RossHomes

Husband and I entered a contract that when he left rehab, he
would have to leave / go to rehab if he relapsed. I just know he has, te only sign I dont have is that I dont see the drink. (LATE, very GROUCHY,lies,etc)
Our therapist even believes it. He also quit meetings and therapy for a month now. I kno I need to follow though nd I dont need to let too much time go on before I do it. How do I do it when he probably wont tell the truth?
I need advice! Thanks for letting me share.

sugarbear1

Why not stop focusing on him and focus on you? Your gut knows what's up. Try al anon and learn to put energy into you & your life. Just a suggestion, since your contract doesn't seem to have any stipulations for accountability.

Blessings & best wishes!

RossHomes

Thanks for replying. I was pretty new to the contract thng. I did that under the directon of his counselor in rehab, with my husbands knowledge.Would you give me an example of what you meant by stipulations? Thanks.

Dee74

Welcome to SR RossHomes

I'm unfamiliar with such contracts, or how they could, or would be enforced.

You might like to look at our Family and Friends forums here as well

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

D

GettingStronger2

well, you think he is drinking again, but do you know? Many alcoholics in early recovery have mood swings, very severe ones.

Personally, i would forget the contract, you can't force him to quit or recover. But if you are not happy in the marriage, then consider your options and do what is right for you.

firestorm090

To form a contract with a practicing alcoholic is like trying to hold on to melted butter, it oozes out of your hands and makes a mess wherever it drops.

If your gut is suspecting a return to drinking, then you're probably right, especially if he's stopped all support involvement. What can you do?

The friends and family section of SR would probably be your best bet in answering this question. I would start taking care of myself in your shoes, do what matters most to you and live your life as you desire. If he chooses to drink, then you can choose not to be around it. Practicing alkies like me(before recovery) could rarely honor a contract not to drink, so I never agreed to one, lol. If I had signed a contract, I would've been lucky not to spill booze on it before the ink dried, lol. Just saying that us alkies, till we really want to stop, play any game in town that promises a drink at the end, and we cheat to drink if there's no drink involved.

Check out Friends and Family, it may be well worth your while.

sugarbear1

I agree, if he wants to drink, lie, manipulate, be angry, that is what he'll do. A contract won't help. It's word against word. Nothing in the co.tract, even setting # of meetings, attending therapy, will stop him.

Go to al anon. Take care of you. Then figure out what your life plans will be.

JT7

my prayers are with you on this one, it is selfish, but you have a life too. start taking good mental and physical care of yourself.

Anna

Yes, please do take the focus off your husband and put it on yourself and what you can do to make your life better for yourself.

EmeraldRose

I am not familiar with a contract. Was this between your husband and the counselor or YOU and the counselor? Or just a general contract made through the counseling service?
The only contract that your husband has to honor is the one between his heart and himself. He needs to stop on his own, and learn how not to break that contract within himself. A binding contract on paper will not make him stop. He has to WANT to stop.
I would think that a physical contract would make it harder knowing there was a bounty on my head than knowing that my heart was in it and I wanted to do it for myself.
When I entered rehab I did it because I wanted to. My heart and mind were on the same page. Others there, were not as fortunate and HAD to be there. Most have had further problems -some have not. It depended on how bad the person wanted to stop altogether and how much quitting meant to them and their life.
As others' stated, I would strengthen myself first and let him travel his own path. You can not follow him on his journey and it has to be his alone.
Wishing you peace and strength.

Threshold

I am agreeing with all the others take care of yourself, but I am also curious about the contract. What were the stipulations and what are the consequences if they are not met?

A contract is worthless if it isn't clear and if the parties involved are not going to follow through.

Just a thought, since most of those in close relationships with addicts are involved in codependency....if there was this contract, what was YOUR part, as in if his was to not drink, what were you contracting to do or not do, and are you following through?

I have found that an long term relationship with an addict involves a curious dance. This is why I think it's really important for people to do al anon, etc, because they can't fix the addict or make them get or stay clean, but they can look at themselves, and get support to get their own lives in order.

Otherwise, you are looking at staying in an unhealthy relationship with this addict, or moving right on into a relationship with another. Get your own life together, because you know that you are going to be with yourself no matter what happens

Boleo

Trying to enforce a contract with an alcoholic is like trying to heard cats in a rainstorm. Maybe with handcuffs and a jailcell you could do it, but realistically, alcoholics are slaves to their booze until they find a viable solution.

I would suggest posting in the F&FOA forum to see if anyone else has experience with sort of thing.