sober and depressed....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 1,387
sober and depressed....
Hi, I am 41 days sober - and that would not have happened without this site. Thank you to everyone here - I don't post much, but I read the site a lot. You guys have no idea how much you have helped me.
I am a little older than most of you - I am a 58 year old female, divorced. I went into rehab when I was 35, relapsed immediately, then got sober for 9 years, then relapsed, sober for 8 years. 4 years ago I got divorced and left the city I had lived for 30 years and moved across the country to get away from my abusive stalking ex-husband. As soon as I got here I relapsed. Since then, I found a job, which I almost lost because of my absences from hangovers - but got a second chance, which, in addition to the general mess of my life I have made, was my rock bottom. (At least I hope it is)
My problem is I isolate. I have friends from work and I know my neighbors, but I am absolutely shut down. Thank God I have my dogs and cats - they were my reason for living through this - I love them so much. I have been in my house the whole weekend, except for when I walk my dogs. I have done absolutely nothing, and I have a to do list a mile long. I used to be so together, but since starting to drink again 4 years ago everything is just one big mess. Housecleaning? Paperwork? I just sit around and worry about things not getting done, telling myself that being sober is the most important thing right now and those things can wait. But I feel like such a loser. Maybe I am. I hopefully won't drink - that really would be the end - but I am so lonely, sad and overwhelmed - I miss my old life. I just can't get moving and I am so tired of doing nothing. Can anyone give me some ideas to shake this? I am trying to be strong, I really am. I am ashamed of myself for feeling this way, so many others have it much rougher than I do, which makes me feel even worse. I sound like a whiner, but I just can't get a grip.
I am a little older than most of you - I am a 58 year old female, divorced. I went into rehab when I was 35, relapsed immediately, then got sober for 9 years, then relapsed, sober for 8 years. 4 years ago I got divorced and left the city I had lived for 30 years and moved across the country to get away from my abusive stalking ex-husband. As soon as I got here I relapsed. Since then, I found a job, which I almost lost because of my absences from hangovers - but got a second chance, which, in addition to the general mess of my life I have made, was my rock bottom. (At least I hope it is)
My problem is I isolate. I have friends from work and I know my neighbors, but I am absolutely shut down. Thank God I have my dogs and cats - they were my reason for living through this - I love them so much. I have been in my house the whole weekend, except for when I walk my dogs. I have done absolutely nothing, and I have a to do list a mile long. I used to be so together, but since starting to drink again 4 years ago everything is just one big mess. Housecleaning? Paperwork? I just sit around and worry about things not getting done, telling myself that being sober is the most important thing right now and those things can wait. But I feel like such a loser. Maybe I am. I hopefully won't drink - that really would be the end - but I am so lonely, sad and overwhelmed - I miss my old life. I just can't get moving and I am so tired of doing nothing. Can anyone give me some ideas to shake this? I am trying to be strong, I really am. I am ashamed of myself for feeling this way, so many others have it much rougher than I do, which makes me feel even worse. I sound like a whiner, but I just can't get a grip.
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
I am sorry to hear you are struggling so.
I fight with both alcoholism and mental health illness.
There are some things that might be worth discussing with your physician. Recently low Vitamin D levels have been linked to depression. This was very true for me. I am on a large dose of Vit D daily per my physician. Lab tests were done to determine if there was a deficiency and then used to guide the supplement dose. I would suggest discussing this with your doctor as a simple blood test can determine this. Exercise is critical in offsetting depression. If you are not already exercising I encourage you to do so. I do recommend you consult your physician first to determine what level of exercise is right for you. Good nutrition also plays a role in depression. I would suggest eating as healthy as possible. Lots of fruits and veggies. It does sound like you are pretty isolated I don't know what you can do to increase your circle of friends/support group or develop one if you do not have one. My support group comes from my program of recovery. You might consider utilizing a program of recovery as they are beneficial in many ways including a support group.
Personally I found that even with the above things I needed medication to help as my depression is a chemical depression. My brain/body does not produce chemicals in the proper amounts to maintain a healthy brain and keep depression at bay. I also supplement that with therapy and the above things.
I do hope you get some relief soon from your depression.
I fight with both alcoholism and mental health illness.
