What's character worth?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
What's character worth?
Okay, I'll admit this first off, it's Friday night and I'm ticked off. Oh well.
Why am I pissed? Well, I have almost nine months without a drink and I'm miserable and my sponsor, whom I don't speak with very often these days, told me to go to a meeting to chill out.
Here's my problem, I've been doing all that is suggested to me to do to the best of my ability and my life seems to be getting worse instead of better. I'm tired of being broke, alone, and sober. I'm tired of not having the luxuries that I had before, even if I had to spew a line of bs in order to get them. It seems I grew up being able to get what I wanted by being streetwise and a hustler, but now that I'm trying a different, more respectable and spiritual route, I've lost more than I was prepared to lose. I can't have a girlfriend because I can't afford to treat her the way she wants to be treated, I've tried this mentality of meeting the "right girl", but what lady wants to be with a loser who doesn't have the things in life that she feels makes life better. By being sober, in a way I feel I've pulled myself out of the game, so to speak, and the losses keep mounting. I grew up on the streets and learned the hustle early on, but never learned to legitimately gain through effort and education. I'm 52 years old now and seem to be regressing instead of progressing now that I'm trying to live a sober life.
Sure, waking up feeling sick sucked, but at least I wasn't alone. Now that I'm sober and broke, I'm alone most of the time and it stinks. I enjoy the sunrise and sunsets, but who can I share them with? I'm not even fun to be around anymore, my sense of humor left the state and I think it's hanging out in Vegas now, drunk off it's butt. I just have hit a wall and this wall is not in any town I wanted to visit. Getting drunk may not be the answer, for there's hell to pay there, but there seems to be a huge price for being sober too, nd now that I'm broke, frustrated, and alone I'm not sure I want to pay any more.
Okay, can anyone relate and maybe help me see what the hell is missing in my thinking. Is ythe spoiled little brat in me coming out again?
All comments and insights would be greatly appreciated. It's hard to believe maybe I'm the only one who feels like this.
Love to all, SR.
Dallas
Why am I pissed? Well, I have almost nine months without a drink and I'm miserable and my sponsor, whom I don't speak with very often these days, told me to go to a meeting to chill out.
Here's my problem, I've been doing all that is suggested to me to do to the best of my ability and my life seems to be getting worse instead of better. I'm tired of being broke, alone, and sober. I'm tired of not having the luxuries that I had before, even if I had to spew a line of bs in order to get them. It seems I grew up being able to get what I wanted by being streetwise and a hustler, but now that I'm trying a different, more respectable and spiritual route, I've lost more than I was prepared to lose. I can't have a girlfriend because I can't afford to treat her the way she wants to be treated, I've tried this mentality of meeting the "right girl", but what lady wants to be with a loser who doesn't have the things in life that she feels makes life better. By being sober, in a way I feel I've pulled myself out of the game, so to speak, and the losses keep mounting. I grew up on the streets and learned the hustle early on, but never learned to legitimately gain through effort and education. I'm 52 years old now and seem to be regressing instead of progressing now that I'm trying to live a sober life.
Sure, waking up feeling sick sucked, but at least I wasn't alone. Now that I'm sober and broke, I'm alone most of the time and it stinks. I enjoy the sunrise and sunsets, but who can I share them with? I'm not even fun to be around anymore, my sense of humor left the state and I think it's hanging out in Vegas now, drunk off it's butt. I just have hit a wall and this wall is not in any town I wanted to visit. Getting drunk may not be the answer, for there's hell to pay there, but there seems to be a huge price for being sober too, nd now that I'm broke, frustrated, and alone I'm not sure I want to pay any more.
Okay, can anyone relate and maybe help me see what the hell is missing in my thinking. Is ythe spoiled little brat in me coming out again?
All comments and insights would be greatly appreciated. It's hard to believe maybe I'm the only one who feels like this.
Love to all, SR.
Dallas
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hey Dallas! Good to see you...I think of you often.
Ok. When I drank I thought getting sober would fix everything in my life...I would have more money (since I wouldn't be spending it on booze), I would loose weight (all those calories would be gone) and I would meet the love of my life almost instantly, get married and have a couple of pretty babies. Guess how many of those things have come to pass? If you guessed zero you get a prize.
What I do have is hope and self respect. For me those make everything else moot. I do think that my work with a life coach has been instrumental in my attitude. And yeah, I get fustrated that my life isn't going as planned...but that means, to me, that I need to approach things from a different angle...turn things on their sides and try something new.
New? Tonight I went to a lecture on the evolution of trees. That was new. It was free and it was different and I actually had fun in a weird sort of way.
As for women wanting things you can't give them...dude, you are hanging around the wrong sort of women.
Hope that helps!
Tina
Ok. When I drank I thought getting sober would fix everything in my life...I would have more money (since I wouldn't be spending it on booze), I would loose weight (all those calories would be gone) and I would meet the love of my life almost instantly, get married and have a couple of pretty babies. Guess how many of those things have come to pass? If you guessed zero you get a prize.
