one, ok maybe three. Alright, definitely at six. I will stop at six.
I went through all this this weekend. This time I didn't use because the last few times I went through all this and used, I really didn't like the outcome. Maybe I am catching on.
I can offer the thinking that leads to my throwing in the towel, sometimes simply by setting aside my recovery program, other times by slipping into relapse and occasionally by full out angry, hopeless rage and rebellion and embracing my addiction full on, like a long lost lover.
Exhaustion is a big one for me, be it physical, emotional or spiritual. I get tired, I forget why I am doing this. I feel like I don't have the strength to keep on keeping on...which leads to despair and hopelessness which lead to me doing any of the above.
Anger. Something happens, and in warp speed I am back to the same old feelings that I had before I began to address my addiction. I ask myself, why am I bothering, nothing changes, same old crappy life, same old crappy people, same old crappy feelings, heck, I'm just going to use, because NOT using hasn't changed a darn thing. Because, in that moment I am only looking outward, at the world ganging up on me, forgetting I have new ways of addressing situations. And my tendency is to "fight back", forgetting that I can't change the world, and what I am really "fighting" is my own sense of helplessness.
Boredom/Laziness. I just get tired of doing things a new way. I get impatient with the lapse in my life between realizing that change needs to happen, and the results of making those changes. Friday night alone...boring. Paying my bills on time...ah, I'll get to it, when I get to it. It was more fun to party, drink, find some way to get laid, shop, make an ice cream sundae. Hey, I deserve it.
Fear. That things are never truly going to be different. That this feeling of agitation and terror inside me is going to kill me and I have to stop it at all costs. That the world is going to rain down on me tomorrow, so I have to steel myself against it today.
Those are the things that wear me down and make me think using is more beneficial than not using.
I guess denial is in there too..hey, it wasn't SO bad when I was using, and I've got some recovery under my belt. It won't be the same this time. I'll stop at just one, ok maybe three. Alright, definitely at six. I will stop at six.
I went through all this this weekend. This time I didn't use because the last few times I went through all this and used, I really didn't like the outcome. Maybe I am catching on.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: In the UK
Posts: 4
Many thanks to all of you. I suddenly don't feel so alone. I shall be definately using this site as part of my recovery. Lots of helpful advice and understanding. 
I will also check with NHS Direct about a reasonable date to re-start the antabuse - thanks for pointing that out.
I will also check with NHS Direct about a reasonable date to re-start the antabuse - thanks for pointing that out.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Sorry about the relapse Louise...I drank forever and started day ones after every binge. It was a vicious cycle of binging, feeling guilty and ashamed, vowing to stop forever, feeling better and thinking alittle won't hurt. Hence, re-cycling.
Luckily, before I quit I was getting in touch with my inner strength, higher power. I believe that situations and events are placed in our lives for a reason...it is up to us to relate to them and decipher their productivity. Drinking was one of them. I knew this time was the last time...I have evolved in my life as a person, as a woman, as a productive member of society. I like the feeling. I haven't relapsed in this quit -this is it.
I have found a peace within myself that will prove to me that every quest, adventure, situation and event will be ok and turn out alright. You need to trust your better judgement, your gut feeling.
We get a second chance because time wasn't ready for the first one.
I would consult my dr. before starting any meds again.
Luckily, before I quit I was getting in touch with my inner strength, higher power. I believe that situations and events are placed in our lives for a reason...it is up to us to relate to them and decipher their productivity. Drinking was one of them. I knew this time was the last time...I have evolved in my life as a person, as a woman, as a productive member of society. I like the feeling. I haven't relapsed in this quit -this is it.
I have found a peace within myself that will prove to me that every quest, adventure, situation and event will be ok and turn out alright. You need to trust your better judgement, your gut feeling.
We get a second chance because time wasn't ready for the first one.
I would consult my dr. before starting any meds again.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi Louise,
Some very good posts, lots of things to consider. I am only 4 months sober (nearly) and have been having cravings, very much in danger of relapsing so I have been reading and listening to material that will prevent that relapse. Also putting work into my recovery plan. I feel Aeon is very much on the ball from my perspective.
Today I am going to a meeting. It is quite an effort to get there and already my mind was starting to make excuses why not to go.
Reading posts like yours gives me so many reasons why I should go.
Threshold thanks for the post it really does give a lot of insight in to why we relapse.
I am listening to this and will load it on to my mp4 for the long bus trip.
Relapse Prevention Addiction Recovery
Louise are you on a program or are you just depending on the antiabuse?
Hope you feel better soon.
I am not a hugger but I offer you a firm handshake
CaiHong
Some very good posts, lots of things to consider. I am only 4 months sober (nearly) and have been having cravings, very much in danger of relapsing so I have been reading and listening to material that will prevent that relapse. Also putting work into my recovery plan. I feel Aeon is very much on the ball from my perspective.
Today I am going to a meeting. It is quite an effort to get there and already my mind was starting to make excuses why not to go.
Reading posts like yours gives me so many reasons why I should go.
Threshold thanks for the post it really does give a lot of insight in to why we relapse.
I am listening to this and will load it on to my mp4 for the long bus trip.
Relapse Prevention Addiction Recovery
Louise are you on a program or are you just depending on the antiabuse?
Hope you feel better soon.
I am not a hugger but I offer you a firm handshake
CaiHong
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Hi Louise
I think a lot of us have experience with relapse.
It's really hard to change our lives, and for most of us, that what we're doing.
We all understand
It's important to focus on the now for sure but I think it helps to look back at what happened and why you returned to drinking...
I don't know about meds - I never took any - but speaking with your Dr is always a great idea
D
I think a lot of us have experience with relapse.
It's really hard to change our lives, and for most of us, that what we're doing.
We all understand
It's important to focus on the now for sure but I think it helps to look back at what happened and why you returned to drinking...
I don't know about meds - I never took any - but speaking with your Dr is always a great idea
D
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,563
Hi louise - so glad to have you here with us.
I kept picking up because I actually expected a different outcome each time. I wouldn't get drunk - I'd just have a few - surely I could use my willpower to control it. Over the years I proved to myself many times that I couldn't stop once I started. I finally had to admit no amount was safe - the results would be dangerous and unpredictable.
When I found SR I was given the hope and encouragement to finally stop the insanity. No more fighting a losing battle - no more trying to rationalize and moderate. It was over. I hope you'll find the same comfort and help that I did by being here. We care about you.
I kept picking up because I actually expected a different outcome each time. I wouldn't get drunk - I'd just have a few - surely I could use my willpower to control it. Over the years I proved to myself many times that I couldn't stop once I started. I finally had to admit no amount was safe - the results would be dangerous and unpredictable.
When I found SR I was given the hope and encouragement to finally stop the insanity. No more fighting a losing battle - no more trying to rationalize and moderate. It was over. I hope you'll find the same comfort and help that I did by being here. We care about you.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