There are some things that might be worth discussing with your physician. Recently low Vitamin D levels have been linked to depression. This was very true for me. I am on a large dose of Vit D daily per my physician. Lab tests were done to determine if there was a deficiency and then used to guide the supplement dose. I would suggest discussing this with your doctor as a simple blood test can determine this. Exercise is critical in offsetting depression. If you are not already exercising I encourage you to do so. I do recommend you consult your physician first to determine what level of exercise is right for you. Good nutrition also plays a role in depression. I would suggest eating as healthy as possible. Lots of fruits and veggies. It does sound like you are pretty isolated I don't know what you can do to increase your circle of friends/support group or develop one if you do not have one. My support group comes from my program of recovery. You might consider utilizing a program of recovery as they are beneficial in many ways including a support group.
Personally I found that even with the above things I needed medication to help as my depression is a chemical depression. My brain/body does not produce chemicals in the proper amounts to maintain a healthy brain and keep depression at bay. I also supplement that with therapy and the above things.
I do hope you get some relief soon from your depression.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
You are not a whiner...that is a self defeating label you are imposing on yourself. Do you not feel entiitled to all your feelings, good, bad, or indifferent? Rather than looking at my feelings as good or bad, I try to just acknowledge them, then idenitfy the ones that are creating a problem for me. Continuing to think that I am a loser, whiner, etc. will only serve to keep me in a place I don't want to be. I let go of all the self judging, made tiny goals to accomplish, and as I accomplished one small task after another, things began to snowball in a positive way...the same way that things snowballed in a negative way. If the negative downward spiral is possible, so is the positive upward spiral.
and yes, being sober is the most important thing...
best to you...
and yes, being sober is the most important thing...
best to you...
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Originally Posted by nandm
Exercise is critical
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
As a recovering alcoholic who battles major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder, I can relate to the isolation. I literally have to make myself get out of the house for AA meetings and I do have a part-time job that I have to report to, so that does help.
I'd suggest a thorough evaluation by a psychiatrist or psychologist well versed in alcoholism/addictions and see if you might not need medication.
I address my alcoholism through AA, and my mental health issues through the professionals in mental health.
Welcome to SR, and I hope you continue to post, dear!
I'd suggest a thorough evaluation by a psychiatrist or psychologist well versed in alcoholism/addictions and see if you might not need medication.
I address my alcoholism through AA, and my mental health issues through the professionals in mental health.
Welcome to SR, and I hope you continue to post, dear!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 1,387
Yeah, I am on prozac. I have had problems with depression for most of my life. This just seems worse than usual. I ran marathons for 20 years, and was rarely depressed during that time. I will try exercise, if I can get off my backside long enough. Thanks for the feedback.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,364
There are some great ideas and suggestions here Sissy 
I think exercise is great, and I definitely recommending seeing your Dr or counsellor.
Anything you can do to get yourself out of the house and, preferably, metting people is good too - have you thought of some kind of volunteer work at all?
D
I think exercise is great, and I definitely recommending seeing your Dr or counsellor.
Anything you can do to get yourself out of the house and, preferably, metting people is good too - have you thought of some kind of volunteer work at all?
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,465
Hi,
It sounds like you're ready to make some changes in your life and you've gotten lots of good advice. I hope that you don't feel like a loser because you are working hard to recover. Maybe you can make a list of one or two things that you plan to accomplish each day. I found that making one change in my life created a ripple effect and things slowly began to improve.
It sounds like you're ready to make some changes in your life and you've gotten lots of good advice. I hope that you don't feel like a loser because you are working hard to recover. Maybe you can make a list of one or two things that you plan to accomplish each day. I found that making one change in my life created a ripple effect and things slowly began to improve.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Fort Wayne Indiana
Posts: 2
Hi Sissy,
I'm feeling alot of the same things you are feeling right now. Almost 5 months sober and I still have the to do list from hell. I suggest going to as many meetings as you can. Unemployeed for the moment and I catch 2 meetings a day. I isolated too. I'm not well, and I still have bad days. But I tell ya, I've made some new friends from attending all those meetings and they are always there to listen, and offer advise if I ask. It's been a life saver for me. The good days are starting to out weigh the bad ones now. Get to a meeting.
Best Wishes
I'm feeling alot of the same things you are feeling right now. Almost 5 months sober and I still have the to do list from hell. I suggest going to as many meetings as you can. Unemployeed for the moment and I catch 2 meetings a day. I isolated too. I'm not well, and I still have bad days. But I tell ya, I've made some new friends from attending all those meetings and they are always there to listen, and offer advise if I ask. It's been a life saver for me. The good days are starting to out weigh the bad ones now. Get to a meeting.
