Sober and Lonely
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Torrance, CA
Posts: 3
Sober and Lonely
I'm new to this site and as of today, I am 67 days sober after a year long battle with an addiction to benzos. My life is completely destroyed - my marriage is gone and I am away from my children. My husband couldn't take my using anymore and I couldn't stay away from the pills due to extreme anxiety. I'm in a daily outpatient program and I try very hard to go to NA meetings twice a week.
The problem I have now is that I feel so lonely. My husband and I are likely divorcing, so I've been going online and chatting with people. Everytime I tell someone that I am newly sober, they judge me and then stop talking to me. I'd love to make some new friends because I do get lonely.
I worry about hanging out with addicts because I don't want to be tempted to use. I have a strong desire to numb pain I feel inside and like benzos because they make me sleep for hours. Most people I meet want to go out for drinks, and I don't feel comfortable doing that either.
I'm so frustrated. What did I get sober for?! I still ended up in the same place I was when I was using, without a husband. I know I did it for myself but I dont see the value in myself yet. I know I did it for the kids, but they are so far away and I feel like I am growing apart from them.
Any ideas on where I can go to meet some sober friends that won't judge me? I live in the Los Angeles area. Does anyone else feel this empty feeling?
The problem I have now is that I feel so lonely. My husband and I are likely divorcing, so I've been going online and chatting with people. Everytime I tell someone that I am newly sober, they judge me and then stop talking to me. I'd love to make some new friends because I do get lonely.
I worry about hanging out with addicts because I don't want to be tempted to use. I have a strong desire to numb pain I feel inside and like benzos because they make me sleep for hours. Most people I meet want to go out for drinks, and I don't feel comfortable doing that either.
I'm so frustrated. What did I get sober for?! I still ended up in the same place I was when I was using, without a husband. I know I did it for myself but I dont see the value in myself yet. I know I did it for the kids, but they are so far away and I feel like I am growing apart from them.
Any ideas on where I can go to meet some sober friends that won't judge me? I live in the Los Angeles area. Does anyone else feel this empty feeling?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi Sobercarebear,
Congrats on the 67 days sober. Mammoth effort.
I am an alcoholic so I can't speak with any experience about other addictions. Have you found any of the members in NA strong in their recovery and people that would be good to hook up with for outings or such.
Sorry I am not much help I just wanted to reply to show support.
All the best
CaiHong
Congrats on the 67 days sober. Mammoth effort.
I am an alcoholic so I can't speak with any experience about other addictions. Have you found any of the members in NA strong in their recovery and people that would be good to hook up with for outings or such.
Sorry I am not much help I just wanted to reply to show support.
All the best
CaiHong
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 19
Welcome and congrats on the 67 days.
When we get clean and sober there is left a huge space in our lives that our addiction once filled. It helps to understand that sometimes. We have to fill that space with other things, or we will most likely fill it again with addiction.
I sounds like you realize there are places and people that don't contribute to sobriety, that's good. It will take some time to fill the space with the things that contribute to a sober life, don't get discouraged. Choose wisely and believe in yourself, you can fill that space with good things. Patience and faith are a couple of great tools for repairing a life.
When we get clean and sober there is left a huge space in our lives that our addiction once filled. It helps to understand that sometimes. We have to fill that space with other things, or we will most likely fill it again with addiction.
I sounds like you realize there are places and people that don't contribute to sobriety, that's good. It will take some time to fill the space with the things that contribute to a sober life, don't get discouraged. Choose wisely and believe in yourself, you can fill that space with good things. Patience and faith are a couple of great tools for repairing a life.
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Welcome to SR.
Hopefully you will start to make some sober friends through NA soon. I know that the support group of friends I have made in AA have been an important part of my sobriety over the years.
In the meantime, remember you are not alone here at SR.
Hopefully you will start to make some sober friends through NA soon. I know that the support group of friends I have made in AA have been an important part of my sobriety over the years.
In the meantime, remember you are not alone here at SR.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,499
Hi and Welcome,
I am glad that you are working on your sobriety. Is there a chance of moving to be closer to your kids and trying to rebuild your life with them? How about using Skype to chat with your children and to connect with them?
I found that volunteering helped me to me a great bunch of sober people. It was a godsend for me.
I am glad that you are working on your sobriety. Is there a chance of moving to be closer to your kids and trying to rebuild your life with them? How about using Skype to chat with your children and to connect with them?
