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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 38
New Here
Hi,
I stumbled on this website. I am very glad I did. I can see everyone is very supportive of each other here. I have been fighting with an addiction to wine for over 10 years now. I am in a verbally abusive marriage that I have been trying to remove myself from but it is easier said than done. The wine has been my coping mechanism to numb my stress from being here. I average 1 bottle of wine a night, every night. I want to stop because I don't want to die. There is a very small part of me that knows there is a better life out there but the reality of my environment drags me down every night when I come home. Does anyone have any advice how to stay strong and not drink when you are in an abusive environment? I don't have a good support system in my family even though they live near by. They would rather bury their head in the sand. I was working with a domestic abuse counselor but she moved her practice to a new state. She was great but I am at a place where I need to make the next move and move out. I am truthfully hung up on the fact that all my belongings are mixed in with his and in boxes everywhere. I have sentimental letters from my grandparents, pictures, etc. that are in those boxes. Anyhow, I feel stuck. I hate waking up every day feeling terrible and disappointed in myself for drinking again. I have a beautiful toddler that I want to see grow up. I really could use some advice how to stay strong. Today is going to be my first day of trying to not drink again. Each time I succeed with it, I feel great but it is sticking with it and trying to tune out my environment with my husband. I appreciate any help, advice, words of wisdom anyone is willing to share.
I stumbled on this website. I am very glad I did. I can see everyone is very supportive of each other here. I have been fighting with an addiction to wine for over 10 years now. I am in a verbally abusive marriage that I have been trying to remove myself from but it is easier said than done. The wine has been my coping mechanism to numb my stress from being here. I average 1 bottle of wine a night, every night. I want to stop because I don't want to die. There is a very small part of me that knows there is a better life out there but the reality of my environment drags me down every night when I come home. Does anyone have any advice how to stay strong and not drink when you are in an abusive environment? I don't have a good support system in my family even though they live near by. They would rather bury their head in the sand. I was working with a domestic abuse counselor but she moved her practice to a new state. She was great but I am at a place where I need to make the next move and move out. I am truthfully hung up on the fact that all my belongings are mixed in with his and in boxes everywhere. I have sentimental letters from my grandparents, pictures, etc. that are in those boxes. Anyhow, I feel stuck. I hate waking up every day feeling terrible and disappointed in myself for drinking again. I have a beautiful toddler that I want to see grow up. I really could use some advice how to stay strong. Today is going to be my first day of trying to not drink again. Each time I succeed with it, I feel great but it is sticking with it and trying to tune out my environment with my husband. I appreciate any help, advice, words of wisdom anyone is willing to share.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
welcome. I wish you luck on your journey to sobriety.
Relationships are complicated and I cannot advise, but safety and respect seem essential to me.
Keep posting. I suggest as well as on this section join the September daily support thread and get to know the group.
Relationships are complicated and I cannot advise, but safety and respect seem essential to me.
Keep posting. I suggest as well as on this section join the September daily support thread and get to know the group.
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
I think that getting sober would be a great first step to getting out. I could barely motivate to do laundry when I was drinking, not to mind a huge life change.
Do you have children?
Keep posting. There is so much information and support here as you begin to reclaim your life
Do you have children?
Keep posting. There is so much information and support here as you begin to reclaim your life
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Midlands uk
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by SSIL75 
I think that getting sober would be a great first step to getting out. I could barely motivate to do laundry when I was drinking, not to mind a huge life change.
Do you have children?
Keep posting. There is so much information and support here as you begin to reclaim your life
Do you have children?
Keep posting. There is so much information and support here as you begin to reclaim your life
If you can find someone to confide in that will help but for most important first step has to be to stop and others on the site can offer you support as can your doctor and AA.
Big hug to you. I was in an abusive marriage myself and no two circumstances are the same. You need to focus on your health and just like I appealed for some hand-holding, this forum gives you access to life-changing support if you want to change.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 462
Hello and welcome
I too was a daily wine drinker. I was also self medicating to attempt the numb the pain (emotional)
Have you spoken to your Dr at all?
I spoke to mine and he was really understanding, that's where my journey started. I'd tried stopping alone, it hadn't worked for me.
xx
I too was a daily wine drinker. I was also self medicating to attempt the numb the pain (emotional)
Have you spoken to your Dr at all?
I spoke to mine and he was really understanding, that's where my journey started. I'd tried stopping alone, it hadn't worked for me.
xx
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Welcome Angels! I was in an abusive marriage too. The best advice I can give you is to START taking care of yourself. Your worth it, no matter what anyone else says. You need to put the alcohol down and deal with the situation your in. The only way to do that is to walk thru it SOBER. No one can do that for you.