Best Wishes
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi Sissy,
I can relate, I will be 58 this year and having less of the feelings you describe as my sober months accumulate. I use to reward myself with a drink as I went through the mudane but necessary chores. I don't need to do that now and get real pleasure out of the cleanliness and order around me. (you know all that)
The above posters have offered excellent advice. I just would like to offer my support and I don't see you as a "whiner".
I live alone, sometimes I feel lonely, not often, I am not good in relationships.
I need to keep motivated, I hate feeling the feelings you have described. The tricky bit is how to get motivated enough to get up and start doing things. Perhaps just get up and start doing things and little by little you will begin to feel better.
I bought a set of scales the other day and was suprised that I had lost weight although I had been hitting the sugar heavily since being sober. I am setting myself a goal weight and will reward myself with a holiday if I acheive that in the next two months along with 6 months of sobriety.
Rambling on a bit.
All the best
CaiHong
I can relate, I will be 58 this year and having less of the feelings you describe as my sober months accumulate. I use to reward myself with a drink as I went through the mudane but necessary chores. I don't need to do that now and get real pleasure out of the cleanliness and order around me. (you know all that)
The above posters have offered excellent advice. I just would like to offer my support and I don't see you as a "whiner".
I live alone, sometimes I feel lonely, not often, I am not good in relationships.
I need to keep motivated, I hate feeling the feelings you have described. The tricky bit is how to get motivated enough to get up and start doing things. Perhaps just get up and start doing things and little by little you will begin to feel better.
I bought a set of scales the other day and was suprised that I had lost weight although I had been hitting the sugar heavily since being sober. I am setting myself a goal weight and will reward myself with a holiday if I acheive that in the next two months along with 6 months of sobriety.
Rambling on a bit.
All the best
CaiHong
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: East Bay, CA
Posts: 21
I too have been dragged through the ringer, battling severe depression while maintaining sobriety, and having problems after problems piling on me as a result of my drinking behavior.
Having spent time in a the ER, for being at risk of harming myself, to being transferred to a Crisis home for the next 7 days, I have learned a lot of coping skills. First off, if the depression is really severe for consecutive days, it is highly recommended to get professional help. Medication helps, in balancing the seratonin levels in your brain, and keeps your mood at a consistent, even level.
As far as coping skills, it takes work, but the work is all in the mind. Focus on the present moment. Negative feelings are a result of thoughts, mostly thoughts of a guilt-ridden past & a fear of a massive to-do list of the future. If you ground yourself, and train your mind to think about what's literally in front of you, and what you are currently looking at, you will feel at ease & the anxiety will go away. Dig deep, into what makes you happy. Like for me, I love watching sports, and on weekends where I'm not going out, I find myself content in sitting on the couch and getting into whatever football game is on. And also, I've made it an exciting, daily event to read a good self-help book & learn from it. These things flip "alone time" into an exciting event that benefits me.
Exercise also helps a lot! You can start off by a simple walk around your neighborhood, or some jumping jacks or pushups or crunches. It doesn't have to be Olympic style, but just achieving a small number daily, will do magic.
Journal your thoughts. Write out, specifically what is bothering you. So you can recognize it on paper, figure out solutions, and even flip your perception of that specific thought. For me, breaking up with my girlfriend is hard, and it was always on my mind. But I've convinced myself that it was for the better, for myself. As I'm getting healthy & sober, she remains a sick addict who has her own problems to deal with, and us two being together is just not going to work out or was destined for disaster. And had I not been through the break up, I would have NEVER learned all the valuable knowledge about myself & about life itself.
Use your bed only for SLEEPING (still working on that, lol)... not reading, watching TV, or anything else. Listen to happy music. Listen to free podcasts from iTunes, that cover self-help or addiction recovery. There's a lot you can do!
Hope these suggestions help.
Having spent time in a the ER, for being at risk of harming myself, to being transferred to a Crisis home for the next 7 days, I have learned a lot of coping skills. First off, if the depression is really severe for consecutive days, it is highly recommended to get professional help. Medication helps, in balancing the seratonin levels in your brain, and keeps your mood at a consistent, even level.
As far as coping skills, it takes work, but the work is all in the mind. Focus on the present moment. Negative feelings are a result of thoughts, mostly thoughts of a guilt-ridden past & a fear of a massive to-do list of the future. If you ground yourself, and train your mind to think about what's literally in front of you, and what you are currently looking at, you will feel at ease & the anxiety will go away. Dig deep, into what makes you happy. Like for me, I love watching sports, and on weekends where I'm not going out, I find myself content in sitting on the couch and getting into whatever football game is on. And also, I've made it an exciting, daily event to read a good self-help book & learn from it. These things flip "alone time" into an exciting event that benefits me.
