Hello
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: near London, UK
Posts: 582
Well done Tiggy im so glad you are sticking with it. The sleep will come I promise - for some it takes longer than others but for me at around a week sober I started to sleep the most wonderful deep sleeps. Only problem is I can now sleep too much! I think its going to take me a long long time to reverse (if its possible) the damage done to my body and brain but it does get better every day and it is so worth it.
Please keep updating us and make sure you post when you are struggling so we can help.
Keep it up!
Please keep updating us and make sure you post when you are struggling so we can help.
Keep it up!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK Black Country
Posts: 94
Went out for a meal with hubby last night, drank lemonade and sparkling water. He has been very good has not said a word, has not offered to pour me a drink and is not complaining that I'm not drinking with him. Last time I stopped drinking he did make me feel uncomfortable and pressured into drinking with him. I'm very tired still, had a quick nap at my desk at work yesterday and nearly fell asleep in the lecture theatre today(I know family planning update all day on a Saturday). I may see my GP and get some bloods done
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK Black Country
Posts: 94
Day 7 beginning tp feel better, still have a muzzy head. A moment of weakness today hubby left a full glass and a bottle of wine on the garden table. I'd been working very hard in the poly tunnel, which looks great by the way. Just for a second I looked at the glass and thought 1 won't matter. Ohoooooo nearly gave in but I didn't decided to go to sleep instead. I may go to AA tonight and see how I feel about it this time. Maybe I'll stop counting days soon and count weeks instead. Thank you all for being around to listen
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK Black Country
Posts: 94
into my second week, I didnt go to AA was too tired, I feel as if I could sleep the clock round but whenever I get to bed my head just wont switch off. My tummy is better, booze does horrible things!! spend hours a day in the loo, I wont miss that at all. Ive booked a week off work for next month, Id like to lake time off sooner but my appointments are all booked up. i hope I can last that long Im exhausted
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK Black Country
Posts: 94
Hi everyone, i had my first CBT session yesterday, the counsellor was lovely. Id sent a letter outlining my past and what I wanted to achieve to her last week. i was a little nervous about it thought she may feel I was weired doing that but infact she was very pleased and may ask all her patients to do the same if they can. I have homework to do. She was suprised that I'd not become psychologically unwell before given how much I've had to live through, and said that I was a very strong person even though I dont feel that way at the moment. I suppose if it bolsters my ego and gets me to think more positively about myself CBT can only help. Good luck to everyone who is traveling down the same path.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK Black Country
Posts: 94
1 more hurdle overcome, we went to stay with freinds in shropshire at the weekend, every one drinks heavily, I managed to stay sober not drink at all. Even though a few folks tried to bager me into drinking. The next morning one told me she was very proud of me. Im so chuffed
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK Black Country
Posts: 94
I still have headaches in the morning ?? dehydrated?, I feel as if I could sleep the clock round but seem to only sleep in fits and starts. Im struggling with flashbacks from my past, I have to write them down now for my next CBT session, i so hope that i can get myself straight agin, I know its early days
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 256
Tiggy,
My heart breaks for the pain you have endured in your childhood and young adulthood. I have a very similar story, minus the rape, and living on the streets. I am 45 years old, and STILL have nightmares about the physical abuse. I used to think that at some point they would go away, and I've sort of come to the point where I expect now that they won't (right or wrong, I'm not sure...). But after leaving the house at 17 where the abuse occurred, I gotta' figure 28 years of nightmares means it's not leaving me. This is pretty much a classic symptom of post traumatic stress disorder.
I've never connected my upbringing with my drinking. Maybe I should think on that more...
Humble
My heart breaks for the pain you have endured in your childhood and young adulthood. I have a very similar story, minus the rape, and living on the streets. I am 45 years old, and STILL have nightmares about the physical abuse. I used to think that at some point they would go away, and I've sort of come to the point where I expect now that they won't (right or wrong, I'm not sure...). But after leaving the house at 17 where the abuse occurred, I gotta' figure 28 years of nightmares means it's not leaving me. This is pretty much a classic symptom of post traumatic stress disorder.
I've never connected my upbringing with my drinking. Maybe I should think on that more...
Humble
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
tiggy,
I just read through your thread. I was a victum of abuse as a child, and am an alchohllic...I have survived and have a bit of sobriety now..months not years.