I found that volunteering helped me to me a great bunch of sober people. It was a godsend for me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Kennesaw, GA
Posts: 193
Great job on the 67 days, though it may not seem like it now it will get much better as you get more time.
Like you I have found that it is eye opening to see how quickly people can judge "new sobriety." There seems to be a lot of misconception about addicts/alcoholics among the general population. Don't let it get you down because you're not getting sober for anyone else but yourself. The example you lead will squelch anyones nay saying.
As people above have suggested I would look to people in N.A. for companionship. Maybe look for people with a lot of time to associate with if you're concerned about being tempted to use.
I too am dealing with early sobriety blues mostly loneliness. But for myself I'm understanding that this is necessary. Keep in mind that it gets easier.
Best of luck to you today!
Like you I have found that it is eye opening to see how quickly people can judge "new sobriety." There seems to be a lot of misconception about addicts/alcoholics among the general population. Don't let it get you down because you're not getting sober for anyone else but yourself. The example you lead will squelch anyones nay saying.
As people above have suggested I would look to people in N.A. for companionship. Maybe look for people with a lot of time to associate with if you're concerned about being tempted to use.
I too am dealing with early sobriety blues mostly loneliness. But for myself I'm understanding that this is necessary. Keep in mind that it gets easier.
Best of luck to you today!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Torrance, CA
Posts: 3
Thank you everyone for your support and suggestions.
My children are 3 and 16. I'm going to be moving back near them but it won't be for awhile. When my husband and I separated I moved out to CA because I ended up homeless since I relied on him for support. My programs are out here so I have to stay for now. I do use chat, facebook and skype to keep in contact with the oldest and I talk to the youngest on the phone. I guess that's the best I can do right now.
I've been going to a smaller NA meeting and there aren't many people there to connect with. I'm going to look into the area to see if I can find a bigger meeting in hopes of making some new friends.
Anna, thanks for your suggestion about volunteering. I think I may give that a try.
My children are 3 and 16. I'm going to be moving back near them but it won't be for awhile. When my husband and I separated I moved out to CA because I ended up homeless since I relied on him for support. My programs are out here so I have to stay for now. I do use chat, facebook and skype to keep in contact with the oldest and I talk to the youngest on the phone. I guess that's the best I can do right now.
I've been going to a smaller NA meeting and there aren't many people there to connect with. I'm going to look into the area to see if I can find a bigger meeting in hopes of making some new friends.
Anna, thanks for your suggestion about volunteering. I think I may give that a try.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Welcome Sobercarebear!! I'm happy you posted here...you got some good advice.
Remember when your feeling lonely our chat room here at SR helps a lot. It was my pleasure to speak with you last night.
Hope you keep coming back.
Best Wishes To You!
Remember when your feeling lonely our chat room here at SR helps a lot. It was my pleasure to speak with you last night.
Hope you keep coming back.Best Wishes To You!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 200
Welcome Sobercarebear!
Congrats on 67 days sober!! That is AMAZING!! Are you working with a sponsor? Know that you are alone, in fact there are probably more than less of your friends who have had issues with addiction. It's not like we wear scarlet letters of our sins, but early in recovery, it can feel like it. Keep going to your meetings and working your program and you will find more and more friends who can support you in your "new" way of life. It is an adjustment, but will be so worth it in the long run. Open up to your friends about what's going on, I've been shocked how supportive even my friends who are not in recovery have been. Keep up the great work and know things are only going to get better and better!
Congrats on 67 days sober!! That is AMAZING!! Are you working with a sponsor? Know that you are alone, in fact there are probably more than less of your friends who have had issues with addiction. It's not like we wear scarlet letters of our sins, but early in recovery, it can feel like it. Keep going to your meetings and working your program and you will find more and more friends who can support you in your "new" way of life. It is an adjustment, but will be so worth it in the long run. Open up to your friends about what's going on, I've been shocked how supportive even my friends who are not in recovery have been. Keep up the great work and know things are only going to get better and better!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Sobercarebear - good job on 67 days!
I can understand how it would be extra hard not having your family around and getting sober at the same time. You might want to try different meetings (AA meetings tend to be larger, if you're open to that), or find something where others share a common interest.....
Also, counseling can help when it comes to self-esteem issues, separation, etc..... just a thought.
I can understand how it would be extra hard not having your family around and getting sober at the same time. You might want to try different meetings (AA meetings tend to be larger, if you're open to that), or find something where others share a common interest.....
Also, counseling can help when it comes to self-esteem issues, separation, etc..... just a thought.
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