lostinmaine40

I am here because I am at a loss and not sure what too do..... I have been married to my husband for 7 years. When I met him I knew he had a history with drug abuse and I looked beyond that and thought we could get thru it. Over the past 7 years I have seen him "relapse" and his drug of choice is painkillers. I have confronted him over the years and he will lie till he is blue in the face and once he is back too himself again we just "sweep it under the rug" till the next time. This isnt an every day thing or even an every month thing BUT recently it has been much more frequent (weekly). In past years I have been forgiving MORE then I am now, I have been tolerant! I am finding it soo hard too be that forgiving and luving wife anymore. In 2009 I lost my 19 yr old son too a drug overdose... he happened too be at a party where some people were doing methadone and someone gave it too him, not knowing what it was he took it, and came home went to sleep and I found him the next day.... He was gone... that day I changed, my life changed and my view on my husband changed, I feel after we lost our son my husband should have more respect for me and my sons memory and NEVER touch another drug again.... IF he hasnt learned from my sons death that I feel like he is a lost cause too me. Im not innocent in this whole mess, I had a back injury a year or so ago and he BEGGED me for the meds the doctor gave me, I couldnt say NO I dont know why! I felt so guilty after, BUT I knew if I didnt give in that he would be even more miserable then he already is. I just dont know what too do, Part of me wants to throw in the towel and just be done with it! BUT then there is the part of me that still has "some" love left for him and I keep wanting to blame his addiction, BUT where is his responsibility in all of this, he blames me for using the drugs and he says I stress him out and blame him for my sons death and that is his escape... I cant handle finding someone else I love Dead... it would kill me. Then somedays when I am watching my husband and his CRAZY behavior when he is taking pills... I wonder why my son?? why my son and not him? I am at the verge of just wanting too goo to sleep and never wake up from this nightmare. I have never used drugs soo maybe thats why I dont understand.... I just dont know what too do anymore. Any advice I could get would be great, Do I threaten too kick him out of he doesnt stop? Do I just turn my head and look the other way? I just dont know......

Aiden

Hi Lostinmaine40,

My deepest sympathy for your predicament. It is far from easy living with an active addict and in light of the loss of your son a double blow. Having an active addict in your life will make you ill so it is important that you focus on your own well being especially if your partner is not willing to get help for himself. My experience is that you cannot help somebody who does not want to be helped. It would be advisable that you establish your own support network before laying down ultimatums to your man. Addicts are manipulative slippery customers and can fertilize a 40 acre field with their ******** if they are trying to keep on using and keep a roof over their heads so its a good idea to have local support that is quick to access. Check online for a nar-anon meeting (try Al-anon if you cannot find, its for partners of alcoholics but they are sure to be sympathetic) in your area and make it a priority to make a meeting so that you can get support from people dealing with a similar problem. It will also get you out of the house which sounds like it wouldn't be a bad thing.
Hang in there and good luck with your journey

Aiden

lostinmaine40

Thankyou Aiden.... I have done some research today and do have info on meeting for him and for me, getting him too go might be another thing. BUT I do plan too go I need too talk too someone too keep my sanity! He came into my office today and I could tell he was High... My boss just kept saying "is Mike okay"?? he is acting different". I feel like just falling too the floor in a BIG HEAP and crying! and earlier after I wrote my first post I went home for lunch thinking he was working, and he was running around the houe CLEANING! and just looked like he had lost his mind! I feel sorry for him and part of me almost believes maybe I am too judgemental and hurtful.... I have changed since my son Died I dont let ANYONE who I feel isnt worth my time near me! and I definetely am much more judgmental when it comes too people who use drugs... I cant help it.... I try too be open minded its just hard.... I hate going home at night and facing someone I dont know, someone I hate too be around and someone I used to love...

Anna

I am very sorry for the loss of your son.

Have you ever considered counselling for yourself to help you deal with your intense emotions?

Dee74

Hi lostinmaine
I'm really sorry for your loss and your situation.

You'll find a lot of support and ideas here - Anna's suggestion is a good one too though.

You might also want to consider other real life support like Naranon which is a 12 step organization for the friends and family of those with substance abuse problems.

We also have Family and Friends forums here you might want to check out

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Welcome to SR

D

Smile123

Lost,
I'm so sorry for the loss of your son and that you are living with this pain. None of this is your fault. Living with an active addict is hell. You'll find so much support here and know that I am praying for you and your family. Thank you for sharing your story with us. It serves as a reminder to us in recovery what is truly at stake and to be grateful for the miracle of each clean/sober day.

aussieblue

Sorry for the loss of your son.