I don't want to drink...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Corinth, TX
Posts: 490
I don't want to drink...
I am having a hard time dealing with "life on life's terms". It is just too much to deal with. I am an alcoholic 34 days sober (this time) but as I write this my husband is slamming back crown royal and smoking cigarettes (I gave up both). I also have lupus. And a son with brain cancer. And lots of financial problems. I used to drink all this away but now I can't and I feel like I'm having a panic attack. I can't stop crying. I'm angry at my husband for drinking around me. I know for me to drink is to eventually die and it is a big deal that so far I have been able to stay sober through all this and I'm so scared I won't make it. Again. I'm sorry for whining I'm just scared and angry and life is just so hard without numbing myself.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 176
I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time, Eliasson. 
Life is definitely a lot harder when you don't have a means to shut yourself off. But we all know alcohol makes it worse in the long run. Short-term gain for long-term pain. No matter how bad things get, alcohol isn't going to solve any of those problems.
I commend you for 34 days of sobriety. That's no small feat! Hang in there.
*hugs*
Life is definitely a lot harder when you don't have a means to shut yourself off. But we all know alcohol makes it worse in the long run. Short-term gain for long-term pain. No matter how bad things get, alcohol isn't going to solve any of those problems. I commend you for 34 days of sobriety. That's no small feat! Hang in there.
*hugs*
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
I'm sorry - I know it's hard - we know drinking solves nothing but the lure of numbing out is a strong one.
Have you tried 'playing the tape through to the end' though - think about the consequences of that numbing out - there's a whole lot of other stuff that comes with that numbing out, and it's that stuff that bought you here to SR.
There are better ways to deal with things rather than numbing out - I really recommend you look for support - for yourself and your drinking and your pain issues, for dealing with your husband's drinking, and for dealing with your sons illness.
I had a lot to deal with too, when I got sober - I'm a disabled man, so they were different things, but difficult just the same....
With support I found I could deal with a heck of a lot more than I thought I could...and my self esteem, my relationships, and my sobriety were for all the better for that.
don't go backwards Eliasson - keep moving forward - reach out and find some help
D
Have you tried 'playing the tape through to the end' though - think about the consequences of that numbing out - there's a whole lot of other stuff that comes with that numbing out, and it's that stuff that bought you here to SR.
There are better ways to deal with things rather than numbing out - I really recommend you look for support - for yourself and your drinking and your pain issues, for dealing with your husband's drinking, and for dealing with your sons illness.
I had a lot to deal with too, when I got sober - I'm a disabled man, so they were different things, but difficult just the same....
With support I found I could deal with a heck of a lot more than I thought I could...and my self esteem, my relationships, and my sobriety were for all the better for that.
don't go backwards Eliasson - keep moving forward - reach out and find some help
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Corinth, TX
Posts: 490
Thank you so much to everybody. Yes, I go to AA meetings, tho they aren't always easy to get to if my son or I are sick. My husband just set his drink down next to me, and I set my Big Book down beside it. I will not drink tonight. No matter how bad it is, you are right, alcohol will make it worse. I don't have any desire to go back to that dark place, and my son needs me sober. Thank you to everyone for being here. I'm so grateful for all of you and for my sobriety today. Thank you.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
I am sorry for all you have to deal with, and I know it's really hard to deal with everything that comes along, when we've been used to numbing ourselves.
Maybe you could avoid being in the same room with your husband when he is drinking?
Congratulations on your sober time!
Maybe you could avoid being in the same room with your husband when he is drinking?
Congratulations on your sober time!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 38
Eliasson I am on day 1 so I commend you for making it 34 days. Don't go back...think about how badly you will feel physically, emotionally and spiritually. Stay strong, leave the area where your husband is drinking because it will only make you want to drink. You have a ton of stuff going on...try to reach out for support. Call a friend and distract yourself. I am so sorry you are going through this...but you can continue to stay strong. Take care of yourself so you can be there for your son. He needs you....sending you hugs and prayers this evening....
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Sorry things are so tough...
I agree that going to a meeting is probably the hardest thing to do in your current state of mind, and yet probably the time you need it the most.
Best wishes to you, and congratulations on 34 days, that is super awesome.
I agree that going to a meeting is probably the hardest thing to do in your current state of mind, and yet probably the time you need it the most.
Best wishes to you, and congratulations on 34 days, that is super awesome.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Eliasson - Good for you for not drinking!
I can see how you would feel so overwhelmed. I think anyone in your situation would feel the same way. It's just that we're not used to dealing with strong emotions sober, so those early days can be pretty challenging.
Just keep being there for yourself. Give yourself some love and understanding and stay in today. You're already winning by not picking up that drink. :ghug3
I can see how you would feel so overwhelmed. I think anyone in your situation would feel the same way. It's just that we're not used to dealing with strong emotions sober, so those early days can be pretty challenging.Just keep being there for yourself. Give yourself some love and understanding and stay in today. You're already winning by not picking up that drink. :ghug3
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