High Functioning Alcoholic
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 51
High Functioning Alcoholic
Hello all. This is my first post and hopefully I'm doing this the right way! Anyway, I need to lay a few things out there.
I have been battling the bottle for about 20 years. I consider myself to be a rather high functioning alcoholic. About 5 or 6 years ago, I finally admitted that I was an alcoholic. I typically drink only in the evenings when the wife and kids are in bed. I have been married (amazingly) for 24 years. We have 3 kids and live a typical suburban life. I belive in God and we are churchgoers. I have been gainfully employed all of my adult life. No runs in with the law etc. (luckily).
I admit I am an alcoholic and I have trouble putting away the bottle for good, one day at a time. I drank a half liter of vodka last night and I really can't say it was a relapse. I did have 9 days sober though. After swearing off drinking a few years ago, my wife has "caught" me more than once.The last time was about 3 years ago. That was a very ugly scene (no violence). She wanted me out of the house then. Through what I can only say is the grace of God, I stayed and we are now mostly back to a typical couple with normal ups and downs. I guess what I really want to lay out there is...I continue to be a closet drinker on any given night.Typically, a half a bottle. My wife may have one or two glasses of wine in the evening. This is only one or two nights a week though. She is not an alcoholic. She thinks that I am ok. I am not in a position to ask her to stop drinking her wine on her one or two nights a week. My drinking has made her a very hard person in some aspects. It would throw up red flags for her. If I drink on a night when she doesn't, I will make up an excuse and sleep in the guestroom so I don't breathe booze breath on her at night. Just nuts with my family on the line! Our marriage does NOT have another incident of me being caught drinking again.
I do attend AA and have been doing so for a number of years. I have admitted my relapses in the meetings. I have been sober for over a year-twice. this time though, I am really battling to make it through some of the evenings. I know my triggers and try to avoid them. I need to go to bed when my wife does every night.
Not sure what I am looking for but I have been reading-can't say lurking- (too weird:-)) and I find a lot of good comments here. Anyway, back to day one. I am pouring the other half of the bottle down the drain.
Thanks for listening!
I have been battling the bottle for about 20 years. I consider myself to be a rather high functioning alcoholic. About 5 or 6 years ago, I finally admitted that I was an alcoholic. I typically drink only in the evenings when the wife and kids are in bed. I have been married (amazingly) for 24 years. We have 3 kids and live a typical suburban life. I belive in God and we are churchgoers. I have been gainfully employed all of my adult life. No runs in with the law etc. (luckily).
I admit I am an alcoholic and I have trouble putting away the bottle for good, one day at a time. I drank a half liter of vodka last night and I really can't say it was a relapse. I did have 9 days sober though. After swearing off drinking a few years ago, my wife has "caught" me more than once.The last time was about 3 years ago. That was a very ugly scene (no violence). She wanted me out of the house then. Through what I can only say is the grace of God, I stayed and we are now mostly back to a typical couple with normal ups and downs. I guess what I really want to lay out there is...I continue to be a closet drinker on any given night.Typically, a half a bottle. My wife may have one or two glasses of wine in the evening. This is only one or two nights a week though. She is not an alcoholic. She thinks that I am ok. I am not in a position to ask her to stop drinking her wine on her one or two nights a week. My drinking has made her a very hard person in some aspects. It would throw up red flags for her. If I drink on a night when she doesn't, I will make up an excuse and sleep in the guestroom so I don't breathe booze breath on her at night. Just nuts with my family on the line! Our marriage does NOT have another incident of me being caught drinking again.
I do attend AA and have been doing so for a number of years. I have admitted my relapses in the meetings. I have been sober for over a year-twice. this time though, I am really battling to make it through some of the evenings. I know my triggers and try to avoid them. I need to go to bed when my wife does every night.
Not sure what I am looking for but I have been reading-can't say lurking- (too weird:-)) and I find a lot of good comments here. Anyway, back to day one. I am pouring the other half of the bottle down the drain.
Thanks for listening!
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Originally Posted by GoMan 
If I drink on a night when she doesn't, I will make up an excuse and sleep in the guestroom so I don't breathe booze breath on her at night. Just nuts with my family on the line!
So, um, how is that scenerio of sleeping in the guestroom "high functioning" ... actually, it is rather unmanageable!!! Certainly not normal..... I can say these things to you because I was very much like you... Married 27 years, four wonderful kids, and I almost threw it all away. I slept in the walk in closet though when I got too wasted.
Sad, isn't it? We'd rather sleep alone than not get drunk.
That's alcoholism. It sux, for everyone.
Get recovered GoMan!! I did. I used the program of AA. Keep posting, nice to have you here!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: the high desert
Posts: 887
Originally Posted by Mark75
Sad, isn't it? We'd rather sleep alone than not get drunk.
That's alcoholism. It sux, for everyone.
That's alcoholism. It sux, for everyone.
"Alcoholism is not a spectator sport. Eventually, the whole family gets to play."