I know when I was drinking ,I was trying to hide from the inevitable. Hiding from your problems will make them worse....not better. All the wine in the world couldn't make my Husband a different person, wouldn't change things and didn't make me happy.
Get into a recovery program of your choosing, and learn to love and care about yourself again. When you do that.... the answers will come to you. Your mind will be clear and your heart will tell you how to proceed. You can do this!!
Best Wishes To You!
I know when I was drinking ,I was trying to hide from the inevitable. Hiding from your problems will make them worse....not better. All the wine in the world couldn't make my Husband a different person, wouldn't change things and didn't make me happy.
Get into a recovery program of your choosing, and learn to love and care about yourself again. When you do that.... the answers will come to you. Your mind will be clear and your heart will tell you how to proceed. You can do this!!
Best Wishes To You!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Welcome to SR (((Angels)))!
I started my descent into addiction to deal with an emotionally abusive relationship. In fact, I've never had a "normal" relationship, so I found SR a great place to learn about codependency and addiction.
Working my addiction recovery had to come first..had to stop numbing myself and face life. Had to learn that I am worth something (as are you and everyone else) despite what we've been told. SR helped with all that, as I read through various forums.
You're not alone.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I started my descent into addiction to deal with an emotionally abusive relationship. In fact, I've never had a "normal" relationship, so I found SR a great place to learn about codependency and addiction.
Working my addiction recovery had to come first..had to stop numbing myself and face life. Had to learn that I am worth something (as are you and everyone else) despite what we've been told. SR helped with all that, as I read through various forums.
You're not alone.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: the high desert
Posts: 887
Been there. The first step i had to take was to get sober. Even though the abuse not only did not stop, but got worse. My husband did not support me in my decision to quit, even though he knew i needed to do so. I needed to get some sober time behind me before i had the strength to leave.
You can do it, it just depends on how badly you want it. I couldn't live the way i was anymore. I was willing to do whatever it took.
I wish the best for you, it is not easy.
You can do it, it just depends on how badly you want it. I couldn't live the way i was anymore. I was willing to do whatever it took.
I wish the best for you, it is not easy.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 38
Thank you all so much
Hi Everyone,
I want you to know how much I appreciate you sharing your stories with me. They actually helped me so much. I have been hiding in my wine from this situation. My friends all want me to leave but I am trying to find the courage and strength to leave. I think my husband hopes I drop dead from the wine...he doesn't seem to even care about it. Regardless, your words have given me a goal...to stay sober so I can think clearly. Do you have any advice on how to handle the overwhelming emotions that comes with not being numb? This evening, night 1, I am full of anger and feel tense but I am managing thanks to all the support I got from everyone here. Thank you all so much again....I wish I could hug you guys!
I want you to know how much I appreciate you sharing your stories with me. They actually helped me so much. I have been hiding in my wine from this situation. My friends all want me to leave but I am trying to find the courage and strength to leave. I think my husband hopes I drop dead from the wine...he doesn't seem to even care about it. Regardless, your words have given me a goal...to stay sober so I can think clearly. Do you have any advice on how to handle the overwhelming emotions that comes with not being numb? This evening, night 1, I am full of anger and feel tense but I am managing thanks to all the support I got from everyone here. Thank you all so much again....I wish I could hug you guys!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 176
I'm in the same boat in regards to the wine, angels. It's a comfort that is very very hard to let go.
I wasn't married, but I did end a long-term relationship a couple of years ago and it took every ounce of will in my being to leave. I felt like I had to drag myself away, kicking and screaming. I knew it had to end, but it felt almost impossible to actually do it. Having that hang over me was incredibly depressing and sapped all my energy, not to mention, fueled my drinking habit. But now that I'm on the other side, I'm sooooo glad I pushed myself over that hurdle. Think of yourself in a year or two and how much future you will be thankful that present you was willing to go through this suffering for your future happiness. You'll be so glad you did.
I like quotes, so here's one for you: "The best way out is always through." - Robert Frost
Good luck!
I wasn't married, but I did end a long-term relationship a couple of years ago and it took every ounce of will in my being to leave. I felt like I had to drag myself away, kicking and screaming. I knew it had to end, but it felt almost impossible to actually do it. Having that hang over me was incredibly depressing and sapped all my energy, not to mention, fueled my drinking habit. But now that I'm on the other side, I'm sooooo glad I pushed myself over that hurdle. Think of yourself in a year or two and how much future you will be thankful that present you was willing to go through this suffering for your future happiness. You'll be so glad you did.