One of the best things anyone ever told me was "You are strong and brave and a survivor...cause most women who have been through what you have end up in Osowadomy cause they cut themselves and can't function" (osowadomy is the local state hospital for the mentally ill).
It was something I hung on to...that despite all the odds...I was still functioning in the world...I was one of the "lucky ones". I found a way, however dysfunctional on the surface, to survive.
I was 30 when this happened. I am now 50, like you. Hon...it's a balanceing act...I had to understand that I was surviving!!! I need to acknowledge that mere survival wasn't enough...I wanted to thrive and grow beyond the abuse!
It actually took me 20 years to find out that I needed to see the seperatness of my abuse and my alchoholism...it's more like they feed off each other, but they are seperate things requiring seperate treatment. I have to treat both to reach a "happy" life.
I remember the day I was faced with a desire to drink over family issues that had everything to do with abuse. I remember something clicked for me...I wasn't gonna let the abuse "make" me drink....
The abuse issues are real and I needed help to work through all of that...the alchoholism used those issues to convince me a drink was gonna help...it was a lie. Every time I drank, the abuse was winning against me again.
I'm not sure where you are at in your path, and this may be TMI too soon, but I felt compelled to tell you about my journey. Although I still feel the effects of my abuse come up on occations it no longer has the power it did before I began the journey for sobriety and clairity of my other issue...Today, I know when I wanna drink to cover up the other issues...it's a lie I am telling myself to be able to drink...cause the drink really never gave any real relief...in fact it caused me to be victimised over and over again....
Your trauma is true, real and horrid. but the promis alchohol gives us of an answer is really only a VERY temporary fix (which gets shorter and shorter over time). The real answer lies in dealing with BOTH issues...I am an alchoholic/addicct and I am a victum of incest. I am also a survivor who is finding ways to move beyond addiction and beyond victimization. It may always be a problem, but I can not just survive, but build a life that I want, enjoy and thrive in...instead of accepting these things as controlling my life!
You are doing really well hon...just keep heading in the direction you are on now and despite any stumbles you may have...you can make it through to a life you are glad to have
(hug) sorry I talked so long!
I just read through your thread. I was a victum of abuse as a child, and am an alchohllic...I have survived and have a bit of sobriety now..months not years.
One of the best things anyone ever told me was "You are strong and brave and a survivor...cause most women who have been through what you have end up in Osowadomy cause they cut themselves and can't function" (osowadomy is the local state hospital for the mentally ill).
It was something I hung on to...that despite all the odds...I was still functioning in the world...I was one of the "lucky ones". I found a way, however dysfunctional on the surface, to survive.
I was 30 when this happened. I am now 50, like you. Hon...it's a balanceing act...I had to understand that I was surviving!!! I need to acknowledge that mere survival wasn't enough...I wanted to thrive and grow beyond the abuse!
It actually took me 20 years to find out that I needed to see the seperatness of my abuse and my alchoholism...it's more like they feed off each other, but they are seperate things requiring seperate treatment. I have to treat both to reach a "happy" life.
I remember the day I was faced with a desire to drink over family issues that had everything to do with abuse. I remember something clicked for me...I wasn't gonna let the abuse "make" me drink....
The abuse issues are real and I needed help to work through all of that...the alchoholism used those issues to convince me a drink was gonna help...it was a lie. Every time I drank, the abuse was winning against me again.
I'm not sure where you are at in your path, and this may be TMI too soon, but I felt compelled to tell you about my journey. Although I still feel the effects of my abuse come up on occations it no longer has the power it did before I began the journey for sobriety and clairity of my other issue...Today, I know when I wanna drink to cover up the other issues...it's a lie I am telling myself to be able to drink...cause the drink really never gave any real relief...in fact it caused me to be victimised over and over again....
Your trauma is true, real and horrid. but the promis alchohol gives us of an answer is really only a VERY temporary fix (which gets shorter and shorter over time). The real answer lies in dealing with BOTH issues...I am an alchoholic/addicct and I am a victum of incest. I am also a survivor who is finding ways to move beyond addiction and beyond victimization. It may always be a problem, but I can not just survive, but build a life that I want, enjoy and thrive in...instead of accepting these things as controlling my life!