Exercise also helps a lot! You can start off by a simple walk around your neighborhood, or some jumping jacks or pushups or crunches. It doesn't have to be Olympic style, but just achieving a small number daily, will do magic.
Journal your thoughts. Write out, specifically what is bothering you. So you can recognize it on paper, figure out solutions, and even flip your perception of that specific thought. For me, breaking up with my girlfriend is hard, and it was always on my mind. But I've convinced myself that it was for the better, for myself. As I'm getting healthy & sober, she remains a sick addict who has her own problems to deal with, and us two being together is just not going to work out or was destined for disaster. And had I not been through the break up, I would have NEVER learned all the valuable knowledge about myself & about life itself.
Use your bed only for SLEEPING (still working on that, lol)... not reading, watching TV, or anything else. Listen to happy music. Listen to free podcasts from iTunes, that cover self-help or addiction recovery. There's a lot you can do!
Hope these suggestions help.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hi and welcome!
I felt really overwhelmed when I first got sober. I started by tackling one small project at a time so I wouldn't be overwhelmed....after awhile all the small projects added up and my life is so much better now....still not perfect, but so much better
Cute dog!
I felt really overwhelmed when I first got sober. I started by tackling one small project at a time so I wouldn't be overwhelmed....after awhile all the small projects added up and my life is so much better now....still not perfect, but so much better
Cute dog!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,524
Hi sissy! Everyone's said good stuff already, so I'll just send you some love. I'm older too - and I spent alot of time regretting what I'd done to my life. I had a pattern similar to yours, and couldn't believe I'd allowed myself to waste so much time. Then I realized I'd stay on square one forever unless I let myself move forward. Please try to treat yourself with kindness and patience.
When I came to SR I instantly felt a weight lifted off me. I had found people who really understood where I'd been, and could help keep me encouraged and uplifted. It worked - because after a lifetime on the rollercoaster, I was finally on solid ground. There's still so much for us to look forward to. We are on this journey with you - keep talking to us.
When I came to SR I instantly felt a weight lifted off me. I had found people who really understood where I'd been, and could help keep me encouraged and uplifted. It worked - because after a lifetime on the rollercoaster, I was finally on solid ground. There's still so much for us to look forward to. We are on this journey with you - keep talking to us.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,524
Hi sissy! Everyone's said good stuff already, so I'll just send you some love. I'm older too - and I spent alot of time regretting what I'd done to my life. I had a pattern similar to yours, and couldn't believe I'd allowed myself to waste so much time. Then I realized I'd stay on square one forever unless I let myself move forward. Please try to treat yourself with kindness and patience.
When I came to SR I instantly felt a weight lifted off me. I had found people who really understood where I'd been, and could help keep me encouraged and uplifted. It worked - because after a lifetime on the rollercoaster, I was finally on solid ground. There's still so much for us to look forward to. We are on this journey with you - keep talking to us.
When I came to SR I instantly felt a weight lifted off me. I had found people who really understood where I'd been, and could help keep me encouraged and uplifted. It worked - because after a lifetime on the rollercoaster, I was finally on solid ground. There's still so much for us to look forward to. We are on this journey with you - keep talking to us.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Hi Sissy;
I'm older too (54 going on 15 in the maturity range) and I can relate to wanting the "old me" back. but you need to put in a little effort to help with the isolation...even if it is forcing yourself to do things. Overwhelming yourself with tasks sometimes makes it feel like too much. Pat yourself on the back for just one thing you get done and I promise you it will snowball. I agree with the volunteer position. There are so many places that would welcome your help...start wherever YOU feel comfortable, the hospital, the nursing homes, the local foodbank or my personal favorite animal rescue..I'm betting you have a lot to offer.
but yes, you have to go OUT OF THE HOUSE, not lock yourself up talking to the pets...(i speak from experience)
I'm older too (54 going on 15 in the maturity range) and I can relate to wanting the "old me" back. but you need to put in a little effort to help with the isolation...even if it is forcing yourself to do things. Overwhelming yourself with tasks sometimes makes it feel like too much. Pat yourself on the back for just one thing you get done and I promise you it will snowball. I agree with the volunteer position. There are so many places that would welcome your help...start wherever YOU feel comfortable, the hospital, the nursing homes, the local foodbank or my personal favorite animal rescue..I'm betting you have a lot to offer.
but yes, you have to go OUT OF THE HOUSE, not lock yourself up talking to the pets...(i speak from experience)
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