I like quotes, so here's one for you: "The best way out is always through." - Robert Frost
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
(((Angel))) Keep posting here and get those feelings out. Courage and Strength come from Sobriety my friend. Make no life altering decisions right now. Your going to need all your strength to stay sober. Work on yourself and vent here if you need to. We'll help you all we can. I stayed on SR most of my first week.(I'm still here 15 months later) 
I had no other support but SR. It helped me so much, I didn't feel so alone. I also gained strength to move forward in my recovery. I made some wonderful friends here, that gave me their suggestions and knowledge when I was struggling. So, stick around SR...it's a great place for sharing and recovery.
You can look into AA online, Smart Recovery, Counseling....anything that might help you stay sober. Just stay strong and know you are worth it.
Best Wishes and Big Hugs To You!
I had no other support but SR. It helped me so much, I didn't feel so alone. I also gained strength to move forward in my recovery. I made some wonderful friends here, that gave me their suggestions and knowledge when I was struggling. So, stick around SR...it's a great place for sharing and recovery.You can look into AA online, Smart Recovery, Counseling....anything that might help you stay sober. Just stay strong and know you are worth it.
Best Wishes and Big Hugs To You!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: SC
Posts: 34
Hi Angels! Today is Day 7 for me. Today I feel almost human. 
The fist few days were really tough. I was so angry and irritable and just miserable. I don't know if it was the lack of the drink or if it was the mental games ... "Will I? Won't I? Can I really do this? Do I even want to?" For me I just had to pray and muscle through the cravings. I took it hour by hour and sometimes minute by minute. Man it sucks! Its like running a marathon or climbing a mountain ... all without moving. It was just in my head.
I don't know if I'm being helpful, but the point is that each night I fought the fight .. the miserable, crazy fight ... each craving or thought that I couldn't do this. Each time I didn't cave in and drink ... it was a victory. Try to take it one hour at a time and before you know it, it will be tomorrow!
Then you get to do it all again
But ... it is seeming to get easier. I know I don't have a huge amount of time clean. But I wanted to tell you how I have survived thus far. I'm feeling good I'm feeling hopeful and happier and proud.
As to the abusive marriage situation, that's a tough one. I agree with everyone else that you have to get a clear head and take care of you first. Things that seem impossible now might look much less so once you have a good hold on sobriety. I mean seriously .. If you .. no .. when you make the choice to get and to stay sober. What couldn't you do?? I think you will find the strength to do whatever is needed to give yourself, and that sweet toddler of yours a chance at a better life.
I'm praying for you friend.
The fist few days were really tough. I was so angry and irritable and just miserable. I don't know if it was the lack of the drink or if it was the mental games ... "Will I? Won't I? Can I really do this? Do I even want to?" For me I just had to pray and muscle through the cravings. I took it hour by hour and sometimes minute by minute. Man it sucks! Its like running a marathon or climbing a mountain ... all without moving. It was just in my head. I don't know if I'm being helpful, but the point is that each night I fought the fight .. the miserable, crazy fight ... each craving or thought that I couldn't do this. Each time I didn't cave in and drink ... it was a victory. Try to take it one hour at a time and before you know it, it will be tomorrow!
Then you get to do it all again
But ... it is seeming to get easier. I know I don't have a huge amount of time clean. But I wanted to tell you how I have survived thus far. I'm feeling good
I'm feeling hopeful and happier and proud. As to the abusive marriage situation, that's a tough one. I agree with everyone else that you have to get a clear head and take care of you first. Things that seem impossible now might look much less so once you have a good hold on sobriety. I mean seriously .. If you .. no .. when you make the choice to get and to stay sober. What couldn't you do?? I think you will find the strength to do whatever is needed to give yourself, and that sweet toddler of yours a chance at a better life.
I'm praying for you friend.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 38
Thank you!!
Good Morning Everyone,
I just want to say thank you all so much for the encouragement, strength and wisdom. I'm a quote girl too- so thanks for that too!! I survived last night...I am so grateful. I think you are all right...I need to get detangled from the wine before I can do anything to remove myself from this situation. I do feel very overwhelmed and worry how to cope with him once I am not numb. But I will have to take it one day at a time. Sending you all love of prayers, hugs and hope for your journeys.
Angel...
I just want to say thank you all so much for the encouragement, strength and wisdom. I'm a quote girl too- so thanks for that too!! I survived last night...I am so grateful. I think you are all right...I need to get detangled from the wine before I can do anything to remove myself from this situation. I do feel very overwhelmed and worry how to cope with him once I am not numb. But I will have to take it one day at a time. Sending you all love of prayers, hugs and hope for your journeys.
Angel...
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