You are doing really well hon...just keep heading in the direction you are on now and despite any stumbles you may have...you can make it through to a life you are glad to have
(hug) sorry I talked so long!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Tiggy,
I hope you are ok. Mostly I hope you are alive...sober would be great, but mostly I hope you are alive and will come back to post again...
Sorry if I'm over reacting, 2 days isn't long to go without a post ....
When you come back to post I would like you to see your thread up where you can find it so that you can let us know what is going on and get our help!
nands
I hope you are ok. Mostly I hope you are alive...sober would be great, but mostly I hope you are alive and will come back to post again...
Sorry if I'm over reacting, 2 days isn't long to go without a post ....
When you come back to post I would like you to see your thread up where you can find it so that you can let us know what is going on and get our help!
nands
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK Black Country
Posts: 94
Hello everyone, I'm sorry I haven't posted for a few days. I feel very guilty I've been having terrible waking nightmares if that makes sense. CBT counsellor said our first session may unlock some buried memories OMG thankfully I've had 2days off work. I had 2 glasses of wine last night sorry to let you guys down, I did sleep all night but woke feeling sick and sluggish. Maybe I just had to do it, seems the booze reacts with the citalopram, just as well it made me feel terrible. I won't be doing that again any time soon. Hubby still drunk every night. I do worry about him but right now I've got to concentrate on me if Im to win this battle.
I gave my. Mentor at work a copy of the letter I wrote to the CBT counsellor outlining my life, he is a GP and a really nice man. He knows about my abusive first marriage, I had to give him some info whenI fell apart at work in Feb. He has always suspected that there was more to it but back then I couldn't talk about any of it. He tried to talk to me on Monday but I was too busy seeing my own patients
I feel that I have spent my life until now just dealing with practical issues like staying alive and coped by burying my emotions. Now that I'm not in danger anymore the emotions have surfaced and I'm re living it all again, CBT lady says that we can work on letting go. So that they become distant memories and not nightmares, because my hubby is not in a fit state for me to talk to, having my mentor at work who I know I can trust hopefully will help me work through all of this and get better
Once again thank you for listening thank you for your posts it's great to know that there are people out there who care and understand
I gave my. Mentor at work a copy of the letter I wrote to the CBT counsellor outlining my life, he is a GP and a really nice man. He knows about my abusive first marriage, I had to give him some info whenI fell apart at work in Feb. He has always suspected that there was more to it but back then I couldn't talk about any of it. He tried to talk to me on Monday but I was too busy seeing my own patients
I feel that I have spent my life until now just dealing with practical issues like staying alive and coped by burying my emotions. Now that I'm not in danger anymore the emotions have surfaced and I'm re living it all again, CBT lady says that we can work on letting go. So that they become distant memories and not nightmares, because my hubby is not in a fit state for me to talk to, having my mentor at work who I know I can trust hopefully will help me work through all of this and get better
Once again thank you for listening thank you for your posts it's great to know that there are people out there who care and understand
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 25
Today is a new day. I'm sorry the citalopram + wine made you feel so awful, but maybe remembering how terrible it was will help you to turn down drinking in the future. Did you drink the wine in attempt to help you sleep? Maybe you could talk to your doctor about the restless sleep and nightmares?
You made great strides when you abstained from drinking while on that weekend trip where everyone else was drinking - when tempted, think back to the feeling of accomplishment you had the next morning.
Hugs to you! We are all still rooting for you and know that you can beat this!
You made great strides when you abstained from drinking while on that weekend trip where everyone else was drinking - when tempted, think back to the feeling of accomplishment you had the next morning.
Hugs to you! We are all still rooting for you and know that you can beat this!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK Black Country
Posts: 94
Im back on track again, and yes I did have 2 glassess of wine to help me sleep I was exhausted. But I felt sick and spaced out the next day so really wasnt a good idea. i was very busy and active yesterday, had 2 trips to the tip, got rid of a lot of rubbish from my garden and greenhouse. The physical work seems to reduce my thoughts about alcohol or family/past, but I lay awake until 4am and had to get up at 6.30 for work. I went to a lecture at lunchtime - I know 30 years in the job and still go to lectures. Thankfully it was interesting. Hubby wants me to go with hime to London this weekend, he is working and want to go to the theatre, restaurant which is great but the drinks will be flowing again, I will just have to be strong. I sound ungrateful dont I?
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