What I do have is hope and self respect. For me those make everything else moot. I do think that my work with a life coach has been instrumental in my attitude. And yeah, I get fustrated that my life isn't going as planned...but that means, to me, that I need to approach things from a different angle...turn things on their sides and try something new.
New? Tonight I went to a lecture on the evolution of trees. That was new. It was free and it was different and I actually had fun in a weird sort of way.
As for women wanting things you can't give them...dude, you are hanging around the wrong sort of women.
Hope that helps!
Tina
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
Have you worked the steps into your life?
The reason the overview is written in the past tense is because that's what was done. All action. We have to live our sober life through action not thought. Try Back to Basics. It works!
(the overview of the steps are what we see on the walls, etc. They aren't the actual steps, just an overview!)
The reason the overview is written in the past tense is because that's what was done. All action. We have to live our sober life through action not thought. Try Back to Basics. It works!
(the overview of the steps are what we see on the walls, etc. They aren't the actual steps, just an overview!)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Hey, Dallas, good to see you back—but I am sorry you're feeling down.
I'm just shy of nine months myself. And still single. My social life would bore a nun. And to top it off, my dog died this week. (Yes, I'm serious.) So if you can just add a broken pickup truck to the list, I think we have enough material for a double-album of country music.
But here's the thing: I'm only nine months sober. That's a blink of the eye compared to the years I spent drinking. Honestly, a year ago I doubted whether I could even stop drinking. At this point I will happily take the sobriety, and trust that in time, the other pieces will fall into place.
Which desert are you in, by the way? I go camping out by Anza-Borrego all the time. Would love to meet up for a cup of coffee sometime.
I'm just shy of nine months myself. And still single. My social life would bore a nun. And to top it off, my dog died this week. (Yes, I'm serious.) So if you can just add a broken pickup truck to the list, I think we have enough material for a double-album of country music.
But here's the thing: I'm only nine months sober. That's a blink of the eye compared to the years I spent drinking. Honestly, a year ago I doubted whether I could even stop drinking. At this point I will happily take the sobriety, and trust that in time, the other pieces will fall into place.
Which desert are you in, by the way? I go camping out by Anza-Borrego all the time. Would love to meet up for a cup of coffee sometime.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi Firestorm -
I have lots of financial problems and am also single and in my 50's..... Alcohol isn't going to help change those things.
I like what LaFemme had to say. Being sober is about being the best person I can be. And when I'm the best I can be, the problems are going to get solved a lot sooner than if I were sitting on the couch drinking....
I think we all have those down days, but life is worth living. (Just curious - have you ever talked to anyone about depression?)
I have lots of financial problems and am also single and in my 50's..... Alcohol isn't going to help change those things.
I like what LaFemme had to say. Being sober is about being the best person I can be. And when I'm the best I can be, the problems are going to get solved a lot sooner than if I were sitting on the couch drinking....
I think we all have those down days, but life is worth living. (Just curious - have you ever talked to anyone about depression?)
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,357
Hey Dallas
I learned two very important things in my first year.
One was that being sober doesn't automatically make my life better - only I can do that.
The second is me making my life better will take time and effort - & not everything is ever gonna under my control anyway.
Not to put you off, but it took me maybe a year before I could look around and say - hey my life really is better....but then I had a pretty deep hole to dig myself out of.
Even now, I have whatever is in my wallet to last me the weekend.
I'm not feeling great and summers really here early - with a vengeance.
Once all that would have really ticked me off - now I figure I have food in the fridge, DVDs to watch, I have an aircon I was eventually able to save up for and buy, and I have more money coming in in a few days....and I feel better than I did yesterday...
Life really is good
D
I learned two very important things in my first year.
One was that being sober doesn't automatically make my life better - only I can do that.
The second is me making my life better will take time and effort - & not everything is ever gonna under my control anyway.
Not to put you off, but it took me maybe a year before I could look around and say - hey my life really is better....but then I had a pretty deep hole to dig myself out of.
Even now, I have whatever is in my wallet to last me the weekend.
I'm not feeling great and summers really here early - with a vengeance.
Once all that would have really ticked me off - now I figure I have food in the fridge, DVDs to watch, I have an aircon I was eventually able to save up for and buy, and I have more money coming in in a few days....and I feel better than I did yesterday...
Life really is good
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Hey Dallas,
I'm feeling a lot like you. I only have about 46 or maybe 47 days, lost count, but anyway, I get extremely bored. Can't afford to do much, don't want to date. I realized that my boredom was caused because of the extreme drama that I lived through.
Now that I don't have the drama, I can actually be more relaxed and calm, but I'm not use to these feelings. I want to be, I want to actually get to that place. I would love to watch the sunrise and sunset, that would be peaceful, but I'm still having the problem with sleeping.
I want to feel the peace, but right now to me it feels like boredom. I don't know if I am making sense. So I need to stop. I guess all I really wanted to say, is that what you have now is peace, not that rat race you had before.
I'm feeling a lot like you. I only have about 46 or maybe 47 days, lost count, but anyway, I get extremely bored. Can't afford to do much, don't want to date. I realized that my boredom was caused because of the extreme drama that I lived through.