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome GoMan!
Congrats on your 9 days and thanks for sharing your story with us. It sounds familiar..... just last week I found a couple wine bottles hidden in my art studio after 16 months of sobriety!
Keep your eye on the prize and remember you're building a better YOU. Be patient with yourself and keep going (one day at a time). Glad you're here!
Congrats on your 9 days and thanks for sharing your story with us. It sounds familiar..... just last week I found a couple wine bottles hidden in my art studio after 16 months of sobriety!
Keep your eye on the prize and remember you're building a better YOU. Be patient with yourself and keep going (one day at a time). Glad you're here!
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
Originally Posted by GoMan
I admit I am an alcoholic and I have trouble putting away the bottle for good, one day at a time...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 91
My "high functioning" husband thought
he was high functioning for a long time. He went to work every day, made decent $$ (6 figures) and had a nice family,home etc.
Then it started to fall apart. They all knew at work he was drinking heavy after hours. He was a "hider". Bottles of Johnny Walker hidden all over the house. It was coming through his pores and they all smelled it. And then they all talked about it. And then he got "demoted" and made less $$ because of the suspicion. Less $ meant bill problems. So his anxiety was going up and another reason to drink. He never had a DUI but was on his way. The grace of God. Very prevalant situation in his industry (entertainment). He got paranoid about this. Whole world out to get him. I turned away and started practicing detachment with love. His teenage kids wanted nothing to do with him. He embarrassed them. He drank more. And he got worse. Over the summer I sent him off the the ER via ambulance 3x to dry out the last time so bad he could have died (.535) and he then agreed to a 28 day program where he is finishing up now.
Yeah, he was "high-functioning"...
Then it started to fall apart. They all knew at work he was drinking heavy after hours. He was a "hider". Bottles of Johnny Walker hidden all over the house. It was coming through his pores and they all smelled it. And then they all talked about it. And then he got "demoted" and made less $$ because of the suspicion. Less $ meant bill problems. So his anxiety was going up and another reason to drink. He never had a DUI but was on his way. The grace of God. Very prevalant situation in his industry (entertainment). He got paranoid about this. Whole world out to get him. I turned away and started practicing detachment with love. His teenage kids wanted nothing to do with him. He embarrassed them. He drank more. And he got worse. Over the summer I sent him off the the ER via ambulance 3x to dry out the last time so bad he could have died (.535) and he then agreed to a 28 day program where he is finishing up now.
Yeah, he was "high-functioning"...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
I think the question you have to look at is "why do you want to drink"?
I was the same type of "high functioning alcoholic", drinking a half bottle most nights of the week. I have a great family, been in a realationship with my wife for over 20 years, have been financially successful, but was willing to throw it away at any given moment to get drunk. I had to find the reasons why I continued to do this year after year even after promising I quit 100's of times. I really felt like I was insane.
After some deep introspection I realized I continued on this path because of some very ingrained subconscious beliefs that I developed over the past 27 years of drinking. Once I got to the meat of the problem, I developed a plan to lose these beliefs and change the way I thought about alcohol.
Since then staying sober hasn't been that hard since I lost the obsession to drink.
I was the same type of "high functioning alcoholic", drinking a half bottle most nights of the week. I have a great family, been in a realationship with my wife for over 20 years, have been financially successful, but was willing to throw it away at any given moment to get drunk. I had to find the reasons why I continued to do this year after year even after promising I quit 100's of times. I really felt like I was insane.
After some deep introspection I realized I continued on this path because of some very ingrained subconscious beliefs that I developed over the past 27 years of drinking. Once I got to the meat of the problem, I developed a plan to lose these beliefs and change the way I thought about alcohol.
Since then staying sober hasn't been that hard since I lost the obsession to drink.
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
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Originally Posted by Supercrew
After some deep introspection I realized I continued on this path because of some very ingrained subconscious beliefs that I developed over the past 27 years of drinking. Once I got to the meat of the problem, I developed a plan to lose these beliefs and change the way I thought about alcohol.
I do hope you'll stick around. If AA isn't helping you have other options!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome GoMan 
Around 10 years ago, I remember sneaking around on my partner too - the trips outside, the breath mints, the repeated denials, the fights....
My then partner eventually caught me out big time - I was falling over drunk and couldn't get up.
It was a huge strain on our relationship with that third member - alcohol - in it.
I reckon you and your relationship deserve better GoMan
D
Around 10 years ago, I remember sneaking around on my partner too - the trips outside, the breath mints, the repeated denials, the fights....
My then partner eventually caught me out big time - I was falling over drunk and couldn't get up.
It was a huge strain on our relationship with that third member - alcohol - in it.
I reckon you and your relationship deserve better GoMan
D
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
I hid my drinking from my husband too, as much as possible. My mind was obsessed with hiding my drinking and appearing normal. It makes me exhausted just to think back on those years.
I hope that you make the decision to live a sober life. And, congratulations on your 9 days sober!
