Here we go again
 

5 days sober, my second time around. Two years ago I went to an inpatient for 30 days after a tailspin of horrible things (all due to my drinking). I came out clean, refreshed, and ready to start my life again. Six months later I was drinking socially, occasionally, and on the weekends. Well here I am back again, drinking everyday. I want to quit. I do NOT want to be an alcoholic, even though I know I am. I know I can never have just one drink, but this little voice is already there after only a few days telling me I can. I feel like I have dual personalities, one saying "One day at time, I can do this" the other saying "alright just limit yourself to drinking on the weekends...or just have three drinks then stop". Very frustrating, but I want to do this for myself and I will hang in there.

Welcome to SR kiki26

Support really helped me to focus on the man I wanted to be - it's much easier to quell those rationalising thoughts we have when we have support.

You'll find a lot of that here.

D

Kiki
I was wondering if you have done the short course (AVRT) at Rational Recovery (free online) in helping us recognise the AV (alcoholic voice). We need the sensible part of us to save ourselves from the self destrucive part.

Stick with it, eventually the good personality will win over the bad. It can take time, but you'll get it.

Good luck.

I was going to recommend this, also. You're already seeing that it's like there are two entities at war. AVRT will expand on that. It really helped me.

As the many years have proven beyond doubt, for this alcoholic to say I don't want to be an alcoholic is kinda like saying I don't want five toes on my feet, because I think four toes looks better. My choice then is to either hack off a couple toes.....ouch, or learn to be happy with five and walk as well as possible with what I've got.

Sometimes we just have to accept what is and make the best of it.

My vook recommendation..and the one that convinced me to finally quit is
"under /the Influence" by MilM & Ketcham.
while not all the info applied to me..it certainly was an eye opener ..:yup:

Amazon usually has it..very inexpensively as well as the sequal "Beyond The Influence"

Good to know you are getting back on track...Welcome...:wave:

kiki - Glad you came here to talk about it. You have plenty of company - we all get what you're going through.

I never wanted to face my alcoholism either. I spent many years trying to prove I could use willpower to control it. I never was able to stick to any of my plans to just have 'a few' - only on weekends, etc. All my attempts at moderating led back to binging, blackouts, and dangerous behavior. I had no choice but to admit the only safe thing to do was never touch it. The fun that it used to be was gone, & never coming back. You can do this kiki - think how good you felt 2 yrs. ago. You can get that feeling back, and start over again. This time you know what to do. Keep talking to us. :)

Yeah - or I'll only drink white wine because I don't even like it, or I'll never drink before 8 pm, or I'll smoke a joint and only drink a little, yada, yada, yada ...

Every alcoholic tried to hold on to drinking by any rationalization they could think of. Nothing works. One sip is too much and 100 drinks are not enough. It's tough to face but there are two choices - don't drink or drink and end up dead.

Don't mean to sound harsh, but that's the reality of it. The good news is that once you come to terms with it you find that sobriety is so much better. Think about how free you were when you left your prevous inpatient.

for s second I thought that was my post and I was like "wth"??? did I write this....

anyway, welcome