Now that I don't have the drama, I can actually be more relaxed and calm, but I'm not use to these feelings. I want to be, I want to actually get to that place. I would love to watch the sunrise and sunset, that would be peaceful, but I'm still having the problem with sleeping.
I want to feel the peace, but right now to me it feels like boredom. I don't know if I am making sense. So I need to stop. I guess all I really wanted to say, is that what you have now is peace, not that rat race you had before.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Hi amy,
You made perfect sense and I can totally relate with you, and all the others who share these difficult times of adjustment,
Most days I'm okay, even better at times, but today I was just frustrated that it's Friday night, I have no date to take out and could only afford coffee if we did go out. I know I'm just whining, but doggone it, I love being with a woman that makes me smile, and tonight that just ain't happening, yet. Well, such is life, bummer huh?
I know tomorrow I'll feel good again, no hangover, the weekend free and no drama to deal with, so I have much to be grateful for, cept I forget that at times. Thanks for the reminder!!
Love to all, SR.
PS, thanks flutter, missed ya tons!!
You made perfect sense and I can totally relate with you, and all the others who share these difficult times of adjustment,
Most days I'm okay, even better at times, but today I was just frustrated that it's Friday night, I have no date to take out and could only afford coffee if we did go out. I know I'm just whining, but doggone it, I love being with a woman that makes me smile, and tonight that just ain't happening, yet. Well, such is life, bummer huh?
I know tomorrow I'll feel good again, no hangover, the weekend free and no drama to deal with, so I have much to be grateful for, cept I forget that at times. Thanks for the reminder!!
Love to all, SR.
PS, thanks flutter, missed ya tons!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Makes perfect sense to me, amy. Give it time; I bet you'll find your peace. Congrats on all those sober days.
I really like LaFemme's idea of lectures. I'm going to look into that.
Although I have to say, you folks are keeping me quite entertained tonight. Dallas, I'm really glad you popped in tonight with some funny and thought-provoking posts.
I really like LaFemme's idea of lectures. I'm going to look into that.
Although I have to say, you folks are keeping me quite entertained tonight. Dallas, I'm really glad you popped in tonight with some funny and thought-provoking posts.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Originally Posted by firestorm090
but what lady wants to be with a loser who doesn't have the things in life that she feels makes life better
um...I have been with "losers" that can and did provide "things" in the way of material items. That and nothing else...I'd rather live in a box and I mean that.
From a strictly biological standpoint...in active addiction the brain is flooded with dopamine. This messes up the amount of dopamine the brain naturally produces and the receptors to take in this are necessarily reduced by the brain as well. My point here is that that can make things seem a little "boring" or "less than" at first while the brain is readjusting, but this is an illusion. Doing things to stimulate dopamine production can be helpful. I personally think it's about more than just the biological thing, but thought I'd throw it in as food for thought among the many other great responses you've already gotten. Best to you
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by firestorm090 
Is the spoiled little brat in me coming out again?
I frequently had tantrums too in my first year of recovery.
It was ugly, and it was all about me, me, me.
The funny thing was it seemed every time I got into that mode, one of my sponsees would show up and I'd have to get out of self and concentrate on them and what they were in need of.
I'd say that was my higher power at work.
Gratitude keeps me sober. A sense of entitlement and other things got me drunk again after 4 years sober.
Get out of self and start seeing what you can do for others.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 651
Originally Posted by Dee74
Hey Dallas
I learned two very important things in my first year.
One was that being sober doesn't automatically make my life better - only I can do that.
The second is me making my life better will take time and effort - & not everything is ever gonna under my control anyway.
Not to put you off, but it took me maybe a year before I could look around and say - hey my life really is better....but then I had a pretty deep hole to dig myself out of.
Even now, I have whatever is in my wallet to last me the weekend.
I'm not feeling great and summers really here early - with a vengeance.
Once all that would have really ticked me off - now I figure I have food in the fridge, DVDs to watch, I have an aircon I was eventually able to save up for and buy, and I have more money coming in in a few days....and I feel better than I did yesterday...
Life really is good
D
I learned two very important things in my first year.
One was that being sober doesn't automatically make my life better - only I can do that.
The second is me making my life better will take time and effort - & not everything is ever gonna under my control anyway.
Not to put you off, but it took me maybe a year before I could look around and say - hey my life really is better....but then I had a pretty deep hole to dig myself out of.
Even now, I have whatever is in my wallet to last me the weekend.
I'm not feeling great and summers really here early - with a vengeance.
Once all that would have really ticked me off - now I figure I have food in the fridge, DVDs to watch, I have an aircon I was eventually able to save up for and buy, and I have more money coming in in a few days....and I feel better than I did yesterday...
Life really is good
D
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
Originally Posted by firestorm090
I can't have a girlfriend because I can't afford to treat her the way she wants to be treated, I've tried this mentality of meeting the "right girl", but what lady wants to be with a loser who doesn't have the things in life that she feels makes life better.
You're worth a lot more now, trust me. Don't sell us short!
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