I hope that you make the decision to live a sober life. And, congratulations on your 9 days sober!
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
Welcome GoMan!
I identify as high-functioning too. No one around me knew how big a problem is was for me or how much time it was starting to take up waiting for it to be "my time" for my first drink.
I decided to stop sneaking booze around my husband six months ago and I'm so glad I did. What a relief to no longer have to hide my beverages, plan for my stash, sneak off, and brush off hangovers.
Being able to look my husband in the face and be proud of myself is awesome. Now I'm starting to see what is actually possible for my life and career.
Hope you like hanging out here! Good luck!
I identify as high-functioning too. No one around me knew how big a problem is was for me or how much time it was starting to take up waiting for it to be "my time" for my first drink.
I decided to stop sneaking booze around my husband six months ago and I'm so glad I did. What a relief to no longer have to hide my beverages, plan for my stash, sneak off, and brush off hangovers.
Being able to look my husband in the face and be proud of myself is awesome. Now I'm starting to see what is actually possible for my life and career.
Hope you like hanging out here! Good luck!
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,921
Our marriage does NOT have another incident of me being caught drinking again.
Torn between two lovers, booze or your wife. Make sure you are comfortable with which ever lover you choose, before you drink again.
I remember a time when I got "busted" by my wife. I had been drinking in the early evening, and was feeling pretty good and nobody was the wiser. Then the unexpected happened. We had to go somewhere, and I, being the man, was elected to drive. I couldn't figure out a way to get out of it so I drove. Needless to say everyone noticed my driving was impaired, luckily I didn't get pulled over. It sounds like you are balancing things very carefully right now, and when the unexpected hits, it will all come crashing done.
Another story of the unexpected. I know a guy who was driving home after drinking. As he describes it he had things under control and he was almost home. Then a deer ran in front of him, he hit it and damaged his car. Ten minutes later a cop came by, stopped to help him, and took him to jail on a DUI, (second offense).
Torn between two lovers, booze or your wife. Make sure you are comfortable with which ever lover you choose, before you drink again.
I remember a time when I got "busted" by my wife. I had been drinking in the early evening, and was feeling pretty good and nobody was the wiser. Then the unexpected happened. We had to go somewhere, and I, being the man, was elected to drive. I couldn't figure out a way to get out of it so I drove. Needless to say everyone noticed my driving was impaired, luckily I didn't get pulled over. It sounds like you are balancing things very carefully right now, and when the unexpected hits, it will all come crashing done.
Another story of the unexpected. I know a guy who was driving home after drinking. As he describes it he had things under control and he was almost home. Then a deer ran in front of him, he hit it and damaged his car. Ten minutes later a cop came by, stopped to help him, and took him to jail on a DUI, (second offense).
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: albuquerque, new mexico
Posts: 63
congrats on reaching out. Asking for help is a huge step toward recovery. We are not meant to do this alone. AA has done amazing things for me in my life. But it's a program of action , you have to be willing to work the steps with a sponsor thoroughly. I hear people with considerable recovery time talk about the 'yets' if you drink long enough the things that have yet to happen to you will happen. Recovery is possible for every single one of us if we are willing to work just as hard to recover as we are to get a drink. Best of luck to you! One day at a time is all it takes.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 51
I want to thank everyone for the comments and support that I received in regards to my post from earlier today. It's good to know that I am not alone! It's obvious also that I need a better plan to maintain sobriety. This time of the evening, I usually start to hope the wife and kids would head to bed in an hour or so. All so I could sprint drink vodka. I will make it sober today and will worry about tomorrow when it gets here. Being a sneaky drunk with trust and family on the line is so not worth it. Cunning and baffling...
Sept 30, 2010
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Southern California
Posts: 1,672
My story too GoMan. For years home, family, career, all seem in order, yet I lived in a darkness that only I knew.
Hiding bottles here and there. Waiting for my wife to turn off the lights and go to sleep, so that I could continue my trip. Waking up before the sun to pick up where I left off. The lying, hiding, the excuses, the pretexts, I may have looked highly "functional" on the outside, yet I was slowly falling apart from the inside out.
It took several attempts to get this right. The threats from my wife never stopped me. The possibility of getting pulled over never stopped me. Not remembering on Wednesday what I promised a client I would do Tuesday never stopped me.
What stopped me was the vision that I had that this was no way to "live" the rest of my life, and that I had the power to do something about it.
Hiding bottles here and there. Waiting for my wife to turn off the lights and go to sleep, so that I could continue my trip. Waking up before the sun to pick up where I left off. The lying, hiding, the excuses, the pretexts, I may have looked highly "functional" on the outside, yet I was slowly falling apart from the inside out.
It took several attempts to get this right. The threats from my wife never stopped me. The possibility of getting pulled over never stopped me. Not remembering on Wednesday what I promised a client I would do Tuesday never stopped me.
What stopped me was the vision that I had that this was no way to "live" the rest of my life, and that I had the power to do something about it.
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